Chapter 85 #3
Now, after she had told me all about how she’d had to fight her way through to study law as a woman, the guilt over all my lies weighed even heavier.
Mom and Dad
Atli ?rvarsson
“But then Joseph told me that Davian’s wife had left him with the baby and that he’d dropped out of med school, and for the first time in a long time, I felt so overwhelmed by guilt that I begged Joseph to do something.
He didn’t even hesitate and promised me he’d make him the best lawyer D.C. had ever seen.”
She smiled. Proudly. And something inside me broke.
Davian’s true self deserved just as much pride.
“I never intended to force my way into his life. I was afraid of seeing his father in him. But then, at one of Joseph’s gala events, I met him by coincidence.
I didn’t even know it was Davian. He was a friendly young man, gossiped with me about the well-heeled guests and eventually showed me a picture of his daughter.
Lara, he said. That she’d have a bright future thanks to Joseph, and that his baby girl was the reason he was going to become a lawyer instead of writing books. ”
My heart tightened.
If I had been around back then and had met Davian…
“God, how I stared at him,” she laughed softly. “My son. After twenty-two years. To this day, I’m surprised that he never figured it out, not even in that moment.”
All those years, she had played her part well.
“In that moment, when I looked at the photo of my granddaughter, it dawned on me that God had given me a chance. A chance to make things right. Or at least to try.”
She had come to Joseph’s gala. A gala where Arnold had surely been as well. But I didn’t want to ask her, didn’t want to stir up unpleasant memories in her.
“I asked Davian that very evening if I could meet his daughter, and he said she was next door with the nanny Joseph had hired.”
Oh, of course he’d hired a nanny for Davian’s child, while Mama had tried to raise me without him. Not that Lara didn’t deserve it, but where had he been when I had been three?
“I’m really a bad mother, because I took advantage of Davian’s guilt over Joseph hiring a nanny and suggested I could fill in for her occasionally.
That I’d already looked after Anthony many times when he had been a little boy.
He immediately declined, thanking me and telling me I had too much on my plate and that he couldn’t accept that offer.
But I insisted, never told him that I had quit my job for Lara and found something where I could work fewer hours. ”
“You returned to Maplecrest. Why…”
Again, I couldn’t bring myself to say his name.
“I didn’t want to give Arnold power over me. Never again. And it flipped a switch inside me. Something that, with the decision to come to Maplecrest, decided deep down that I would show Arnold he can’t keep me – or any other woman – down. Even if that means working for him.”
I was certain I was standing right next to the strongest woman I would ever meet.
Arnold had never done anything to me. But everything I knew about this sick man was enough to make me want to leave Maplecrest and finally erase those diary entries from my memory. Just like what Monica had just confided in me.
How would Davian cope with this?
Would she tell him?
“Without Joseph, I wouldn’t have gotten in.
But once I was in, and Arnold realized who I was, it was already too late.
The newly formed Ethics Committee stood up for me back then, forbidding Arnold from firing me since he had no valid reasons.
And you should have seen his face the first day he saw me after so long. ”
So she’d probably been avoiding him at galas.
“To this day, I do my best to act as if none of it ever happened. Just to show him, in all those moments when I hold his gaze, that he can’t break me.”
She swallowed.
“Every time, something cracks inside me. To this day. But every time, I think of Davian and Lara. And that’s enough to find strength.”
She turned to me, looking me in the eyes for the first time.
“I love the law and my work, Quill. But Lara is my angel.”
She moved the handkerchief under her right eye, letting the last trace of her inner turmoil disappear before we continued on our walk.
Only now did I feel how unstable my knees were.
“I would protect her with my life. And I would do the same for Davian.”
There were people like Monica and Davian. And there were people like my father…
We walked beneath a stone archway into the next bare park, where autumn leaves were being swept across the ground.
“Why did you never tell them?”
“Because somehow everything was perfect…”
Perfect.
And in that moment, I realized what it was that was screaming so loudly inside me, urging me, despite everything she had just told me, to stand up for Davian.
“It wasn’t.”
Under Questioning
Luke Richards
I stopped again.
“Davian had problems he never talked to either of you about. He hates being a lawyer.”
Monica stopped too, turned to face me, while a sense of frustrated helplessness took hold of me.
“It’s just a normal for him. One he only chose so Lara could have a better life. But he never wanted that. He never wanted to be what my…” I faltered, cursing myself inwardly. “He never wanted to be what Joseph had planned for him. It wore him down, drove him to the brink of despair.”
It wasn’t until I looked up that I realized I had overwhelmed Monica with my emotional outburst.
“Sweetheart, how did you…” Confusion crept into her expression. “Did he tell you that?”
She sounded as if she didn’t expect Davian to open up to someone like me. His student.
“Davian’s ex-wife left him because he wanted to become a full-time author. Something that still eats away at him to this day, just because everyone around him is so eager for him to function well and lead a normal life as part of this wealthy elite!”
I clenched my teeth, unprepared for my sudden surge of emotion, for the frustration I had been carrying around for months on Davian’s behalf, directed at his entire toxic circle.
I wouldn’t stand by any longer while they all overlooked what this man had sacrificed for them.
“Quill, he…”
“Joseph never told you, did he?”
Monica stared at me as if she were in shock.
But it was high time she learned the whole story.
“That Davian has been writing since he was young. That he had to promise Joseph he’d stop so he could focus on his career, so Joseph would actually mentor him. That that was the condition.”
I didn’t want her to blame herself for it, but it seemed as though she had never asked about such things. As though she had accepted that Davian had kept his struggles to himself and buried his personal needs somewhere in the Maplecrest cemetery.
“I…” Monica seemed to be searching for words. “I didn’t know that. Davian…”
“It’s killing him!” I blurted out, trying not to burst into tears. “And I’m glad he’s leaving Maplecrest and this toxic place full of people who use him as a pawn on their giant legal chessboard.”
I should feel relief. But he was still here, in this place, and no one seemed to understand why he wanted to leave.
“Davian deserves the whole damn world! A life where he can finally be the man he was meant to be from the very beginning!”
It was all becoming too much.
I had raised my voice at Monica.
Damn, what was I even doing here? Why was I so rattled?
Monica stared at me as if I had pulled the rug out from under her. And this right after she needed someone to listen to her, to acknowledge the goddamn injustice that had been done to her.
Complete overwhelm broke out inside me.
“Oh God…” I sighed. “I’m sorry, Monica… That wasn’t fair of me.”
Still, I wouldn’t take back a single one of those words.
It felt like I had broken Monica. She just stood there, as if the gears in her head were turning with difficulty, staring me dead in the eye.
“Joseph told me Davian wanted to be your mentor so he could be close to you…”
The agitated, jumping lump in my chest dropped to the pit of my stomach as I realized what she was implying. That this was what she was thinking about right now.
“And I didn’t want to believe him… Davian would never lay a hand on young girls.”
“And you’re right,” the words slipped from my lips faster than I could think, ready to defend Davian’s honor until I no longer walked this earth. “And yet you barely know him. The real Davian. The one who sacrifices himself so others can be happy!”
Oh God. Now I was definitely the one who needed some space to clear all the chaos in my head before I could be there for Monica and respond to her properly.
I had to talk to Davian, finally make sure he was okay.
“I’ll talk to him,” I began, lowering my voice. “But promise me that whenever he’s ready to talk to you, you’ll ask the right questions and won’t stand in his way. That you’ll be a mother to him.”
I didn’t let Monica get another word in, turned around, and hurried down the path.
Oh, there were so many reasons not to become a mother. The greatest gift I could ever give my unborn child would be not to bring it into this world.
All I could do to make this world a better place was to be there for that man whose inner child had been kicked back and forth like a soccer ball until he had gradually withered away, yet somehow managed to stay afloat all these years.
You're the first person to remind me
that needs are human.
– Leaking Batteries Diary