Last January
I patted my wig one more time before getting out of the car. If it passed the Mamá test, it was good to go to work. I’d been telling my coworkers I’d been trying a new medication for my stress alopecia but it was still in the process of getting better, so I’d continued to wear a scrub cap.
Mamá answered the door right away. “There you are!” She pulled me into a suffocating hug. “Manolo, it’s been weeks since I’ve seen you!”
“Sorry, Mamá. I’ll try to do better.” She led me inside, and I shed my jacket and hung it on the hook by the front door. “Do you need help with lunch?”
“No, no, it’s ready.” Bustling into the kitchen, she started plating food. Guilt stabbed at me when I saw the number of dishes she’d prepared. Cooking was her way of relieving stress, and based on this meal, she’d been seriously tense lately.
I didn’t think I was to blame for it. Sure, it’d been a while since I’d seen her, but we’d gone longer without visiting a few times in the past.
The plate she handed me was overflowing with food, but I didn’t comment as I took it to the table. Her own plate held about half of what mine had. I looked at her more closely. Had she lost weight? What was going on? She wasn’t still upset about Eloise, was she?
I tasted everything and told her how good it was, then I went quiet to see if she would bring up whatever was bothering her.
She’d only taken a few bites of her meal before she spilled. “I’m so glad you could come over today. I wanted to tell you. I’ve decided to get back together with Eloise.”
My eyebrows almost hit the edge of my wig. “Really? Wow, that’s great, Mamá. I could tell you were torn up about it.”
She scowled. “The church does not make it easy to embrace those who are different than ourselves.” She patted my arm.
“Even after Father Patrick said you were a sinner for loving men, I continued to attend, to follow the teachings. I ignored that part of things.” She snorted.
“Like the church ignores the parts of the Bible it chooses.” She shook her head.
“When I met Eloise, I knew the church would not approve of our relationship, but I still attended. But after Eloise disclosed her secret to me, I knew I’d have to give up the church if we were to be together, and I needed time to come to terms with that. ”
“That makes sense. The church has been your comfort your whole life.” I didn’t understand it myself, but I’d known I was gay since elementary school. Being told I was evil every Sunday for years made me a little skeptical about religion.
“Sí, but ultimately I realized I wanted Eloise more than I wanted the approval of the church.”
I reached across the table and clasped her hand. “I’m happy for you Mamá. And maybe one day you can find a more inclusive church to go to.”
She shrugged. “Perhaps.”
“What did Eloise say when you told her?”
She pulled her hand from mine and smoothed the napkin in her lap. “I have not told her yet.”
I blinked. “You haven’t? Why? What are you waiting for?”
She gave me a hesitant smile. “Nerves, mostly. What if she’s moved on? It’s been over two months.”
“But, Mamá, what if she hasn’t? What if she’s thinking about you, hoping you’ll call?
” I looked around. “Where’s your phone?” There it was on the counter.
I got up and brought it back to the table, then I dragged my chair around so I could sit next to her.
“You call her, and I’ll be right here holding your hand, okay? ”
Slowly taking the phone from me, she frowned. “But what will I say? This is a conversation better had in person.”
I patted her back. “Ask her out to dinner? Or ask her to come over here for dinner.” I pointed at the copious amounts of food sitting on the stove. “You’ve got plenty.”
Nodding, she unlocked the phone and scrolled through her contacts. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and clicked. The hand holding the phone to her ear trembled, and her other hand had a death grip on mine.
“Carmen?” I could barely hear Eloise, but the hope in her voice was unmistakable.
“Sí, it’s me.” Mamá smiled into the phone.
I couldn’t hear exactly what Eloise said after that, but her tone was delighted.
Mamá relaxed slightly. “I was hoping you would be free for dinner?”
“Of course!” Eloise practically squealed this, and I grinned. Mamá sagged against me as they decided on a time for Eloise to come over.