Chapter 18 Caitlin
EIGHTEEN
CAITLIN
Iran into the lake until it deepened and then swam as I tried to put distance between me and Brian.
The cool water did nothing to calm my emotions.
Brian had cared for me, apparently deeply, back when we were in college.
That was a revelation. We’d been good together, and I’d thought I was in love with him. But he’d loved me, too?
No, he hadn’t said that, not in so many words.
He’d said he wanted more, which could mean so many different things.
But the possibility of it all made my heart hurt.
What if we’d had an honest conversation about our feelings for each other back then?
What if I’d willingly gone to the party at Thorne Ranch—or even explained my reasons instead of assuming he’d understand? What if I’d fought against our breakup?
I paused, treading water as I struggled to get my bearings.
Brian was swimming toward me, his strokes powerful as he ate up the distance between us.
Panic like I’d felt on shore overtook me again and I set out away from him, pouring my energy into cutting through the water while trying to stave off the thoughts bombarding me.
Had I thrown love away? But no, no. It would never have worked between us.
Brian loved Poplar Springs and couldn’t wait to return to our hometown.
I had only painful memories associated with where I’d grown up and couldn’t imagine a life for myself here.
I’d wanted the wide world, not just a corner of it.
And that hadn’t changed. He would never leave, and I couldn’t stay.
I’d kidded him that he was married to the town, but it was true.
Me, on the other hand…well, I was always looking for a way out.
Expecting or hoping for anything more would only break my heart. And worse, I couldn’t hurt Brian. He was too good a man to suffer heartbreak.
I gasped when a hand closed around my calf, and I was pulled backward until my body was tight against Brian’s. He rarely put his strength on display, but he was doing it now. His hold on me made it clear that I wasn’t getting away.
He was breathing heavily, but then so was I. “I want you to answer me this question,” he said. “What would you have done back then if I’d told you that I’d fallen in love with you?”
How was I supposed to answer that? “I don’t know,” I said, planting my hands on his shoulders.
I was trying for a little distance between us, but he wasn’t giving an inch.
“You can’t ask me that now. How can I possibly answer?
We can’t go back in time and make different choices.
You said it yourself: no one can change the past.”
He gave me a long look, his eyes searching mine. “All right. Fair enough. We’ll leave the past alone. What would you say now if I said I was starting to care for you again?”
My heart flipped in my chest. I was thrilled. No, I was terrified. Oh, God, I didn’t know what I was feeling. It was so much more than I’d ever expected. All I knew for sure was that touching him felt right, being with him felt right. In this moment, everything about us felt right.
My fingers curled into his shoulders, bringing him closer when I’d intended to push him away.
I could think of no words to say, so I kissed him, softly, questioningly at first, but passion soon swept us along.
Our bare skin rubbed together, igniting my desire as he deepened the kiss.
The water lapped against us, but nothing could come between our bodies and the feelings that drove them on.
“Why do we always end up in places where we can’t make love?” he gasped when the kiss ended.
“Is this worse than my car?” My fingers were in his hair, flicking away the droplets of water.
“Different,” he said, as we bobbed in the water. “Come make love with me, darling.”
We swam to shore together. As soon as my feet hit the sandy bottom of the lake, Brian lifted me in his arms and stalked toward the picnic blanket. He dropped to his knees, putting me down gently in the center. Without pausing, he removed my bikini and his swim trunks.
“Good thing we’ve got the place to ourselves,” I whispered when he lowered himself on top of me.
“We’d be trying out the backseat of my truck otherwise.” He kissed me then, robbing me of speech for several minutes. “The ground’s too hard for you,” he muttered and rolled us until I was on top.
“Oh, I like this.” I pushed up a few inches and studied his face in the sunlight.
I felt an almost overwhelming urge to tell him that I was falling in love with him again, but I kept the words inside me.
It wasn’t fair to say it when I had no intention of staying.
It would only hurt us both. There wasn’t a future for the two of us.
But we could have one now. My fingers played with the hair on his chest. I could show him love, and not say the actual words. Maybe he was thinking the same thing as his hands coasted down my back and squeezed my butt.
Giving in to the passion. I could do that much for him.
“I think I could stay like this with you forever, darling,” he said.
“Forever?” I smiled at him. “I think you’d be looking for some release pretty quick.”
“I’m a patient man.”
“We’ll see about that.” I dipped my head and ran my tongue over his nipple, pleased when he sucked in a breath. “Have I told you how handsome and sexy you are? How much I love to touch you?”
“Touch away,” he whispered, so I moved slowly down his torso, kissing him, until I reached his erection and ran my tongue over the tip. “Ah, darling.” With his words as encouragement, I took him in my mouth and plunged down on him. “God damn, that’s good.”
I pulled off him with a pop and smiled. “Glad you think so,” I said before taking him again. I was enjoying pleasing him with the warm sun on my back and the lap of the water nearby. After a few minutes, I felt his hand in my hair.
“Come here,” he said, his voice hoarse with need. “I want you.”
I crawled back up his body. I meant to take my time, but he lifted me and held me so he could suckle my breasts. The desire that shot through my body made me whimper his name, and I barely managed to say, “I want you, too.”
He fumbled around on the blanket until he found his jeans, pulling a condom from his wallet and quickly sheathing himself in it.
I straddled him, eager to have him inside me, but he had other ideas.
Before I could come down on him, his fingers went between my thighs, teasing and stroking, until I nearly came just from his touch. I caught his wrist and met his eyes.
“I want us to come together. I want to feel that with you,” I whispered, aware that my face probably revealed all the feelings in my heart. Rising up on my right knee, I positioned his dick and slowly lowered myself onto him, letting him fill me until he was fully seated.
My hands landed on the hard muscles of his chest, and I took slow, deep breaths while my inner muscles contracted around him. My arousal was laced with spikes of intense pleasure each time I squeezed down, which made my body shake with need—for him, for us, for this.
Brian tightened his hold on my hips, lifting me slightly to get my attention. I shifted my unfocused gaze to him. “As much as I’m all for you taking your sweet time, if you don’t start moving, this will all be over way too soon.”
I didn’t respond, and instead, lifted myself up and slammed back down on top of him, making us both groan with pleasure. When I did it again, I saw stars.
“Look at me, darling,” Brian demanded and this time, I saw him. Sweat beaded his forehead, and he was struggling with his composure. I realized I was doing that to him, and the notion filled me with satisfaction.
Leaning forward, my fingers dug into his sides where I gripped him and I rose up and down, tightening my muscles with each lift of my torso, only to slam back down a bit harder each time.
Brian squeezed my hips to the point where he left red marks, and that only spurred me on.
I shifted position, chasing my pleasure, but it wasn’t enough.
“Brian,” I whispered. He knew what I wanted without me having to say a word more.
“I’ve got you, darling. Hold on tight.” Then he took control. Bending his legs to support me better and control his hip thrusts. I bounced on top of him, pleasure coiling tight at the base of my spine and shooting down my legs.
We moved faster and faster, my breaths coming out in short bursts. “Oh!” My orgasm caught me by surprise with its intensity but that didn’t slow Brian. He lifted me, holding me inches above him, and he continued to slam into me, stretching out my orgasm and making me cry out with pleasure.
With a loud grunt, he slammed me back down, holding me tight as his body shuddered beneath me.
I collapsed onto his chest with my head tucked into the crook of his shoulder while our breathing calmed and bodies cooled. Sex had always been good with Brian, but this felt different. It was more than just a physical release.
I pushed myself off his chest and rolled onto my side, next to him. One thing was clear. I owed him the words in my heart.
“Your fair skin’ll burn in this sun,” he said before I could speak. “Better put my shirt on.” He rolled away from me to grab it, giving me a full view of his butt.
“Wait,” I said, putting my hand on his side to hold him still.
“What’s this?” I ran a finger over a tattoo of a yellow flower on his right butt cheek.
Good boy Brian had a tat? And then it hit me.
It wasn’t just any tattoo. I caught my breath.
It was an exact copy of the flower drawing I’d left for him.
The very one that had been a substitute in place of saying I loved him.
He’d had it permanently marked onto his skin.
“I can’t believe…” I didn’t know where I was going with that sentence, but I felt overwhelmed.
“Put the shirt on, darling.” He helped me pull the shirt over my head and fit my arms through the sleeves. It was too big on me, but that didn’t matter.
I studied his face before taking a deep breath. My next words were going to be tough ones, but ones I had to say. “Brian, I think I’m falling for you all over again.”
His smile was instant and sexy. “God, I hope so.” He kissed me then and I felt warmth spread through me. He’d made it easy for me. That was so like him, which was one of the many reasons it was easy to love him.
“Tell me about getting this tattoo,” I said when we were again stretched out in the sun, side-by-side, my hand in his. “I want the details.”
“Kind of embarrassing.” He wasn’t getting away with that.
“Those are the best stories.” I rolled over and propped my chin on his shoulder. “Were you drunk?”
“I was at a bachelor party over in Carson. And, yeah, we’d had too much whiskey and were short on sense,” he admitted.
“You regret getting it?” The thought that he might bothered me.
“Not for one minute, darling. But it was tough to sit down the next day.”
I laughed, but felt I had to ask the next question. “Why the flower?”
“Because it was from you.” He tilted his head and his eyes met mine. “I’d carried the picture in my wallet since you left it for me that morning.”
His words stunned me. I had no idea my little picture had been so important to him, especially since he couldn’t have known then what it meant to me—what I’d almost left behind for him instead. “Do you still have it?”
“The picture? No, I ended up in flood waters up to my waist two years ago and it disintegrated.” His tone was regretful.
“Good thing it’s permanently on your butt. I wonder what that says about me. Am I a pain in your ass?” I teased. “I think I have been at times.”
“Never,” he said, so quickly and vehemently that it set my heart racing. He turned toward me, bringing us face-to-face.
“Good to know,” I whispered. “But I’m still curious. Who knows about the tattoo? Just the guys at the party?”
He shook his head. “They were so far gone I doubt anyone remembers it. And, thank God, Jake wasn’t there that night or I’d never have heard the end of it.”
“Because it’s not macho to get a tattoo of a pretty yellow flower?” I asked softly.
“Because he knew I had it in my wallet and knew it was from you.”
“Ah,” I said, understanding. Brian’s twin didn’t want him to be hurt by love.
More proof that his family was a thousand times kinder and more caring than mine.
“I’ll keep your secret, but I want to show you something.
” I got to my feet, pulled on my shorts, and put his Stetson on my head.
“Come on, sheriff. Let’s go for a drive. ”