69. Seth
Seth
I’m on cloud nine. Kaden and I are spending every waking moment together. And I love it.
I thought I was a touchy-feely person, but compared to him? He’s touching me all the time. I don’t think he’s aware of it even. But there’s a hand on my arm, on my hip, sliding in under my tee. His nose under my jaw, sniffing me every time I’ve applied my moisturizer.
A nudge of his shoulder against mine when we’re making dinner. Like now.
“Can you get the eggs?” I say.
Kaden walks past me to the fridge, grazing a hand over my back.
“How many?”
“Uh, two.”
I hear the fridge door closing before he comes back, placing the eggs on the counter and his hand on the small of my back.
“They’re going into this?” He points to a bowl.
“Yeah. Wanna do the honors?”
“Oh, do I. Watch and learn, baby.” He grins and winks at me.
Butterflies.
Ten thousand butterflies fighting for their life in my stomach.
Kaden takes an egg, cracks it with one hand, and glances at me out of the corner of his eye.
“Wow,” I say. “Look at you, Martha Stewart.”
He chuckles, and I want to wrap that smile around myself and wear it.
“You impressed?”
“Very,” I nod.
“Mom taught me,” he says, turning to face me.
“You’ve got a little flour there.” He reaches up to my nose and gently rubs this thumb over it before he slides that hand to the back of my neck and presses his lips against mine.
Just a quick peck at first but then he steps closer, his other hand coming up to cradle my cheek as he grazes his lips over mine.
I slide a hand under his hoodie, around his waist, as he nibbles at my bottom lip before he kisses it. And then I feel him smiling against me.
“What?” I mumble.
He lightly shrugs one shoulder all casual, hovering his mouth over mine. “I like kissing you.”
And what does one say to that?
Thanks?
I love kissing you too, and if I could, I’d never stop?
Marry me?
“I like kissing you, too,” I mumble before my face cracks into a grin.
And when he pulls back, he mirrors my smile with one of his own as he rubs a fist over his chest before he takes a step back.
We continue with the dinner making, and my cheeks start hurting with the absolute ridiculous smile I can’t shake.
But how can I? This is some domestic shit we’re doing and I live for it. Truly. It’s all I ever wanted, and my pretending Kaden is actually mine in these moments isn’t hurting anyone but me.
After dinner, we plant ourselves on my couch. Kaden picks up his guitar, absently plucking the strings while I flip through the latest issue of Vogue.
“Can I ask you something?” Kaden says. “About high school?”
I glance at him behind the magazine. “What?”
“Do your parents know?”
“Yeah.” I take a deep breath and place the magazine on my stomach. “I didn’t tell them until after graduation, though. I mean, I think they suspected something was wrong, but I didn’t tell them anything until after.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “Maybe ‘cause I know my mom and I knew how she’d react.”
“And how did she react?” he asks, turning to face me.
I meet his eyes. “Like it broke her heart.” And that fucking broke my heart, too.
Kaden puts the guitar down on the floor, grabs the magazine from me and puts it on the table before he climbs on top of me. His hands slide in under my hoodie, and he rests his chin on them.
“I think she felt that they’d done something wrong,” I say, pushing my hands through his hair.
“Since I didn’t tell them. I’ve always told them everything else.
Like, telling them I’m gay was never a big deal, I knew they’d be supportive and all, but…
I don’t know.” I shrug. “I guess I was a little embarrassed or something.”
Kaden opens his mouth as if to say something, but I cut him off.
“I know that now, but back then… It was too fresh.” I take a deep breath again and Kaden’s fingers are running circles on my chest.
“Anyway, Mom wanted to like sue the school and the parents and everything but…” I snort, shaking my head because it doesn’t work like that and what difference would that have made? The damage was already done either way. “And then I told them I wanted to move to San Diego and then I did.”
“And now?” he asks.
“What do you mean?”
“Do you ever talk about it? With your parents?”
“Not really. Mom kinda uses humor and deflection to cope with it. And I don’t mind that ‘cause I don’t think there’s anything to say, really.” And maybe because I sometimes do that, too.
“No?” Kaden frowns. “Even though you changed everything about yourself? Didn’t they notice that?”
“Yeah, of course they did, but I think… I guess that was my coping with it and they let me.” Yeah, there were some looks and unspoken questions when I suddenly changed everything, but I don’t think either of us wanted to acknowledge it. I know I didn’t.
Kaden searches my eyes for a second. “What about your dad?”
“He was more lowkey. Like, when Mom tried to set the whole world on fire, he was running after her with a fire extinguisher.” I chuckle, and Kaden’s lips twitch.
“He told me that none of it was my fault, that they love me and that I’m perfect the way I am and…
” I shake my head, blowing out a breath.
“You know that’s true, right?” Kaden says, looking me straight in the eyes.
“What?”
“Everything he said.”
“You think I’m perfect?” I joke, but Kaden just smiles.
“Yeah, I do,” he says, plowing his way even deeper into my heart, setting my fucking soul on fire.
I drop my gaze, shaking my head and remove my fingers from his hair. “Don’t say that.”
“Why?”
“Just don’t.”
He tilts his head, making me look up at him. “I stick my dick in you on a regular, but I can’t tell you I appreciate you?”
“Yeah, but that’s not what you said.” I shrug, clearing my throat. “Just… Don’t go all gooey on me.”
He snickers. “Wow, you really hate me.”
No, I fucking love you.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he says, pinching my right pec lightly.
“Yeah, well, you know,” I say. “It’s my apartment, so.”
He clicks his tongue. “I mean here, with me. In my life. I’m happy you’re in my life.”
Don’t you dare fucking cry.
I bite my cheek. “Me too.”