CHAPTER 15
Somehow, I got through the interview.
Retreating to my room and adopting my professional veneer, I’d excused the unprofessional backdrop as the interviewers came on screen, only to be greeted with warm understanding and a story from one of them about fond memories of an earlier trip to Yellowstone.
‘Well, Charlotte, it’s been a pleasure to meet you today,’ said the main interviewer, just over an hour later.
‘I also wanted to acknowledge that anyone capable of working in your previous team and maintaining a professional composure has already proven themselves in my eyes.’ She smiled.
‘I know Cressida from university, so please know that I fully appreciate what your experience must’ve been. ’
Desperately trying to maintain my poker face, I thanked her, not missing the amusement in her expression.
‘You’d find it quite different here,’ she added. ‘In any case, we’ll be in touch very shortly to confirm. Could you start straight away?’
I nodded on autopilot, thanking them for the opportunity and hanging up.
An absolute silence gathered in my room, as the realization of how events were transpiring dawned on me.
I looked over at the bed, where just hours earlier Cole had lain next to me, as close as another human could be, a half-step from a whole other situation.
My whole body ached with need, the thought of it overwhelming, even in abstract.
And now . . . it seemed the ranch was over. My social media experiment had seemingly just sped up the process, leaving Lil, Cole, the others, all . . . where? Had I just signed a death warrant for the ranch and the livelihoods of everyone I was coming to love and respect so much?
I felt sick.
Putting on my hat and shrugging on my jacket and boots, I headed out to the back deck for some fresh air, the sudden need for solitude hitting me squarely in the chest. The thought of Lil and the others trying to put a brave face on the situation was more than I could bear.
The muted light of the cloudy sky dulled the colours of the ranch and its surroundings, as though the Elk Creek threats had sapped the life from the landscape itself.
I listened out for sounds of the others, and heard the faintest murmur of voices from the kitchen rising and falling. Taking a few steps closer, I listened for a moment and heard all four of them in there, including – I realized with a stab directly to my heart – the sound of Lil in tears.
Unable to listen any more, hating myself with every step as I walked back around the deck, I headed towards the barn.
Toying with re-watching the video, I forced myself to think through ways we could respond and set the record straight with viewers and followers, but shamefully, I was scared.
What if whatever I created just made it worse?
Would it provoke another visit from Zach Sinclair, or worse, force him into making good on his threat to burn the place to the ground?
I glanced at the home screen as I approached the stalls, two missed calls from Mum popping up.
Dad had told her about the argument then, I supposed.
Reaching Jasper, stroking his soft, sweet nose as he crunched through some hay, I knew I needed some time to think, to give the others some space to decide what to do.
I’d caused more trouble than I’d helped.
But before I went, I had to give Mum my side of the story.
‘Oh, thank goodness, I’ve been trying to reach you . . . Oh sweetie, what happened? I mean, I’ve spoken to your father, but . . . tell me, in your words.’
I swallowed hard, more grateful than she would ever know that she hadn’t just taken his side or his words at face value.
‘It was awful, Mum. He just started laying into me about being here, saying I was running away from my responsibilities and Kyle, that I owed you both for paying for uni, and how I was trading a good life for this place.’ I took a breath, knowing the next part would be hurtful for her to hear, knowing that Dad wouldn’t have left it in his account of the argument.
‘He completely trashed this place and everyone in it. Said he’d dragged you out of it, and insulted Aunt Carrie and everything she’s been through. ’
I could hear her moving in the background, saying nothing as she took it in.
‘I thought as much,’ she said finally, her quiet anger singing through the words. ‘He gave me his version, but I could hear the kinda thing he’d say.’
‘I really lost it with him,’ I murmured, feeling shame wash over me, despite knowing he’d deserved everything he got.
‘I swore and raged . . . I’ve never said anything like that before to him.
He just . . . he laid into people that don’t deserve that kind of treatment.
I was so embarrassed, Mum, that Lil and Cole – he’s one of the cowboys here – had to hear that. ’
‘Yeah, I heard about that,’ she replied, a hint of amusement under the seriousness.
‘You take after my mom like that – she always had a fire in her, passed it onto Carrie and Lil too, I think. It’s not necessarily a bad thing that you told him your truth, however it came out.
I wish . . . sometimes I wish I’d had the same courage.
Maybe things would’ve been different for you, for both of us.
He wouldn’t have pushed you so hard and maybe I . . .’
I gaped at my phone screen. This was the first time I’d ever heard Mum admit anything like this.
‘Don’t blame yourself, Mum,’ I said gently, gathering myself back up. ‘Dad’s . . . difficult. I’m not sure I understand where it all comes from, but it’s not your fault. I should’ve told you sooner about Kyle.’
She sighed.
‘Your dad is complicated,’ she began, slowly.
‘He holds a lot of regret about not making it as a pro-golfer, about settling for a lesser career on the tour and watching younger and better golfers do what he couldn’t.
So when you grew up and became the bright and clever woman you are, he channelled all that frustration into you.
As for Kyle . . . well. You know I still don’t understand the British obsession with class,’ she admitted, her voice becoming wry.
‘But being involved with a family like that was everything he wanted for you. I know, especially after the way I imagine he spoke to you, that it might be impossible to believe, but he does care about you, sweetie.’
‘Right,’ was all I could manage, aware that any other response would sound too sceptical.
‘I just want you to be happy, Lottie,’ she added, clearly trying to keep a grip on her emotions.
‘I’m not sure running away will fix things, but time and space are important.
And honestly, being away from Kyle sounds like a good call.
I’m so disappointed he’d treat you like that; it must’ve been so horrible for you. ’
I thought back to the moment I’d found out, the shock of it. But I saw it for what it was now, my perspective having shifted. It was just Kyle treating me as he always had, as a bit of fun, someone to show off to his friends and buy gifts for in return for my affection.
‘I did run away,’ I agreed, looking up from my phone for a moment, watching Jasper chewing on the hay and trying to ignore my swirling thoughts about Elk Creek. ‘But it’s turned into something else. You were right, I do love this place. Nothing’s changed.’
‘I thought as much,’ she said, the sound of a smile behind the words. ‘Anything I should know about any cowboys? Your father mentioned something about it, but I didn’t want to assume, given his way of seeing things.’
Debating whether to tell her straight out, I decided against it until things were straightened out with the whole social mess.
‘I’ve been getting to know everyone here. That definitely includes a cowboy, for sure.’
Mum chuckled.
‘You’ve always been the same,’ she replied, her voice soft but knowing. ‘Okay, my sweetheart. As long as you’re doing okay. I’m going to speak to your dad myself, when he’s home. There’s some stuff we need to get out in the open. Avoid this kind of thing ever happening again.’
We said our goodbyes, and as I hung up, I was plunged back into the quiet of the stalls. Watching Jasper for a moment, I continued with my reason for coming down here in the first place.
After brushing him down for a few minutes and tacking him up, I swung myself onto his back, conscious that it wouldn’t be long before one of them came out here. Not wanting to cause panic, I messaged Lil to let her know I’d taken Jasper out for a ride and not to worry.
Then, before I could change my mind, we set off, sedately at first until we got through the gate to the long wildflower meadow that ran right up to the beginning of the ridge.
Jasper sensed it even as I did, as though my thoughts shifted my balance in the saddle, the subtle pull on the reins.
His walk lengthened, and as I urged him on, he broke straight into a canter, then on into a flat gallop.
I grabbed onto my hat, feeling the brim lift in the whoosh of air past my ears, watching as we passed the landscape at fierce speed, Jasper as keen to move as I was.
The tightly coiled low bun I’d stuffed my hair into for the interview suddenly untwisted, the hairband flying off.
In seconds my hair billowed out behind me, whipped back in the wind that threatened to take my hat with it.
Jasper made it the whole length of the pasture before tiring, gradually slowing to a walk as I patted his neck.
The sun emerged from behind a cloud, casting long rays across the mountainside, the snow glistening in the far distance like ice fire.
It was unfathomably beautiful, almost too much to take in.
Desperation hit again. The thought of Lil losing all of this, another bully winning in this world. Ripping apart all she’d known, everything she’d worked for. Any potential future I might’ve had, the idea of a choice that glimmered in the distance, just out of sight.