CHAPTER 8
‘I’ll give you this much,’ Lil said, holding back a yawn. ‘You got here just in time. We need every pair of hands this weekend to move the cows. You sure you’ll be okay riding again? I’ll make sure Jesse gives you Jasper.’
‘Yeah, fine,’ I replied, knowing that my two-day stint of avoiding Cole would be coming to an abrupt end.
‘You got a bathing suit with you?’ she asked, a half-smile on her lips as she stood, stretching. ‘We’ll be going up to the pools.’
When I shook my head, she eyed me critically.
‘Well, you could borrow one of mine, but I reckon we’ll need to feed you up for another month before you fill it out. Wait a sec – when are you leaving? You didn’t just book a week, did you?’
‘Nah, two,’ I replied, but at her crestfallen expression I added, ‘I guess it depends on any job interviews coming up. I applied for a whole bunch of them, so I’m not sure how long it’ll take.’
My avoiding Cole had involved endless searching and applying for jobs online, trawling through LinkedIn until my eyes felt like they were bleeding.
When I couldn’t face that any more, I’d started the mammoth task of tidying Lil’s office, itching to re-organize her own haphazard ‘filing’ into something neat and tidy.
‘I don’t think it’s ever looked like this,’ she’d breathed, genuine wonder in her eyes as she gazed around the room. ‘Dad was just as messy as me. Mom was always poking at him for it.’
I squeezed her arm.
‘How they doing now?’
She rolled her eyes.
‘I mean, they’re speaking again, which is something, I guess.
Couldn’t make it to Mom’s party this week, though – not with the guests and the ranch.
Suggested she come over here instead, see some of her old friends but, yeah .
. .’ Lil paused, biting her lip. ‘Still too painful, I think. It was real bad at the end, Lottie. I’m glad you never saw that. ’
I hugged her tight then, and she returned it.
‘I’m so sorry you had to do all that alone,’ I whispered.
‘I had Cole,’ she said, giving me a last squeeze. ‘He held me together.’
Even though it had no right to, my heart dropped like a stone.
‘Wait – you and Cole . . . you knew him back then? Were you together?’
She giggled then, her face lighting up, looking suddenly younger.
‘Oh, hell no! I mean, I thought about it at the very beginning – who wouldn’t, right?
But he’s just been a good friend. The best, actually.
I know he comes across different sometimes.
’ She cocked her head at me, arching an eyebrow.
‘But he’s not an asshole. The opposite. If anything, he’s overprotective, takes on too much to save me worrying about it.
Dude ranching is hard work and keeping the bookings coming in is even harder.
There are things in Cole’s past that complicate stuff.
I don’t want to speak for him, but honestly, the way he is – it’s not about you, Lottie. I swear it.’
I nodded, keeping my face blank. Clearly Cole hadn’t said anything to her about our drunken kiss, and strangely, I didn’t know whether to feel relieved or disappointed.
‘I’m glad he’s been good to you,’ I replied, trying to smile and placate her a little. ‘You deserve nothing less.’
We’d left it there, with things unsaid on both sides. Now the weekend was finally here, and with the fine May weather continuing, there was one more thing to do before we left.
‘You did WHAT ?’ Hestia had bellowed, the sound distorting on my phone as she screamed and laughed in the background. ‘ YES LOTTIE ! Fucking epic – tell me everything, ohmygod – I can’t believe you did that!’
I’d filled her in, but strangely the closer I came to telling her about Cole, the further I pushed it away.
I wasn’t sure what I felt about any of it, especially after talking to Lil.
Her picture of Cole, the best friend, the kind, hot guy in the bar whose mouth and hands had made me feel more than I ever had before .
. . and then the provocative asshole here on the ranch.
‘Do not come home until you’ve had a good, long break, okay? Ride some cowboys. What is it they say? Save a horse, ride a cowboy?’
‘I miss you,’ I laughed, tucking in the edges of my shirt.
‘Me too,’ she added. ‘I could go for a cowboy – or girl – myself. Cal’s being a total dick.’
We’d talked about him for a while and I’d ended the call wanting to invite her here for a break of her own, thinking how well she’d fit in.
Then I’d realized that on second thoughts, she’d take one look at Cole and me, and know.
Plus, he’d be receiving a roasting if the asshole side re-emerged.
I smiled, imagining it. He wouldn’t stand a chance.
And now there was the last, most difficult message to deliver.
Chickening out of a phone call and not wanting to replicate his own dick behaviour by stooping to a WhatsApp message, I decided on an email.
It took about half an hour to write, and I tried to sound matter-of-fact rather than angry.
I wanted him to know that I’d seen him with that woman, that it left no room for argument or further conversation about us.
I left out the part about leaving London, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing it’d devastated me enough to make me retreat to another country.
Having ignored his two messages from the previous day – You’re very quiet, all okay?
and What about Claridge’s next Friday? x – I knew it couldn’t be put off much longer.
Grabbing the small bag Lil had loaned me for my overnight things and finger hesitating over the send button, I closed my eyes and tapped it. Done.
Leaving my phone on the bed, I headed out to the yard, shielding my eyes from the sun.
New people chatted with Jesse and Lil as horses were taken out of two large trailers nearby.
The drive was a big operation, meaning cowboys from other ranches came to help.
Bailey was tacking up the horses and with Cole thankfully not present, I made a beeline for her.
‘Oh hey, glad you’re coming along, bunking with me tonight.’ She winked at me as I approached Jasper, checking his cinch and giving him a quick scratch.
‘You snore?’ I asked, receiving a resolute head shake in return.
‘Course not,’ she replied, mock insulted as she swung up and onto her horse.
I did the same, noting with a jolt that Cole had now joined the party down by the trailers, seemingly orchestrating the whole thing. He led a tall, broad-backed horse with a grey coat and dappled black spots, mounting in seconds.
‘Is that an Appaloosa?’ I asked Bailey, trying to focus on the horse and failing. I saw Cole’s face light up as someone made him smile, his powerful thighs gripping the horse as he urged her forward.
‘Sure is – she’s a beauty, ain’t she?’
Something clicked.
‘Wait – is that Domino? Jesse mentioned her before. Jasper doesn’t like her much.’
Bailey laughed. ‘Something like that. She’s a little full of herself and Jasper’s got no time for it. Dunkin gets on with everyone though, don’t ya, sugar?’
She patted her neck, then swung around towards the field.
‘I need to ask you about how you name horses,’ I said, following.
‘Hold that thought, honey – we’re up front. Come on, Dunkin, git !’ she yelled and before I could answer, added, ‘Keep up, cowpoke!’
Jasper didn’t need telling twice. In seconds we were flying, the field ahead long, flat and seemingly endless.
His gait was as smooth as ever, but as I kept in line with Bailey’s streaming red hair in front, I realized he was slower than he used to be, not able to extend himself in quite the same way.
Eventually, mixing slower and faster periods of riding, the other cowboys joining us along the way, we approached the elbow of the river.
The cows were spread out across the two vast pastures beyond, their calves romping around as steam rose from two pools in the gathering twilight.
The pools came from the natural hot springs underground, dotted all over the state around Yellowstone.
These particular pools had always been well used by our family, one of them big enough to fit six people at a push, while the other was much smaller, perfect for one or two.
We made camp, and I studiously ignored Cole, focusing on Bailey’s instructions to get the tent up and ready. As night flooded the sky, I caught a glimpse of him out of the corner of my eye, looking over at us both before someone called him away.
‘Got something for you,’ Lil said a little later, emerging from the darkness between the trees.
‘Meant to give it to you earlier, but Bailey had you racing off so quick I thought it best to wait.’ Her tent was set back a little, next to Cole and Jesse’s.
They sat out the front, deep in conversation.
Beyond that, uphill a few feet were a couple of campfires where the rest of the cowboys gathered, the flickering light spitting sparks into the inky blackness beyond.
In Lil’s outstretched hand was a cowboy hat, a pale camel colour, with a deeper brown leather band around the crown.
‘Really?’ I breathed, loving it instantly. ‘Are you sure?’
She just smiled and gestured for me to put it on. I let my hair down, dark curls spilling out, and placed the hat over them. It fitted perfectly, just snugly enough to stay put and keep my hair still.
‘Damn, Lottie girl, you’re too pretty, you know that?’
I nudged her away, feeling the soft felt brim between my fingers.
‘I love it – thanks, Lil.’
She tipped her own hat to me and started walking back up towards the campfire. ‘You eaten?’ she tossed back over her shoulder. ‘Come get something, we’ll be bunking down soon. Crazy early start.’
‘I’ll be there in a minute,’ I called out, taking my hat off and putting it back on again, twirling round once to see if it would come off.