Chapter 46 Audrey
Chapter forty-six
Audrey
The text asking Rhett where he went remains unread. I’m not entirely surprised, even if it stings. We’ve traveled here together after all, and I don’t want to turn him to the wolves in a place like this. Rhett could hold his own, but I had promised I’d keep him safe here. Whatever that means now.
As I comb my wet hair, going through the motions of my nighttime routine in the bathroom, the hotel room door opens, my heart hammering in my chest.
Meeting my tired gaze in the backlit mirror, I wait in silence as Rhett shuffles around on the other side of the door.
There’s sounds of luggage opening, the thud of shoes.
All of it brings tears to my eyes, but I swallow them back, pull on the weighty robe, like it’s an anchor that’ll protect me, and slowly pad into the suite.
He didn’t turn on the overhead lights, so only a glow from the bedside lamp illuminates him as he stands facing the bed, unbuttoning his shirt. The muscles in his back and neck are tense, and as I stand there awkwardly waiting, I know we aren’t going to be talking tonight.
But I can’t help but offer my care.
“Can I get you ice for your hand?” My quiet voice cuts through the room like a knife.
Barely turning to look at me, Rhett shakes his head. I nod even though he isn’t looking.
“Thank you,” he adds but that only makes it worse. Because only Rhett would still be polite to me after tonight.
I want to get him ice, curl up in his lap holding it to his fist, laughing about something odd we saw at the airport together.
He’d kiss my neck, and I’d love the smell of whiskey on him.
I’d fall asleep tangled in the sheets, my head resting on his tattooed chest, a faint smile on my lips as his heart beats beneath me.
“My father texted me while you were gone. Jackson won’t be pressing charges. That’s good, right?” I offer, but Rhett barely spares me a glance, so I retreat to the bathroom in defeat, and finish my routine. Twenty minutes later, when I come out, Rhett’s on the sofa, his back to me.
I resist shaking him awake to demand we talk. I know better than to force someone to talk before they are ready.
That’s what got us into this mess, isn’t it?
The sheets are cold against my bare legs as I slide into the king size bed. Down pillows surround me as I breathe in the linen spray.
I lie down, knowing I won’t be sleeping any time soon. My eyes are tired, but my stomach hungrily gurgles. The bed is also monstrous; it’s meant to be shared. Even my feet feel lonely without a certain hound dog lying on them.
Hours later, as the night outside grows pitch black, and the room is quiet besides the humming AC, I continue to toss and turn.
In my feverish bouts, all I can think about is perhaps our love was destined to exist only in the sweet embrace of summer, like a bittersweet memory. Maybe we were never meant to be anything more than a forbidden secret, a passionate romance flared up only to extinguish as quickly as it ignited.
I finally succumb to sleep, only to wake up in the middle of the night and reach across the bed, searching for him. When my hand finds an empty pillow, the consequences of my actions crash into me.
I had it all planned: breakfast delivered to the room, a day at the pool, relaxing and swimming.
We had dinner reservations at a new restaurant on the water.
They were supposed to have great seafood, and Rhett rolled his eyes when I told him, saying nothing is better than Carolina fried fish and hush puppies; but then he winked at me and said he couldn’t wait for it.
That was the plan, but of course, nothing went as planned. The next morning, I woke to an empty room, Rhett’s suitcase still here, but he had made himself sparse. I have one text from him.
Rhett: Went to grab some coffee, be back in 30.
Fisting the thick duvet in my hand, I let out a frustrated groan.
Maybe this was good; he was getting some fresh air, with a fresh mind, caffeinating, doing all his favorite things.
I could talk to him this morning; we could sit down at breakfast and talk.
So, I placed an order for room service, getting all his favorites: thick cut bacon, pancakes, a fruit platter, and eggs benedict for me. Plus, more coffee.
My stomach is in knots, but I hope the smell of food will help. Slipping on a matching set of white linen shorts and a top, I comb my hair and even put on a little makeup.
“Oh, you’re back, good,” I say as casually as possible as soon as Rhett enters the room. The black baseball cap he wore, which usually makes me weak at the knees, doesn’t do anything but draw attention to his tired blue eyes. I suppose he didn’t sleep any better than I did.
“Can we talk? Please.” Wringing my hands together, I step towards him as he sets a single coffee cup down. Part of me hoped he would come back with coffee for me; it would’ve been a sign that all hope wasn’t lost.
His jaw stiffens.
“Audrey…”
“Rhett.” His glassy blue eyes lift slowly to mine. “Please.”
He nods, tossing his hat on the bed, fluffing his dark blonde hair back into shape. “I ordered breakfast...in case you were hungry. We can eat and talk on the balcony. Just like home.”
Just like home. His eyes darted away.
We don’t speak until the food arrives a few minutes later. Rhett and I sit on the secluded patio off the bedroom, overlooking the lush garden. I chose the best suite to give him privacy, not caring if it cost a small fortune. I wanted him to feel comfortable.
“You didn’t need to order all this food.” He finally speaks as I set the table for us.
“Well, I didn’t eat last night…and I thought you’d be hungry, too. This was in the plan all along.”
I pop a piece of fruit into my mouth, anxious as he sits there stiffly in the chair, looking out over the garden. He finally sips his coffee, and I let out a tiny breath. Rhett’s never silent for long. That’s why I loved him. He always knows the right thing to say.
“Who are you hiding from, Audrey?”
“What?” His question catches me off guard, coming out of nowhere. His voice feels distant, even though he’s right beside me. Rhett’s knee bounces slightly as I lean in closer, hoping it will somehow help me grasp the question.
Then Rhett turns to face me, his full attention now making me pull back. It was always too much in a good way, but now it feels like too much in a way that frightens me. Like he sees right through me.
“I stayed up all night, thinking…wondering…who this girl I fell in love with is.” The raspy pain in his voice jolted me, so I reached across the table for his hand, but he didn’t reciprocate.
“I’m me...the same person on the rooftop, the one you asked to dance...I’m me. I’m not hiding from you.”
A flicker of uncertainty washes across his face as desperation floods me. I never had to fight for a relationship…and now I wish I wouldn’t have taken it for granted. He shakes his head, but before he can reply, I rush on.
“I’m not hiding from you…” My voice grows small with the weight of the truth balancing on my tongue. “But I did hide us. I didn’t want anyone destroying what we had.”
Rhett lets out a humorless laugh.
“All I know is I like who I am when I’m with you. I like who I am when it’s just you, me and Mable. When there’s no one else and not a care in the world. I like that version of me.”
“I like who I am with you, too,” he finally says, eyes cast out beyond the balcony before they return to me. And as soon as we lock gazes, I know the next words out of his mouth will hurt.
“But darlin’, can’t you see? That’s not the real world. You have to let people in. We can’t exist in a bubble. You can’t keep up this facade with them and have me. How can you expect us to build a future like that?”
No, no, no, no. This is not how Rhett Anderson is going to break my heart. Not like this.
“I’m figuring it out.” A million words race through my mind, grasping at me, because I can’t lose him. “And I do know what I want. I want you!”
He shakes his head, his eyes glossier than ever.
“Are you sure? Because for the last three months I’ve been falling in love with you.
For the first time I let myself picture a real future with someone.
I let you in all the way. All the way…and you held me at a distance.
” He taps his fingers on the table. “So don’t tell me you know what you want. ”
Tears stream down my face as Rhett stands, coming around the table. I shut my eyes, but he lifts my chin gingerly with his finger.
“So, this is it, huh? This is how you end it?” I choke out.
“I love you, Audrey.” His admission should’ve filled me with warmth, but those words cut like a self-inflicted wound. “You know I would’ve done anything for you…but I don’t know how to be with you right now.”
I nod silently, because no words could ever capture the pain of the bullet that just tore through my bleeding heart.
“You deserve the time to get to know yourself.”
“And you deserve someone who doesn’t hide you,” I reply, looking up at Rhett through tears.
He bites his lips together, remaining silent before walking inside.
That’s the cruel truth about life and love, isn’t it? You never truly grasp what you have until it’s gone. And even though he’s in the space next to me, I know he’s gone. I know I’ve done irreversible damage.
And I have no one to blame but myself.