Chapter 7 Charlie
Charlie
“Mommy, you’re back!”
“Hey, buddy. What’s up?” Pettie wraps his arms around me. My mom is standing behind him with a tired look. I should be upset with him for acting up last night, but I’m not. He’s had a tough go of it.
“I heard you gave Nan a hard time again?”
He looks down. “I’m sorry. I just… I don’t know what got into me. I think I just missed you. You’re always away or working.”
“I know, buddy. I’m sorry, but I told you that will change soon.”
“When we move to Vancouver so I can visit my second cousins?” His face lights up. “That’s where you were, wasn’t it? Vancouver?”
I sigh, unable to lie to my kid. I didn’t want to tell him because it was a business trip, and I couldn’t bring him, but whenever we went to Vancouver, he had the time of his life.
Pettie didn’t have any brothers, sisters, or cousins, but my cousin’s kids were the closest thing he had to relatives his age, and he reveled in the moments he shared with them.
It also helped that trips to Vancouver always involved fun excursions like the local ski mountain and the cabin my cousins were gracious enough to invite us to on the Sunshine Coast. He and his second cousins swam, fished, canoed, and played outdoor games to their hearts’ content when they got together.
“Yes, I was in Vancouver.”
It was why he was so upset. He looked at my mom’s phone and figured it out.
“Sorry.” Mom sighs.
“No, I’m sorry, Mom. And I’m sorry, Pettie, I should have never gone to Vancouver without you. It was only for two nights, and it was a one-hundred-percent work trip.”
“Like our lives. It’s a one-hundred-percent work life.
Right?” He pulls away from my arms, and his face squishes up with anger like it does before he has one of his temper tantrums he is famous for.
I’ve tried to take him for counseling, but I have so many bills.
I make good money, but I support Mom and a child in Los Angeles.
It’s why I need that promotion. If I get it, we will never look back.
“You’re always working! You never have time for me! Do you even love me?” His face squishes, and my heart tears in two. How can he think I don’t love him?
“Oh, Pettie. Of course, I love you more than anything.”
“Not more than work!” He kicks my suitcase. “You’re the worst mom in the world!” And he could kick my heart. The pain is like a knife pushing air out of me.
“I know, sweetie.” Hot and damp, my eyes burn to the multi-layers of guilt throbbing inside me.
Mom places her hands on Pettie’s shoulders.
“That’s not fair. You apologize to your mother.
She works hard to give us a good life. One day, you will thank her for all she has sacrificed for you.
She is the reason I can look after you. Wouldn’t you rather someone who loves you watching over you than a babysitter?
” Mom tries to reason with my son, but he wants none of it, and I don’t blame him.
I keep promising I’ll spend more time with him after I get my promotion, but my boss keeps pushing it out.
Pettie storms off, and Mom looks at me with exhausted eyes. His temper tantrums kept her up all night, and what did I do? Guilt shaves at my chest, clawing its way to the bone. I’ve never let loose before like I did last night.
“Sorry,” Mom says. “I’ll go talk to him.”
“It’s okay. I’ll go. You must be exhausted.”
“I’m fine, honey, but I’m worried about you and the long hours you put in. Are you sure this is worth it?”
I don’t know, but there are no other options.
The most successful in my profession make huge money, and I’m good at what I do.
Getting the promotion, I’d be one step closer to having to work a few years and being set for life.
Mom wouldn’t have to worry about money anymore, and Pettie and I could have all the time in the world to be together.
Mom knew my plan, though she’d rather I found someone solid to settle down with.
Look how that worked out for her. Dad had riches in his eyes, but he lost everything, and Mom had done nothing but suffer for it.
“Yes. After I’m over the hump with the clients, I’ll talk to Gale about my promotion again. I’m sure it’s a matter of weeks. Then we’ll have enough money to move into a bigger house.”
“I’m sure Pettie would rather have his mom than a bigger house.”
The truth hurt. “I’m just doing the best I can.”
“I know, sweetie.” Mom pats my hair over my shoulder. “I just want you to be happy. I thought with all those rich, successful men around, you might find one to settle down with.”
My nose wrinkles. “Yuck, if you only knew what those rich, successful men do and why they hire me.”
“There has to be one decent tycoon or celebrity in Los Angeles.”
“Not that I know of.”
“And what about your trip to Vancouver? How was that? Did you run into any old friends?” She looks at me from the side while buttering some toast.
“Like, who? Ryder?” I know it’s what she’s thinking, even though she knows better than to say anything.
“Maybe.” She shrugs. “Maybe he’s grown up.”
I laugh. “Ryder Alexander will never grow up.” And I have the video of his reckless stunt to prove it, but I’d never tell my mother that.
You know, fiduciary responsibility to your client and all that.
“Besides, the man’s family destroyed our lives when they bankrupted father’s company. Remember that?”
“Your father made some poor business decisions. If the Alexanders didn’t take over his landholdings, someone else would have. And Ryder isn’t his father.”
“No, he isn’t. He’s much more irresponsible.
” And what I experienced of him only proves that even if there were subtle indications that he has changed.
There’s also something about him that makes me feel things I don’t want to feel.
I still can’t believe I let my guard down with him, even if it was a quick slip before I booted him out.
The drinks and the flirting all night didn’t help.
And then his comment about parents having the best jobs—his blatant vulnerability—put me over the edge.
Then there was the kissing. Ryder was an incredible kisser, and I’m still twitching over the chemistry between us.
Sex with Ryder Alexander was electric, and it had been a long time since my girlie parts had been serviced.
I didn’t want to think about it, even if the hot images kept invading my mental space.
Pettie is playing a video game on his bed when I sit beside him. I place my hand on his jeans-covered leg. “I’m sorry I couldn’t take you to Vancouver this time, bud.”
“Do you promise to take me next time?” His eyes light up. “It’s summer, Mom. LA sucks in the summer. I want to go back there. I want to see my cousins.”
I decide not to remind him they are second cousins.
He doesn’t need to know they have lots of family to spend time with when he is all alone.
They’re all he has. He’s struggled with friendships at school because he is artistic, and as soon as I get my promotion, I will place him in a more expensive school that will nurture his gifts.
None of my work colleagues have kids. Some of them, like my boss, don’t even know I have a kid.
They might think I’m not dedicated, but Pettie’s right, I’m married to my job.
But it is all for him, and I wish he knew that.
I also can’t help but wonder if I’ve done everything wrong by him since I doubt every decision I’ve ever made.
However, it’s too late to go back now. All I can do is try my best to make him happy.
“You know, I have a week of vacation I haven’t taken. Maybe we could use it later in the summer and visit your cousins. I’ll see what I can do.”
“Really?” He throws his arms around me. “That would be so amazing, Mom. I love you so much.” Tears prick my eyes because it’s been so long since I heard those words.
My heart squeezes hard as I kiss the top of his head.
I sit with him, just breathing in the moment as he texts his cousins, letting them know he’ll be coming.
I pray they welcome him and have room for him.
He doesn’t realize they probably mean more to him than he does to them because they have a fuller life with lots of relatives.
And I hope he never does. My mission is to ensure he has all the love he needs and more of my undivided attention before his bubble bursts.
He’s on his device chatting with his cousins and more excited than I’ve seen him in a while.
“I’m telling Zane we might visit,” he says.
“That’s great, honey.”
Now, I need to figure out how to tell my boss. It’s probably best to do that after I get through the client issues on my desk and receive my promotion. My phone rings, but I don’t look at it because I know it will be work, and I don’t want Pettie to think he doesn’t have my full attention.
“It’s okay. You can answer that, Mom.”
“Nope, I’m hanging with my number one guy right now,” I say, squeezing my arm around his small shoulders.
“I’m talking to Zane right now.”
“Oh, well, excuse me.” I scruff his hair and kiss him again, smiling.
I’m happy he and Zane get along, even though Zane is two years older.
It’s nice to see him content and bonding with other kids.
I think of the trip to Vancouver and am bombarded with emotion.
After last night, I have no desire to return to Vancouver.
But it’s almost two months away, and I’ll be doing it discreetly.
Meaning, I won’t be telling Lee or any of my old friends that I’ll be in town.