CHAPTER TWENTY #2
“You shouldn’t have had to do that.” His dark brown irises search mine and I think maybe he does understand me, better than anyone ever has.
“Yeah, well, I did.” I shrug, knowing there’s no changing it now.
I turn again to keep walking, uncomfortable talking about this face-to-face.
He doesn’t loosen his grip on my wrist though, instead slipping his hand lower until it wraps around mine.
“That weekend, we had family dinner and, obviously, Craig wasn’t with me.
So, I figured out how to be okay and then told them we’d decided we weren’t interested in getting married anymore.
That the reason we’d pushed off actually doing it was because we both knew it wasn’t right. ”
Bryce scoffs and it sounds both incredulous and a little angry.
“I must’ve done a really good job convincing them I was fine with the whole thing because dessert wasn’t even served before Jenna asked me to plan her wedding… You know, because I know events and would have time since I was no longer planning one of my own.”
“Jesus Christ…” he murmurs with a shake of his head. “I liked Jenna, but that’s… How did she think that was okay?” he asks.
“Don’t be too hard on her. She doesn’t really know any better.” I press my lips together thinking of how to explain this to him. “She had Leukemia as a kid.”
His shock is palpable; it’s the first time I’m seeing him speechless.
I nod and continue. “Yeah, so for most of her formative years, she was the center of everyone’s attention—rightfully so—and I was the older sister who took care of everything my parents couldn’t while they were doing everything to help her be healthy.”
His silence speaks volumes as he processes this.
“I love her so much. I can’t imagine my life without her, which was something I feared would be my reality for a long time.
But through this whole thing, I’ve recognized that because of how we always indulged her, she tends to only see herself in most situations.
And my… my family sometimes only sees her too.
I don’t think she thought there was any scenario where what she asked might hurt me. ”
He stops walking and it tugs his hand free. “Wow. That is—” He blows out a breath and fists his hands on his hips.
“Yeah,” I say, matching his rough exhale before hoisting on a self-indulgent smile.
“Unfortunately, that meant you got stuck with me, and seeing as I couldn’t take out the inner-frustrations I had at the situation on my family…
you bore the brunt of it.” For a beat, I study him, and then I finally say what I should’ve said a long time ago. “I’m sorry for that.”
He nods and his brow furrows like he’s fitting pieces of a puzzle together inside his head.
“Yeah, I’m sorry too. I obviously didn’t know the details, but I was pretty sure there was more to why things were so inflammatory between us from day one.
And I’m sorry you had to make your feelings small for your family. ”
My heart gallops at his words. I haven’t thought about it in those terms before, but it’s the perfect way to explain how I’ve been with my family for most of my life: small, unobtrusive, never wanting to rock the boat or cause drama.
No wonder my blow-up at dinner on Sunday was such a shock to them.
The plethora of texts and voicemails on my phone prove that.
Bryce squeezes my elbow and tugs gently to pull me to the side and close to a building. I look up into his handsome face and find it drawn with concern. “You never have to make your feelings small with me.”
I feel a prickle at the corners of my eyes but refuse to cry, so instead, I laugh awkwardly. “I never kept my feelings small with you. I think that was the problem,” I say, looking down and pressing my hand against my abdomen. Look what those feelings led to—not that I’ll ever regret it now.
“No, I guess you haven’t,” he replies, and with his hand still on my elbow, we start walking again. We don’t push for chatter to fill the silence, instead taking in the beauty of the fall colors on the trees before the leaves disappear in a few weeks.
“I shouldn’t have behaved the way I did with you,” Bryce says unexpectedly. “God, I was such an asshole.”
I shake my head. “You were only giving back as good as I gave. I was the one who started it, and I still can’t believe I thought you were a woman the whole time.” I grimace at the memory.
“Yeah, I’m not gonna lie, that stung a bit,” he says, but his beard twitches with his smile, and I think he’s forgiven me for all my transgressions—even that one.
“I guess I’m the asshole,” I joke, reaching to squeeze his hand with mine.
He eyes our linked hands and smiles widely, his white teeth bright against the darkness of his beard. “Maybe we were both assholes. But now we get to make it up to each other, yeah?”
“Yeah, though I still think you’re way nicer to me than I am to you.”
“I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if you were too nice to me, blondie,” he says seriously, all the while his fingers interlock with mine.
“Shut up,” I say back, embracing the way it feels to hold his hand and liking it more than I should.