Chapter 36 Dolly
DOLLY
We get to the cabin the day before Thanksgiving.
I just spent five blissful nights of sleeping in Sam’s bed, listening to him whisper dirty fantasies in my ear, and watching the entire Twilight series with him.
Every day, I baked him something new and brought him lunch out to the pasture around noon.
I wore a different dress every time. He didn’t hide his approval for a second, and feeling his eyes on me without an ounce of restraint was a heady, addictive feeling.
I’m in heaven. The only thing missing is him labeling what we are. I never knew I’d be the type of girl who needed that, but I do. I really, really do.
When we pull up to the cabin in Jackson Hole, I gaze in awe at the winter wonderland laid out before us.
The cabin is built into the side of the mountain, surrounded by towering pine trees and tall banks of fluffy white snow.
The modern cabin is made of dark wood-stain siding and has a deep emerald metal roof, large black-framed windows, and a massive porch stretching out, built to overlook the snowy, tree-dotted valley stretching below.
We piled into two Escalades at the private airport we landed in after taking Monroe’s private jet to Wyoming. When we travel with her, we always take the jet, or she’ll be bombarded with fans at the airport. It’s become a much more normal feeling, but at first, we all felt a little awestruck.
Bonnie and Birdie squeal in delight when Holden lifts them out of their car seats and sets them free to explore.
He trails after them. Cash walks up to the front door and punches in the code to get the key out of the box.
Sam, Duke, and Sterling start grabbing the bags while Monroe, Rosie, and I wait for him to open the door.
Pops follows after us. Once Cash gets the key out and twists open the knob, we file inside, where it’s thankfully already warm.
“I need to make sure the grocery delivery service sent everything,” Rosie says, stepping toward the kitchen.
Monroe and I follow. We all got together yesterday to order the food and have it delivered before we arrived.
Monroe doesn’t cook, so she insists on paying the grocery bill and keeping everyone’s glass filled.
She’s always entertaining to have around, and if I ask her to do something simple, like peel potatoes, she gladly will.
“Dolly, I’m dying here. We’ve barely heard from you! I need details,” she gushes, grabbing my arm with one hand and a bottle of merlot with the other.
I already know it’s the good stuff. This girl never skimps on the wine budget. The doctor released me to start drinking in moderation, but encouraged me to stick to mostly red wines or light beer, no liquor.
Rosie is tallying up cans of green beans, but she nods enthusiastically. “Agreed!”
I search the sleek black upper cabinets for wineglasses. This kitchen is monstrous, but I finally find them next to a row of open wooden shelves, lined with clear glass jars with seasonings, coffee beans, pasta, and coffee grounds.
“I have no idea what we are. He hasn’t labeled anything. He … we’ve been having sex, like, multiple times a day, and I’ve learned a lot in the past five days. I’m … I mean, of course, I’m in love with him. But I don’t know where he’s at.”
Monroe pours three generous glasses so full that she uses the entire bottle. She hands Rosie and me each a glass.
“Has he said anything about making you his woman? Or making perfect little babies together?”
We hear the front door open and heavy boots entering the house. Rosie grabs my hand.
“Let’s go explore the back porch.”
We make our way outside, all three of us gaping at the view spread before us. It looks like a painting. The distant mountains are framed by clouds and the sun slowly dipping behind them, sending bright streams of light to paint the scene with an orange-and-pink glow.
“I mean, he said he loves me. But he hasn’t said anything about committing to me, becoming an official couple, or our future.”
Rosie shakes her head. “Maybe he needs someone to talk to him about how a woman needs a declaration of feelings and not while she’s naked.”
Monroe sips on her wine thoughtfully. “I think for someone like Sam, it might take him some time. Because to him, the actions he’s taken are quite the declaration themselves, right?
I mean, he barely knew his mother, and his grandmother died when he was young too.
He was raised by a man as an only child.
The emotional conversations aren’t going to be his strong suit. ”
“Which is partly why he fits in so great with your brothers,” Rosie adds. “But still, you’re allowed to want a declaration and a formal label as his girlfriend.”
I shiver as a brisk wind blows over us from the mountain. “It’s freezing out here.”
“I’m gonna ask Cash to build us a fire,” Monroe says, standing up to go inside.
Rosie steps closer to me, wrapping her arms around me and squeezing me to her. “Does he make you happy, sis?”
I nod. My heart is bursting with how happy I am with him. I opted not to take a Plan B pill after the condom broke because I was about to start my period and I was ninety-nine percent sure I wasn’t fertile.
“Does he show interest in things you care about?”
I think about the Twilight series, the new baking sheets that magically appeared in the kitchen a few days ago, and the time I saw him reading the back of one of my books.
I smile, nodding.
“I don’t think I need to ask if you feel safe with him.”
I laugh. “Yeah, that one is pretty obvious.”
“I think you need to give him time.”
“I know. But I’m already so gone for him. He could crush me at any moment. He has so much power over me, and it scares me.”
“And you think you don’t have power over him? I’m sorry, but that man is a goner for you. You have power over him too. Don’t ever forget that.”
Cash and Monroe come out, followed by Sam.
Cash starts working on building up a fire in the oversize pit, surrounded by cozy wooden chairs with black cushions tied to them.
Sam’s gaze rakes over me. He removes his sherpa-lined denim jacket and places it around my shoulders, despite the fact that I’m already bundled up in my own winter coat.
“Wow.” He wraps his arms around my shoulders as he takes in the miles of snowy mountains and valleys before us. He leans down and whispers into my ear, “You know what this place looks like?”
“What?”
“Like a wedding venue.”
My pulse jumps. “Yeah. I can see that.”
“I never used to notice shit like that before.” He chuckles, nuzzling my ear.
I look over at Monroe, who is grinning at us so big that I can see all her teeth. She leans down to whisper something to Cash.
Cash looks over at us, shrugs, and returns to his task of building the fire. Rosie goes inside, probably to get a refill of her wine or see what the twins are up to, even though Holden is a very involved dad and can handle them on his own.
“What do you think? Winter or summer?” Sam prods.
I turn to look up at him, raising a brow. “For what?”
“For the wedding.” He says it casually, like I should’ve known what he was getting at.
It feels like my throat is closing up. I lick my lips, trying to think of something to say, but the words are caught on my tongue.
He smiles at me, leaning down to brush a kiss on my lips. “What? That hard of a choice, huh?”
The sliding glass doors open, and I hear Duke ask Cash if he wants a beer.
“Maybe we should talk about it later,” I murmur.
Duke comes to stand beside us, his expression solemn. He takes a swig of his beer and looks out over the valley. He hasn’t spoken to me or Sam in five days.
“Do you want more wine?” Sam asks me.
“Sure, just a little.”
He takes my glass and walks inside.
Duke turns to me, his eyes raking over me. “I’m just confused about how it all happened. I’m not mad anymore. I just … fuck, it feels like Holden and Rosie all over again.”
“This is so different. You didn’t date Sam, did you?”
He rolls his eyes. “You know what I mean. I was in the dark, and y’all were sneaking around behind my back. When did it start?”
Sam walks back out to the deck and hands me a half a glass of red wine. He’s made himself what looks like an old-fashioned.
“That day she brought me the coffee cake after the funeral,” Sam offers, wrapping his arm around my shoulders again.
Duke’s face blanches. “That long?”
“We didn’t start sleeping together then,” I quickly add.
Duke’s face is twisted in a mix of hurt and disgust. “I don’t wanna hear about that part. I just mean, when did you start liking each other? You’ve always said you viewed her like a sister.”
“I’ve never viewed her that way. I always thought she was the most beautiful creature I’d ever seen and way too good for me, so I basically just ignored her and treated her the way you did so it would seem like I did.”
“So, you two never did anything before, when we were younger?” Duke asks.
“No. I still think she can do much better than me. But when y’all asked if she could move in with me, I just … couldn’t fight the temptation anymore.” Sam shakes his head, like he’s disappointed in himself.
Duke glares at him, as if Sam did something horrible.
I finally speak up. “I’ve always had a crush on him. Ever since he moved to Moonlight. I tried getting his attention any chance I could. And he just ignored me and played with you boys. It sucked.”
“I’m sorry, baby. It was purely self-preservation. I knew he’d try to kill me.” Sam kisses my cheek. “I’ll spend forever making it up to you.”
I twist out of his arms and turn to face him head-on. “You keep saying things like that and about the wedding venue and that you always thought I was a ‘beautiful creature’ and all these things that are messing with my head. But you haven’t even asked me to be your girlfriend yet.”
“Yeah, man, what’s up with that? Do you wanna be with her, or are you just using her?” Duke adds.
Sam ignores him, reaching down to grab my free hand. “Shit, Dolly, I didn’t even know you wanted that. I was getting ready to ask you if you wanted to elope and move in with me. But we can start there. Seems like we’re way past that part.”
He stares at me sincerely, and my mind struggles to keep up.
He wants to elope and for me to move in.
Duke speaks up. “What? Are you kidding me? You can’t just jump to moving in and eloping! You just said you don’t think you’re good enough and you spent years ignoring her and pretending she was your sister. Give me some damn time to catch up. What’s changed, Seymour?”
My heart is racing. I want Duke to shut up and get out of our business, but I want to hear Sam’s answer too. And Duke’s right … it’s a huge jump.
Sam responds to his best friend, but his eyes never leave mine.
“Because I knew if I let myself love her, that’d be it.
I knew my whole world would revolve around her.
She’s the rising sun. She owns me. I’m bound to lose her someday because life is full of pain and heartbreak and loss.
But at least I get her for as long as possible.
And I’ll never take her for granted once she’s mine.
” He lifts my hand to his lips, pressing a warm kiss to my cold knuckles.
His eyes are blazing with intensity, and I know it’s my turn to say something. I lick my lips and open my mouth to speak, but he’s not done.
“And I’m madly, deeply, stupidly in love with her.”
I hear a muffled squeal behind me, and I know it’s Monroe. I’m so happy; I want to cry. Moisture builds behind my eyes, slowly spilling down my frozen cheeks.
“I love you too,” I choke out. “And I’m so cold.”
He laughs, leaning down to brush a kiss to my lips. “Let’s go inside, and I’ll warm you up.”
Duke wraps his arms around us both. “Fine! I’ll be happy for you. But only if you name your first kid after me.”
“No,” we say in unison.