Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
PRESENT
She couldn't get Knox’s words out of her mind.
There was no question in her mind that he hated her, and her heart broke a little more at the knowledge.
She thought that going to the cookout would be a way to bridge the gap between them.
But Knox hated her more than ever, and she couldn't even blame him.
She still hadn't told him the truth. Now she wasn't sure she would ever get the chance.
Was it better to just let it go? Part of her wanted to go to him again, beg him to listen to her. But she had hurt him so badly that she didn't think he would ever trust her again. He wanted nothing to do with her; he’d made that abundantly clear. She didn't know what to do.
She had chickened out when they spoke last. He had distracted her by asking about her wedding, and she had frozen.
She had no idea he knew. Maybe it was silly of her, but she wanted to pretend that it had never happened.
Of course, Knox had probably run a background check the second the door shut behind her.
She was sure he knew every detail about her life.
If she could, she would take everything back.
Her marriage, moving to the city... lying to him in the first place.
And the knowledge that he had never married... That ripped her soul to shreds. He was such an amazing person, who deserved so much. She was so proud of him that she ached with it. His words had cut straight to her heart. And she felt terrible... Because part of her was glad he had never moved on.
That increased her guilt, because he deserved to be with someone he cared about and who loved him.
But she knew no one could ever love him the way she could.
He had looked so resigned, and she knew he had given up on her.
Not that he had had much faith in her to begin with.
She had burned that bridge, and not given him any reason to trust her.
Guilt and hurt pressed heavily on her shoulders, and she couldn't escape it. Guilt for the past, but also the present. An almost overwhelming grief had shrouded her for the past couple of days, and although her mother had tried on multiple occasions to lure her out, she had hardly even left her room. She had begged off, telling her mother she had a migraine and that she wasn’t feeling well.
It wasn’t completely untrue. She felt sick to her stomach, tired of everything.
Every muscle in her body ached with fatigue as she undressed.
All she knew was, she couldn’t sit around and dwell on it any longer.
She had been avoiding her father at all costs, too.
Each time they met in the hallway or kitchen, he stared at her with that knowing expression.
The one that told her this was all going to blow up in her face, exactly the way it had fourteen years ago.
She managed to wrangle herself into a sports bra, then tugged a tank top over her head and slipped into a pair of shorts.
She shoved her feet into her running shoes and quickly tied the laces.
Raking her fingers through her hair, she pulled it into a rough ponytail, relishing the slight bite of pain as she yanked on the roots.
She avoided her reflection in the mirror as she grabbed her sunglasses and headed downstairs.
Letitia flashed her a grin as she passed, and she forced a smile. Her jubilant expression immediately disappeared. “Is everything okay, Miss Everleigh?”
Tears stung her eyes, and she bit her tongue to keep them from falling.
Blinking rapidly, she swallowed several times before she finally allowed herself to speak.
“I'm fine, Lettie. Thanks for asking.” She knew Letitia didn't believe her, but she couldn't stand the look of pity.
She refused to look her way as she slipped her sunglasses into place.
“I'm going for a run. I'll be back in a bit.”
She appreciated Letitia's concern, really she did.
But she knew if she lowered her guard, she would break down completely, and she couldn't allow that to happen.
Without another word, she breezed out the door and broke into a jog as soon as her feet hit the brick pathway that wound from the front porch down to the driveway.
She didn't even think about where she wanted to go; it didn't matter.
She let her feet carry her onto the main road of the subdivision, the large homes a blur as she passed, lost in her thoughts.
She had always hated running. Back in New York, she had done it out of necessity.
Everyone in the city had a personal trainer who visited several times weekly, and they killed themselves with cardio, yoga, and every diet ever invented in an effort to stay fashionably thin.
She hadn't run in months, but she needed to punish her body.
Maybe if she exhausted herself, she would be too tired to think about Knox.
She shook her head as she opened the gate to the subdivision, then turned onto the main road. Though the pavement spun away beneath her feet, it only served to stir up all the old memories of the past. She pressed her lips together as his face came to mind, and a tear finally broke free.
Behind the veil of her sunglasses, she allowed them to fall hot and fast. Tears slipped down her cheeks as she ran, and her breath came in gasping pants, the blood rushing in her ears.
She pushed herself harder, grimacing against the cramp ripping through her side.
She wouldn't stop, wouldn't allow herself to give in to the pain. She deserved every bit of it.
How had they gotten to this point? She knew he wouldn't be happy to see her, but she never imagined this. When she left New York and decided to come home, in the back of her mind she always wondered if Knox and she could work things out. Now that seemed more unlikely than ever.
She had driven away the only person who ever mattered, the man she had loved with her whole heart.
She had betrayed him, and she knew he would never forgive her for that.
She had held out hope that they could reconcile, at least be friends, but he had made it abundantly clear that he wanted nothing to do with her. Their story was over.
The road to Knox’s house came into view, and she stumbled to a stop and finally fell to her knees.
It seemed like such a prophetic moment that she should come to this crossroads at this very moment, and she couldn't help the despair that welled up.
A sob ripped from her throat as she covered her face with her hands and cried.
She wasn't sure how long she sat there before she finally forced herself to move.
She awkwardly stood and brushed off the grass clinging to her legs, then swiped the stray tears from her cheeks.
She was just getting ready to turn around and head home when the rumble of an engine met her ears.
It was the first car she had encountered that afternoon, thank God, so no one had had the pleasure of witnessing her epic breakdown on the side of the road.
She tossed a look over her shoulder at the dusty, newer model sedan.
It slowed to a crawl the closer it got, so she took a step away from the road.
She didn't want him to think she was trying to hitch a ride, so she did a couple quick stretches as she waited for the driver to pass.
But ten seconds ticked away, then twenty, and still the car didn't move.
She lifted her gaze to where the driver had stopped about thirty feet away.
The bright sunlight reflected off the windshield, obscuring her view of the person inside.
The sedan was dark, and the space on the front bumper that would normally accommodate a license plate was conspicuously bare.
Apprehension washed over her, and goosebumps broke out along her skin despite the heat of the afternoon.
She waved for them to continue past, but the car remained there, idling quietly. Suddenly the engine revved loudly, causing her to jump. The squeal of tires on pavement filled the air, and before her brain could process what was happening, the car lurched into motion.
Seconds felt like hours as the car bore down on her, and she suddenly realized it was headed straight for her. Her heart jumped into her throat as she threw herself out of the way just as the car swiped the spot where she had stood only seconds before.
She tumbled into the ditch where she finally sprawled at the bottom, head spinning and limbs aching from the hard landing.
Shaking off the pain, she forced herself to focus and climbed to her feet.
The car had stopped again, and her pulse kicked into overdrive when the white reverse lights kicked on.
The sound of a second vehicle approaching reached her ears, and she risked a quick look in that direction.
The driver of the car idled there for a moment before throwing the engine into drive and speeding off.
She breathed out a sigh of relief. No doubt if the second car hadn’t come along, he’d have come back for her.
A chill ran down her spine as she watched the vehicle drive away.
Adrenaline rushed through her body, and she could hear the blood thrumming in her ears as her heart beat wildly in her chest. Whoever it was, they’d clearly thought this through.
The license plate was covered in mud, the letters and numbers completely indistinguishable.
A sob suspended in her throat as the adrenaline began to wear off and the situation sank in.
Swallowing it down, she forced herself to take a deep breath.
Her hands and knees ached, and she grimaced as she climbed unsteadily to her feet.
Tiny rocks had embedded themselves into the skin of her knees, and she brushed them away, smearing the blood trickling from the wounds.