33. Natalia
NATALIA
Idrop into a state of reduced awareness.
Silence is painful right now. It gives me no way to shut down the questions that flood my mind.
Regret and pain rips through my body like a thousand shards of glass piercing my skin.
I don’t know how long I lie there for, my only sense of time the shifting shadows on the ceiling.
It’s only when Leks clears his throat at the door, golden afternoon sunlight filling the room, that I realize he’s been staring at me. I squeeze my eyes shut again. God, I need him to touch me, but I recognize nothing in those flat blue eyes.
“Look at me,” he commands and I obey on instinct, hating the way that I can read no tenderness in his face. He stands beside the bed, his dark eyes meeting mine in a challenge. “Do you want me to touch you, Natalia?”
As if I didn’t beg him to hours ago. I nod, succumbing to the helplessness I feel. “Touch me, Leks,” I breathe.
He trails his hands over my body and my breathing becomes shallow, my pulse rapid.
In an instant, my body recognizes that I’m his, and always will be.
His hands continue their slow path over my body, tracing me like he’s a sculptor moulding my every curve.
I let out a whine when he stops, straining against the ties which bind my ankles and wrists to the bed. I’m trying to get closer to him, even after he’s refused to listen to a single word from me.
Fuck, it’s humiliating how much I want him.
Even when he’s given me nothing for days, when he will barely look at me, I still crave his touch. He left me here for hours, and I’m still grateful to see him.
I might not have his respect, or his love, but he still wants me like this. And it will break my heart to give myself to him, knowing how cruel he’s being, but I will do it over and over again.
I can’t get enough of him.
I arch my back to press into Leks’s hand as he finds my nipples already peaked and ready for him. His eyes flicker to mine as I let out a needy moan, like he can’t look away.
“Fuck, Natalia. That noise.”
That’s the one tiny ember of hope that I still have.
Leks still wants me, needs me, even when he thinks I’m a traitor who’s been working against him. Who’s been lying about loving him in order to use him.
He’s trying to punish me, but he knows I’ll enjoy this as much as he will. Meaning he’s just as unable to resist me as I am unable to resist him.
Just when I thought I had him, that I was finally going to have him the way I’ve been craving for days, he leaves the room. Maybe this is another form of torture. Maybe he’ll do this for days — get me aroused, make me think I need him, then leave.
But the Leks I know can’t resist me that much. Can’t threaten to take me and then not do it.
When he comes back, he’s holding a silver knife, the handle gleaming in the evening light.
In this wood cabin, only mountains and forest around us, there’s something wild and primitive about Leks.
I whimper as he shows me the knife, testing its sharpness with his finger. It scares me how much I want him — he could hurt me and I’d let him.
Leks walks around the bed, cutting my clothes off every limb.
As the the blade traces over the fabric, I have no doubt that he knows what he’s doing. He’s not going to hurt me. If he does, he will be fully in control. Maybe I’ll even enjoy it.
He carves a line through the fabric of my clothes, tossing away the thick cotton of the oversized shirt and pants of his that were all I could find in this cabin, exposing every inch of skin.
He traces the blade around my nipples after my bra falls away. I tremble at the sensation and he smirks at me darkly.
“Careful, Natalia. One wrong move and you could get hurt.”
Every whisper of the knife against my skin wakes me up. He brushes it over my skin so lightly that there’s no chance it will leave a mark or cut me, but all it would take is one slip.
When he gets to my panties, I’m so aroused that I beg him.
“Please, Leks. Please fuck me.”
A cruel smile spreads across his face.
“You’re so wet. Is it the knife? The anticipation? Have you missed me, slut?”
I nod my head desperately. All of those things. But mostly, him. The way he’s looking at me. The way that he makes me so helpless that I can barely hold a thought together that isn’t about him.
He cups my pussy through my panties. I arch into his touch, desperate for friction. He slides the blade beneath each side of the silk panties and those, too, fall away.
“Open up.”
I obey him without thinking. The way that I did that first day he touched me… Automatically. Because Leks knows just how to control me.
Then Leks stuffs the damp fabric in my mouth.
My face flames.
I can taste my own arousal soaked into the thin fabric.
Now I’m spread open, tied to the bed, unable to do anything but take whatever Leks has in store for me, even my moans muffled by the panties. No voice, no movement, only able to watch whatever Leks is going to do to me.
“Normally I’d eat that deliciously tight pussy until you don’t know your own name, Natalia.”
God, yes. I squirm under his touch as he trails his hands over my waist, but he stops before he even reaches my hips, pinching my nipples hard.
“I think you forfeited that treatment when you betrayed me, didn’t you? Little liars don’t get their pussies licked until they scream.”
Leks brushes his knuckles over my clit. I’ll take whatever he has to give me. No matter how much it hurts.
“Such a shame not to taste this pretty cunt. Although it seems your slutty pussy has done well enough with only a knife for foreplay. You’re soaked, Natalia. A soaked little slut who’s desperate for the cock of the man who’s left her tied up here all afternoon.”
I should be scared. I should feel helpless. Yet the more control Leks takes from me, the more I need him inside me.
“Do you understand what you’re asking for, Natalia? You want me to fuck you, right here, with no control over the situation?”
I nod my head.
I watch hungrily as Leks pulls off his pants and wraps his hand around his cock. He smirks darkly when he sees how my eyes widen at his body.
“I’ve turned you into a cock-hungry whore, haven’t I? You’ll never be able to get enough of me, Natalia. I was your first, and I’m going to be your only. Even if we’re not married anymore, you’ll be my slut forever.”
I let out a strangled sob at that. Leks feels just as good as he normally does, but everything is wrong.
“It’s sad, isn’t it?” He cups my cheek gently, brushing his thumb across my face, before his face turns back to darkness. “I can’t stay with a traitor, Natalia. Your vows are worth nothing to me if your actions prove that you are a liar.”
If he would just let me explain… I try to mumble a protest but I’m so aroused that I can barely hold a coherent thought together, let alone argue through a gag.
Leks rubs his cock over my clit, then notches himself at my entrance.
My protests fade away. All I want is him, inside me. Everything else can be sorted out later. Right now, we have to talk to each other in the best way we have — with our bodies. With our mutual longing, that edge of almost desperation that is present whenever we’re together.
“This is all you are to me now. Not my wife. Not even my lover. Just a set of holes that I can use whenever I want.”
If that’s all Leks wants from me… I don’t think I have it in me to resist him.
I would be his chained-up whore if it meant he would touch me, if it meant he would act like he did when he loved me for even one second.
There’s no slow beginning.
There’s only fervent, raw need as Leks grips my hips and forces his cock inside me with a hissing groan.
I want to pull him closer. I want to kiss him. I want to wrap my legs around him, rake my fingernails down his flexing back muscles, feel the ripples of his abs as he thrusts into me.
Instead, I clench my hands into fists in an attempt to absorb the intensity of the sensation.
“Fuck, Natalia. That cunt…” He loses himself. I lose myself beneath him as he fucks me like I mean nothing to him. “I might be able to divorce you, but I’ll never be able to go without this.”
Another tear spills from my eye.
“What did you expect?” He growls, his voice growing rough and strained as he pounds me.
“Did you think I could love you after what you’ve done? I can’t, Natalia, but I can fuck you. I can fuck you just the way that slutty little pussy wants.”
He brings his thumb to press at my clit.
“Whose is this?”
“Yours,” I try to say through the panties gagging me.
“Whose are these?“
He squeezes my breasts roughly.
“Yours,” I make another attempt to speak through the gag.
“Who do you belong to?”
“You,” I moan helplessly.
A piece of my heart shatters as Leks looks at me with uncontrolled lust and nothing else. No tenderness.
“You’re mine, Natalia. I may not want you anymore, but no one else gets to have you like this. No one else is ever going to hear these sexy little noises you make. You’re all mine, Natalia.”
I come harder than I ever have before, my hips lifting to take him. It feels like a cruel joke by my body, that this is what turns me on like nothing has before.
I am nothing to him, and still, with Leks driving that massive cock into me and using me like an object, I crave more. Could I be happy like this? As his slut and nothing else?
As if he can read my thoughts, he lets out a groan. “That’s it. You take me like you were made for this.”
I shatter into a shaking, whimpering mess beneath him, as Leks finishes inside me. As he claims me, completely, with nothing in between us.
A tear slides down my cheek at how good it feels. Even though I could be getting pregnant to a monster who’s shown me nothing but cruelty, I can’t stop myself from melting at the sensation of completeness.
If I wasn’t tied up, I’d be pulling him closer.
He kisses the tear away from my cheek.
For a split second, I look up at him, and believe that he’s my husband instead of my tormentor.
“Zolotse,” he murmurs, his breath warm on my forehead. “Moya zolotse.”