Chapter 49
chapter
forty-nine
Haven
After the celebration ends, the rebels disperse. Someone cracked open an old bottle of wine, and it did the rounds for a bit. I didn’t indulge. It feels strange to enjoy myself when it feels like I’ve lost.
Sullivan guides us deeper into the mountain. We pass reinforced doors and slender corridors, drifting deeper into the belly of the cave. The air is cooler down here, damp with the scent of earth and metal. Cables snake along the walls, and fluorescent light pours down from the ceiling.
The hideout unfolds in layers. There are living quarters in the base levels. A small infirmary on the second floor. And a command room at the top for strategy meetings.
“What is this place?” Mercy whispers.
Sullivan exhales through his nose. A hint of pride crosses his eyes.
“We call it the Hollow,” he says. “It existed long before the regime. It was originally a mining facility that was abandoned. We rebuilt it and kept it hidden ever since.”
The Hollow. It’s an apt name.
“It’s well-protected,” he continues. “Signal-proof. They can’t track implants down here. So, those with the Bind, like Gray and me and a few others, can move efficiently.”
“It’s impressive,” I say.
Our room is at the far end of the hallway, away from the noise and the crowds.
Two small beds are bolted into the stone floor, knitted blankets folded with care are placed at the foot.
A single lamp casts warm, amber light around the room.
Someone has even placed a vase of dried wildflowers on the desk, their yellow petals brittle and stubbornly bright.
“It’s nice,” Mercy says. “Thank you, Sullivan.”
“You’ll be safe here,” Sullivan assures. “As safe as anyone can be these days.”
He closes the door and leans against the frame. His eyes are distant as he speaks.
“I promised your mother,” he begins, “that if anything ever happened to her, I would tell you everything. I just hoped I wouldn’t have to do it like this.”
My chest tightens.
“You loved her,” I say softly.
It is clear as day. I can’t believe I never noticed before. Anytime I spoke of her, he’d get this small smile on his lips. I just thought he liked hearing me speak about someone I loved. But all along, he loved her too.
“Yes,” he answers without hesitation. “I did.”
Mercy shifts closer to me, and I slide my hand in hers. It is a comfort to have her nearby during all this turmoil.
“She was a Common with the heart of an Untamed. She was brave and fierce, much like you two,” Sullivan says.
“The moment she discovered what you were, Haven, she learned everything she could about your powers. There aren’t many like you, if any; there were barely any records to peruse.
But she knew without a doubt that you were powerful beyond measure and that someday you would change the course of the world. ”
My pulse roars in my ears. It is hard to believe that I am this great savior who will lead the Resistance to glory.
“Once, I learned that you were working for Prue, I told them about your powers. I never wanted you to be dragged into this war, Haven. But if you want to fight, I won’t stop you,” Sullivan says.
“My only request to Prue is that you learn to master your gifts. Your powers are so much greater than we can imagine. Your mother believed that you could alter events as well as freeze time.”
“Can Haven time-travel?” Mercy gasps.
“Not exactly,” Sullivan says. “We don’t know the full scope of her powers, but we suspect that she can do a lot more than we think.”
“Idris said that I was correcting something from the future, and that I don’t remember what it was.”
“That was your mother’s theory,” he supplies. “She was a researcher after all.”
Silence swells between us. The more I train, the better I will get at learning my gifts. Right now, I can barely pause time for longer than five minutes. Or bring people into the time-freeze without touching them. Maybe, if I get stronger, we might have a chance to overthrow the regime.
“They messed with Ender’s Bind,” I say. “They altered his emotions. Can we fix him?”
“The upgraded Bind locks his emotions. The medical term is emotional dampening. That means he will do anything he is asked to do. He will murder and maim and destroy without a single hint of remorse. He will hunt you because that’s what he’s been instructed to do.”
“But he’s still in there,” I insist.
When I left, for a split second, I could have sworn I saw desperation in his eyes. He wanted me to stay. And I left him.
“No,” he says, gently, as if I am glass that will break at the faintest pressure. “As long as he has the Bind, he belongs to the regime.”
When he finally leaves, the room feels unbearably silent. His words play in a loop in my mind.
Mercy sits on her bed, legs folded beneath her. Worry flutters across her eyes.
“So,” she says. “We’re in rebel headquarters. You can time-travel. And the world is probably ending.”
I lie back on the mattress, staring at the ceiling.
“Did you ever think we’d be in this position?” Mercy asks.
“No,” I say. “I don’t feel like a hero. I want to help, but I feel so inadequate.”
Everyone thinks I am this powerful Untamed who will change the outcome of this war, but it doesn’t feel that way.
Failure chokes me, coiling its icy hands around my flesh.
All my friends are dead. And it was all for nothing.
I am not a part of Black Star. Winning brought me nothing but pain and torment.
I lost everything.
I cross the small room and sink to the ground, my back flat against the wall.
“Whatever happens, you’re going to survive,” Mercy says. “You are the strongest person I know.”
“And Ender?” I ask. “He needs my help, Mercy. I have to go back for him.”
My fingers nervously toy with my mother’s necklace. The only piece of her I have left, thanks to Ender.
“Where did you get that?” Mercy asks, straightening her spine. “Is that mother’s necklace?”
I glance down at it. Lips tilting in a faint smile.
“Ender found it for me,” I whisper.
Mercy hesitates.
“Do you love him?”
The question surprises me, because it isn’t one I have ever thought about.
I shift uncomfortably. Not prepared to study the weight of my feelings.
“Why are you asking me that?” I whisper.
“Because you haven’t stopped speaking about him since we left,” Mercy says. “And you have that little crease between your brows, that you get when you’re worried.”
“He’s…he’s my friend, okay? And I don’t want to see him hurt.”
“Okay,” she says slowly.
“You don’t believe me?” I say.
“I never said anything,” she says.
“He stood between the Supreme Director and me,” I say. “He protected me, and now he is being punished for it.”
“What if he can’t be fixed?” she asks. “What if it’s too late?”
Pain slices through me at her words. I know she didn’t say it to hurt me, but after Sullivan’s confirmation that Ender belongs to them, it is too much.
“I’m sorry, Haven,” Mercy says. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Nobody cares about Ender.
He is not a priority to the Resistance. They can’t see that we would be so much stronger with Ender on our side. After everything his father put him through, he would flip sides now without a doubt.
Somewhere beyond these walls, the boy I care about is being turned into a monster.
And I vow to get him back. Even if it kills me.