Chapter Twenty-Four
MARLEY
“YOU LEFT her alone?” Mason shouts at Jax after we get home and tell the story.
I step up to Mason and glare at him. “I told him to. Chuck was right there, and he was only going to be a minute. The guy snuck in after I was in the store.”
“That’s what they do!” Mason bellows as he looks from me to Jax and angrily points his finger. “You know that!”
“You’re right, I shouldn’t have left her, that’s why I changed my mind and turned around and went back. It didn’t feel right.” Jax is standing resolute with his hands fisted at his sides.
We knew this would happen after we got back to the house. I even asked him if he wanted to not tell, but he insisted everyone needed to know. He already told me they were going to be pissed.
“I thought she was safe with you!” Mason yells again and I stand in front of him, putting my hands on his chest.
“Mason, stop.”
He looks down at me, and his face softens. “You know that was risky. Admit it.”
Nodding my head, I agree. “I know now I shouldn’t have told him to go. I thought Chuck being right there would be a deterrent, but I was wrong.”
Gray is standing in the arched doorway of the family room with his arms crossed over his chest, glaring at Jax.
I set my focus on Gray. “It won’t happen again.”
Gray doesn’t take his eyes off Jax. “How can I know he can be trusted?”
I can feel the anger wafting off Jax onto my back, and I’ve had just about enough. I step away from Mason and yell, “Enough, damn it!”
All eyes in the room turn to me in surprise and I take a deep breath.
“It’s my fault. For the past fourteen years I have walked this earth afraid of my own fucking shadow.
” I flick my eyes in Jax’s direction and then look at Mason.
“Jax makes me feel normal.” Then I look at Gray and lower my voice.
“For the first time in a long time, I felt like a normal woman without a damn black cloud over my head.
I insisted he go because it felt good, and I just wanted to enjoy feeling like any other woman who stands on her own two feet.
“And as for whether or not he can be trusted is not up to you, it’s up to me. I trust him, he came back for me, and he took care of the guy who grabbed me.” I point my finger at my chest. “I trust him, Gray. I decide, not you.”
Gray’s jaw ticks in a clench, his eyes locked on mine. After a few moments, he pushes off the door frame and walks toward me, softly grasping my shoulders, he kisses my forehead and leaves the room.
Dad clears his throat and follows him out.
Turning my attention back to Mason, he is looking at the floor with his hands hanging from his hips. Keeping his head down, he looks at me through his eyebrows. “Can I have a moment with Jax?”
I turn and look at Jax, and he nods.
“Fine, I’m going out to my stables.”
The rest of the day was mildly tense. Everyone tried to pretend like it was a normal dinner, but without all the family there talking over each other and laughing together, it was anything but normal.
I could tell Gray was tense because he kept looking at Laney Rai’s seat, he’s not handling being so far away from her very well.
It’s no wonder he was so angry about the guy in the feed store, he’s already a tight bundle of nerves because Lainey Rai is outside of his protective bubble.
Just to show him I appreciate his concern, I kiss the top of his head and pat his shoulder when I leave the dining room. Without turning to me, his hand reached up and squeezed my fingers on his shoulder.
Everyone even turned into bed earlier than usual. So, now I’m staring at the lines of light shining through my blinds on my wall.
Wide awake.
Thinking of Jax.
All I can think about is how well I slept last night with him next to me.
I normally toss and turn through the night, but I didn’t wake up once after I fell asleep next to him.
I tried to fool myself by wearing his t-shirt that he left in my room this morning.
It still smells like him. But it just makes me want him here with me more.
I’ve never felt this kind of need for a man.
This is… visceral. The pull to him in my gut is strong.
I’m not sure when this attachment to him formed.
He’s been coming here more and more over the months, but there isn’t a specific moment or event that stands out, just gentle flashes of him standing next to me, or checking on me in my stables, or his smile when he jokes with Mason.
I flop onto my back and throw my arms and legs out like a starfish and count my five fan blades over and over. Maybe the repetition of counting will help me fall asleep.
It doesn’t.
Maybe I could just go to his room and see if he’s okay. It was a kind of stressful day. The idea is ridiculous and I’m lying to myself if that’s my excuse.
Who am I kidding? I just want to be close to him.
Rolling over, I get out of bed and pad over to the door and grasp the handle, turning it. What if I’m not enough? Every insecurity I have digs its claws into my heart to remind me of how different we are.
He’s traveled the world and had countless women. I don’t like leaving my ranch and I haven’t let a man pass almost-first-base in fourteen years. He’s experienced and I’m singular. He knows multiple languages and I know English with a southern drawl.
Those words whisper across my mind, making me question myself, and I freeze, the knob stopping in mid-turn. Every little flicker of hope he’s lit in me just went out.
Resting my forehead against the cool wood of the door, the weight of loneliness and dejection settle over me like a constant companion. Letting go of the knob, I place my palms on the door as every insecurity I’ve carried for the past fourteen years sticks to my skin like nettles.
Why do I feel confident and happy when he’s next to me, but as soon as I’m by myself, I question everything he makes me feel?
A soft tap on the other side of the door startles me out of my rapidly declining frame of mind. It’s Jax, I can feel it. I can feel him.
Putting my hand back on the handle, I open the door.
He’s leaning against the door frame, a hand gripping each side, his t-shirt stretching over his biceps and across his chest. His shocking blue eyes move over his t-shirt I’m wearing and then look over my face like he’s looking for anything out of place.
“I can hear you thinking through the door, lepa.”
The easy comfort I felt with him this morning is fading, and I hate it. Each moment I smiled about today being filed away in a place in my head where hopes go to die.
My eyes drop to the dip in his neck between his collarbones just above his t-shirt neck. “I couldn’t sleep.” A thought occurs to me. “Wait, were you outside my door?”
He tilts his head and tenderness shines in his eyes. “I like to make sure you get to sleep okay.”
Well, that’s sweet. Unexpected. But sweet.
I take a step closer and look at the floor next to my door. My heart swells as I look back at him. “You sit out here every night?”
The warmth softens his face as he reaches for my cheek, his knuckles sliding across my skin. “Sve za tebe, lepotice.” [anything for you, beautiful] “Tell me why you can’t sleep.”
The step I took to look out my door has me just inches from him. Tipping my head back, I look into his eyes and smile, my mind drifting to our little game we’ve been playing for the past few weeks. “Anything for you, beautiful?”
His eyes brighten, and he smiles his gorgeous smile. “That’s exactly what I said.” He pauses and his expression turns serious. “Why can’t you sleep?”
“You’ll think I’m silly.”
His hand cups my chin, the smell of leather and soap tickles my nose. “I would never think you’re silly.”
My eyes volley between his. “I miss you.”
Letting go of the door frame, he steps closer and cups my face and a smile tips his lips. “That is not silly. It’s the best thing I’ve heard all day.” His accent is thick when he says it.
Needing to touch him, I grip his wrists. “I slept better last night than I have in a really long time.”
“You only have to tell me what you need, and it’s done.” His breath tickles my cheek, and the closeness of his body to mine is making other areas tickle.
I’m getting whiplash from my insecurities and his declarations, and even though it’s probably juvenile, I want to explore them. If the feelings I’m having in my center and in my heart are to be taken seriously, I have to take my doubts seriously. I need to know.
“Why me?” I whisper, my eyes locked on his.
His gaze moves over my face. “I already told you. From the first moment I saw you, I became yours, Lepa. My heart, body, and soul were not my own anymore. I made it my mission to be close to you, every spare moment I have… is yours.”
Tucker was right, Jax has been coming here because of me. I didn’t want to admit it to myself before, what if I turned out to be wrong? He’s been trying to get close to me all this time.
“How can you be sure? There are parts of myself that even I don’t know very well.” I push further. “You may not like what you find.”
His head tilts again, his eyes full of affection and tenderness.
“The old woman who took care of me and my cousins after my parents died told me once that finding the other half of one’s soul in this big world is a rare, precious gift and to grab onto it for dear life when you do.
I thought she was a hopeless romantic, and probably a little crazy, but I know now what she meant. ”
Removing one of his hands from my face, he takes my hand and kisses my palm. “We both have parts of us that are hidden and raw, but together, we can learn. We can heal those parts. I want you to show me every scar and every hurt that has made you the woman you are, so I can kiss each one.”