CHAPTER 9
Lil was right. It was a crazy early start.
After pulling on my boots and wandering over to the campfires, now re-lit to heat some drinking water, I realized just how far I was from home.
With my hands jammed in my jeans pockets to keep them warm, I looked across to the river, the first slivers of coral bleeding into the clouds at the horizon, the towering Tetons backlit with the first hints of dawn.
‘Ma’am.’
A voice at my side made me jump.
Cole. He was holding out a coffee cup, the contents throwing a haze of steam across his face.
‘What a gentleman,’ I replied, returning a small smile.
‘Milk and sugar over there,’ he added, acknowledging my words with a nod.
‘I like it as it is,’ I replied, watching as his mouth twitched. He appeared to fight back a reply, settling for a nod before wandering back over to the campfire.
Something had shifted between us.
I drank my coffee alone, keeping my eyes on the view ahead, not trusting myself to turn to the one behind, the one that would probably stare right back.
It felt like the precipice of a whole other level of trouble, trouble that I couldn’t afford to get into.
There was only a week or so left before my return flight home, and there was too much to fix there without making more problems for myself here.
Once we’d all packed up, the real work started. Lil and I kept to the left of the herd as Cole and three of the other cowboys drove from the back; Bailey stayed near the front, with Jesse and another two cowboys hanging right.
It was slow, steady progress, sometimes hard work when a calf got separated, but after a few hours, Jasper felt like an extension of my legs, my thoughts, as I guided him into a flat gallop to bring a breakaway group of cows back in.
Several times we had to change direction on a dime, and by the time we trotted back to the main herd, Lil was whooping, a broad smile lighting up her face.
‘Goddamn, that horse loves you!’ she yelled over the noise of the herd, shaking her head. ‘Sure you can’t make it over every time we drive them?’
‘Maybe,’ I called back, slowing Jasper as we reached a steeper incline, leaning back in the saddle as he picked his way down the slope. I couldn’t quite bring myself to admit how much I’d like that.
By the end of the day, legs aching in protest, dust covering every inch of our bodies, we emerged from the trees, the flat pasture next to the ranch ahead of us.
‘Why did you start the dude ranching?’ I asked Lil, deep in thought as the end of the ride beckoned.
‘Money,’ she replied, pursing her lips. ‘Making a living from ranching is hard. Costs are going up and profits are difficult to make. It’s why Mom left – she wanted to sell up, had a good offer, too. But I couldn’t. It just wasn’t right.’
The thought of the ranch gone, Jasper sold, Jesse, Bailey . . . Cole, all scattered. It felt wrong.
‘But dude ranching helps?’ I offered, wanting her to confirm it wholeheartedly.
She shrugged. ‘It keeps me out of the red, just. But you know how it is, the Hole has so many ranches, hotels, motels . . . competition is tough. Guests are demanding and you know I’m no good with any of that stuff.
Give me a herd of cows to brand and I’m your girl.
But choosing bedding and making welcome baskets . . . that’s way out of my comfort zone.’
I smiled, imagining Lil trying to choose between bedcovers in Bed Bath & Beyond.
‘Why don’t you let me help?’ I replied, urging Jasper ahead to draw level with her. ‘Whilst I’m here. Marketing’s my thing, remember? Branding, aesthetic – all that.’
She smiled back, reaching out a hand. I did the same and we squeezed each other for a moment.
‘I wish you didn’t have to leave.’
‘I’ve got time still,’ I reassured her, not wanting to think about leaving, not yet. ‘But first, we need to honour an old tradition.’
She frowned, clearly about to ask what the hell I meant when I touched my heels to Jasper’s sides, letting out my reins. Ears forward, rested after a long walking stint, he leapt forth with the same sweet enthusiasm as he’d always had, his long legs eating up the ground.
‘Fifty bucks says I can still beat you,’ I yelled back, watching as she grinned, Penny skittering to the side then bursting forward in pursuit.
I heard the cowboys on the right holler, and some whistling and laughs from the back.
And just like we had all those years earlier, before dude ranching, before money and men and every other complication, I grabbed onto my hat with one hand and let Jasper fly.
Wind whistling in my ears, cold air making my eyes stream, I finally felt it. A gut punch, a reminder.
I felt free.
A couple of quiet days followed, the additional cowboys gradually heading home after showering me and Lil with praise and suggestions, including entering me for the barrel racing at the upcoming rodeo.
Bailey had offered some coaching, but I’d retreated, barely able to stand after so long in the saddle, my legs unused to the physical onslaught.
In the quiet of my room in the house, gently stretching to ease the pain, I knew it was only part of the story. The other part was right there on my phone, the screen littered with notifications, my life on the other side of the Atlantic tapping my shoulder.
With a sigh, I opened it up. Other than one from Hestia, checking in on whether I’d ridden any cowboys yet, all the messages were from Kyle.
Lottie, we need to talk. I’m coming over after work.
Where are you? It’s 9 p.m. – are you still at the office?
This is ridiculous, you’ve got the wrong end of the stick. Please don’t be childish about this. We need to talk.
I closed my messages, rage building up.
Fucking bastard.
The emails from him were no better – four of them in total, all along the same lines, all feeble attempts at gaslighting me.
But there were two others, both invitations to job interviews after the applications I’d shot off earlier in the week.
I scanned them, noting that both were online – one just before I was due to leave the ranch, the other a day after I was due back.
Both were similar roles to my old job, marketing in banking and law.
I blew out the tension I was holding, mind racing with everything I needed to prepare, trying to digest everything I’d just read.
A knock sounded at my door and seconds later, Bailey’s head was hanging round it.
‘Lil’s sent me to get you rodeo ready. Now I’m no girl’s girl, but you can come raid my wardrobe if you need? I’m assuming you only got a handful of things before coming up here from town, right?’
I thought about the majority of my clothes, hastily loaded into the washer the previous day and re-washed again this morning, the dust here somehow ingraining itself into every fibre.
I only had my city clothes left to wear, but from what I remembered of the rodeos I’d been to as a kid, they wouldn’t cut it.
‘I’m all yours,’ I said, letting out a sigh as I chucked my phone back on the bed, tucking the dressing gown around me. The weight remained in my hand, in my head.
‘You okay?’ she asked, opening the door wide as I came out.
‘Yeah,’ I lied. ‘Stuff at home, nothing interesting.’
She eyed me, missing nothing.
‘If you say so, sugar,’ she replied. ‘If you want my advice, best thing to do is get good and drunk, find yourself a nice cowboy to pass the time.’
I snorted, a pang of emotion hitting me square on.
‘You’d really love my friend Hestia,’ I replied, missing her more than ever. ‘And yes, maybe you’re right.’
We reached Bailey’s room, a surprisingly tidy space with her closet doors already wide open.
‘The weather’s staying fine, so think it’s time to mix it up,’ she said, glancing back at me, eyeing my legs with a smile.
Some thirty minutes later, somewhat overheated from trying on half Bailey’s wardrobe, we’d landed on a cornflower blue sundress, almost the exact shade as my eyes.
It was shorter than anything I’d worn since uni, showing off my legs and chest in a way I wasn’t used to after a year of buttoning up in the city.
‘You sure this isn’t too much? I feel like I’m hardly wearing anything?’ I asked, torn between self-consciousness and objectively liking what I saw.
Bailey just chuckled.
‘You look just right to me. I mean, I reckon half the rodeo will be queueing up to pass the time with you,’ she said, ushering me out and guiding me to the back of the house, hurriedly putting on her boots. ‘I’ve got to get Dunkin ready – come on over if you like, give me a hand?’
Down at the yard, despite the hat, boots and a cropped denim jacket over the top from Lil, I still felt exposed. Especially when Jesse wolf-whistled, standing in the corral with Cole, rope in hand, a plastic cow head attached to some hay bales in front of them.
‘I told you,’ Bailey said, glancing back at me before splitting off towards the stalls. ‘Eyes on the prize, Jesse. Ain’t no one paying out for roping cowgirls.’
‘Told him what?’ I shouted after her, not quite brave enough to look towards Cole.
‘That you’d look way hotter in a sundress than any of those buckle bunnies,’ she called back, her voice muffled as she turned into the stalls. ‘Better watch your back!’
Unsure whether she was joking or not, I gave Jesse an apprehensive smile.
‘Ever tried roping, Lottie?’ Jesse asked, an expression of pure mischief on his face as he approached the fence. He was dressed in full rodeo gear, from the leather chaps to the Diamond Back-branded jacket.
‘As a kid,’ I admitted, careful to give only a quick glance back at Cole, who remained near the hay bales. His face was neutral, but his arms were folded, his body rigid.
‘C’mon then, give it a try. If it’s anything like your riding, you’ll be a natural.’
He beckoned me over the fence, but when I gave him a dead-eyed expression, glancing down at the short dress and heading for the gate, they both cracked a smile.