Chapter Ten
FROM: Pastor Charles Littleton
Sent: Sunday, May 03 5:38 AM
To: Candi Canaberry
CC: Shade Blackledge
Subject: Thanks
Candi and Shade:
Thank you for being there for Bill and his family. We’ll talk later today.
Charles
Candi joined the rest of the team on the platform as they prepared for worship. “I know you’re all concerned about Bill,” she said as they gathered around. “So here’s the latest information Pastor Charles got from his wife this morning.”
She met each anxious gaze as she glanced around the circle. “Bill had a mild stroke. It was caused by a clot and not an aneurysm. That’s good because a stroke caused by a clot is easier to manage than a stroke caused by a brain hemorrhage. Am I right, Carol Ann?”
“Yes,” she agreed.
“Is he conscious?” Max asked.
“Oh yeah, he’s conscious all right. The doctors can’t keep him still to run tests.”
“Sounds like Wild Bill,” Kevin said. “Can we see him?”
“Right now he’s got a lot of family coming and going. You can text his wife and see if he’s up for a visitor. I’ve got her number if you need it.”
“And I’ll be checking on him at the hospital,” Carol Ann added. “I can keep you all posted from there, though it sounds like he won’t be staying long.”
Kelly removed a guitar pick from between her lips and slid it in her pocket. “Do we know what happened?”
Candi nodded. “What I hear from his daughter is that he was watching the Astros game and his wife noticed some odd behavior. That’s as far as we got in the conversation before she had to go.”
“Bill never misses an Astros game,” Rocky chimed in. “Bet he fought that clot off until the seventh inning stretch.”
Candi caught Shade’s gaze in the gentle ripple of laughter that followed. Last night had been complicated, but when she let the worry and fear about Bill’s condition fall away, she thought only of the romantic kiss at the pond and the extraordinary way Shade stepped up for her and for Bill’s family.
She’d done the crisis thing alone in the past. Now after their tag-team efforts to comfort scared loved ones and keep the coffee warm, going it alone seemed empty and difficult. By the time she’d unlocked her own door at two-thirty in the morning, she’d decided she had no idea why she ever thought keeping to herself was a good idea.
She urged the group to tighten the circle. “We need to pray.” She grabbed Kevin’s hand to her left and Carol Ann’s to her right. “I’ll start and you all can jump in and add your prayers for Bill before we close.”
“I hate popcorn prayers,” Kelly whined. “It’s too much pressure.”
“It’s not a popcorn prayer. You don’t have to say anything out loud if you don’t want to.”
“What’s a popcorn prayer?” Shade asked.
“It’s when you quickly take turns and start talking as soon as someone stops, “Kevin offered. “You know, like popcorn taking off in the popper.”
“It’s not a popcorn prayer,” Candi repeated.
“Should there be such a thing as a popcorn prayer?” Rocky rubbed his chin like a professor before taking Kelly’s hand. He gazed at the ceiling as if pondering a great mystery. “Shouldn’t a prayer, by definition, be well thought out and earnest? Can you achieve that depth of sincerity in a popcorn prayer atmosphere?”
Max nodded. “That’s a good question. I wonder if popcorn prayers are pleasing to God.”
Candi’s right eye started to twitch. “Really? You’re seriously going to yank my chain on a morning like this when we’re all worried about Bill, and I’ve had three hours of sleep?”
Shade dipped his head to hide his laughter. It didn’t work.
“Sorry,” Max snorted.
“Me too,” Rocky added. “But I say we pick this discussion up at lunch.”
“I can’t do lunch today,” Carol Ann said. “My mom’s had a rough couple of days, and I need to get home.”
“Sorry,” Candi said. “We’ll pray for her too.”
“Thanks. And Shade, can you meet me by my truck right after service? I have something for you.”
“Sure thing.”
Candi closed her weary eyes. “Let’s pray.”
Shade snapped his guitar case and tried to catch Candi before she left the platform. As usual for a Sunday morning, she’d been all business. Nothing about her steady expression gave him any indication if their abbreviated and mixed-up date had been a success or a failure.
“Hey.” He touched her arm as she gathered her things.
Her glad-to-see-you smile told him everything.
“Hey, yourself.” She settled her music and her Bible in the crook of her arm. “Are you as tired as I am?”
“Hunger has edged out exhaustion. Are you up for lunch? The others are expecting us to meet them.”
“Sounds good.”
“I need a minute to talk to you before we go, OK? It’s important.”
“Sure.”
“I’ve gotta run and see what Carol Ann wants so she can leave, but I’ll meet you out front. I got my truck back. I’ll drive.”
He stepped out into the bright, early afternoon sun. Carol Ann had pulled her black Silverado up next to the Del Rio Destroyer. Everyone in Texas had a nicer truck than he did.
Carol Ann got out, dropped the tailgate, and started to wrestle a large box from the bed.
He set down his case and rushed to help her. “Whatcha got?”
“Rocky said you might need this.” She slid the box to the edge and turned it so he could see the label.
Shade scanned the words. Classic wooden high chair...natural oak finish...removable dishwasher-safe tray...machine-washable seat pad...
“You’ll have to put it together,” she continued with a smile as big as Texas. “But I think you can handle that.”
“It’s great, Carol Ann, and I really need it, but you didn’t have to... How did you know?”
“Oh, honey, it was a total God thing. Rocky was at the hospital for his shoulder therapy and we happened to end up chatting beside the employee bulletin board in the hallway. Some very-blessed charge nurse got three of these at her shower and couldn’t return this one. Rocky snatched the index card off the wall and, well, here we are. He says I should be looking for a stroller, next.”
Shade tried to swallow past the unexpected lump in his throat. Once again, his newfound family had blessed him beyond expectation, and once again, God had heard his silent cry for help. His business was growing, but so were his expenses.
Though he and Jess were doing well so far in their tentative arrangements for Rachel, the financial issues were bound to come up soon. There were business ads to pay for, supplies he needed, and he was starting to realize he couldn’t wear his dad’s thirty-year-old clothes forever. Especially if he was going to seriously pursue a relationship with Candi. At some point, he’d have to buy a pair of real dress pants. And who was he trying to kid? Though the Del Rio Destroyer had received yet another lease on life from Max’s friend, it was only a matter of time before it died for good.
He transferred the box from her truck to his and returned for a hug. “Thanks, Carol Ann. This baby thing is all new to me. I appreciate your help.”
“No need to thank me,” she said with a squeeze. “But I do want to get my hands on that sweet little baby. Will you be able to bring her to church soon?”
“What baby?”
Candi’s voice landed soft in his ears as if from a dream somewhere. The consequence of her discovery settled with a sickening thud in his gut. He stepped out of Carol Ann’s embrace and glanced at each woman. He didn’t know who to fix things with first.
Carol Ann’s wide smile evaporated into despair while Candi’s expression did not even look like shock. Only hurt and betrayal were etched on her face.
“I’m so sorry,” Carol Ann said with a gasp. “I didn’t realize the baby was a secret. I’ve messed everything up.”
“What baby?”
“No, Carol Ann, you didn’t mess anything up. The baby, Rachel, is not a secret. Everything is just so new, it’s taken time to fill everyone in on the details. I didn’t meet her myself until last Sunday.” He turned his attention toward Candi. “This is what I’ve been trying to talk to you about—”
“I’ll see you at practice, Carol Ann.” Candi offered her a stiff smile.
Then she turned and headed back into the church.
Shade rushed to help Carol Ann into her truck. “Don’t worry, I’ll fix this.”
“I didn’t know...”
“Not your fault. It’s my fault, and I’ll straighten it out. Please don’t worry about this.” He slammed the door and grasped the half-open window. “Thanks again for the high chair.”
Shade ran inside and slid to a stop in the narthex, surprising the last of the worshippers as they prepared to leave the building.
She wasn’t in the office. She wasn’t in the sanctuary. He headed down the hall to the Sunday school classrooms and caught a glimpse of her stunned, robotic movements as she turned into the church’s small kitchen. She slammed the door behind her.
He grabbed the doorknob. Locked. “C’mon, Candi.” He pounded on the door. “Let me in, we need to talk.” He pounded again. “I’m not leaving.” He didn’t know much about the building, but seemed to recall there were two doors to the kitchen. He knew this because he and Kevin had raided the pantry one night after practice and consumed six boxes of animal crackers he was sure were meant for the three and four-year-old Sunday school class. Kevin had explained the cookies had surpassed their expiration date and were being discarded anyway, so it was not really the sin of theft. It was more like they were helping with the disposal of food not fit for children.
He darted down the corridor and through the youth room to the other door. He heard the click-clack of her heels on the other side and seized the knob just before she could lock it.
He gently pushed it open. The last thing he needed on top of everything else was to knock her in the head.
“Go away, Shade.” She grazed her fingertips across the stainless steel counter as she stepped to the other side of the island.
“I’m not going anywhere until we settle this.”
“I don’t think there’s anything to settle. You obviously have this entire secret life going on and everyone knows about it but me. That pretty much tells me we don’t have anything to say to each other. Especially considering there’s a child involved. That’s not the kind of thing you keep from someone, Shade.”
“I was not trying to keep anything from you.” His words were slow and deliberate. “There was no secret. Her name is Rachel, and she’s six months old. I only met her last Sunday and spent my first hour alone with her on Thursday. Pastor Charles knew because of the times we talked when I first came here. The guys knew because I asked them to pray about it. Carol Ann found out because Rocky innocently said something. I’ve been trying to tell you. I tried last night and I’ve been trying today.”
“Get over yourself, Shade.” She waved her arms in the air. “How hard is it to say, oh, by the way, I have a baby ? I would think that would be one of the first things you’d disclose to a person you want to ask on a date.” Her words got louder with each sentence and bounced off the crisp white tile in rippling echoes around the room. “And how is it this didn’t come up in the truck that night? It’s a huge part of the whole story.” She scrubbed her hands across her face. “I don’t get it. I don’t know why you wouldn’t trust me with this information. This may not be important to you, but I need to know the person I was kissing at the pond.” She yanked her purse from beside the sink and fought to pick up her music from the slippery counter. “Never mind. This is my fault. I should’ve never let this get personal. I should have known better.” She stomped to the door and wrestled with the knob.
“Candi, don’t go. You can’t run away every time we need to fix something.”
She gave up on the door and dumped all her things on the floor. “We can’t fix this,” she yelled and spun around. “This is a huge breach of trust for me.”
“You want to make this about trust? How about how you don’t trust me ?”
She marched back to the center of the room. “I think my trust in you is evident in my willingness to spend time with you and get to know you. If I didn’t trust you, I wouldn’t have believed the things you told me.”
“It’s not what I told you. It’s what you didn’t tell me.”
“Don’t make this about me,” she snapped back. “You’re the one with the secret baby.”
“And you’re the one with the secret father.”
The color drained from her face.
He softened his tone. “I know who he is, Candi. I know all about it. I’ve asked you about your parents, I’ve hinted I thought I recognized your name from Austin, I’ve watched you squirm when the subject comes up, and I’ve watched you actively avoid any mention of where your father is now.”
Her shoulders sagged and she wilted against a cabinet as if she needed support. “My father is a crook and a liar, and it’s perfectly understandable why I wouldn’t share that information easily with someone I just met.”
“Well, my daughter was an unexpected miracle in the midst of the worst time of my life, and I had every intention of sharing her with you.”
“But you didn’t.” She clenched her fists where they rested on the shiny surface. “And if you tell me you have a wife or a girlfriend or a fiancée out there somewhere I just might start screaming and never stop.”
He rushed to her side. “It’s not like that.”
She stepped away from him and pulled a napkin from an industrial sized bag on a shelf. “This is pointless.” She dabbed her eyes.
“No. It isn’t. I didn’t know I was a father until Rachel’s mother came to tell me in the hospital. I was still confined to a bed when I got the news, and the baby came just two months later. It didn’t come up in the truck that night because it took every bit of nerve I had to come out with all the negative stuff about myself, remember? I wasn’t sure we’d have another personal conversation after that. Somehow telling you about my baby in the same breath as Pete’s death and my alcoholism didn’t fit. Believe me. Letting you know about Rachel is all I’ve thought about for days.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me days ago?”
“I should have, all right? I just wanted the time to be right. I intended to tell you last night.” He paused and rubbed his sweaty palms across his jeans. “Look. This is all new to me. Everything happened so fast. Contacting her mother and new stepfather was tricky. I came back here with the hope of being a part of my daughter’s life, but I had no idea if, or when it would really happen.”
“What do you mean if ? Fathers need to be there for their daughters. You should move heaven and earth to take care of her the way she deserves. You’re talking as if you were willing to walk away from your responsibility if her mother didn’t cooperate. You don’t get to walk away. This situation is not her fault.”
The hair on the back of his neck stood up. “If I were you, I wouldn’t get so close to that line you’re about to cross. You have no idea what I’ve done to be with my daughter, and you don’t know me well enough to pass judgment on me as a father—especially after what you know about fathers.”
She staggered backward. “Now who’s crossing the line?”
Shade flinched at his ugly words. He didn’t mean it, shouldn’t have said it, and was powerless to take it back. As for her off-the-mark ramblings about his behavior as a father, he knew they were a direct result of her own big fat daddy issues, and she’d think twice about them later.
Regrets aside, they both stood completely crossways with each other and stuck on either side of a fracture he wasn’t sure she was willing to mend with him.
She stooped to pick up her belongings. He hurried to her side to help. She waved him away.
“I’ll see you Tuesday at practice, and if you haven’t already, I’d appreciate it if you’d keep the information about my father to yourself. I have a lot going on with that right now, and I don’t need the added pressure of having to explain it to the band.”
“C’mon, Candi, I’m not gonna discuss any of this with anyone. I’d rather us talk it out and get past it, and if you’ve got problems with your father, I wish you’d talk to me about it.”
“This isn’t going to work, Shade. We both have a lot of things to deal with, and your daughter deserves all your attention right now. You’re a great asset to our team, and we have a lot of work to do here so let’s just leave it at that.”
“I don’t want to leave it at that. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Rachel sooner, and I think we should talk about this later when we’ve both had a chance to calm down and think about it.”
This time when she touched the door, it opened.
“Let it go, Shade. It’s not going to work.”
He reached for her hand. “I don’t want to let it go.”
Her eyes glittered with unshed tears as she met his gaze. “It’s already gone.”