Chapter Thirty-Nine
MARLEY
LOUD CHIRPING outside my window pulls me out of sleep, if you even want to call it sleep, since I tossed and turned all night. Today is day five. Yesterday I felt so raw that everything rubbed me the wrong way.
I think even my horses felt my irritation. The new gelding I got a couple of days ago is still avoiding me. I need to shake this funk if I’m going to get anywhere with him.
Yesterday, Kinley left a box of pregnancy tests on my bedside table. I quickly opened the drawer and slid the box out of sight. I don’t want anyone else to know that there’s a chance.
Not until Jax gets back. I want to share with him first to see how he’s going to react.
Staring at the robins that have nested right outside my window, I watch one of the pair stand on the edge of the nest while the other is sunk down inside where I can’t see. The sky is just starting to show the sunrise, so I look at my bedside table to grab my phone.
I push up onto my elbow so fast I almost pull a muscle in my arm.
My heart just flip-flopped and butterflies are swirling in my stomach.
On my bedside table is a single red rose close to the edge.
It’s fresh. He’s back. My heart beats faster and as I swing my legs over the bed to get up, something shiny catches my eye.
On the short stem of the rose is a ring. A beautiful engagement ring with a large round center stone and a smaller teardrop on each side. It’s simple and elegant. It’s what I would have picked out for myself.
My hand is trembling as I reach for it. I pull the ring off the stem and smell the rose before I set it down on the bed next to me. The white gold of the band is thin, and I slide it on my finger to see if it fits. It’s perfect.
Emotions swirl in my chest and my eyes sting as I turn my hand one way and then the other. Even in the low light, the diamonds are sparkling.
“You’ll have to let me know if you want a bigger stone. I wasn’t sure if it was something you would wear while working or not.”
Jax’s voice behind me nearly sends me through the roof with a start and I twist around to face him, my hand on my chest. He’s fully dressed in his usual black fatigue pants and t-shirt, lounging on his side next to me, on top of the covers.
His arm is crooked on the pillow and his head is resting on his hand.
He’s smirking. “You like it?”
I launch myself at him, and he falls onto his back as I crash my lips to his. “I love it.” As I’m kissing him, I crawl up his front on my knees and straddle his torso, my hands on his face.
“I missed you.” I breathe into his mouth. In the one second of time it took for me to realize he was in the room with me, my body lit up like a sparkler and I can’t get close enough to him.
His arms are locked around me, his kisses soft but demanding. “I couldn’t wait to get back to you.”
Lifting my head, I look down at him. “You didn’t text me.”
With a small sigh, his eyes volley between mine. “I know. I’m sorry. It was more difficult than we originally thought. Mason and I wanted to push through so we could get back. But that limited our down time.”
I shrug a shoulder in mock disappointment and roll my eyes. “Fine. Since you were trying to get back faster, I can forgive you.”
All humor falls from his face, and his eyebrows dip, making my heart rate increase. He looks mad. “Did you just roll your eyes at me?”
I think he’s playing, and I lift my head away even more, giving him my own sharp look. “I did.”
In one quick move, he rolls me over and is pinning me to the bed. His hands loosely hold my wrists over my head and his body is heavy on me. He drags his nose along my jaw until his lips are next to my ear. “You’re going to pay for that.”
His breath is hot from the whisper, and a shiver slides up my spine.
Soft, warm lips suck against my skin in hot little kisses down the side of my neck.
He lifts his head and softly kisses my lips.
“Don’t move your hands.” He presses his hips into me, his hardness puts pressure directly on the area that has already started to ache for his attention.
My breaths are coming quicker and I nod my head.
Sliding his knees up behind my legs, he sits up on his heels and looks at what I’m wearing. “I like to see you in my clothes. It’s sexy as fuck.” His eyes flick up to mine. “You trust me?”
Anticipation shoots through my chest, sending a wave of excitement over my skin and goose pimples over my arms. I nod my head again.
“Words, lepa.”
“I trust you.” I trust him with my life.
Grasping the hem of the shirt I’m wearing, he walks it up my stomach. “Arch your back.” He pats my hip with his fingertips, his voice husky.
I do and he pushes the material up my body and leans over me to cover my eyes and then somehow loops the fabric around my head and wrists to bind my hands. Cool air moves over my torso and my already hard nipples become hard enough to cut glass.
“If you want me to stop, I will stop.” His beard is scratchy against my cheek as he says it, and his big, rough hands slide down my arms, tickling the underside.
I’m practically panting from excitement, arousal, and a little bit of fear of the unknown. “Don’t stop.”
“Good girl.”
I’m pretty sure a gush of warmth just moved between my legs.
Scratchy calluses on his palms move over my skin and his hands wrap around my ribs as his lips zig-zag down my chest and latch onto a nipple. My skin pimples all over my chest and stomach while he nips my skin and then licks and kisses.
“This body is gorgeous, you have no idea what you do to me.” He mumbles as he moves down to my stomach, his hands glide over my skin to the waistband of his sweats.
The warmth of his tongue and his hot breath, combined with the cool air, sends a shiver up my spine. “I’m going to spend the rest of my life worshipping this body.” He murmurs against my skin as he flips the waistband down, his lips finding my hips.
“Lift your hips, lepa.”
When I do, the heat and closeness of him are gone as he sits up and slides the pants down my legs and over my feet. “Do you know you have the perfect ass?”
The sound of fabric hitting the floor rustles next to the bed. My ankles are trapped in his warm grip, my legs in the air in front of him, when his other hand palms the globe of my ass and squeezes, his thumb brushes just outside the area I want him to touch.
“Brana.” I whisper.
Opening my legs again, he lowers himself to hover over me. The bed dips on each side of me where his hands are, I know he’s right above me, but he feels even farther away than he was before. “What? Tell me what you want.”
I’ve never felt so exposed and completely safe before, the feeling is empowering, but my cheeks still flush pink when I think of what I want to say.
His lips are on my jaw again, next to my ear. “I want to hear it. Tell me what you want. I’ll give you anything you want in this fucking world.”
My voice is shaking a little when I say, “I want you. I want to come. I need to feel you touching me. I need you.”
“You have me, ljubavi moja [my love], I’m all yours. I’ll do anything for you.”
One of his hands lifts from the bed next to me and then I feel his fingertips slide up my thigh before he drags a finger through my wet slit. My back arches and a moan slips from between my lips when the pad of his finger moves over my clit.
“So wet for me. I love to watch your body respond to my touch.” His lips land on mine just as he slips his finger in me, sliding the tip over my g-spot, pulling another moan from me.
The kiss is slow. His tongue drags across my lips, and I open for him. God, I open for him in every sense of the word. My body, my mind, my heart. Everything. I’m his.
“I want you inside of me.” I whisper into his mouth.
Like I just asked the Geni for a wish, his mouth and his fingers are gone and I hear his belt being undone and his zipper open. He pushes into me with a moan, filling me completely, like a man who’s getting sustenance after being starved. The bed dips again, with his forearms on each side of me.
“Fuck, you’re so fucking perfect.” He pushes the material off my face and I squint at the intrusion of light. “I want to see your face when you come for me.”
He’s moving slow. This isn’t just sex, he’s making love to me. The tenderness in his eyes as he stares at me warms every corner of my body.
I pull at the shirt around my hands. “I want to touch you.”
With a glance over my head and a tug, he frees me and my hands go to his face. The slow pace of his thrusts and the movement against my clit every time he fills me is building pressure in my core like a damn geyser.
“I love you, Brana. I love you with my whole heart,” I whisper as I bend my knees up to my sides and hook my feet behind him, my eyes locked on his.
His eyes flare as possession and love fills his features. Reaching for my hands, he laces his fingers with mine and pins them to the bed on each side of my head.
“You’re mine. You’ll always be mine.” His next words crack as he says them. “I’ll prove how much I love you for the rest of my life.”
His lips are on mine again and he moves faster, rubbing my clit harder with each thrust. I rotate my hips to meet each one.
“Oh, I’m gonna come.” I whisper-moan in his mouth.
His pace increases. “Come for me, lepa. I want to feel you.”
My core erupts and I lift my head to press my mouth to his neck, muffling the moan that’s trying to escape from my chest.
“Fuck.” He moans in my ear and starts thrusting harder. He warms my insides with his release and doesn’t stop moving until my walls stop pulsing.
His fingers are squeezing mine so tight, I wiggle them to let the blood flow back in. He loosens his grip but doesn’t let go.
His forehead rests on the pillow next to my head, his chest moving fast against mine. It just registers that I’m completely naked and he is fully clothed.
Keeping my feet locked behind him, I blurt out on a pant, “I’m late.”
Everything stills, his body freezes, and I think he stops breathing. He stays that way for the longest time.
My heart cracks down the middle, and my eyes sting. “Are you mad?” My voice shakes when I say it.
His head whips up and his eyes lock on mine. “No. Never.”
He lets go of my hands and wraps his palms around my face, pushing my hair back. “I’m only surprised.” His eyes volley between mine. “Are you mad?”
I shake my head between his hands. “No.”
“Tell me what you’re feeling, lepa.”
“No, you tell me what you’re feeling. I need to know.” A tear slips down my temple and he swipes it with his thumb.
His eyebrows dip like he’s angry. His eyes bore into mine. “You need to know what?”
“You’re angry.”
“I am a little. It’s in your eyes, you’re questioning me and it’s making you fearful.”
Well, when he puts it that way.
I shrink a little in shame. “It’s a big step.”
His head nods as he stares at me. “It’s a big fucking step.
” He stops and closes his eyes. He stays that way for seconds, breathing.
The anger leaves his face as he opens his eyes again.
“I don’t want you to ever question my love for you, or my dedication to our life together.
” His thumb tenderly moves across my cheek.
“I will be here for the small steps and the big steps. And baby steps if that’s what you want.
I’ve been next to you since the day I first saw you and no matter what, I’ll be next to you every day after this. ”
I swallow, it sounds loud, and I nod my head. “Okay.”
“My first question is, is this what you want? My second question is, I thought you were on birth control?”
“I am on birth control, so if I am pregnant,” I whisper the word like someone might hear me, “this is definitely outside of my control.” I shake my head again.
“I’ve always wanted children, maybe not quite so soon, but if I’m being given a gift, a gift created in what we have together, I want to take it. ” My voice shakes again.
His lips tip up, all the anger in his features replaced with acceptance and affection. “Then that’s what I want, too, lepa.”
Fifteen minutes later, we are looking at a plus sign on two different tests sitting on my dresser. Fear is making my stomach shake and my jaw is clamped closed to stop my teeth from chattering.
He pulls me into him, his arms looped around me.
“I had hoped to have you to myself for a while, but this makes me happy. You make me so fucking happy. I’ll give you as many or as few babies as you want, but no matter what, I love you with everything in me and I will take care of our family up to my last breath. ”
The fearful beat of my heart eases a little in my chest, and I take a deep breath. I was worried about how he might feel, but now I know there was nothing to be scared of.
Except maybe pushing something the size of a watermelon out of me.