Chapter 44 Audrey
Chapter forty-four
Audrey
Ihear my heart beating in my ears as I pull Rhett through the sea of smiling faces and past the band.
I glance into the crystal blue water of the pool, the lights from the party reflecting off its stillness, and contemplate making one final cowardly act of diving in, just to create a distraction, to buy myself a few more minutes.
Because I have an explanation for what Andrew told Rhett.
An explanation for the truth. I just am not sure Rhett’s ready to hear it.
The quietness of the house feels assaulting, final, after being outside. I lead Rhett right to the back; through the tight corridor I was in with my father earlier this evening.
The truth hits me in the chest as I keep my eyes on his office doors.
This was happening here—in the place I never felt safe in.
Here, where I was supposed to assert myself, to show my parents their marionette strings were no longer working, that I’d found a man I loved; and more importantly, one who loved me, for me.
Because I was worth being loved for exactly who I was.
That’s what I believed up until a moment ago at least.
I don’t stop moving until we are inside my father’s study, the doors shutting firmly behind us. The room is nearly soundproof.
Rhett walks to the window, gazing out over the gardens, his hands tucked into his khaki pockets.
“Rhett I—"
He turns slowly, his face half in shadow from the setting summer sun.
“You were never planning on staying, were you?”
Tears spring to my eyes but I push them back.
“I wasn’t sure in the beginning.” My voice is so small, and Rhett shakes his head, betrayal written all over his face. “I was scared, and I didn’t want to make the same mistake twice.” I try to reason, though I know it’s a weak argument.
“So, what was this? Was I just something to hold you over, nothing more than a rebound until you figure out what you really want in life?”
I shake my head hard, but it doesn’t seem to matter. Rhett’s defeated in a way I’ve never seen.
“We barely knew each other. I didn’t know if you’d stay around.” The hurt in Rhett’s eyes immediately has me regretting my words. It wasn’t fair, and it wasn’t entirely true.
We fell fast and we fell hard. And I was scared.
So why couldn’t I just say that?
Rhett cocks his head back like I punched him square in the jaw.
“When you told me you loved me, were you still planning on leaving?” he asks, his hurt blue eyes cutting me to the core.
“The transfer was still active, yes, but I didn’t really want to go. I felt like it was the right thing to do for my career. And I wanted to keep my options open in case...”
“In case what?” Rhett’s voice was loud, cutting, and I knew I deserved it, even if it made me flinch.
“I declined the offer, I decided to stay. I chose us! Why aren’t you hearing that?” There was an invisible barrier between us, one that wasn’t there before.
“Are you hearing yourself? You told me you loved me. My family fell in love with you, I opened my home to you, never judging you for one moment, and this entire time you never planned on staying. In case you didn’t notice, I chose you from the moment I met you.
” He sucks in a breath, his chest growing as I stay silent, truly speechless.
“Why didn’t you talk to me about it? Honestly, Audrey… do I even know you?”
The ghost of my past grips my throat, and I want to throw myself into the arms of the man I love standing in front of me, but I can’t move. My fingers clutch onto the mahogany desk behind me, tears blur his face, and I gasp for air.
“Rhett, you know me, you’re the only one who knows me. I promise you I meant it when I said I loved you…I do love you. You know me. I promise you, please,” I plead but his head hangs low.
“Well, darlin’...” He lifts his head, his gaze meeting mine. “I’m beginning to question if you really know yourself.”
And just like that, the breath is ripped from my lungs as I stand helplessly, watching the man I love walk away, the door slamming shut behind him with a finality that shatters what’s left of my heart.
Going back into the party is not an option. My family should all be up to speed on my life in shambles; I arrived with a doting boyfriend, and a promotion, and will be leaving with neither.
Hastily snatching a drink from the catering tray as staff walks by, I escape through the front door before anyone can apprehend me.
My absence is merely a drop in the bucket at an Elson Labor Day soiree.
The fruity cocktail is too sweet, but I take a gulp anyway, and as my feet hit the grass in the front lawn, I squint against the darkening sky, my eyes landing on Rhett.
He tosses his sports jacket over an arm, and grows smaller, and smaller as he walks down the street, away from the party.
I know better than to call out or chase after him, so I slip off my heeled sandals, clutch them in my hand, and head down the street in the opposite direction of Rhett.
The music and chatter of the party fades behind me, and the grittiness of the pavement under my bare feet feels like a harsh but deserved punishment.
Rhett’s not entirely wrong in his anger, and that’s what makes the ache in my chest deepen with every step I take.
I want to believe I can fix this, that I can make him realize when Jackson left me, I was more damaged than I even realized.
I have been adrift and lost for longer than I care to admit.
And when I met Rhett, when he brought me into his world, when he stopped my tears on that rooftop that night, something in me healed.
Along the way this summer, I found little pieces of myself—not in him—but in how he showed me I could be; what he showed me I could have, the love he showed me that I believed didn’t exist.
It took a while for me to accept this love, this change of plans, but I’m all in now. I need him to know that.
After walking past several neighboring lots, their lit driveways and homes concealing secrets of their own, I reach the end of the private street and pause.
Turning back, I take in the sea of cars lining the road, a testament to the night’s promise.
It really is a perfect evening for a party.
The air is mild, neither too warm nor too cool, carrying the salty tang of the ocean with each gentle breeze.
It’s always the most beautiful nights where everything goes horribly wrong.
I sip the rest of the cocktail, tears brimming my eyes, an invisible weight pressing on my sternum.
I’d spent so much time on my hair and makeup, so much care picking out this dress.
Tilting my head back to the evening sky, I let out a humorless chuckle.
Maybe Rhett’s right. Maybe I haven’t fully let go, maybe I do still care.
My chest tightens, the pressure nearly unbearable, and I shake my head, desperate for relief.
But there’s nowhere to go, no way out, and the need to disappear is strong.
Just as I pull out my phone, hoping to text Penny, a black sports car slows down, passing me, surely gawking at me from behind the tinted windows.
There she is, Audrey Elson. The dramatic, screwed up black sheep, drinking in the street.
But almost immediately the thought is followed by Rhett’s voice.
Who cares what they think?
I choke on a sob at the sound of his voice, and glance up, only to see I was alone on the street. He’s not here.
My body needs food, and water; not more of this sickly-sweet cocktail my mother would be holding up while my father gave his annual toast tonight.
He’d plaster on the Elson smile, thank everyone for coming, and somehow slip in something about the ungodly amount of money he acquired this year.
I start walking back toward the house, worry beginning to settle in about Rhett’s whereabouts.
The glow of my parent’s gray and white shingled house comes into view as I hear my name.
“Drey?”
My stomach drops at the sound of that nickname. Only one person in the world has ever called me Drey. I say a silent prayer that I'm mistaken as I spin around at the edge of the driveway.
Jackson Tippins takes a few cocky steps towards me, a lit cigar in hand, his white button down undone around his neck, as he locks a sports car behind him on the street.
I fold my arms across my chest instinctively, hoping the shadowy night disguises the tear streaks down my face.
It’s been over three months since I’ve seen his face, and for once I’m flabbergasted at what I could’ve ever seen in him.
He wears arrogance as a proud aura and it’s almost too much to handle; so much that it takes a moment to register we are here, standing together on my parent’s property.
“You can’t be serious,” I mumble to myself. “Why the hell did you even show up here?” I jab at Jackson who drags his cigar from his lips. I wave the smoke away from my face.
“I’m actually supposed to be in Vegas this weekend for a bachelor party, but what kind of business partner would I be if I didn’t come celebrate?
” He shrugs, his eyes narrowed at me. “Plus, your parents nearly begged me to show up after you RSVP’d.
” He winks, and the streetlights around me start to waver.
Mark this as the second time the blood has drained from my whole body today.
Jackson takes a few steps towards me, close enough that I can see his green eyes glistening.
They’re foreign to me now, cold and sharp, and I can’t believe there was a time I could look into them and see my future. Or love.
But right now, all I can do is stand in my bare feet, mouth dry and mind whirling.
“Oh, come on honey, you had to know they wouldn’t stop trying to get the pack back together?” As he laughs, bile rises in my throat.
Jackson takes a step closer, close enough I could smell his cologne now, filling me with nausea.