Chapter 19
19
The door closes behind us. We’re in the “perks” department. All around us are shelves of adult toys. I stand next to a clothing rack with skimpy lace things hanging from it that just last night I might have imagined Ava wearing, but now, she glares at me like I shouldn’t even dare think about it in my wildest dreams.
I fucked up out there. I’ve become more and more comfortable with Ava. I let my guard down, and she’s too damn smart for me to make mistakes. Nothing slips past her. I love it. But she’s about to make me pay for what she already knows. I did know about that hack.
I lied to her. And it wasn’t even by omission. When she told me about the third Mexico hack she discovered, I full-on pretended it was the first I’d heard of it. I had noble reasons and agreed not to tell her with Rio, but good intentions don’t transform fiction to reality.
I still haven’t admitted it, and my mind reels. My need to be honest with her and take some accountability clashes with my commitment to Rio. It’s paralyzing.
She crosses her arms again, breasts pushing up nice and high, nearly tumbling out of the low-cut top.
“How did you know it was Ensenada?”
“Makes sense, doesn’t it?” Even I hear how lame my response is.
It doesn’t make sense. It might have made sense if I’d asked more questions first, as she rightfully pointed out. She’s too sharp, and it’s clear by her raging body language, her flushed cheeks, and the accusation in her gaze she’s just waiting for me to plead guilty.
That, I can handle. I’ve fucked up in life before.
But in her amber eyes is something I wasn’t prepared to deal with— betrayal.
My heartbeat quickens.
The last thing I’d want to do is break what’s been building. All I want to do is find an explanation to why I assumed the location of the hack that won’t hurt her. One that can somehow be the truth and at the same time not shatter my word to Rio. But I can’t because there is no gray area here. She asked me if I knew about the hacks. The answer is yes.
I’m not exactly proud of the path I’ve taken, but at the same time, is she? I’ve been just as confused about where we stand. One minute she’s hell-bent on paying it forward, the next, she’s giving me enigmatic clues about her past, and I know she needs something from me. The woman is in danger, and by now, after seeing the man I am, even simply knowing what I fucking do for a living, she can’t just tell me why she’s in danger?
Maybe it’s about goddamn time this comes to a head.
She’s not the only one who wants the truth.
She cranks up her volume a notch, coaxing me to admit I knew about those hacks.
“I’ve been given access to years of data at GhostEye, Enzo. You have no idea the time period of the hack I was talking about. You should have asked questions first, and the fact that you didn’t speaks volumes. I’m not stupid…”
“I never called you stupid.”
“Then stop treating me like I am!” She paces the wooden floor in front of a shelf filled with vibrators and throws a hand up. “I actually thought we were getting past this.”
Her voice cracks, showing she’s just as conflicted about all of this as I am.
“Dammit!” She flicks her hand against a negligée, and the hangers clatter. “Just say it already!”
Going there will lead us everywhere. I feel it in my bones when her pretty eyes narrow at me and she bites at her equally pretty pink lip, and fuck if this isn’t a woman I want to be honest with… but it’s not always up to me.
Ava doesn’t need words from me to know exactly what I’m thinking, and it scares the shit out of me. Like so many times before this, she reads my mind. There’s an undeniable connection, we’re two people who can speak without words. I’ve never had this with a woman before.
She laughs maniacally and flails her arm. “God, you have a convincing poker face. Maybe I am stupid. I actually believed I found those hacks!”
She glares at me through a sheen of tears and pins me to the spot. I didn’t know it would hurt her this much. I intended on talking to Rio, on convincing him I needed to drop the act and get on the train with her. But Ava was even better than I thought. She must have devoted nearly every working hour to finding what she has.
I knew she was clever, but I didn’t know just how driven she was. I thought I had time. Just a little more time.
She pokes her finger on my chest, and I feel it right through the cotton.
“You made me believe I brought something of value to the table then let me waste time on a wild goose chase. You already had the damn IP addresses. Why do it? Why? What possible purpose did it serve to make me rub off my fingerprints working so hard on something you already knew about?”
She thinks I put her on a meaningless task when in fact she was working on a project that is pretty much life or death for this company. I know she’s the only talent I’ve come across, mine included, who could figure this shit out. I hoped she’d reveal a solution, lead us to the culprits or culprits without us having to admit we’ve been lying to anyone. It’s not my finest decision, it was dishonest, but it wasn’t meant to hurt her. Not like this.
The bridge between us is falling to pieces.
She has every right to be angry.
“Ava… I need you to understand…”
“I don’t have to understand shit!” A shameful crimson blooms on her cheeks. “You totally lied to me! Right to my face you pretended that what I found was news to you. You belittled me and acted… surprised! Why did you keep that a secret?”
The sound of that word sets off a fire in me, too. I was ready to take accountability for lying to her. But I’m not the only one hiding things here.
I growl. “You want to talk about secrets? ”
My body grows heavy. The mood shifts like thunderclouds moving swiftly into our space. It’s my turn for a dry laugh, and I wish it didn’t escape because it makes me sound like I’m about to tip over the edge. Maybe I am. I run my fingers through my hair, giving it a hard tug as if to heave myself off this path I’m riding down. I’m losing control. Maybe I already lost it last night when I realized I had to trust her. I do trust her. And that meant me keeping the hacks secret towed the line between self-preservation and using her.
I hate myself for it.
But it’s not like my pretty little firecracker trusted me back. Maybe she’s using me, too. How would I know? She hasn’t told me shit, and I’m sitting here like a fool, ready to tell her everything when she’s still hiding behind that mask of hers.
I allowed her in because GhostEye needed help. I let her stay because there’s some undeniable connection. Not being able to act on it doesn’t change the magnetism. But maybe it’s one-sided.
If she wants to play the blame game, I’ll ante up.
“You’re going to stand there and blame me for keeping a secret?” My words are deep, low and commanding. “That’s lush coming from a person who sure as hell isn’t who she says she is.”
That sparks her off again, and she steps into my space.
“Unlike the secrets you keep, mine only hurt me…”
I stare down at her. She’s so close I can see her heartbeat in her milky neck. “Your secrets only hurt you? Do they? And why should I believe that? You haven’t trusted me any more than I’ve trusted you.”
Her eyes blast open, and she paces again, finally slamming her back against the door. “What am I to you, Enzo? I’m trying to build an actual real life here, and for you I’m just some means to an end? Or some game? What the hell was that all about?” Tears brim in her eyes. “I told you I would tell you everything once I helped you first, and you didn’t even give me a chance to really do that. I’m invested .”
I move closer still, transfixed on the mixture of fury and pain in her eyes. This hurt her more than I ever thought it could.
I haul her into my arms. I don’t want to see her this way. “It wasn’t a game. Everything you’re doing is very real…”
My words don’t seem to reach her as an avalanche of emotions hurl down on her.
“You can’t possibly understand…” her voice cracks, “how much this all means to me.”
“I want to understand. You’re more than a means to an end. You are important. The hacks were more important than you think. I want you here.” I step closer and swallow thickly. It’s not easy to be raw, but she deserves it.
I take her fingertips and feel the pads of her delicate fingers on mine. “I want you here.”
My heart pounds like thunder. We’re chest to chest. She must feel it. She must feel how much it pains me to care about her and not know her at all. Losing control is a danger I worked harder than any other to avoid, yet I hang on to her fingertips like I’ll never let them go.
I run my knuckles down her cheek. “Yes, Scottie. I lied. I kept that from you. For one, I made a commitment to Rio. For two, I wanted you to find those hacks. You’re part of something bigger than you know.”
Bigger to GhostEye.
Big as this goddamn swelling heart in my chest.
I would have wanted to help anyone in need, but this is an all-consuming obsession. I need to know why she’s in danger. I know someone must be after her for her to hide here. I don’t just want to offer her escape from her own life, I want to offer her a new one.
It should scare me to feel this way. I know I’ll need time to hoist myself up from how far I’ve already fallen. But giving her my all feels as natural as the flutter of her eyelashes, the air heaving her breasts up and down.
Heat radiates between us, and more than just heat, too. An ache courses through my veins knowing I hurt her. Now I’ve put her trusting me at risk, and it kills. I know we’ll leave this room and she’ll continue to work on the hacks. Her curiosity compels her. Her need for truth as well.
But it might all end there. Maybe she’ll never let me help her now.
I grip her waist and her breath hitches.
“Yes, I lied, but I gave my word to my brother. We agreed we’d keep it between us. This whole company could fall if word of those hacks ever got out. The decision to tell someone else about them is huge. It could affect a hell of a lot of innocent people, their livelihoods, their families….”
I do believe she can help. It’s why I finally gave her access.
And I want to help her, too. Her trouble runs deep. I know she needs me. She alluded to it in the office. Why can’t she just tell me?
Every time I feel I know her, I remind myself I don’t. Conversations pass between us without one single word, but none of them tell the whole story.
I run my thumb along her hipbone. “Now why can’t you tell me your secret, Ava Scott?”
“I said I would. When I help you first. That’s why…” she holds my gaze with raw, wide eyes. “this hurts.”
But God, is she beautiful like this, flush with my body, wanting more from me… and I want to give it to her more than anything.
I put both hands on the door behind her, caging her in. “What am I going to do with you?”
We’re not talking about the hacks anymore.
I shouldn’t let myself stand so close. I shouldn’t let my hips fall flush with her stomach and pin her to the door. Her breath stills, and she raises her gaze to meet mine.
She needs to believe me.
“I haven’t been able to tell you everything.” The deepest part of myself speaks to her. “But I’d never let you down.”
Her pretty lips part, and she darts her gaze to my mouth. She eases her hips into me. Suddenly the temperature rises between us and the room is charged with electricity.
I can’t stop breathing in her smell, wanting to kiss her senseless. I was wrong to pin her to this wall. It isn’t my MO to allow a heated conversation with an employee turn into what I want from her right now. Ava is a game-changer because I’m losing control and it actually feels good.
She lowers her gaze and tugs at the seam of my t-shirt. “How am I supposed to help you if you don’t tell me everything?”
I still myself; the sumptuous feeling of her fingers fiddling with the hem of my shirt drives me mad. I made the first move. I put her underneath me like this… like I want a lot more than a conversation. I’m too unraveled for reason.
She creeps one finger underneath my shirt and draws a line along my skin. “Enzo…”
The way she says my name, with a softness and intention, has my entire body burning to ravage her. Everything inside me wants to lean in closer and hear her say it again. I don’t know if I’m a fool for being so close to her or a fool for not pulling away, but I brace myself against the door behind her, muscles taut with restraint. I shouldn’t touch her; she’s my employee. I shouldn’t kiss her because it will only make being professional harder. I’d never want to take advantage of her vulnerable situation.
I know these things in my head, but the rest of my body wants to drink in her lips like a man dying of thirst.
And she licks hers like she’s just as parched.
The curl of her fingers around the seam of my jeans ruins me. I lower my head, and my nose falls into her thick, red locks that smell like strawberries.
She slides her fingers along the fabric to where my zipper starts and runs her thumb in circles over my jeans button. Whatever the hell we’re doing, my cock grows thick so close to her touch, in the grip of her own wanting…
I’m overcome with emotion, a feeling I haven’t had in years… possibly ever. I haven’t let many women close. And none of them has ever enticed me to do the wrong thing. No woman has ever made me want to rip her clothes off like this and make her mine. Honor her. Protect her. Know her the way I wish I knew Ava Scott.
Her gaze is unguarded. Her words are a mere whisper. “I can’t help GhostEye if you aren’t honest…”
I trace my finger over her collarbone, swiping hair off it and exposing her skin along with a hundred freckles I’d give anything to taste right now. “It isn’t just my secret to keep.”
I trail my fingers down her shoulder blades, along the thin fabric of her tank top, feeling her soft waist beneath my palm. “I will tell you, Scottie…”
I run my hand back up her waist, allowing my thumb to graze her nipple, tight and hard right through her top. I lace my fingers through her hair.
She tilts her chin up and sends a daring look from half-mast eyes .
I brush my thumb across her lips.
She closes her eyes, and I lower my mouth…
Knock, knock , knock.
We jump with surprise; cool air instantly puts out the fire between us.
“Everything okay in there?”
It’s Penelope.
I don’t know if her interruption is the work of God or the Devil.
“You guys all right?” Penelope asks again.
I shove my hands into my pockets. Ava swipes her hair back, twisting it that way women do into a bun without a hair tie. If she thinks she’s hot and bothered, I’m an inferno.
Ava answers through the door, “Yeah. We’re good. Be out in a sec.”
“The chocolate fountain is almost gone already, so if you want some…”
Ava faces the door exposing that delicious neck again. “Thanks. Be right there…”
Penelope doesn’t answer, so I’m guessing she either went to eat some chocolate or has her ear pressed to the door.
Ava smooths her fiery hair again and tucks some behind her ear. She licks her lips, seemingly trying to go back to normal. Act like none of that happened.
I clear my throat and do the same, wrapping up the conversation like it’s the end of some board meeting. I comb my fingers through my hair and will my unprofessional bulge to go down. “I’ll tell you everything when we get back to the ranch.”
She nods, and though I don’t expect it, I’m still disappointed when she doesn’t offer that she’ll tell me everything, too. Her secrets run deeper than I thought and makes me think they’re even more dangerous .
She shakes her head. “It’s your data. I shouldn’t have been like that.”
“I’d have been the same as you. You said you cared about GhostEye… I can see you meant it.”
Her thin-lipped smile is filled with pleasure. “I do.” She stares at the floor. “I believe you, too. And I hope you can understand that…” Her gaze meets mine, it’s full of longing and sincerity. “I will tell you everything, Enzo. But I told myself I’d only do it after I helped you first. I keep my word. Even if it is to myself.”
“You should. Especially if it’s to yourself.” I’m desperate to know her story. “But you’ve already helped now.”
“I haven’t found anything you don’t already know. Plus, you and I both know these three hacks aren’t even half the story.”
Like Santi said, trust is hard to get when you don’t give it.
“Seven. There have been seven hacks in the last eight months.”
Her words are breathless. “Seven?”
All I can offer now is a somber nod.
She puts her hand on the doorknob, and I regret we ever have to leave this room.
“We better get to work.”
“Ava…” Her name slips from my mouth. I’m speechless and yet have to say something. “I’m not sure what happened there. Just then… but… I crossed the line.”
She opens the door, and not the one behind her. “Or are we both finally getting on the right side of it?”