17. Seth
Seth
Now playing: “Back to friends” by sombr
I’ve been at the studio for two hours when Kaden walks in. I knew he was going to show up around this time because I’ve checked his schedule three times since I got here. I know he has a customer in thirty minutes. And I’ve told myself I’m fine.
This is fine.
We’re fine.
Everything’s just fine.
I mean, sure, we did something stupid and dicey this weekend. Something I never expected to happen, and I might’ve had a minor freak-out yesterday.
Might have spent an hour or two staring at the floor, wide-eyed while mumbling, “what the fuck?” until my voice gave up on me. Might have spent the rest of the day speed-cleaning my apartment, rearranging my furniture and then changing it back again.
But it’s Kaden. My best friend. We’ll be fine.
I take a deep breath, put a smile on, and throw him a, “Hey, babe!”
His eyes flick to me as he puts the thermometer down. “Sup?”
See? We’re fine.
We’re not fine.
We’ve been skirting around each other all afternoon. Avoiding eye contact and only talking when absolutely necessary.
It’s weird. And it makes me anxious and worried. What if everything’s fucked up? What if we can’t come back from this?
I’m ringing up my last customer for the day, and Kaden’s on the couch, slouching over some design he’s working on. He’s wearing a black hoodie, sleeves pushed up. The muscles in his forearms move with each stroke of the pen. His shoulders are drawn high and he keeps chewing his cheek.
I shift on my feet, ignore the pit in my stomach, and shift my focus back to… whatever his name is. Stanton, I think.
“Thanks, mate!” he says, dropping his phone back into his pocket, grinning widely.
I print the receipt, holding it out to him, eyebrows raised.
“Nah, save the forest, and all that,” he chuckles.
Only, this tree’s obviously already dead, isn’t it? Mate.
“Alright,” I say, walking him to the door. “Take care now. Don’t forget to wash it.”
“I won’t. Have a good one, mate!” I close the door behind him and remove my face mask.
“Hey,” Iggy says, throwing her bag on. “I’m heading out. Are you done for the day?”
I flop down on the couch, spreading my legs wide and nod. I have to clean my station, but I need to talk to Kaden first. I can’t handle this one more second. I glance over at him, his eyes still glued to the sketchpad.
“Kaden?” she asks.
He whips his head up. “Huh? Yeah, uh, just finishing up.” He glances at me for point two seconds before he drops his gaze again.
Iggy looks from him to me and back again, shoulders dropping. “What’s going on? Why are you being so weird?”
I raise my brows, biting my bottom lip. Feigning innocence as best as I can. “What do you mean?”
“You’ve been weird all day.” She waves her hand at us. I shake my head, shrugging. Kaden’s not even looking at her.
“Is it because of Saturday?”
I freeze, casting a glance at Kaden who quickly averts his gaze.
“What?” I breathe.
She sighs. “I’m sorry I was such a bitch, okay? I slept like shit and that essay really—”
“It’s okay, Sully,” Kaden mumbles.
I take a deep breath. “Yeah, no, we’ve all been there. I mean, Kaden and I haven’t ‘cause we never went to college, but we, too, have slept like shit… sometimes.” Wow, the speaking skills are top-tier.
She nods, slowly, licking her top lip. “Yeah, okay. So, we’re good?”
“All good,” I say, saluting her. Kill me dead, please.
“Okay,” she says with a smiles, patting her bangs before she walks out. The door shuts behind her, leaving us in complete silence.
I glance over to Kaden, only to find him already looking at me, biting his lip. I clear my throat, lean back, and stroke my hands over my jeans.
“So—”
“Look—”
I wave at him to continue.
“No, go ahead,” he says, placing the sketchpad on the seat beside him.
“Okay. So,” I start, scratching my eyebrow. “Saturday.” I glance over at him. He’s hunched forward on the couch, elbows on his knees, hands clasped in front of his mouth.
“I mean…” I clear my throat, scooting further on the couch, mirroring his position.
“Look, it was just a platonic BJ. Friends helping friends, you know? And on Molly, so it doesn’t really even count.
I mean, do you even remember it?” I rush out.
Trying to laugh but it gets caught in my throat.
“Yeah, no, so, whatever, dude. It happened, but we’re okay, right? ”
He’s frowning, dragging his lips against his fingers. I bite my lip, bouncing my leg up and down.
Did I say something stupid? Was that not what he wanted to hear? Should I have apologized? Maybe I should. I think I have to. It’s my fault, isn’t it? I was the one—
“Look,” he sighs, combing a hand through his hair. “This is on me. I don’t know what the hell happened, but I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… done that.”
“Uh, I’m pretty sure I did the most of the…” I gesture vaguely with my hand.
“Yeah, sorry about that, too,” he says, shaking his head.
“No, that—that’s not what I….” I shake my head. “Look, it’s weird times, and we were high and horny, and…” I sigh, dragging a hand over my chin. “Fuck! Listen, you don’t need to apologize, but if you do, then I do too. Apologize. So, we’re both sorry, and let’s just move on. Okay?”
“Yeah, but, I just don’t want you to think that I used you, or like, that I took advantage because you’re gay—”
“No. No, I know. That’s…” I shake my head again. “You didn’t. It’s cool.”
I inhale, leaning back. Exhale slowly. “You’re my best friend.” It doesn’t sound like a question, but it is because what if he’s not anymore? What if this is it? What if I fucked up the only good thing I have here?
“Still?”
“Yeah… Of course.”
He exhales, shoulders dropping, and nods. “Okay.”
“So, we’re okay? Enough of this fucking weirdness, yeah?”
“Yeah,” he exhales a laugh.
“Okay.”
Fuck, that took everything I had. I’m fucking drained. Or maybe that’s because, for the first time since Saturday night, I can breathe normally again. Holy shit.
I exhale, shoulders dropping.
“Platonic BJ, huh?” He grins, and I’m so fucking relieved to see him smile at me like nothing happened.
Good. Now we can move on. Forget this whole ordeal. It was a one-time thing. Never happened before, will never happen again. Period.
“It’s a thing.” I nod.
“Yeah? Never heard of it.”
“Well, then you obviously need new friends.” Not.
He laughs. “Obviously.”