Chapter 8 Charlie #2
“How much do you make? We’ll double it,” Ryder says, eyeing me. He sits on the corner of Miles’ desk and crosses his arms over his wide chest.
“It’s not about the money.” I can’t even meet his gaze. My cheeks are burning so hard. I could never—ever—work for the Alexanders. “And thanks, but I’m about to get a promotion and make double anyway. My life is in LA.”
“What kind of life is it living in LA? Vancouver has so much to offer, and your family is here. Aren’t they?”
“I don’t have any brothers or sisters.” And Ryder should know that I lost touch with my father after he lost his land.
He was devastated and became a massive alcoholic.
He died a few years ago from a heart attack.
Ever since then, it’s been me, my mom, and my cousins.
Ryder’s eyes meet mine with intensity. “I’m sorry,” he says.
“That was insensitive. I just think that Vancouver would be a calmer pace for you, and we could use someone we trust to help us through this situation.”
He says it with such sincerity when the truth is I’m not someone Ryder can trust. I haven’t been truthful to him or has had his best interests in mind.
I have only ever blamed him for breaking my heart and for what his father did to my family, even if Mom keeps telling me I need to forgive.
For years, I couldn’t think about the man without feeling punched in the stomach.
“I’m sorry. I really can’t help you.”
Ryder nods. “Would you reconsider if I made that appearance tomorrow?”
“What?” I bite my lip.
“Excuse me,” Miles says, leaving the office, which now belongs to him. “I have to make a call.”
Ryder’s eyes don’t leave mine. “Say yes, Charlie. If you do, I’ll go on that show tomorrow. I promise.” He takes both of my hands in his and lifts one to his lips. “And I promise, I’ll make it up to you.”
My skin tingles, and my stomach crawls up my chest and into my throat. The guilt is too much. The pain of what I lost and gave up and of everything that went wrong, I could never work for the Alexanders.
“I’m sorry, Ryder. It’s a nice offer, but I really can’t. I have commitments. Though I still think you should do that show.”
“Why do you care so much, Charlie? You won’t even consider working for my family at double the salary because we would double whatever your promotion is. You would be perfect for the job.”
My stomach flips. “Ryder—”
“Please let me finish. I have to step down. Dad’s heart condition is grave, and Miles needs the help.
You know, Miles is still not over what he suffered years ago.
He’s still in pain, even if he hides it well.
I won’t push you to come work for us if you don’t want, but I think I deserve an explanation.
Why do you care about me when everything says you shouldn’t? ” Ryder asks.
My heart is thrumming as he steps in closer to me.
My skin flushes and legs buckle. Just thinking about last night has me melting and twitching at the same time.
The way his warm, dark eyes burn down on me and his strong body shields mine isn’t helping.
It’s like a vortex into the past where he took over my body and soul.
I wish I could go back in time before he broke me and tell him everything that’s inside my exploding heart.
But I can’t. It’s too late. Far too late.
The damage between us is done. I just pray he can’t see through to the weakest part of me.
I’m stammering, unsure how to answer. Why do I care?
Well, I know why I care, but I can’t exactly speak, my voice clogged by emotion.
His thumb brushes my chin as he lifts it with his fingers.
“Is it… do you still have feelings for me? Is that why you care? Because I still think about you too. I never stopped.”
Breathless, I nod because what else am I supposed to say? “Yes… I… I still have feelings for you, Ryder. But…”
He presses his fingers to my lips. “No butts, Charlie. You have feelings for me, and I have them for you. We were each other’s first loves, so why not be our last? If I could do it all over again, I would.”
“Me too.”
My words are a weak breath, yanked out from under me when I realize what he’s just said.
My eyes shift as worry worms through my brow.
He fills me with so much unexplainable emotion.
The room lights up when he’s near, and my heart squeezes so hard I can barely breathe when I only hear his name.
That’s until my skin pricks with regret.
There’s a reason why we aren’t together and I spent so many years heartbroken over him.
I wouldn’t go there again, and I wouldn’t bring a man into Pettie’s life.
Not someone as impulsive as Ryder. My father was impulsive and irresponsible, and look where that got us.
He made my childhood a rollercoaster of lawsuits, trauma, and struggle due to his reckless ambitions. Now he’s gone.
“I know you’re still upset with me for the past,” he says. “I’m upset with myself too.”
I shake my head. “I’m not. It’s okay, Ryder. Let’s just—”
“Go for dinner.”
“Dinner?”
“Well, you came all this way.”
“I can’t.” I look at my phone, wondering if Pettie has texted me yet, but there’s nothing from him as I walk to the door.
He must be having a blast at his second cousins, and they knew I’d be working tonight.
I told them I might get a hotel downtown since they didn’t have an extra room and that Pettie could stay and have a sleepover with Zane.
“Even if you might still convince me to do that appearance tomorrow.”
“That’s blackmail, Ryder.”
I place my hand on the doorknob, and he follows me out of the executive office. “I’m willing to do what it takes.”