Chapter 8
HAZEL
They left me alone for days after Bucky’s death.
I’d had a rotating staff of nurses in his place, yet none of them ever acknowledged me outside of slipping my food through the hole in the bottom of my door.
On day four, I asked for a counseling session with Dr. Morrison, but it was denied.
My plan to request hydrotherapy was squashed before I had the chance to execute it.
The mourning period was difficult, but in retrospect I was glad they allowed me to do so alone. I had no friends in this wretched place without Bucky, and he scarcely counted as a friend. He had shown me more compassion than anyone else, and I’d always be grateful for his kindness.
The longer I spent alone in my room, the more often my thoughts wandered into that maladaptive daydream of the deep-sea warrior who pulled me from a shipwreck.
I hated to admit it, but I longed for the companionship I felt during that single day we spent together.
Despite the circumstances, I felt a sense of peace when I’d fallen asleep in his arms, and my soul yearned to find that feeling once again.
Sometimes, I fell so deep into the daydreams that I grew angry.
In truth, I was jealous. His life was built on freedom, his confidence built on strength.
I longed to give myself to the ocean, searching for the sense of freedom found in detachment, and allowing the currents to take me all over the world without a single thought of the life I’d left behind.
What was I thinking?
The Talassi were a figment of my imagination. I was all alone on this godforsaken island, left to rot and dissolve into the sandy soil beneath. By this point, I believed I was losing my goddamn mind.
Standing on my tiptoes, I leaned my palms against the crumbling concrete windowsill, grateful that I was just tall enough to peek out the small window in the corner of my room. The tide was low, and my lovely jetty stared back, enticing me.
The rocky shores of Akala never frightened me, and despite my attempts at rationalization, the call from the deep waters was becoming unbearable. It burned like hot coals in my chest, and I realized, in that moment, that I no longer cared about this life I’d found at the asylum.
Perhaps in my next reincarnation I’d be given the luxury of a life worth savoring. If I ran to the tip of the jetty, I could swim to that little cave at the end of the cliff side, rotting away on my own terms until the tide feasted upon my decaying body, and my bones dissolved into the seabed.
No matter the cause, I was destined to die on this island. There was no escape for me in the end. They’d give me strange, experimental therapies until my body gave out, or I’d rot here until I was old and senile and passed away in my sleep. No one was coming to my rescue.
In that moment, as I watched the deep blue water crash against the rocky shores, the thundering of the waves in sync with the beat of my heart, I decided I would make one final choice for myself.
I waited until evening, eating my last meal in solitude before dressing in a clean nightdress and slippers. Proper clothing was for the healthy, the sane, and I no longer fell into that category. My only options were a shift or an old nightgown I had stolen from the laundry room years ago.
I picked the nightgown. I refused to die wearing a shift.
The nurses typically did a shift change an hour or so after my dinner was delivered, and I figured that was my best chance to make a run for it.
I laced up my slippers, took one last look at the drab room I’d occupied for the last two years, and shoved my private journal into a crack in the wall beside the small cot I slept on.
I didn’t particularly care if they discovered it, but I didn’t want to make it easy for them.
As soon as I heard the shuffling of footsteps and muffled voices through my door, I pressed my ear against the cold steel and waited.
My room was located in a corner of the old building, and a stairwell leading to a back entrance was only a few paces down the hallway.
I unlatched my door as quietly as I could and tiptoed out into the hallway, making sure I was alone.
This was my only chance.
I sprinted toward the staircase, my heart thundering in my chest as I tasted the mere essence of freedom. This is it! I told myself, eyes stinging as the stairwell entrance grew closer with each step. I didn’t know why I hadn’t thought of this sooner, in all honesty.
My euphoria was interrupted by a rough hand wrapping around my elbow, twisting my body with a hard yank.
Fuck.
I didn’t even see who grabbed me before a palm landed in the middle of my chest and I was shoved to the ground. The impact of my buttocks on the hard floor knocked the wind out of my lungs, and tears stung behind my eyes as I stared up at the male nurse towering over me.
This man was not a particularly nice nurse, if I recall correctly. Bucky never liked him. He was old and bald, with a puffy, wrinkly face, and red bumps filled with pus all over his nose.
“Where do you think you’re going, Miss Emerson?” he sneered, placing the heel of his foot on my shoulder, holding me in place.
I stuttered for a moment before I was suddenly hauled up again, my head swimming.
“Not as if I care,” he said, dragging me towards my room.
I thrashed against him, and my feet fumbled to find steady ground as he dragged me forward. Three paces later he stopped, glaring at me with cold blue eyes beneath unkempt brown eyebrows.
“Quit fighting me, you stupid girl!” He exclaimed, grabbing my chin.
I don’t know what came over me, but I decided I would not give in so easily.
Their punishments and “treatments” were no threat to me in this moment, as the pain of losing Bucky was far worse than anything these doctors had done.
So instead of giving in to the demands of the angry man in front of me, I spat in his face.
He jumped in surprise, that split second giving me a chance to wrench out of his grip. I leapt toward the stairwell yet again, but he grabbed me by my hair before I could make it more than two feet away.
I yelped, and he flipped my body around again before slapping me hard across the face, causing me to see stars.
Adrenaline coursed through my veins, and I fought against his hold again, but this time he kept hitting me until he’d backed me against a wall.
He shoved me face-forward into it, my cheeks and shoulders scraping against the dusty, crumbling concrete. His hips pinned me into place, and he pulled my hair even harder as his hot breath dusted over the side of my neck.
“On second thought,” he drawled in my ear. “I like them feisty. Keep squirming, you little rat.”
Disgusting runt of a man, I thought, feeling him grind against my body.
I didn’t know how to defend myself, and for a moment I was lost in this nightmare, almost ready to give up and let him have his way with me.
But as the rough walls of the asylum dug into my skin, something deep inside me sparked, and I decided I would not go down without a fight.
I will not be a victim of this wretched place any longer.
The nurse had both of my arms pinned behind my back, and I wriggled my body against his, hoping he’d think I was giving in. A moment later, he fell for it, grunting as he pushed against my backside again, and I shuddered as I felt the evidence of just how much he was enjoying this.
What a sick bastard, I thought, just as my hands found their target. I grabbed his half-hard dick and bollocks through the front of his trousers and squeezed as hard as I could.
“You fucking bitch!” He shouted, releasing his hold on my body as his hands flew to his groin. Instead of letting go, I twisted my wrist as far as I could before launching myself away, fleeing towards the stairwell.
He wheezed from behind me, and I didn’t spare the time to turn and see if he was following as I sprinted toward the exit. One last chance, I said to myself, pumping my legs with every ounce of energy I had.
Unfortunately, I reached the stairwell with a bit too much momentum, and my feet slipped as I reached the top step. I mostly tumbled down the crumbling, spiral staircase, and my hands scraped raw against the stone as I heard the nurse yelling from above.
I didn’t care. My knees slammed into the first landing, blinding pain shooting through my legs as I quickly found my footing and began to descend again.
My vision tunneled as the exit came into view a few stories below, and I tuned out the voices echoing behind me.
The hammering in my chest coupled with the crash of the ocean waves took the forefront of my mind, and within moments I was sprinting through the cemetery toward the beach.
I’m free. I’m free. I’m free. I chanted to myself, over and over as the sand whipped around my ankles with each step. Lightning cracked in the distant sky, illuminating the expanse of the sea with a bluish grey aura, the call of the abyss impossible to ignore any longer.
The jetty was only a few strides away, and my lungs seized as I pushed myself even harder. If these were the only moments of true freedom I had in this miserable life, it would be enough. For the first time since I was a child, I felt true joy permeating through my soul.
Never again would I be abused by Dr. Morrison and the staff at this hospital. I’d never be sent away on a rickety, sinking ship by my monster of a father. No longer would I be plagued by dreams of the Talassi warrior I’d hallucinated during my escape from the shipwreck.
Perhaps in the afterlife, if there was an afterlife, I’d be reunited with my mother. We could float away to the ends of the universe, never to be bothered by men and their horrible thirst for power ever again.
My feet thudded against the smooth rocks as I reached the jetty, so close to my final destination. Wind and mist swirled around me, light raindrops pattering against my exposed skin, and I noticed it was beginning to storm.
How utterly, hauntingly beautiful. It was almost poetic. Of course I’d find my demise during a thunderstorm.
My pace slowed as I reached the end of the jetty, wanting a moment of peace before I took my final breath.
Turning around, I took in the view of Akala Island, ominous and imposing under the cloudy night sky.
The spires of the asylum stuck out like spears from the crumbling stone building, resembling a castle inhabited by a dark, bloodthirsty villain.
And as if that villain were pulling strings from above, the side door opened and a swarm of white coats came pouring out.
I couldn’t help but laugh as I watched them, shouting and waving their arms as they ran towards me. The storm was raging by this point, and a sick sense of satisfaction bloomed in my chest as they were pelted with cold rain and biting wind.
Soon, it would all be over. Water lapped at my ankles as the tide rose higher, and I swore I could feel the current beckoning me home. The wind whipped my threadbare nightgown around my limbs as the staff from the asylum drew closer, and a sense of calm overtook my body.
I wiped the tears and blood from my face for the last time, and before I could change my mind, I dangled a foot over the edge of the jetty and leaned back into the churning depths of the sea.