48. Kaden
Kaden
"A little," I said. More like, abso-fucking-lutely yes, I’m freaking out. I just had the best sex of my life.
With my best friend.
Of course, I’m freaking out.
But Seth seemed to be having a harder time than I did, so I downplayed it. A lot. There’s so much to unpack here, I don’t even know where to start.
But this is yet another reason why I basically never do one-night stands. You don’t have mind-blowing sex with someone you’ve just met. At least I don’t. I can’t let go and be in the moment with someone I barely know.
But I know Seth. He’s my person.
Honestly? Yeah, it makes me a little anxious that he had a harder time than me processing this. And I’m still worried this was a step too far. And maybe that’s why he freaked out. Because he realized that, while I still rode on the high wave a post-orgasmic bliss.
But he said we’re good, so… We’re good. I trust him.
It’s Friday and Seth’s at his parent’s house. He left right after work, and won’t be back until sometime tomorrow.
I’m so fucking relived that after our little freak-out the other night, everything’s been back to normal.
As in, we’re still hanging out and hook-up like nothing major happened.
I meant what I said to Seth some weeks ago.
I really, really like what we’re doing but I’m not losing my best friend over it, and if it’d turned out that having sex was the deal breaker, I’d have stopped everything right away.
Ollie and Finn’s been blowing up my phone about getting together and playing some night, and I dread it. I miss playing, but I'm still shaken after my cold—because I'm a fucking loser, what else is new? —so I’ve been dodging their texts and calls for a week now.
But it’s Friday, and I don’t want to sit at home doing nothing, counting the hours until Seth comes home. Even though I’d rather spend my Friday night at his place, playing games, eating junk food, and watching him squirm beneath me as I thrust—
Wow! Okay, that escalated quickly.
But I can’t get the image out of my head. Ever since that night, I keep staring at him at the studio, watching his movements, thinking about how he moved on top of me, under me. I’ve been forced to adjust myself behind the counter more times than I’d like to admit over the last couple of days.
And I don’t know if it’s the whole forbidden thing—wanting to fuck your best friend—or if it’s just cabin fever, but I think about him more often than not. I want to be close to him, touch him, watch the way the corner of his lips tilt on one side before it turns into a full-on smile.
I want him to slide his hand into my hair, scraping his nails on my scalp. I always get goosebumps when he does that.
It’s like I’m more skin hungry now that I’ve had a taste, than I was before all of this started.
What really throws me is that he’s trying to hide stuff from me.
Like the fact that he’s a cuddler. If we’ve already crossed the line with sex, what’s the big deal about a hug?
It’s not like we’ve never hugged before.
He’s always been a touchy-feely person with everyone he meets.
And I kind of like dozing off in someone’s arms for a while after sex.
But it’s like he can’t decide if he should stay or go. Sometimes he pulls me in, and then he shoves me away right after. It’s only when I take the lead and wrap my arms around him that he lets go and let it happen.
I pick up my phone, glancing at the last text from Ollie, and sigh. Maybe I could go over, keep my distance, and jam for an hour or two, and then wash my hands for a really long time after?
I exit the message thread and pull up Seth’s last text.
Sethele
Do it!! Go be the reason the devil's fucking nervous!
It doesn’t even make sense, but I smile anyway, pulling up Ollie’s contact and call him.
“I’m so fucking glad you came, Kaden! It’s not the same without you. Jason’s alright, but he’s not…” Ollie says, glancing at Finn.
“He’s no Kaden Merrick,” Finns adds, making my head blow out of proportions.
“Thanks!” I chuckle, closing the lid on my guitar case, and stand. “It was fun. I’ve really missed this.”
“Don’t let it go a year before we do this again,” Finn laughs.
“I won’t! See you guys later.”
I exit the garage where I’ve spent not one, but four hours jamming with Finn and Ollie.
We used to do this all the time. It’s insane how to think about that that was my normal before—hanging out, playing until my fingers hurt and Finn’s voice got raw and Ollie’s hair was sweat-slicked along his temples sitting behind the drums.
It’s weird to think about how my new normal is not seeing these guys weekly, and be fine with it. Not playing music more than home alone, when music used to be the only thing I could think about.
A year and a half, is that all it takes for life to turn into something you don’t recognize, then something you’re used to, and suddenly, it’s not even something you raise your eyebrows at?
I pick up my phone that I haven’t looked at since I came here, noticing four new texts from Seth.
Sethele
Kadeeyyy
Kaade
im drunj
one day ill wife you an you big dick up!!!
I laugh a little under my breath. He must be drunk of his ass. His parents have a pretty impressive wine collection, and Seth’s always talking about how they buy expensive bottles, and go to wine tasting events frequently and then overwhelm Seth with all this information about tannins and whatever.
I hit call on Seth’s contact as soon as I enter my apartment. It’s almost two a.m., and he might be asleep but as I hesitate, my thumb hovering over the red button to end the call, he answers.
“Kadeeeey,” he squeals.
I chuckle. “Yo!”
“Kadey-babe! How was the jam sesh?” he slurs.
“It was really good!”
“Told ya!” He hiccups.
I laugh under my breath. “You did.”
“And how’re you feeling?” he asks, because he knows me better than anyone. I ponder over it for a beat.
“I feel good.” I huff a laugh that’s more like a breath of relief. Because the anxiety about being around people didn’t made itself known tonight. I haven’t even thought about it since I stepped inside the garage. I drop my shoulder and sigh. Fuck, it feels good!
“Told ya,” he says again. “So, did you make the nervous devil?”
“Did I make the devil nervous?” I laugh. “Uhm, not sure. Are you nervous?”
“I’m always nervous around you,” he says, voice low.
I snort, wedging the phone between my ear and shoulder to wash my hands. “How was your night?”
“Oh, you know,” he sighs dramatically. “A lot of wine, a lot of food, and old photos of embarrassing parents, so, all in all… medium.”
“You poor thing,” I mock, chuckling. “When’ll you get back tomorrow?”
“Aww, you miss me?”
“Fuck off,” I laugh, drying my hands on the towel, exiting the bathroom and dropping down on my couch.
“I miss your dick,” he whispers, and said dick jerks behind my zipper.
“Yeah?”
“M-hm. Was thinking about it in the shower earlier.”
I swallow. Images of him in the shower flash through my head. It’s like a fucking movie as I think about his body and tanned skin, surrounded by steam. I feel my pulse increasing and my dick’s starting to swell. I press my hand to it.
Everything about this is wrong. Right? He’s drunk, for starters. He doesn’t know what he’s saying. He’ll probably regret this whole thing in the morning.
Right?
But then he exhales heavily, and it makes me even harder.
“I’m thinking about it now, too,” he breathes.
“What are you thinking?” I ask. Curiosity taking over.
“I’m thinking about how you filled me up when you fucked me.”
A jolt shoots through my body and down to my dick, making my eyelids flutter, and images of us rush in. We haven’t fucked since that first time, and it’s been on my mind for days. I want to do it again but after the freak-out, I wasn’t sure Seth’s on board, so I haven’t brought it up.
“About how fucking sexy you were, throwing me around,” he moans quietly. My breath gets stuck in my throat, and I get up and rush into my bedroom. Unbuckling my belt on the way.
“How you made me come so hard—” He moans again, louder now.
And I shove my hand down my boxers, wrapping a hand around my dick, and gasp.
I drag the pre-cum down my length, kicking my pants off and wedging the phone between my ear and shoulder again, leaning a hand on the wall in front of me.
Jerking off to the sound of Seth’s whimpering.
“Are you touching yourself?” he whispers.
“Yeah,” I breathe.
“Fuuuck, I wish I was there!”
“Me too,” I rush out, slowing my hand not to come too fast.
“What would you do if I was there now?”
I take a breath, trying to get my brain to work, to string words together. “I’d kiss your neck, the way you like it.” I can barely get the words out.
“I like it when you bite me a little, too,” he says.
“Yeah?” Adding that to my list of things Seth likes.
“Mmm,” he moans. “What else would you do?”
“I’d take your clothes off—”
“With your teeth?”
I breathe a chuckle. “Yeah, with my teeth.”
"Fuck, that’s hot!”
I close my eyes, envisioning it. Imagining how warm and soft his skin is under my touch, how hard his chest is against mine, how fucking sexy he is when he lets go and just give into the pleasure.
“What else?”
“I’d… Fuck, Seth,” I groan. “I can’t think.”
“You know what I’d want if I was there right now?” he says, barely above a whisper. “I’d want you to press me up against the wall. I’d want you to pin my wrists against it, and fuck me from behind.”
I moan as more pre-cum leaks from my dick. The image making me impossibly hard and I pick up the pace, treading on the edge already.
“I’d want you to fuck me slow and deep—”
“Holy shit!” I groan.
“Then I’d want you to fuck me so hard, I’d feel you for days after.”
My head’s spinning, and my balls are drawn up tight.
“I’m gonna come, Seth.”
He moans again and I almost choke on air as my orgasm rips through me, making cum spurt out over the floor, and my knees buckle. I hear a muffled moan from Seth and I’m breathing so hard, my head feels all fuzzy.
I rest my forehead on the wall, listening to Seth’s breathing evening out.
“You ruined my bedsheets,” he says after a while.
My laugh is choppy. “You ruined my floor.”