Chapter Fourteen
FROM: Pastor Charles Littleton
Sent: Thursday, May 28 2:50 PM
To: Candi Canaberry
CC: Shade Blackledge
Subject: Practice tomorrow night
Candi and Shade:
FYI: Some members of the worship committee and I will be coming by youth service practice tomorrow night to see what you all have come up with for the service so far. I know you’re working on some different music, but Max is supposed to come up with a schedule for the service for us to discuss while we’re there. By the way, do either of you have a good email address for him? The one I’m using keeps bouncing back. See you tomorrow.
Charles
Shade pushed his shopping cart up and down two more rows before he headed for the check-out. Rachel observed every movement from the safety of her car seat perched atop the buggy. She babbled to herself and drew the attention of every woman they passed. Who knew slobber bubbles could be such a crowd pleaser?
They crossed the steamy parking lot. Late afternoon sun blazed down on what the weatherman had called the hottest day of the year so far. He adjusted the canopy on the car seat to shield her from the UV rays, and quickly started the Del Rio Destroyer. The old truck’s air conditioner didn’t work well, but it was better than nothing. He tossed his groceries in the truck—diapers, canned goods, and water in the bed, perishables in the cab. He double checked the security of the car seat and hopped inside. According to his grandfather’s pocket watch, he’d beat his previous record by a full six minutes. Rachel was not impressed as she began to squirm and whimper.
“Don’t worry, punkin.” He popped the pacifier in her mouth. “We’ll be home soon.”
With just four miles to go, however, everything changed. The temperature gauge inched toward the hot end. He immediately exited the freeway. As he traveled down the frontage road, the tell-tale sign of curling steam began to rise from under the hood. He coasted into a vacant lot and came to rest under the awning of what, ironically, used to be a gas station.
He could check it out, but what would be the use? It was obviously a problem with the radiator. That was the one thing Max’s friend hadn’t worked on and was the next big repair on his list.
Rachel started to cry. He opened both doors to let the breeze blow through and scooped her out of her seat. The back of her ladybug covered t-shirt was wet with sweat. He pulled off her socks and bounced her in his arms as he paced alongside the steaming truck and tried to connect with roadside assistance. Their estimated time of arrival was dismal at best, even with the added issue of a screaming baby. He clicked the phone to black and gave up to think a sec. Could he even get the safety seat in the tow truck?
He scrolled through his other contacts.
His parents were away on an extended Memorial Day camping trip.
Rocky was out to dinner with the people from the camp where he’d be speaking over the summer.
He couldn’t call Carol Ann. She and Bud were at work, and she already had a sick mother to contend with.
Neither Kevin nor Kelly answered right away, and he realized this was the day they mentioned skiing with friends on Lake Conroe.
Wild Bill recently had a stroke.
Max was taking some girl to a movie, and Shade could never interrupt that. It might not happen again.
AA sponsors weren’t for this kind of emergency.
Neither was Pastor Charles, though he was sure he’d come if he asked.
His landlord? No.
José from his paint supply store? No.
Jess and Bobby? No, never, not even close.
He dialed the last option available. Though she hadn’t yet come rushing back into his arms, there was no way she wouldn’t come to help.
“Hey, I need a ride. Is there any way you could come pick us up?”
Rachel wailed and nearly wiggled out of his arms. He shifted her to the other hip. And dropped the phone.
He could hear Candi’s worried voice as he scrambled to pick it up. “I’m here.”
“Are you OK? Is that Rachel? Is she hurt?”
“We’re fine. She’s just mad and hungry. That stupid truck stranded us on the side of the road.”
“I’ll be right there,” she said and the line went dead.
“Candi? Candi?”
He shared his location and dropped his phone on the ground beside them, then used his t-shirt to wipe a glob of snot from Rachel’s nose. “Where do you think she’s headed?” he asked the angry baby. “She didn’t let me tell her where we are.”
His phone rang.
“Sorry. Where are you?”
“I dropped you a pin, but we’re at that closed gas station just off the southbound feeder road between the Irish pub and the abandoned strip center. You’ll see my truck. It’s practically on fire.”
“Got it. I’ll be right there.”
He put the baby back in the car seat and moved it to the coolest spot he could find near the building. He piled all his groceries close by and then proceeded to prepare a bottle with powdered formula and the best all natural spring water his money could buy.
“I’m not saying we should lie or anything...” He sat on the concrete and cradled Rachel in his arms., “But I don’t think your mommy needs to know you ate your dinner from a bottle I made along the side of the freeway. Seriously, do you see soap and water anywhere?”
The wind from passing cars kicked up dust and swirled paper and other trash into small funnel clouds of flying debris. He draped a light blanket across them to shield Rachel’s tender eyes.
He leaned back against the brick building. He wanted Candi to meet Rachel, but not exactly this way. In the nearly two weeks since the incident with her father, she’d been upbeat and positive, but still kept him further away than he’d like to be. Pastor Charles said she needed time. He understood why. If Don Canaberry had come to church that morning to fight for his daughter, no one saw him.
The Del Rio Destroyer hissed and gurgled as it cooled. The elderly truck was no longer quaint or interesting, and the term restoration project was no longer something he could afford to be interested in. Now he needed something reliable and safe. Whoever said money wasn’t the answer wasn’t completely right. Sometimes it was. Money was the only thing standing between him and decent transportation. Remy Charbonnet’s offer looked better every day.
Candi hit the gas and sped out of her gated complex. So she was going a little fast for the residential street. If her neighbors didn’t like the way she drove, they should stay off the sidewalk.
She headed for I-45 south and ranted at the drivers ahead of her who actually stopped at the last lame two-way intersection on their way to the freeway. She tapped her brakes and rolled on through.
Shade’s truck was easy to spot. She whipped into the lot and came to an abrupt stop. Her bright orange flip-flops sprayed loose gravel as she sprinted toward them.
A pitiful sight, the dusty pair huddled near the building while the truck made gasping death noises nearby, and their plastic grocery bags danced in the breeze.
She dropped to her knees beside them.
“That was fast,” Shade said.
“I went a little rogue with the traffic laws. It’s miserable hot out here.” She glanced at the cars whizzing by. “And not exactly safe.”
“We’re OK. The traffic noise lulled her to sleep after I got some formula in her.”
Candi lifted the corner of the pale green receiving blanket with the same kind of excitement and expectation as opening a gift on Christmas morning.
The pudgy-cheeked angel slept with her face smashed against his shoulder and her tiny fingers clutching at his chest.
“Aw, Shade, she’s beautiful...but I can’t see her eyes.” She dropped the blanket and met his gaze. “Please tell me they’re as gorgeous as yours.”
Her comment stunned them both.
“I mean,” she stammered. “Your eye color is so unusual. Sometimes it’s green then goes to an amber.”
“Forget it.” He tried to push himself up. “It’s out there now. You like my eyes. You can’t take it back.”
“Fine. You have nice eyes.” She stood and reached for the baby. “I’ll take her so you can get the car seat bolted in, but be warned. My only experience with babies is in the church nursery, and they don’t invite me back very often.”
“You be warned.” He placed the sleeping bundle in her arms. “She’s sweaty and stinky and overdue for a fresh diaper.”
“She can’t help it. Even princesses have a bad day once in a while. What color are her eyes anyway?”
“They are bluer than the west Texas sky. Everything I’ve read says they can still change, but I don’t think so.”
She stood by the car while he piled his groceries in the trunk and secured the safety seat.
“I wondered about that car seat,” she said.
“What about it?”
“I wondered if your old truck had the right belts and latches to adequately secure a baby seat.”
“Believe it or not, it can be done. I had to call a child safety seat hotline to make sure, but it works. Of course it would be helpful if the truck ran consistently.”
“What about that? Do you want me to come back here after I take you home and wait for a tow truck?”
“Thanks, but I’m not letting you do that. It could be hours. The dispatcher told me all the high schools around here are graduating tonight and the tow trucks are way behind with fender-benders and over-heated cars on the way to the ceremonies.” He closed the trunk. “I’ll get Max to help me out later after Rachel goes home and his date is over.”
“Did you tell them you had a baby with you? I thought they were supposed to give priority in that situation.”
“Everybody has a crying baby.”
She nodded and tucked the blanket around Rachel’s face to block the wind.
He tossed the diaper bag in the back seat. “See? You’re a natural. You’re doing that thing.”
“What thing?”
“That thing all women do. I’ve noticed it everywhere since I’ve had to learn all things baby.”
“What thing?”
“You put a baby in a woman’s arms and she immediately starts that rocking-swaying thing. Must be instinct. You all do it.”
She wasn’t doing any such thing.
Yes, she was. There was no way to resist the urge. Every maternal impulse and baby related mechanism inside her surged to life. Comfort the baby, protect the baby, rock the baby. She studied Rachel’s perfect little face. A scripture from Psalms popped into her head.
For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made...
She never thought much about when she’d have children. Now she wanted ten.
“Let me get her buckled in,” Shade said and peeled the baby from her grasp.
Was it possible to bond instantly with a sleeping baby you didn’t know and who wasn’t yours? If not, the sudden loss she felt was inexplicable.
She turned to get in the car. “So which way?”
“Not far. Want me to drive? She’ll sleep the whole way.”
“Yeah, that’s fine. I assume we’ll take my car to the conference next week, and I don’t want to do all the driving so you might as well get acquainted. Is the truck locked up?”
“No. I’m hoping someone will steal it.”
As he pulled onto the road, Candi fidgeted with her shorts and wiped dirt off her shirt. She pulled down the visor mirror. Several strands of hair stood straight up. “Oh, wow.” She tried to tame them.
“What?”
“I was cleaning house when you called. Guess I should have stopped to look in a mirror on the way out.”
He glanced her way. “You look great. Thanks for coming to get us.”
“Sure.”
She continued to be restless. She had so many things to say to him. Why couldn’t she open her mouth and just talk?
As Shade pulled up next to his home, Rachel began to stir. He shut off the engine and hurried to get her. Her eyes were wide and bright, and even more blue than Candi expected. As Shade planted his daughter proudly on his hip, Candi stepped closer to smooth damp tufts of hair off the baby’s forehead. She clasped Rachel’s tiny outstretched hand and attempted soothing baby talk until she’d coaxed a smile from the little cherub.
“She likes you,” Shade said.
Candi snorted. “Only because she doesn’t know me.”
“That’s not funny.” He shouldered the diaper bag. “Let me get inside and change her and then I’ll get all this stuff.”
“No, you go ahead. I can get it.”
“You sure?”
“I think I can unload the car, Shade. Go give her a nice lukewarm bath.”
“I can give her a bath later. Right now I’m just going to clean her up a bit.”
Rachel burped and spewed her dinner down the front of her shirt.
Candi laughed. “Or you could give her a bath.”
“Yeah, I think I’ll do that.”
She unhooked the car seat and set it inside the door. The small mobile home was clean, with homey touches and an entire area dedicated to his growing collection of baby equipment. She put the diapers in the pile and then stacked his bountiful supply of canned ravioli and tuna in the pantry. She dropped the lunchmeat in the refrigerator drawer and was soon drawn to the splashing in the bathroom. Those pesky maternal urges pulled her down the narrow hallway.
She leaned against the doorframe and pretended she had a reason for intruding. “Do you keep or throw away the plastic bags?”
He steadied the baby with one hand, and poured water over her from a Styrofoam cup with the other to wash away the suds. Rachel kicked both legs and waved her arms.
“Keep. They’re great for the nasty diapers.”
“OK. They’re on the counter.”
“Towel, please.”
“What?”
“Cold naked baby alert.” He lifted her from the water.
She yanked the fluffy yellow duck covered towel from the rack and draped it over Rachel. While Shade tucked her close against his body, Candi gently rubbed the baby’s head and swiped the insides of her tiny pink ears.
“Mission accomplished,” he said. “I’ll go get some clean clothes on her.”
“You’re pretty good at this.”
“I wouldn’t know. This was only our second bath.”
Candi returned to the living area and approached the rocking chair. She set it into motion with a gentle nudge. Electronics, old music, and magazines littered his coffee table along with his Bible and a book of daily devotionals. The notebook he always carried lay open with phone numbers on sticky notes placed inside. The name Remy Charbonnet caught her eye. Isn’t that the name her father mentioned? What did it mean?
“I need to make her another bottle,” Shade said as he joined her. “Can you hold her for a minute?”
“She was asleep when I held her before. Will she come to me now?”
“Sure. Sit in the rocker with her. She loves that.”
Candi reached for the baby, much like she’d reach for a bouquet of tender daffodils. She inhaled soft clean skin the same way. It was another urge she couldn’t resist. When Shade handed her the bottle, Rachel settled into the crook of her arm and seemed content.
He dropped onto the couch nearby as if exhausted.
“Thanks for putting the groceries away.”
“Don’t thank me yet. You may not be able to find anything.”
“Do you want something to drink?”
She pulled the bottle out of Rachel’s mouth and wiped away a stream of liquid that ran down her chin. “I’m fine.” She put the bottle back.
Several moments of companionable silence went by, and she contemplated ways to say the things she needed to say.
He put his feet up on the coffee table. “Have you heard from your father?”
That was one way to get the conversation started.
“Not exactly. I had a missed call one day, and I think that was him, but there was no message or text. I haven’t tried to call him yet because Pastor Charles has me on a strict schedule of prayer and Bible study. I’m supposed to be reflecting on, and accepting, all the changes God is making in my life, and preparing to calmly explain all my feelings to my father and hopefully reach a truce.”
He nodded. “I’m sure that’s what your father wants.”
“Then why didn’t he come to church that Sunday? I know I said I didn’t want him to, but even I have to acknowledge in all my anger that it’s where he needs to be. And if he wanted to make things right, why didn’t he come?” She slashed a tear from under her eye. “I’m sorry. I’m not going to sit here and cry all over your baby—you’ve seen enough of my tears—but this part has been so hard. I’ve been coming to grips with how wrong I was about everything, and at the same time, he didn’t follow through that morning. I mean, how do you forgive someone who won’t stop hurting you long enough to accept forgiveness for the first series of hurts? It’s mind-boggling.”
“But Pastor Charles is trying to help you with all this, right?”
“Oh yes, in case you haven’t heard, I’m being pruned. God has taken me out behind the woodshed for an attitude adjustment. Pastor Charles is just making sure I learn my lesson because he says he’s had enough of my drama.”
“Back up a minute. You’re being what?”
“Pruned. It’s in John chapter fifteen. You can look it up later.”
“That aside, I never thought of God as being a behind the woodshed kind of father.”
“Well, apparently it takes a special kind of stupid to earn a pruning, get a trip to the woodshed, and end up in the doghouse like me.”
Now he laughed at her. “C’mon, Candi, I don’t know much about spiritual stuff, but I’m pretty sure you’re exaggerating.”
She set the bottle aside and moved Rachel to an upright position against her chest. As she rubbed her back, the baby slowed her jerky movements and finally rested her soft head against Candi’s shoulder. It was a peace and perfection Candi had rarely experienced.
“Maybe a little exaggeration,” she said softly. “But I have learned a lot these past couple weeks, and I have you to thank for some of it.”
He sat straight. “Me? What’d I do?”
“You were there for me at that music festival when my father showed up. I was a hysterical mess. I don’t know what I’d have done if you hadn’t been there. Before I saw him, I had this weird feeling something was going on. I couldn’t figure it out, and I didn’t say a word, but even then, you took my hand in that crowd and it helped.”
“We’re friends, Candi. More than friends. You must know I’d do anything for you. I...uh—”
“I’m not trying to make you feel uncomfortable.” She rushed to put him at ease. “I want you to know you’re an amazing person, and I know I haven’t always been fair to you. I’m just trying to say how much I appreciate the time we’ve spent together since you came to Cornerstone.”
He practically jumped to his feet. “OK, now you’re making it sound like we won’t be spending any more time together.”
“No,” she said a little too loud. Rachel trembled and lifted her head until Candi soothed her. “No,” she repeated. “I don’t mean that at all. But see what I mean? There’s a reason I kept all my feelings inside. I’m not very good at expressing myself.”
He leaned against the couch as though his knees were wobbly. “Can I talk for a minute?”
She nodded.
“As for your father, I’m sure the only reason he didn’t come on Sunday was because of how bad it went Saturday night. I think he stayed away to spare you another round of heartache. It couldn’t have been easy for him to see you in so much pain. He may have thought it best if he gave it more time.”
She held the baby closer and nuzzled her neck. “Possibly...”
“As for all that other stuff, I think you’re being too hard on yourself. For everything you’ve done you think is so horrible, you’ve also done a whole lot of good. If I can forgive myself for Pete, you can get past this thing with your father and get through whatever it is you feel you need to fix.” He knelt in front of the rocker and took her hand. “If I remember correctly, you were the one who finally convinced me in the truck that night that I could let go of the accident and move on.”
She rubbed her thumb across the back of his hand. “Now you’re gonna make me cry.”
“I don’t want you to cry.”
“You must think I’m pretty ridiculous to get so bent out of shape over my petty issues after all you’ve been through.”
“No, I think I know my Bible too, and Luke says to whom much is given, much is required . Someone like you, who has so many spiritual gifts and earthly talents, must have to go through the woodshed once in a while in order to be the most productive vessel you can be.”
She squeezed his hand. “That is so freakishly deep that I know for sure you’ve been holding out on me. You are far more spiritually wise than you let on.”
“It’s completely by accident.”
She laughed. “Forget it. It’s out there now. You can’t take it back.”
The jarring ring tone of his cell phone rattled both Candi and the baby. Rachel shuddered and then started to cry.
He glanced at the screen. “It’s Jess. That’s Rachel’s mother. She’s probably on her way.”
Candi stood and reluctantly passed the crying baby to her father. “I better get out of here.”
“Wait. Why? I can have friends over when Rachel’s here. Stay and meet her.”
“I’m not one of the guys, Shade. You’re still working through this situation. Real or imagined, Jess doesn’t need any reason to question anything right now.”
The ringing stopped. “You’re right. It’s bad enough I have to tell her we broke down. She doesn’t trust that truck anyway. That’s why she usually drops Rachel off and picks her up.”
“You’re a great father, Shade. That kind of thing happens to everyone.” She pressed her lips against Rachel’s forehead and lingered there as if to soak up as much as she could. “I’m going now. Call me later if you need help with the truck.”
She rushed out the door with the scent of baby shampoo still on her clothes.
Never had her heart and arms been so empty.