Chapter 39
chapter
thirty-nine
Ender
There’s a weight on my chest. I blink, staring at an ugly ceiling.
This isn’t my bedroom, and this hard surface is not my premium mattress exported from the capital with the high-density foam and specialty fabric.
I glance down to find Haven lying on my chest. Her hair unspooled from its braid overnight and now drapes me like a blanket.
Her entire body rests on top of me. Her head is tucked into the crook of my neck.
Warm air tickles my throat as she exhales.
When the hell did she climb on top of me? And why didn’t I wake up?
I’m a light sleeper. Being a soldier means always being on guard. Yet I didn’t rustle when a whole person rolled onto me. And that’s not the worst part. My palm lies flat on her ass, gripping her flesh like my life depends on it. Shit. What the hell are my greedy fingers doing?
I slowly loosen my grip.
Haven groans, stirring in discomfort. Her eyes flutter, and her head raises.
I slacken my body and pretend to sleep. I refuse to acknowledge whatever led to this scene.
Let Haven Warrick figure this out for both of us.
“What the fuck?” Haven whispers. And then, frantically. “What the fuck?”
She rolls off me and then curses some more under her breath. I pretend to rouse, staring at her in confusion.
“Were you just on me, Warrick?” I ask calmly.
“What? No,” she rushes. There’s a faint pink tint on her cheeks. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I sit upright, staring at her pointedly, waiting for her to explain.
“Mercy says I’m an active sleeper,” Haven says, at last, when the silence drags on for several minutes. I’m nothing if not patient. “And there were no blankets around. I was probably cold.”
“You could have warned me,” I say, annoyed. “I would have been more prepared.”
“How?”
I wouldn’t have touched her for starters. I would have kept my hands to myself. I stand upright, shaking some feeling back into my legs and avoiding her gaze. She eyes me suspiciously while she plucks her toothbrush from the pack and starts to brush in the corner.
Once she’s done, she offers me her toothbrush, with a line of mint, and I snatch it, shoving it into my mouth.
“You’re gross,” Haven says, even though she was the one who handed me her brush.
I roll my eyes and lean against the wall, brushing my teeth, before I spit in the corner.
“Never minded a good old spit swap,” I say.
Haven straightens as if she made a grand realization.
“Wait a minute, you woke up first, didn’t you!” Haven accuses. “That’s how you knew I was on top of you.”
“We have ground to cover, Warrick,” I say. “Let’s focus on returning to our unit.”
“And when you said ‘prepared,’ I presume you meant you weren’t going to grab my ass all night? That explains why I’m so sore.” She glares at me. “I’m sure if I look, your damn fingerprints will be all over it.”
“You invaded my space, not the other way around,” I say, folding my arms across my chest.
“Did you like it?” she taunts. “Is that why you’re acting so cold and distant?”
I snatch my jacket from the ground and shove my arms into it. I refuse to give her a reaction.
Haven marches over to me and pushes me, but my feet are braced. Her brows furrow in anger when I don’t shift under her small hands.
“Admit that you want me,” she says. “What if you dragged me onto your chest so you could grab my ass? What if you’re the one who can’t keep his hands to himself? Sounds like you have an issue with resisting temptation.”
“There is nothing tempting about you,” I say roughly. “You are…you are the most infuriating person I have ever met.”
It angers me that she has a point. I did use my powers in that test to kiss her.
There was no purpose to that scene other than for me to see her in that white silk dress and to imagine a world where she did not hate me.
I couldn’t contain my desires, and as someone whose life was built on rules and control, it is a travesty that I can be brought so low by one mouthy, insufferable brat.
Even though her words are pissing me off, all I can think about is shutting her up. With my mouth.
“Fuck!”
My patience fractures. I push her against the wall, coiling my hand around her throat. Her eyes flash in fear, which only ramps up my desire.
“Do you enjoy getting under my skin?”
“Kind of,” she whispers.
My mouth collides with hers, fingers tightening around her throat, robbing her of the very air she requires.
Right now, all she needs to survive is me.
Her mouth is stiff for one split second, and then she melts.
Her surrender feels like the greatest gift.
I bite her lip hard, making her gasp. Once her lips part, my tongue slides in, feasting hungrily.
A moan escapes her, and I yank her closer, feeling her body flush against mine. I slip my palms under her knees and raise her so she can hike her thighs around my hips.
“Vale,” she breathes. “This is wrong.”
“Shut up, recruit,” I say against her mouth. “Let me decide what’s wrong and what’s right.”
“You’re so demanding,” she mumbles, sliding her fingers through my hair, yanking painfully hard on the strands. She tilts my head back, forcing me to look up at her. “But right now I’m in charge.”
I swallow.
Fuck, she looks so hot, glaring down at me, her mouth raised in a sassy tilt.
I lean forward, hungrily chasing her mouth, but she doesn’t relinquish her hold. My roots ache as her fingers tighten in warning.
“Do you understand?”
I clench my teeth.
“Vale,” she warns. “Put me down.”
Damn it. I don’t want to let go. From the wicked gleam in her eyes, she knows this, too.
“I’m at your service, Warrick,” I say. I intend to sound sarcastic, but I just sound desperate. “I’ll do anything you want. Break me. Hurt me. Tear out my heart, if you will. But do not leave me, not now, not when I need you.”
I stare at her eyes, my voice strained and tangled.
As wretched as I am, I still starve. And she fuels me in ways that I cannot describe.
“You are destroying me,” I breathe.
Her mouth falls on mine. Her fingers are tracing my jaw.
Her touch soothes me. Just like her presence did last night when I told her about my old illusions and the life I couldn’t run from.
I’ve never spoken about my past to anyone, not even Knox.
But somehow I was able to share it with a girl who can’t stand me, a girl who drives me insane.
My touch softens. She was injured yesterday during the bombing.
“Am I hurting you?” I ask.
“No,” she says, tracing her tongue along my bottom lip.
“Warrick,” I murmur. “You taste like heaven.”
It’s better than the illusion. Her flesh is firm in my hands. Her tongue unravels under mine. Even with her tough words, she’s following my lead, letting me guide her.
I don’t know how I can resist this anymore. I tend to find her maddening and disrespectful, but in this moment, I can’t name a single thing I dislike about her. All I can think about is how beautiful she is and how, for once, our horrible fathers did something right when they put us together.
What the hell am I doing?
I release her abruptly, taking a hasty step backward.
“Shit.” I rub my hand down my face. “We shouldn’t have done that.”
Her face shutters, and she folds her arms defensively across her chest. I can’t let myself fall down this path. I am not fit to be with anyone. I ruin. I burn. I shatter.
Haven doesn’t deserve someone like me. She doesn’t know half the atrocities I committed. Things that would make her blood run cold. I’m a monster. The worst kind, because I know everything I do is bad, yet I do nothing to change. She despises her father, and I am no different than him.
One day, I will win enough votes to be elected the Supreme Director and continue the regime.
And she will be standing by my side as my wife.
Our relationship will need to remain as a political match alone.
Weakness is inexcusable. It is punishable.
My father already senses my attachment. If he believes she controls me, he will replace her with someone else.
A person who doesn’t make my heart spike or my thoughts fracture.
He will do what he does best and make her disappear.
“It won’t happen again,” Haven agrees.
Her shoulders are tight, and she spins away to pack her belongings.
“Warrick, I am not what you want,” I say slowly. “I…I am wrong.”
“I’m not in love with you, Vale,” she lashes out. “It was one kiss. It doesn’t change anything.”
Her words dig into my chest like talons, and I resist the urge to say something cruel back. Something that will destroy any bit of fondness she holds for me.
Instead, I nod, folding my hands behind my back, resuming my role as the straight-laced leader.
“I’m glad we’re on the same page,” I say. “Let’s return to our unit.”
The silence is crippling.
Haven refuses to let me switch her bandages and stubbornly does it herself. It is a miracle, she lays the gauze correctly, considering she does it with one eye open, and the other sealed shut.
It takes everything in me to ignore her wishes and not take care of her. Whatever trust we built yesterday seems to have shattered.
We trek through the rubble in silence, using the cracks in the roof to guide us. Fragments of half-light slip between the gaps, casting a spiritless glow across the floor.
I regret everything that I said after the kiss. It could have been worded better.
“Warrick,” I say. “Can we talk?”
“No.”
“About this mornin—”
“You’re not the first guy to grab my ass or kiss me,” Haven erupts. “And you won’t be the last, so spare me any long-winded speech because I don’t give a damn.”
“What the hell do you mean by I won’t be the last?” I ask, outraged. “We are going to be married in a month.”
“It’s not a real marriage in any way or sort,” Haven says.
“It was arranged. And if it weren’t for my scheming bastard of a father, I wouldn’t be trapped with you of all people.
As you said, that kiss was a mistake, so let’s not waste our time attempting to force something when we are not compatible at all. ”
“That doesn’t mean we are going to break our vows,” I say darkly. “I do not share. Ever.”
“How will you know?”
I grab her wrist, coiling a hand around her nape.
“Don’t test me, Warrick.”
Her eyes drift to my angry mouth, and heat flares across her gaze. Desire racks through me like a bullet, and it takes every ounce of self-control I have to not devour her mouth again.
“So, I’m just supposed to be a docile little wife?” she says, disgusted. “We keep our separate bedrooms and eat dinner together?”
I can imagine her in my house. Strange how I barely sense her sister in my space, but I know if it were Haven, her touch would be visible. Her presence impossible to ignore. Her lavender scent, tinkling laugh, and that little dip in her lips when she teases me would drive me insane.
“It is a political match,” I say. “It was never meant to be about romance. Duty over love. Always.”
Haven shakes my hand off and continues ahead of me. Somehow, my words did the opposite of soothing things over. It pissed her off even more.
I run a frustrated hand down my face.
I don’t know why I am so terrible at this whole thing. Usually, the women I speak to at events or formal dinners are trying hard to impress me. Being the Commandant of the Forge and the next potential leader of the Continent makes me a desirable catch.
They would spend hours flirting with me while I would just stare boredly at them. They never cared if I spoke or listened to them. I could simply be. But Haven doesn’t give a damn about my position or my upbringing.
And why is it that the one person who thinks the worst of me is the only person in this damn world whose opinion matters to me the most?