CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
Leanne
Forty-One Weeks ~ Baby is the size of a beach ball
I’m regretting my trip to Walmart immensely.
I usually go to Target, even though it’s a farther ten minutes away, but today I only needed one thing. Now, standing in the self-checkout and feeling as if I just peed my pants, I’m really wishing I’d gone to Target instead, because this feels a little too Where the Heart Is for my taste.
Because I did not in fact pee my pants, but rather my water broke. In a Walmart.
I glance around at all the people continuing on with their days without a care in the world for the very pregnant woman who’s now officially in labor a few feet away.
It wasn’t a big dramatic moment—there’s no puddle on the floor—but I’m still left standing here wondering what to do now.
It feels odd to waddle to my car like nothing happened and drive home.
Yet, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
At my car, I take the peanut butter out of the grocery bag and toss it into the passenger seat before spreading the plastic over my own—might as well protect the upholstery.
It’s only a two-minute drive and Bryce is already there, seeing as he’s barely left my side since my appointment two days ago when Rebecca told me I was two centimeters dilated and thirty percent effaced.
Her warning that labor could hit at any time lit a fire under Bryce and he was determined not to leave me on my own.
It’s the whole reason we’ve been staying at my house for the past few weeks—to be closer to the hospital just in case.
He’s going to be so pissed he let me go on this errand without him.
Walking in through the laundry room, I feel the beginnings of my first contraction and grasp my stomach. Yup, I’m definitely in labor. Time to tell my giant manly teddy bear it’s time to go to the hospital.
I’m greeted by Bryce’s gruff voice when I round the corner and… he’s yelling profanities. What the hell?
“Bryce?” I ask tentatively as I move through the living room and see him storming around the kitchen, a continued list of expletives rolling off his tongue. “Bryce!” I yell, bewildered.
His head whips in my direction and the shocked look on his face, hand stuck halfway through his hair, is romantic comedy–worthy. “What’s going on?” I ask.
“I… well, I was going to grab a mug from the cupboard for some tea. I figured I’d make you a cup for when you got back.” He grimaces at the floor. “I was reaching for it and then my phone rang—fucking Becca—and I jumped and knocked it and…”
I walk around the counter toward him and he yells, “Stop! There’s glass everywhere.”
I see what he means: my new favorite mug, one I got last month when we took a babymoon to Coeur D’Alene, is smashed to bits all over my rock tile floor. That sucks. “I’ve got boots on, Bryce, it’s okay. And in the grand scheme of things, this isn’t that big a deal.”
“Not a big deal? That’s your new mug. Dammit, I’m sorry. I’ll drive back and get you a new one as soon as I can. I—”
“Bryce, let’s not worry about it right now.” I wince as another contraction tightens across my abdomen, but it releases quickly and I continue on, a little more breathless. “Maybe you could just clean up the glass real quick before we go.”
“Go? Go where?” His bewildered stare lands on me and he fully takes me in. I’m cradling my stomach and the stain of my broken water is making its way down my legs now. “Wait… Are you? Did your… Are you in fucking labor, blondie?”
His mouth gapes open in shock, and I can’t help but laugh even though it makes my stomach tense under my hands.
With a forced inhale around another wave of tightness, I say, “That would be a yes. My water broke… at Walmart of all places. So we aren’t going to worry about a mug, yeah?”
“Yeah, yeah. Okay.” He blows out a heavy breath and moves toward me. His hands cradle my stomach and his forehead meets mine. I squeeze his forearms, closing my eyes and absorbing his steady presence.
That steadiness doesn’t last long before he’s ushering me toward the couch, but I hold him back. I am not sitting on my white couch right now.
“I’ll call Becca,” I say, then suck in a deep breath in response to yet another contraction. “You clean up the glass.”
He kisses the tip of my nose. “Tell her she owes you a mug. I’m blaming her for this.”
A half hour later, I’m showered, my bag is packed in the car, and I have a stomach full of grilled cheese.
Rebecca told me that so long as I could talk through my contractions and still feel our butterfly girl moving, I didn’t have to rush to the hospital.
But now, as we approach the ER doors and a sharp pain radiates across my stomach and into my back, I’m glad we’re almost there.
Bryce reaches across the console and places his hand over mine, giving it three squeezes. “You ready?”
“As I’ll ever be,” I reply, and he jumps out of the truck to open my door and help me down. A nurse meets us at the curb with a wheelchair, which feels unnecessary—at least until another contraction hits.
Now that we’re here, Bryce looks like he might throw up from the nerves. I can’t blame him. There’s an anticipatory energy thrumming under the surface of each moment now. He’s excited and terrified, and so am I.
In the elevator, he steals a kiss. I lean into it a bit more than I probably should, considering the situation and the nurse behind me, but I don’t care.
I take every ounce of his comfort and then pour as much of my own back into him, wanting him to know we’ll be okay as much as he wants me to feel that way.
“I love you,” he says against my lips.
“I love you too. Let’s go have a baby.”
Ten hours of stalled labor and six pushes later, we welcomed Lily Samantha Butler into the world. She has dark hair like her daddy and a pair of lungs on her delivering wailing screams to make the world stop and take notice of its newest inhabitant.
Even three days later, curled up on the leather couch of Bryce’s cabin, surrounded by our families, I can picture in perfect clarity the look on his face when she was born.
The relief and pride and love along with so many other emotions swirling together.
The way he pressed kisses to my head as I pushed her into the world.
I can still feel his hand in mine as I squeezed it through each contraction.
He never once let me go.
“I think it’s my turn,” Alex states.
Delia stops swaying in front of the fireplace and relinquishes Lily into her husband’s arms. My own parents eye them with barely leashed jealousy as they wait for their next turn to hold the newest member of our family.
The cooing noises issuing from Alex are enough to make any hormonal woman tear up. He’s already wrapped around Lily’s finger, as are all those present in this room. No one more than Bryce.
He sinks into the couch beside me with a labored sigh and draws me in, then kisses my temple.
We’re both exhausted and it’s only been two nights—one of which was spent in the hospital with doctors and nurses helping out.
I had no idea how much I needed beauty sleep until last night when it was being interrupted every hour or so.
But Bryce was up with me every time.
His chest lifts and lowers beneath my head while we watch Alex find a natural bounce as he paces with Lily held tight against his broad chest. Delia’s gaze follows him too.
There was an understandable sadness tangled in with their excitement when they visited us in the hospital and saw Lily for the first time, but there is no doubt of how much they already love her.
They love Sarah and Sam, and they love Lily… and me too.
Having a baby has taught me that love isn’t finite.
It’s not limited to right here and right now.
Because even though I’ve only had Lily in my arms for three days, she’s been in my heart for months.
And even though Bryce still carries Sarah and Sam in his, Lily and I aren’t competing for space, because he has more than enough love to give.
I must fall asleep, because a gentle shake of my shoulder wakes me up and I stare bleary-eyed at my mother. “I’m sorry, Annie, but I think she’s hungry.” She’s holding Lily in her arms, swaddled in a striped blanket.
I blink the sleep from my eyes and push against the leather couch to sit up.
“How long have I been asleep?” I ask, covering a yawn with my hand.
“Only an hour. Alex and Delia had to run home, so your father and I have been soaking up the cuddles while you’ve both been resting.”
Both?
That’s when I notice Bryce.
I was asleep with my head in his lap, but he’s completely conked out with his head back on the cushion and his mouth slightly open as soft breaths rattle between his lips.
I love this man, even when he’s snoring.
A gurgled whimper issues from Lily, her tiny fingers grasping at the edge of the swaddle. I take her from Mom, settling into the corner of the couch.
I get lost looking at her—my baby girl. The pink bow of her lips is one of my favorite features, and I can’t wait to see if her eyes stay the dark brown they are now or if they lighten up to be more like mine.
“Do you want us to stay a while longer?” Dad asks, wrapping an arm around Mom’s shoulders.
I shake my head. “No, it’s okay. You guys go. We’re good here,” I say, though Lily squawks in protest of my lack of urgency to feed her. “Shh, baby,” I coo, and then start adjusting myself into a comfortable position to nurse.
“Okay,” Mom says before pressing a kiss to the top of my head. “There’s a casserole in the oven. It should be ready in about an hour.”
I’m overwhelmed with the amount of care and support our families have bathed us in over the past few days—months, really. We have a freezer full of food, a perfect nursery, and offers of help anytime we need it.
“Thank you,” Bryce says, pulling our attention to him as he ruffles his hair with his hand. He stretches as he stands and pulls each of my parents in for a hug. “We really appreciate all the help. We’ll let you know if we need anything.”
“Get some rest, you two,” Mom says, as if we have any say in the matter.
They head out the front door, leaving us alone in the house for the first time all day. The only noise is the soft suckling sound Lily makes while I work to get her latched on. I’m still getting the hang of breastfeeding, but it’s getting easier.
Bryce strokes my cheek with his thumb. “When you’re done, I can take her so you can get a hot shower in before dinner.”
Just the idea of the hot spray against my skin sounds like a dream. Who knew a shower would sound like such a luxury.
Lily nurses for longer than ever before and I spend the entire time staring at her in awe. And it felt like Bryce stared at us in awe the entire time too, at least until I finally convinced him to take a shower of his own.
He returns just as she lets out a loud burp against my shoulder.
His hair is damp and falling across his forehead when he reaches down to take her.
His shoulders and biceps flex as he settles her against his bare chest before taking up his spot on the other end of the couch, lying back so she’s stretched across his torso.
Her head rests perfectly over his heart, her tiny fists flailed out like she’s trying to reach around him with her little arms. He pats her bottom soothingly as his eyes drift shut.
In this moment, I know he’ll never let her down.
He’ll be the calm whenever she faces a storm.
He’ll be the rock she can stand on when the world feels unstable around her.
He’ll love her no matter what, no matter how difficult she may be, or how frustrating.
I know because he loves me that way. He’s loved me that way since way before I could recognize it.
His eyes flutter open to find me watching him and the smile that lifts his lips makes me melt. It’s the soft one he wears more often than not these days. It’s my favorite, because it’s the one that says he’s mine.
That he’s ours, and we’re his.