Chapter 100 #5
I pulled the razor blade out of the plastic bag and placed it on the table between us.
The quiet sound of the blade against the metal was haunting, tearing through the silence around us, accompanied by the irregular clinking of the chains on his handcuffs beneath his trembling hands.
I pushed the razor blade toward him, tapped it, and immediately felt the gazes of Mr. Bellrose and the two guards on my hand.
Whatever it was that flickered there through Joseph’s eyes, it sent a satisfying wave of triumph through my entire body.
You could call it the devil, or madness, whatever it was that seemed to have just taken hold of me. But this was the only price I would accept.
“I’ll make sure that this is your only way out of here.”
Joseph was unable to take his eyes off the blade. He didn’t need to. The horror in his expression, which was growing by the second, was enough to know that I had him in my grasp.
An incredulous snort escaped him, but I gave him no chance to hide his unease, leaning forward and lowering my voice.
“You’ve taught me a lot. Including just how useful it is to have connections.”
I looked at the guards, then at Mr. Bellrose.
Joseph followed my gaze.
“Did you really think they’d just let me in here like that? Without proof that I’m your lawyer? With a razor blade?”
Joseph was still staring at Mr. Bellrose.
“Who are these people? Who is this man?”
When I didn’t answer, he looked back at me.
“Davian. What have you done? Where’s Arnold?”
I had never seen Joseph so unsettled.
“Neither of us wants to know. Fact is, all the people in this room work for someone who promised me they’d treat you the way you treated Quill’s mother. They’ll make sure you feel the way your daughter felt all those years under your care. Small. Frightened. Worthless. Defenseless.”
“Davian…”
“No.”
I pushed the blade up to his trembling hand, which flinched.
“This… is my final gift to you. A gift from your daughter. Use it. While you still can.”
I rose, waiting until he looked up from the blade.
“She always told me how hopeless she was. But after everything you put her through, it was hope she had held onto until the very last moment. Hope that you would change. For her.”
I shook my head.
“It was never revenge she had wanted deep down. She was your child, Joseph. All she had been looking for in you all those years was her father.”
One last time, I looked him straight in the eye, feeling the indifference I had tried to escape every night finally settling in. Until I realized it was something else.
Surrender.
“Goodbye, Joseph.”
Retrograde
James Blake
We hadn’t exchanged a single word the entire ride.
I had been too busy trying to process what had just happened. The fact that none of it was a strange dream would still haunt me, just as all those dreams did in which I still had Quill with me.
The Maplecrest town sign cleared my mind.
“What did Joseph do to you?”
His stare in that room had spoken volumes. There was something that had filled this man with the deepest loathing.
“He deeply hurt someone for whom I would reduce this world to ashes. So deeply that it will leave its mark on her forever.”
Her.
What if I didn’t know everything about Joseph after all? What if there had been more to it?
I wanted to press further, but stopped myself.
No, Davian. You have to put this behind you. Once and for all.
Mr. Bellrose parked on the side of the road in front of my house, where the outdoor lights immediately came on as the door opened and Lara stepped outside in a copper-colored cardigan.
“Davian.”
I looked back at Mr. Bellrose, who was staring at me intently.
“No matter what happens. Don’t look for me.”
Why would I look for him? Did he think I wanted to go back to those two?
As tempting as it was to make sure regret seeped into these men, I was just as ready to finally close this chapter.
I just nodded, and all that found its way past my lips was a “Thank you…”
Yet there was still that strange feeling that wouldn’t let me go, the longer I looked at this man.
He seemed as if he wanted to say something else before he pressed his lips together slightly and leaned back in his seat.
I opened the door.
“Until we meet again.”
I didn’t respond to his words, wondering if I would actually see him again.
Don’t look for me.
That was all I needed to know for the paranoia to finally fade, leaving only calm behind. Even though I knew that as soon as I closed Quill’s bedroom door behind me, all the pain would radically return and rob me of another meaningless night’s sleep.
“Where were you, Dad?”
My daughter’s worried look made me walk up the stairs to her, take her in my arms without a word, and she returned the hug.
“I was just taking care of something important.”
Behind us, I heard Mr. Bellrose start the car and disappear down the street. And with him, that strange feeling in my stomach.
THREE MONTHS LATER
Now that transience fades you away,
I brought you white lilies, filled with my blood.
Lay them to your feet, day after day.
I hope you found peace. Because I did not.
– Leaking Batteries Diary