50. Jordan
Chapter Fifty
Jordan
London—December
I’ve played Centre Court in front of fifteen thousand people. Faced down championship points. Served through torn ligaments and full-body cramps.
None of that ever made me feel like I might actually pass out.
But this?
Sitting in that sterile hospital room with Kate’s hand gripped tight in mine. This was something else entirely.
I hated the smell of hospitals. Too many memories of past injuries that slowed down my career, surgeries I didn’t know if I’d bounce back from.
Sticky floors, machine-generated coffee, physios and doctors poking at broken bits, bits that weren’t healing like they were supposed to.
This reason for the visit was better, brighter, more intimate, but it still made my stomach turn.
Kate was lying back on the exam bed, her jumper pushed up, the paper beneath her crackling every time she shifted. Her other hand rested on top of mine, her thumb tapping out some quiet morse code on my knuckles. I didn’t think she even knew she was doing it. She only did that when she was nervous.
I wanted to be steady for her. Like she could lean on me without ever worrying I’d falter. But my insides were twisted up tight, like someone had knotted a rope through my chest and kept pulling. Every breath felt heavier than it should’ve.
I didn’t know what to expect. I’d never done this before.
She’d been sick for weeks, and yeah, she kept telling me it was a good sign, that it meant things were moving the way they should, but what did I know?
All I saw was how pale she looked. How much weight she’d lost. How tired her eyes seemed.
It unsettled me in a way I couldn’t put words to.
I knew there was a baby in there, but nothing, not a single thing in my life, could’ve prepared me for what I was about to feel when I saw it for the first time.
The screen lit up.
“Okay,” the sonographer said, all chirpy and casual, like this wasn’t the single biggest moment of our lives. “Let’s see what we’ve got here…”
She squeezed the warm gel onto Kate’s stomach, and we both watched her every move like hawks. Then she pressed the transducer to her skin. A split-second later, the room exploded with the rapid, galloping thump of a heartbeat.
And there it was.
A flickering, kicking little shape of perfection. I stopped breathing.
Kate gasped, her hand flying to her mouth. Her heart was pounding, I could feel it against my side. Mine was doing the same.
“That’s your baby,” the woman said, tilting the screen toward us like we hadn’t already grasped it. “Looks like you’ve got a very healthy little one growing in there. Measuring just right for mid-June.”
Little one. Our little one. The feeling hit me like a tidal wave. Like my body was trying to remember how to hold all this feeling at once.
I leaned in closer, jaw clenched to stop my lip shaking. Every squiggle and shadow, every tiny limb, I couldn’t stop staring. My eyes were blurring, and I didn’t even care.
Kate looked up at me through tears, real ones, streaking silently down her cheeks. And for a second, we just stared at each other. Like neither of us could quite believe it.
“Is it…can you tell?” she asked the sonographer quietly.
She smiled. “Well, it’s a bit early…” she said, moving the handle further down Kate’s abdomen before pressing it into her firmly. “Oh…actually, hang on…Nope, no hiding that. Looks like you’ve got a little boy.”
Kate squeezed my hand, tight. Like she was bracing for my reaction. But I was already gone. A boy. A son. We were having a son. This made it real in a way nothing else had.
My mouth opened, but nothing came out. Just this ragged, breathless exhale like someone had hit me in the chest with a cricket bat.
I was going to have a son. With her. With Kate. And it washed over me in one overwhelming, undeniable wave. I got to love them for the rest of my life.
I kissed her forehead. Then her temple. Then the slight curve of her belly, which was already rounding beneath her clothes.
“Hey, mate,” I whispered. “Can’t wait to meet you.”
Kate let out a little tear soaked laugh that caught in her throat as I felt her relax beneath my hand.
“He’s showing off already,” she said softly. “Just like you.”
I brushed her hair back from her face, smiling. “I hope he’s just like you. Brave. Clever. Reckless.”
She sniffed cocking an eyebrow. “Reckless?”
“You fell for me, didn’t you?”
She rolled her eyes, but she was smiling properly now. That soft, luminous smile that pulled at my heart. And just like that, everything changed.
That screen. That heartbeat. That perfect little blur. It was all real now.
She was still smiling when we made it back to the car, clinging to the printout of his photo like her life depended on it. I’d never seen her this happy.
The second she dropped into the seat, she let out a breathless laugh. Overwhelmed, and giddy, and glowing in that way she probably didn’t even realise she was. I climbed in beside her, leaned my head back against the seat, and when our eyes met, my smile was unstoppable.
I reached across and caught her hand in mine as I brought it straight to her belly.
“My boys,” she said, looking down, so quietly it nearly broke me. She’d waited her whole life for this and by some miracle, I got to be the one who gave it to her.
Her boys. Me and him. She said it like it was the most natural thing in the world. Like she finally had everything she’d ever wanted. God, I loved the sound of it.
“Your boys,” I repeated, leaning in to kiss her soft, smiling mouth, “are going to make sure you know how much we love you, every second of every day.”
She exhaled, resting her head against the head rest again.
“God. I can’t believe we made him.”
“Really?” I turned with a raised an eyebrow. “Kate, we fucked like we were trying to set a world record for two months straight. I’m surprised we didn’t make more.”
She burst out laughing, and I swear it might be my favourite sound in the world. Her head fell against my shoulder, giggling into my hoodie. Both of us dissolved into familiar laughter.
“I think it happened early on in Canada,” she said shyly.
I grinned. “I told you that black dress was dangerous.” I smiled.
“I think it had more to do with the fact that I was late with my birth control a few too many times,” she admitted with a laugh.
“Yeah, well, I didn’t exactly make it easy for you to stay organised, did I? Plus, every time you walked into a room, I was on you like a madman. Not sorry about it, either.”
She nudged me, still smiling. “Clearly.”
I kissed her hair, letting the grin soften. “Best surprise we could have ever gotten.”
She stayed contently silent for a moment. Her head rested against me, both of us just holding onto the weight of it. Then she tilted up, teasing, her eyes glinting. “I thought you were going to cry in there, Taylor.”
“I bloody was,” I muttered, letting out a shaky breath. “I think I knew,” I said, warmly. “That he was going to be a boy.”
“Really?” she asked, her eyes shining. “You’d thought about that?”
“Are you kidding?” I asked, grinning now. “I’ve been picturing it since the minute you told me you were pregnant, maybe even before that. Him, you, me in the big-ass house I’m going to buy us. Him running around in tiny trainers, holding a tennis racket.”
That got a proper laugh out of her. “What if he wants to play rugby?”
“He can do that, too. He can do anything he wants.”
Her smile lingered softly. “What else have you thought about?”
I stilled for a second. Looked at her properly.
“You,” I said quietly. “How beautiful you’re going to look when you’re eight months pregnant. How I’m not going to be able to keep my hands off you.”
Her lips parted slightly, breath catching, but I wasn’t even trying to be cheeky. It was honest. But then my chest tightened, the next words catching on something rough and raw in my throat.
“But I’ve also thought about how I wasn’t there when you found out.
That I wasn’t the one who went to buy the test. That I wasn’t the one holding your hand when you took the test. That I didn’t get to catch you when you were scared.
And it still fucking kills me, Katie. That I gave you a reason to walk away. ”
I wasn’t looking at her by the time I finished. I couldn’t. My jaw was locked and my throat was thick with guilt. She reached for my face, her fingertips gentle as she turned me back toward her.
“You’re here now,” she said. “You’re here when it matters. For all the important stuff.”
It was the first time we’d spoken about Cincinnati. That night. What we’d done to each other. What I’d started.
“We were both wrong,” she continued, her voice steady. “You shouldn’t have said it. And I shouldn’t have run. But something pulled us out of it, Jordan. Because we were meant to make it. I believe that.”
“Me too, Katie,” I said, and fuck, I did. More than anything.
She smiled again, then rubbed her belly in that way she did when she was thinking about him. And suddenly, the world felt bright again. Big and full of things to look forward to.
“Now come on,” she said lightly, “baby needs cake. And there’s a good coffee shop about fifteen minutes away.”
“Anything for you two,” I said, reaching for the keys. “Anything.”