Chapter 32
Tucker
Idon’t know how I survived without her.
Now that Ruth is in my arms again, I feel like I can breathe for the first time in weeks. Like the sun has come out after being behind the clouds for days.
I know it had to happen, but letting her leave without at least telling her I didn’t want her to go was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.
And I’ve done a lot of dumb shit.
“I can’t believe I thought he wouldn’t find me.” She sniffs against my shirt, burrowing closer. “I was so stupid.”
“You weren’t stupid.”
I kick the door closed, pausing a second before I lock it. William barging inside right now wouldn’t be the worst thing that could happen. I’d be able to beat him to death with Ruth’s tube sock-covered bat and call it self-defense.
But the noise would likely scare Birdie. Plus, it would make a mess we’d have to clean up before leaving for Wyoming, and I don’t want anything to delay them being back in my home.
Ruth being back in my bed.
“I was stupid.” She circles her arms around my waist, grip tight. “I should have known he wouldn’t just let me leave.” Ruth’s next inhale is shaky. “He’s never going to leave me alone.”
I cringe. Now doesn’t feel like the right time to confess what I’ve been up to while she was gone, but I can’t keep it from her. Not anymore. “That’s not necessarily true.”
Ruth huffs out a bitter laugh. “He tracked me across the country. It’s absolutely true.”
I don’t know where or how to start this admission, so I just jump in headfirst. “I found three more women like you.”
Ruth slowly tips her head back to meet my eyes. “What do you mean, like me?”
“I mean women who have babies he fathered. Women he’s been threatening.
” I don’t know how Ruth is going to react to this, so I brace.
She might be upset with me for keeping this from her.
For holding back on something so significant.
“I reached out to them and discussed the possibility of all four of you taking him on together.”
Ruth’s dark brows lift. “Seriously?”
I swallow hard, because for once, I can’t place the emotions behind that word. “Seriously.” I don’t want her to think I was being maliciously secretive, so I keep explaining. “I wasn’t sure they would be willing. I didn’t want to get your hopes up and then have it all fall through.”
Ruth stares at me silently, and the words continue tumbling out. “I just want you to be able to decide where to go and what to do based on what you want instead of out of fear. I want you to be safe no matter where you are.”
Ruth’s eyes move over my face. “What if I decided I wanted to stay here?”
She’s already said she wants to come home, but that was before she knew safely staying in Maryland might be an option.
The possibility she might choose to remain here makes it hard to breathe, but I manage to force out the words I don’t want to say, even if they’re true.
“If you decide you want to stay here, then I will support it.” I’ll hate it, but I will support Ruth no matter how her decisions make me feel, because, “I just want you to be happy, Ruthless.”
A hint of a smile lifts the corners of her mouth. “Me too.” She runs her hands down my chest, smoothing over the wrinkled fabric of my shirt. “Which is why I’m going to let you pack up my apartment and take me back to Wyoming.”
Thank God.
My relief at hearing she’s coming back with me is overwhelming. Apparently also brain-deadening, because I end up making yet another admission. One I’m not quite as sure she’s ready to hear. “I love you.”
A full smile blooms across her face. It’s a stark contrast to her reddened eyes and ruddy cheeks. “That’s really freaking good, because I love you too.”
Ruth lets out a little yelp as I lift her off the floor, gripping both thighs as I urge her legs around my waist. “Hold on tight.”
I’ve touched Ruth plenty of times. She’s touched me nearly as many.
But right now the need to feel her is unbearable.
The desire to have her the way I haven’t allowed myself before is consuming.
Up until tonight, I’ve held back. Denied myself what I really wanted because I knew I wouldn’t let her go if we took that final step.
Now it doesn’t matter, and I can’t move fast enough.
She latches onto me, the squeeze of her limbs possibly the only thing holding me together as I go for the stairs.
I’ve been here before, but the place is way more difficult to navigate in the dark, so it takes me a little longer to reach the top landing than I’d like.
But once my feet hit the upstairs, I aim for her bedroom, doing my best to be quiet as I close the door and carry her to the bed.
A bed I’m only sleeping in once.
Ruth and I tumble to the blankets together, any ability I have to be thoughtful or calculating gone completely.
I’ve spent years building up a skill set I’m proud of, but for some reason, the second I get my hands on this woman, I forget every fucking bit of it.
I just want to touch her. To have her touch me.
I want to have fun. I want to enjoy being with her.
I want it to matter.
When I get tangled up in the decorative throw she has angled over one corner, Ruth laughs as I struggle to free my boot from the soft blanket.
“You could’ve warned me you booby-trapped this thing.
” I manage to kick the blanket away, a smile on my face as I drag her up the center of the mattress.
“We need to cover some bases real quick.” I get her head to the pillows and push up to my knees, wrestling my shirt over my head before tossing it away and meeting her eyes.
“While you were gone, I made sure my diligent use of protection was successful.” My pants go next, the boots still on my feet hindering the process.
“Because as soon as you’re ready, I don’t want there to be anything between us.
” I get one leg completely free, but decide it’s not worth the effort of taking the time to extricate the other, so I end up mostly naked with a wad of blue jean and boxer brief bundled at one ankle.
“If that’s not tonight, it’s more than fine.
” I go for Ruth’s clothes next, exhibiting an equal amount of finesse as I strip them off. “I’ll wait until you say the word.”
I frown down at her legs as I fight her pajamas. What the fuck is she wearing? How can pants be so soft and comfortable looking, yet still so damn difficult to remove? It’s like every time I pull on them, they just stretch without moving as a whole.
Ruth takes pity on my inability to decode the secrets of stretch knit, hooking her fingers into the waistband and shoving the PJs past her hips.
I’ve already moved on to her shirt and am currently attempting to get it over her head while she’s trying to get her pants off, leading to neither of us accomplishing anything.
It’s like I’ve never fucking done this before.
Like it’s the first time I’ve been lucky enough to have a woman want me.
In some ways it is. Ruth is the first woman I’ve ever allowed to really see me. To genuinely know who I am. What makes me happy. What makes me sad. What almost broke me.
And what is helping me figure out how to put myself back together again.
When she’s finally bare, I stare down at her, taking just a second to bask in the moment. In her. She is so fucking perfect. I don’t know if everyone would agree with me—some people are stupid—but to me, Ruth is everything.
Slowly, I lean forward, bringing my body to hers as I run my nose along the column of her neck, breathing in the scent of her skin.
I’ve missed inhaling it as I fall asleep.
To the point I haven’t changed my sheets since she left because I could still almost make out a hint of her on the pillowcase.
A pillowcase I nearly smothered myself with every night pretending I was close to her. A pillowcase that may have also witnessed me taking myself in hand more times than I can count while imagining the soft body that’s beneath me now.
“I fucking missed you, Ruthless.” My hips flex, dragging the underside of my dick against the curve of her belly. I groan at how good it feels. “Don’t ever leave me again.”
She shakes her head, arms holding me tight. “I shouldn’t have left you the first time.” Her fingers lace through my hair, tightening just a little as she pulls my head back so our eyes meet. “And maybe I wouldn’t have if you told me what you were up to.”
So I guess I got my answer about whether or not she’s irritated I didn’t tell her about the other women I found. “Next time I round up a group of people to help take a politician down, I’ll make sure you are the first person who knows.”
Ruth gives me a sweet smile. “Thank you. I would really appreciate that.”
I angle a brow. “Is that all? Can I get back to what I was doing?”
Ruth rubs her lips together, eyes drifting down as they skim over my chest and arms before fixing at the point where our bodies touch. “I’m not on the pill.”
I kiss the tip of her nose. “If you don’t want to have another baby yet, then we just take precautions.”
It’s an easy solution, and one I don’t mind. Would I love to feel every inch of Ruth with every inch of me? Abso-fucking-lutely. But I can be patient. Especially now that I know I have all the time in the world with her.
But Ruth seems confused by my answer. “If I don’t want to have a baby? What about you?” She snorts. “I can’t imagine you're ready to be a dad.”
Ruth is the most brilliant woman I’ve ever met, but sometimes she doesn’t see the truth that’s staring right back at her. I think it’s fear. Or maybe life has taught her to believe a man would never step up and claim a child he didn’t have a part in creating.
“If you think I don’t consider Birdie mine, then I clearly haven’t been transparent enough about how much she means to me.”
I would kill for that little girl. Die for her. Spend all my money and never look back. She is mine. And anyone who says otherwise, should be ready for a fight.