Chapter 39
THIRTY-NINE
HARLAN
JUNE
I woke to someone slamming around in our Los Angeles hotel room. Emma barely stirred, snoring away on my chest.
That guaranteed it wasn’t her wandering around.
“Liam?”
I shifted to look at the clock, finding that it was just after dawn.
“You alright?”
His shadow was silhouetted in the bathroom mirror. “I want to talk to you.”
“Yeah. Okay. Can you . . . Give me a second?”
He let out a loud sigh. “I’ll meet you in the cafe downstairs.”
A few minutes later, I sauntered to the hotel lobby and found Liam sitting at a two-top table. I rubbed through my hair as I approached him. “You drink coffee?”
“No. I just want to talk.”
I nodded, still not fully awake. “Let me get a cup and I’ll be right here. You sure you don’t want anything?”
He pouted. “A plain croissant.”
“Sure thing.”
With a cup of coffee and a plain croissant in a bag for Liam, I sat at his table. I flopped it down on the table and sat. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
He rolled his eyes and shook his head.
“Sorry. Trying to make you laugh. What’s going on?”
Liam picked a flake of the croissant off and licked at it from his thumb. “How did you know what you wanted?”
My jaw tightened. “Wanted what?”
“From your future.”
“Like . . . With your mom?”
“No, god.” His head dipped farther down his neck. “With hockey. How did you decide to keep going?”
“Oh.” I rolled my lips through my teeth and gave his question some thought. “I guess . . . I never really considered it much of a choice? I didn’t want to have some boring job like my dad.”
Liam scoffed. “Well, I don’t either.”
“Okay. What’s holding you back from choosing hockey?”
He shook his head. “Nothing, really.” He paused. “Well. I don’t want to be in your way and Mom’s way.”
“We’re fine, man. Don’t worry about that. What’s holding you back?”
“Not being good enough to make it. Doing all this work without a hope of the show.”
I thought back to Cordero’s advice to me all those months before. “Is that the only outcome you’ll accept? The show or nothing?”
He lifted a shoulder. “I don’t know. Just feels like if I’m going to all this trouble, I should have something to show for it.”
I studied his face. His eyes were ringed with deep purple and he kept brushing his hand over the top of his head.
“I got some really good advice not long ago. If you only focus on the big outcome, you’ll miss a lot of great moments in the middle.
Putting too much pressure on getting in the show will only make you feel empty when you get there.
You have to think of what’s the worst that could come of that choice too. ”
“Not getting drafted.”
“I wasn’t drafted,” I reminded him.
“You’re a goalie,” he countered.
“Sure, but lots of other guys on our team weren’t drafted.”
And look where we are now.
Liam’s jaw twitched. “Not getting picked for a college. Not getting picked for the lower leagues.”
“Does that possibility bother you?”
He lifted a shoulder and sat back. “I don’t know. That’s the problem.”
“It is a real possibility. Not many of us make it. What about the other side? Going to college now without being on a team? Do you know what you’d study?”
He scoffed. “No clue.”
“Then what’s the harm in playing another year?”
Liam rested his head in his hands, flicking his hands over his hair. He was silent, but agitated.
“There’s something else.”
“Okay.”
I took a sip of coffee. And waited. “I kinda have feelings for someone, but I don’t want it to seem like I’m just clinging onto hi—them.”
“‘Kay. I’m going to need more to go on than that.”
“You can’t tell my mom.”
My stomach twisted. I wanted him to confide in me, but I didn’t want to lie to Emma. Lies of omission are still lies. “If it has to do with your safety—“
“No, god!” He hissed, then lowered his voice, looking around to make sure we were alone. “I kind of have feelings for Owen.”
I was careful to keep my expression calm. “Alright.”
“You can’t tell Mom,” he insisted.
“I won’t, but I need to know why not.”
“She doesn’t know that about me.”
I stilled, trying to make sure I handled this the right way. Liam was trusting me with something big. Something I already suspected, but something big nonetheless. I lowered my voice. “That you like men?”
He sighed. “Yeah. I don’t want her to freak.”
I smirked, thinking of her sweet response when I came out to her. “I don’t think she’ll freak.”
“You don’t know her like I do,” he said.
“Maybe not, but . . . She knows I’m bi.”
Liam’s head snapped up. “You are?”
“Yes.”
He stared at his fingers on the table, presumably letting that sink in. “And what did she say about it?”
“She’s supportive.”
He rolled his eyes. “No way.”
“Would you rather your mom be a bigot?”
“No. Ugh. I’ve had a lot of time to worry about this, okay?” He grimaced, then ran his hand over his hair again. “How did you tell her?”
I sighed. “I didn’t directly. We ran into my ex, and she and I kinda got into it. It came out that way, but I didn’t say anything to Emma about it right away. I knew she’d heard though.”
Liam chewed his lip. “That sucks.”
“I would have told her eventually. She took it well. She said that to ignore that part of me would be to ignore me. Like, even if I’m not showing that I like men and I’m just in a relationship with her, it’s still part of who I am.”
He bobbed his head. “Guess Mom’s cooler than I thought.”
“I think whenever you’re ready, she’d love to celebrate that part of you. She’s on your side.” I didn’t mention that I was pretty sure she already had an educated guess as to his sexuality. That was something between the two of them. “So, Owen, huh?”
“Don’t fucking tell him,” Liam groaned.
“What have you guys been doing every night? I just assumed that was already happening.”
Liam looked betrayed. “You already thought I was gay?”
“I mean, you’ve been staying with him every night. He’s playing really well. I can read between the lines.”
His face was some color in the beet family. “This is the worst.”
“Nobody’s mad about it.” I shrugged. “That means it’s not a big deal.”
“We’re not doing anything! We just play video games and talk until we fall asleep.”
I puffed out my lip. “Aw. That’s really cute.”
“Shut up! Ugh!” He pouted. “I don’t even know if he’s into guys.”
I twisted my lips and looked around.
Liam tossed a hand my way. “This is the time when you tell me whether he’s gay.”
I held my hands up. “I don’t know! And even if I did, it wouldn’t be my news to share.”
I wasn’t sure Owen himself knew what he was.
One time he asked me how I knew I was bi, but he didn’t say anything about himself.
I figured my story was relatable. I got shoved into a closet by the older guys on my juniors team with another new guy.
It was supposed to be some kind of homophobic hazing ritual, but I ended up getting really turned on by it.
Liam shook his head. “If I stay for more juniors, it’ll look like I’m staying for him.”
“I don’t think anyone will think that.” The thought took hold. “Wait, would you be staying for him?”
“No!” Liam whined. “It’s just . . . I was kind of burned out on hockey. It just hasn’t been as fun. But then I’ve been spending more time with you guys and it makes me remember why I love it.”
I smirked. It would have been so easy to tease him right then, but I didn’t want to shut down a rare moment when Liam was confiding in me.
“Then love hockey. I know it’s scary to go for the big thing, because failure sucks, but it’s all part of it.
I don’t think anyone’s going to think you’re staying for Owen. ”
“Keep your voice down!” Liam hissed, eyes tracking someone passing through the lobby.
At that moment, the elevator doors slid open and Owen walked out, concern knitting his brow. “Oh, look, there he is!”
I waved over my head and Owen’s face relaxed as he walked our way. He stuffed his hands in his pockets as he approached the table. “Hey. Wondered where you went. You good?”
“Yeah. I’m fine. Just woke up early and had to get my wallet out of Royce’s room. Then he crashed my morning.”
Ah, being appreciated by the youth. Way to sell me out for cigarettes, kid.
Owen’s discomfort dissipated more fully and he touched his tongue to his teeth. “How does it feel having this asshole for a stepdad?”
Liam growled while Owen cackled.
Owen was a much more sunny person than I was, but I saw a little twinkle of my dynamic with Emma.
And that dynamic, as it turned out, had the potential for a little more than friendship.