Chapter 31
THIRTY-ONE
Now that we were no longer hiding our relationship from Devyn, I spent every night at Theo’s apartment. We’d developed an odd new routine. During the day, we kept as much distance from each other as possible and then collided together the moment we got behind closed doors. And at first- keeping this secret was exhilarating, like we were living this secret life together. But as the days dragged on, it was starting to wear on me.
I hated that I couldn’t hold Theo’s hand in public, that I had to weigh every one of my words before I spoke. All I wanted was to dive into this man and not have to worry about the potential fallout.
But that thought would have to wait. With the partners arriving in a few short days, Theo’s mind was fixated on making everything perfect. From sun up to sunset, he met with agents, reviewing rosters and ensuring that every contract was top-notch. When he wasn’t in meetings, we were working on the week-long itinerary, ensuring that the partners got to experience the best parts of New York. He was burning himself out, and I wasn’t far behind. As I shifted in my chair, studying his exhausted expression through the glass wall, a plan started to form in my mind. With a thorough Google search and a shopping list in hand, I walked up to Theo’s door and knocked lightly. He smiled when he realized I was the one standing there, but it didn’t do much to hide his stress.
It was so hard to stay rooted in my spot, to not go to him and soothe some of his worries. I wanted to hold him, kiss away the stress lining his eyes. A few more hours, and we’d be back in our bubble. As long as he agreed to my plan. Then we could leave the stress at the door for one night. “Do you mind if I head out a little early?”
Theo’s brow furrowed. “Everything okay?”
“Yes,” I answered quickly. I shifted on my feet, trying to remain in the doorway. “But I think we both could use a night away from this place, so I’m working on a little something for you.”
“I can’t.” Theo shook his head. “You know I want to, Calla-“
“Please, Theo.”
Perhaps it was a dirty tactic to use that word with him, knowing there were very few things he’d refuse me if I asked. But I swallowed the guilt because it was for his own good. If he kept going this way, by the time the partners got here, he’d be falling apart. And that wouldn’t help anyone.
Theo sighed, running a hand over his face. “Okay, but only because you’re the one asking.”
I ducked my head to hide my grin. “It’ll be worth your while.”
I stood in my kitchen, studying everything I’d gathered. Various vegetables and other ingredients lined my counter, prepped and ready to go. I’d already rinsed off all my new cookware after realizing that Devyn only had one pot in her cabinets. I’d even found a cute apron while I was shopping. The only thing missing was Theo. Looking down at my phone, I checked the time. Fifteen minutes late. Shaking my head, I opened my text messages, hoping I missed one from him explaining what happened.
ME
Where are you?
But before I could press send, a knock came from the door. When I pulled it open, Theo stood on the other side, holding a brilliant bouquet of varying colors. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I got distracted, but I promise, that’s it for the night. I’m all yours.”
I playfully rolled my eyes. “You’re lucky I know how much you’re leaving at the office to be here. It means a lot, Theo.”
“Anything for you, beautiful.”
He ducked his head, giving me a soft kiss before looking around my kitchen. “What is all of this?”
He passed me the flowers and I started rooting through cabinets to try to find a vase. Luckily, there were a couple of dusty ones tucked into the back corner. “I thought we could try that recipe again.” I said as I placed the flowers in water. “Moghrabieh, right? I know it’s not your mother’s recipe, but I found a few online and thought we could tweak them as we go.”
Theo turned, staring at my face like he’d never seen me before. For a moment, I worried that I’d crossed a line, inserting myself into a memory that had nothing to do with me. But before I could start to really stress, Theo pulled me into his arms, holding me tight against his chest as he brushed his lips against my forehead. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me yet,” I chuckled. “Hopefully, it turns out okay.”
Theo nodded, consciously avoiding my stare as he walked into the kitchen. He looked over the ingredients, sniffing the spices and smiling to himself. There was a glisten in his eyes, one I had never seen before. Even though he rarely spoke about his mother, it was easy to see how much he cared about her and her impact on his life to this day.
I placed the recipe in front of him, and we reviewed it, Theo crossing off things that he knew his mother would never do. Once we started, we seamlessly worked together, Theo prepping the chicken while I finished peeling the onions. As he worked, a calm serenity washed over his expression, one I hadn’t seen in a while. Deciding to press my luck, I voiced the question that had been weighing on me. “Can you tell me more about her? About your mom?”
Theo nodded. “She was the strongest woman I ever met. My mother, Rana, came here with little more than a backpack. She created this whole life for us and never asked for anything in return. All she wanted was for me to be happy, to have the American dream.”
“She sounds amazing,” I said. “And your dad?”
Theo shook his head. “She never spoke about him. Even when I asked, she refused to say much. When she left Lebanon, he stayed. I don’t know if it was because he wanted to stay, or if she never gave him a choice, but either way, he’s never been a part of my life.”
“I’m sorry, Theo.”
He shrugged, “I’ve tried to tell myself it’s fine- that it’s impossible to miss something you’ve never had. But I would have liked to know him, even just to understand why she left.”
“I know the feeling. My dad died when I was five. I don’t remember much about him, just the stories that everyone tells.” I glanced up at him. “And sometimes, that hurts worse than not knowing at all, that everyone else has these memories of him, and my mind is basically blank.”
Theo stared at me for a long moment. It was full of understanding, empathy for my own loss. It made my heart sing out to him even more, grateful to share these pieces of our past, when we were hopefully building our future together. I shook my head, pushing away the thought. “So, your mom taught you this recipe?”
“Taught is a strong word,” Theo chuckled. “When she fled Lebanon, it was in the middle of a civil war. She never talked about what she saw, but it wasn’t good. When she came to America, it was her fresh start, and she left a lot of her culture behind. She always said, we’re Americans . That’s what matters the most . She never taught me a lot about her home, but when I was sick or having a bad day, I’d watch her make this stew, and she’d sing songs from her childhood. It was a little piece of comfort for her, even if she didn’t necessarily see it that way.”
After we finished browning the chicken, we left the broth to simmer before moving to the barstools. Theo clasped his hand around mine, holding tightly. “Thank you for this, Calla. I didn’t even know how much I needed it until I got here.”
I lifted our joined hands, pressing a kiss to the back of his. “I’m here for you, Theo, even if it means getting you out of your own way.”
He leaned forward, brushing an errant hair behind my ear. “I mean it, Calla. And not just for tonight, but for making my life better than I ever dreamed, just by being you.”
I ducked my head, not used to earning such high praise. It felt foreign, strange to hear, even after all the times Theo had complimented me. He reached out, lifting my chin so I could meet his eyes. “Don’t hide from me, beautiful. I promised I’d never take you for granted, and I meant it.”
“I’m not used to this,” I answered honestly, vulnerability leaking into my words. “I’ve wasted so much time floundering because I refused to look beyond what was comfortable.” I stared up at him, studying the darkened swirls of his eyes. “But I can’t help but be thankful I did, because it led me here.”
Theo pulled me in, kissing me as if my lips belonged to him. In truth, they did. He possessed every part of me: my body, my heart, every fiber of me. All I wanted was to fully dive into him, to let go of that last tendril of doubt.
But until our relationship was out in the open, I didn’t know if I could.