Unravel Us (Cindara Chronicles #2)

Prologue

Goodbye, mother.

I hated winter.

During winter, it was harder to get food, it was harder to find shelter. And most of all, it was freezing.

I hated every part of it. The way she shivered, how her lips turned blue.

But she never complained, not once. She pressed on and every time our eyes locked, she smiled faintly, as if it had cost her something to make the notion.

It made me feel unease, like I was in her way. Well, I guess I was, what else could a child be in these harsh times. She barely survived on her own, and now she had to keep me alive as well?

At the very least, food wasn’t something we fought each other for. After all my tastes were… different.

I craved the magical power wielded by mages, the very essence of their being. I had to devour them in order to survive, and my mother helped me. She was a mage herself, yet she betrayed her fellow magic-wielders, sentencing them to death, and she watched me paint the white snow with their blood.

All in order to keep me alive.

It was selfish.

I wondered if she ever regretted it. Regretted meeting my father and choosing him. Did she regret that she kept me even when he disappeared?

What did she see when she watched me devour other mages? A monster? An abomination? Her son?

It was as if she noticed my thoughts, her hand reached out and brushed through my hair.

“It is fine,” she smiled. “We’re fine.”

It wasn’t fine.

“You’re cold,” I said.

“I’m okay.”

Another lie, she wasn’t anywhere near okay. She was starving, she was cold and on the brink of giving up. I saw it, in the way her eyes seemed colder for each day we traveled.

Then, the smell of her magic crashed into my senses; the smell of blooming flowers, fresh food and the warmth of the sun. Air magic always carried the world along with its scent.

The beast inside me woke, tried to claw its way through to the surface. I pushed her hand away, wrapped my arms around me as if holding myself away from her. But my teeth bared against my will as I snarled at her.

My mother’s eyes widened for a brief moment, before they turned blank.

“It hurts,” I muttered, fighting against the urge.

“Don’t worry, it will be fine,” she comforted, but she didn’t dare take another step towards me.

When? When would it become better? I was barely able to hold it back, the hunger and urge to kill driving me mad, holding it back brought unbearable pain.

“Mom… It really hurts.”

Slowly, she took my hand, brushing her thumb over my knuckles. “You’re a strong boy, you can get through it.”

I wasn’t, I was watching her neck pulsate and wondered what air magic taste like.

“Pain is there to remind us of how strong we are,” she continued and my eyes finally left her neck. “We must never give in.”

Her brown eyes were like open windows, every ache, torment and regret shining through. And somehow, they grew hollower at the same time.

“Why am I different?” I asked low.

“Because you’re a special boy,” she smiled faintly, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

It never did.

“I don’t want to be special,” I muttered, averting my eyes. “I don’t want to make you sad.”

“What are you saying?” she scoffed. “You’re my little ray of hope.” She took my hand firmly, tugging me along without waiting for an answer.

As my stomach growled, I pressed my lips together. My mother stilled for a second, before she continued dragging me through the muddy, half-snowy paths between buildings. There weren’t many people outside, it was too cold. We hadn’t seen a mage for a week at least.

We finally reached the little shelter we had made our own. Before our arrival it had been dusty and empty, covered in spider webs and holes. Granted, it wasn’t much better now.

Once inside, she whispered my name and I turned instantly.

“I’m sorry, for being selfish,” she said low, her back turned towards me.

“Mom—“

“But I love you,” she interrupted. In a quick motion, she spun around and swung her arms around me as she fell to her knees. She squeezed me hard.

“Mom, this is too close, I can’t—“

“I love you so much,” she whispered, her voice on the verge of breaking. “Please, take it. You must live.”

I tried breaking free from her arms, but they were like a steel cage around my small ones. “Mom, don’t, I won’t be able to stop—“

“Then don’t,” she sobbed. “Just live.”

I froze.

The beast within me took advantage of my vulnerable state and clawed inside of me, taking in the scent of her magic—the wind, the air, the promise of sweetness. My throat felt dry and small, like the monster deep down would choke me if I didn’t feed it.

“I don’t want to,” I said through my teeth, tears threatening in the corner of my eyes. Her arms tightened around me.

“Do it for me, then,” she whispered, leaning back enough to lock eyes with me. Her cheeks were soaked with tears, and I felt her pulse jump when her gaze met mine.

My eyes were probably glowing again, like they always did when I couldn’t contain the demon inside of me.

“But—“

“I love you,” she repeated, again and again, like she was chanting it to me.

But if she really loved me, why did she make me do it? If this was love, why wouldn’t she stay and fight with me? If I was precious, if I was her hope, gods, why was she looking so defeated and lifeless whenever she beheld me?

“Please, don’t leave me,” I whispered as tears broke free.

Her hand found the back of my head, and she pushed me closer to her neck, the scent overwhelming all of my senses. My breath quickened, I tried to resist, but the instinct was so strong, the hunger, the need to devour.

“I love you,” she said along a breath. “I’ll always be by your side.”

“Don’t leave me all alone—“ I whispered, but my body moved on its own. My teeth burrowed into her neck, she didn’t make a sound. Her arms tightened around me, keeping me there.

If this was love, then I didn’t want it.

If this was love, then I didn’t need it.

I needed the magic, her magic, it was keeping me alive. Her love was all gone, empty words and whispers of regret.

She only wished to escape this nightmare, to stop feeding people to the monster of a son she had created. How had she felt when she lured them into dark alleys? Or when she stabbed them to give me an easy target?

How had she felt betraying her own kind for the sake of her son’s life? What could I have done differently to keep her here? What did I ever do to deserve being this creature?

And why… why weren’t my teeth letting go even though I knew who I was draining?

Her arms slowly loosened their grip, before finally dropping to her side. Tears blurred my vision.

You might not have loved me enough to stay with me… But I loved you enough to end your suffering, and I’ll make sure to live for both of us.

Goodbye, mother.