Chapter 17 #3
His hands completely enclosed mine. His eyes pierced mine so intensely that I had to suppress a swallow.
“You’re not a burden.”
I hated myself for pulling my hand out of his, for robbing myself of the sanctuary I so desperately needed. But this...
Did he know what he was saying? That it was doing something to me that neither of us wanted?
On top of that, he was making an offer that would only complicate things. I didn't want him to shoot me in the back twice, something even he wouldn't have seen coming.
“Davian.” Leaning back, I pulled my knees up onto the chair, pulled the sleeves of my sweater over my hands, and tried to imagine his warmth.
“Ever since I was little, I’ve had to learn the hard way that I’m a burden to everyone who comes into my life.
I'm useless. I didn't even graduate. Everything I touch in my life is doomed to fall apart.
The only thing that keeps me here are my books. I can write. That's all.”
My face resembled a waterfall.
“You. Are not. A burden.” Avoiding his gaze, I rested my forehead against my knees, as Mama had often done. “Whoever made you feel that way...” Something in his voice became stiffer, colder. “...should rot in hell.”
His words wanted to pull me back, but my inner child fought against his warmth and I squeezed my eyes shut until I saw stars.
take a moment to breathe.
normal the kid
I heard his chair slide back as Davian stood up, ready to leave to escape this uncomfortable situation. Footsteps sounded and I hugged my knees tighter, ready to break down as soon as he was gone. Another chair moved. The one right next to me.
Then, out of nowhere, a hand wrapped around my waist and my chair moved to the side, sliding across the smooth floorboards.
“Come here.”
The next moment, my body fell against Davian's and he wrapped both arms around me, pulling me tightly into an embrace that forced me to break down completely.
Something heavy fell from my shoulders as something inside the facade of my heart cracked open, and Davian unknowingly took my inner child into his arms, wrapping it in warmth it had never believed it would ever feel.
The sobs just burst out of me, and I used my knees to muffle the sound until Davian pressed my head against his firm chest.
His scent intoxicated me. And for the first time, I inhaled it without restraint, too weak to submit to my reason.
“Davian, you don't have to...” I whimpered softly, but he began to stroke my hair.
“Shhh...” More tears, more uncontrolled sobs. “Calm down.”
His other hand held me as if I would fall if he didn't hold me tight. And yet, at that very moment, I was falling. For Davian.
The realization made me whimper even harder.
“Please, Quill,” he pleaded softly.
Seeking as much closeness as I could get from him, I nestled my head against him, aware that this was just another moment I would have to let go of.
“Now it's my turn.”
He softened his voice, stroked my hair gently, and I felt him rest his chin on my head.
“Listen to me carefully. Whatever you think you are, I know that you are a strong woman. No matter what your father does or says... The only thing you need to know is that you have always been enough.”
I hastily shook my head, fighting against his words.
“No, Davian...”
He couldn't just say that. He didn't know me. And yet his words picked up the pieces of me from the dusty prison floor of my subconscious and gently laid me down in a new place I didn't know. Here it was warm, soft, peaceful. No one was screaming. Words didn't hurt, couldn't kill.
Was this Wonderland?
“You are incredibly creative. So far, I only know one of the many projects you are working on, even just the basics, and I am already fascinated.”
But my creativity doesn't get me very far in life.
“You are brave. I don't know any other woman who would dare to jump into a cage full of male lawyers just to do research for a book.”
Because I'm no longer afraid of consequences. Not afraid of losing anything. Because there's nothing left for me to lose.
“You're passionate, you fight to write, no matter what life throws at you.”
Because I have nothing else to hold on to.
“You're inspiring, you made me write again after four years...”
I lifted my head.
I didn't care that I must have looked like a scarecrow. Hair clung to my wet face, tears glued my eyelashes together.
Davian's face was a finger's length from mine.
He had written something. Because of me.
Only once before had I seen his eyes from this close. And only this time did I consciously focus on the many fibers, his short yet elegantly curved lower lashes, the longer upper ones, the two slight wrinkles at the corners of his eyes...
What I would give to run my fingers over every millimeter of his face...
My knees, I couldn't feel them anymore. My heart was beating irregularly, much too wildly. My stomach resembled a moth tornado.
Davian Rydell pulled on the blue threads from which my lifeless body dangled. Even though I wouldn't tell him, in this moment, I was surviving because he was holding me. It was a dependency I could get used to. But I couldn't allow that to happen.
But for a moment...
His eyes read me cautiously.
I was a map for this man, wanted to be nothing else.
His warm finger wandered over my cheek, brushing a dried strand of hair from my face.
My lips opened slightly.
He stared, precisely at the thin gap between my dry lips.
He hesitated, pressed his lips together as if he were struggling with himself.
Let's sin, Davian. Just one second of this grueling existence.
The look in my eyes must have clouded his mind as much as his had clouded mine, because his finger moved far too slowly along my cheek.
When he reached the side of my lower lip, he looked back into my eyes, then back to the spot where his skin sent sparks dancing along my lips.
He tentatively slid his thumb along the lower edge of my lip. So slowly, as if he were only allowed to do it once.
My insides trembled as heat exploded in my lower abdomen.