Chapter 9 Audrey
Chapter nine
Audrey
Itried to avoid looking at the clock all day, but my self-sabotaging instincts kicked in and at quarter to six, I let myself lament.
In a parallel universe where I was still engaged, toasts would now be starting at the lakeside venue of my engagement party.
My parents would’ve raised their champagne flutes, saying something sappy for the sake of their public image, and I would’ve been tucked into Jackson’s side, wearing the white silk dress that is still sitting in a puddle on the floor in my closet.
I’m pretty sure I should burn it at this point.
The self-pity that was festering in my bones was starting to annoy me, though.
And it wasn’t like I was reeling with options of people to reach out to.
My so-called ‘friends’ disappeared the moment Jackson and I split.
Their loyalty had always been to Jackson, and deep down I knew that all along.
Penny, of course, was the outlier, but she had met some guy at the wedding she was photographing last night.
She said he was a European athlete and only here for one night so naturally I didn’t hear from her all day.
I couldn’t blame her; she was out living her best single gal life to the fullest.
It’s also been near radio silence from Jackson. He texted me and said his lawyer would be reaching out soon about the house in Forest Hills. His lawyer…because there was no our, us, or we anymore. It’s like the last five years were figments of my imagination.
Though on the surface of the life we lived together, nothing had changed this week.
The bills were all paid, the housekeeper showed up yesterday morning like she does every Friday, and the groceries were delivered this morning.
Just like it was another routine Saturday morning in the Brecken Building.
My parents had also been very—dare I say—chill about everything.
I was expecting more persuasion to mend my broken engagement, even if I made it clear it was unfixable.
Every time I opened my front door to grab deliveries or let the housekeeper in, I half expected to see my mother with her stern face staring straight back at me.
Their silence over the matter was almost more unnerving, but I wasn’t about to test my luck and wake a sleeping bear.
Just a few hours ago both my phone notifications and the apartment were so silent, I thought I might truly go mad.
I didn’t want to listen to any more self-loathing thoughts about how much I truly messed up, so I put on my sneakers and walked.
I was only a little walk away from a row of boutiques, so I popped into the stationary store.
I moseyed around, feigning interest in items I had no use for just to avoid being talked to.
There was a beautiful little leather notebook with a brass latch which last week's version of me would’ve bought to write grocery lists in, but now it all seemed trivial.
I picked it up, though, to fan through the blank pages.
What could I write about now? My failed engagement?
Being the family black sheep? I could write about running away from the pressures of home and then it catching back up to you in a different life.
I went from needing to be perfect for my parents and the society they shoved me into, to needing to be perfect for a man who didn’t respect or love me enough to fight for me.
I set the notebook down, abruptly walked out of the shop and straight home.
Penny is supposed to be here any moment for our agreed upon evening. Grab a bite to eat, then back to her place to chill and have drinks.
The doorbell chimes, but the door opens moments later as I sit back on the sofa.
“I’m in the living room!”
“Oh my god, Audrey, I could’ve been anyone. You could get murdered that way.”
She comes in hot, bringing her big personality and strong floral perfume into the living room. I look up at her from my pathetic stance on the white, down-filled sofa.
“Okay, first, you need to stop listening to those true crime podcasts. Only you and Jackson have the door code. And second, I thought we agreed we were wearing loungewear.”
I glance down at my college sweatpants and glare at her outfit; a wrap-around, preppy mini-dress and heels.
Penny doesn’t set down her purse, clearly riding a different energy wave than I am.
“Okay, change of plans.”
The blood rushes to my head, and the toile wallpaper on the wall behind her starts to swirl as I spring to my feet.
“Not feeling Mediterranean food anymore?” I joke, picking at my manicured nails and then stop. They are the only put together thing about me. I need to make them last.
“Oh no, we are still grabbing dinner. I've been dreaming about spanakopita, but we are going out tonight. I can’t watch you roll around on the sofa any longer. You’re starting to make me really sad.” Penny’s lips curl up into a mischievous grin.
I shove my hands in my hoodie pocket, glancing at my sweatpants then back at my best friend.
“I’m still in mourning, you brat.”
“No, you’re in self-destruction mode. Jackson sucks, this sucks, but I'm not going to watch you waste away in here. I’m not saying you need to find a new man tonight…but you need to keep living, okay?”
“I don’t know…” I moaned, kind of wishing I would’ve locked my front door and pretended I wasn’t home.
“Let’s make a deal. Let me take control, just for one night.
If it goes horribly wrong, I will let you go back to sulking and eating takeout every day.
But if it goes well…you promise to remember life isn’t over, and you pick yourself up.
” She stares me dead in the eye. “He may have derailed your plans, but he didn’t take your crown.
You’re still Audrey Elson. And tonight, we are going out. ”
“Okay,” I squeak out. “But can I be anyone but Audrey Elson? I’m really sick of her.”
“You can be anyone you want, babe.” She smiles, whipping her blond hair behind her back.
“Okay. Let’s get this over with,” I add, and Penny jumps up and down squealing. Her pink glossy lips break into a huge smile, which makes me smile but then realization hits. This city isn’t that small…but the circle of people and the places we frequent are.
“What? Why that face?”
“I don’t want to run into him or his friends. We can’t go to any of the usual spots.”
I knew for a fact Jackson was out living his best, little ego-filled, trust-fund-baby life. His Instagram stories were evidence. Last night it looked like he was at his own bachelor party, and that was the last straw. I finally got the guts to block him once and for all.
“Okay….” Penny was thinking, pulling out her phone, her fingers moving fast. “Leave it to me, I think I have an idea. We can go somewhere totally new. Somewhere I know for a fact Jackson nor any of his asshole friends would go.”
I couldn’t lie and say the idea of going somewhere new thrilled me. I was a creature of habit and familiarity.
But look how much that’s done for me.
Penny insisted we get ready at her house, but before we left my apartment, she instructed me to shower, so I did without reluctance.
I also didn't fight it as she ransacked my closet while I blew out my hair, deciding on big bouncy curls.
She held up various pieces of clothing, nodding and biting her lip, throwing items into my overnight bag.
Twenty minutes later, my best friend and savior grabbed my hand like I was a lost toddler and guided me out of my sad apartment.
She was right about another thing—spanakopita did solve a lot of problems.