CHAPTER 16 #2
‘Whatever happens now,’ he began, raising my hand, closing his other hand over it, ‘I want you to know I’ll never forget any of this.
Not the time up there in the mountains, or the weeks before it.
I knew when I saw you in that bar that you were .
. . different.’ He placed my hand to his lips, kissing it so gently that tears sprang to my eyes.
His sincerity ran so deep and he expressed it so naturally that I didn’t know what to say.
‘But I called you an asshole,’ I blurted, blinking back my tears.
His seriousness broke, that same beautiful, self-conscious smile making his eyes come to life.
‘Go on, go up to the ranch. Before we end up christening the stalls in front of the horses,’ he said, reaching out for one last touch of my hair, making my scalp tingle.
I made it back up to the house without encountering anyone, grateful to be able to decompress alone, to try and sort through the jumble of practicalities and emotions.
It felt as though Cole had opened up a deep well – one that was potentially dangerous, but the feelings pulled from it coming up pure and untainted.
A hot shower did feel particularly good, tinged with unexpected sadness at washing away the remnants of the searing cold of the river, and the earthy-mineral smell of the hot springs.
I’d got used to Cole’s smell, catching it on my shirt, my jacket, and without it, I felt .
. . wrong. Back in my room and grabbing my shirt from the washing pile, I held it to my face, closing my eyes as his scent hit me again, creating an immediate, now familiar ache across my body.
Reluctantly I put it back, shaking my head and trying to focus.
What I needed to do was find Lil and sit down with her, put our heads together to figure this out.
There was a solution just out of reach, I could feel it.
Like a reflection disturbed by waves on the surface; still there, just fractured.
As I dressed, I scanned my phone again, not quite daring to re-read the email from the company but spotting a series of messages from Hestia instead.
Are you around today, Lots? I need your icy-calm dealing-with-shit brain. I think I might actually end up killing Cal. And I’m just not up for jail yet, so call me when you get this?
Frowning, doing a quick mental calculation of the time difference, I called her.
‘Are you riding that cowboy yet?’ she said as soon as she picked up.
‘Hi, Hes.’ I smiled. ‘No cowboy chat until you tell me what Cal’s done now.’
She sighed, her voice unusually downbeat as she explained what’d been happening, how they’d been slowly growing apart until it had all finally snapped the previous weekend, how he’d now officially moved out for good.
‘I know we weren’t perfect, but . . .’ She stopped herself, an occurrence so rare that true anxiety for her bloomed. ‘Oh, I don’t know, it’s stupid.’
‘Don’t be a dick,’ I said, using an imitation of her own technique for preventing me from spiralling. ‘Just tell me. You know I’m not going to judge anything you say.’
She groaned. ‘But it sounds really fucking stupid now I’ve said it in my head .
. . even if it’s a little true.’ When I didn’t respond, waiting for her to continue, she groaned again.
‘Okay, fine. I just thought that . . . well, you know that Cal is even more of an emotional wreck than me. So, in my stupid, twisted logic I thought that if I couldn’t make it work with Cal, then it wouldn’t work with anyone. And now we’ve finally broken up . . .’
‘Oh, Hes,’ I murmured, wishing we were face to face, that I could give her a hug. ‘That’s not true. You must know that, deep down?’
‘But what if it is? What if I’m too fucked up to really let anyone in, Lots? What if Cal was it and I just chucked it away because we’ve been too busy to make it work?’
I sighed, clutching my phone as though it was Hestia’s hand.
‘No, I just don’t buy it. You do let people in – you let me in. And I was dressed as a giant cock when we met.’
She snorted a laugh despite herself.
‘I know, I know. But it’s not the same. I mean, I asked if you wanted to hook up, but seeing as you only like men – and frankly, fuck knows why right now – it means I have to look elsewhere.
’ She paused, the amusement fading. ‘Maybe it’s sex that complicates everything,’ she mused.
‘The minute there’s any romance or intimacy involved, bang – it becomes messy and complicated, and seemingly, whether it takes five years or five days, eventually the outcome is the same. Over.’
I considered the short but memorable list of Hestia’s boyfriends and girlfriends since uni.
Most had been fairly similar to her, at least in one aspect.
They’d had either a shared aesthetic or interest – one had even been the tattoo influence that’d tipped Hestia into discovering her talent for creating them, and her love of collecting them on her own body.
But emotionally . . . I’d never seen a deeper connection, not even with Cal.
My mind drifted to Cole, knowing that below our explosive physical attraction was that depth – it wasn’t just a sexual thing, although it was strengthened by that. I wanted the same for Hestia, badly.
‘Listen. Relationships don’t always have to work out, right?
They just weren’t the right people for you.
Come on, you’d be the first one to tell me the same.
Maybe you just need a proper break from things.
You guys have worked so fucking hard on the studio in the last couple of years, it’s hardly surprising that it’s become too much. ’
Hestia sighed.
‘Oh, Lots. You’ve got real Yoda energy, did you know that?’
I chuckled.
‘I miss you,’ I replied.
‘Don’t give me that,’ she mumbled. ‘I know you’re well occupied over there . . . and I love that for you. Anyway, the other part of it is not wanting to fuck up the studio. It’s doing really well – we’ve got a massive waiting list, so I don’t want to screw that up as well.’
‘I know,’ I said, wishing there was more I could say to reassure her, knowing how down she must really feel if she sounded this low. ‘But the studio is just business, right? Surely you can separate that and set it aside?’
‘Yeah, I think so,’ she replied, another sigh escaping. ‘I just feel fucking exhausted by the whole thing, you know?’
‘You could always try my tried and trusted method,’ I joked. ‘Come over here, try ranch life instead. It’s working for me.’
She paused and I suddenly realized how fun that would be.
‘Really?’ she said, seeming to be genuinely taken aback. ‘No, I couldn’t. I’ve got too much on, can’t trust Cal to handle things at the moment.’
‘So call his mother and make her deal with him,’ I said, remembering how Hestia had always commented that only Cal’s mum could handle his manic moods. ‘What’s her name? Diane?’
‘You’re right, actually,’ she replied. ‘She always did deliver the best verbal bitch-slapping.’
Something clicked as she said it, a light flicking on in my brain. A solution to the Elk Creek problem.
‘Oh shit, you’ve just given me the best idea,’ I said, putting her on speaker so I could finish dressing and drying my hair.
‘What? Does someone over there need a verbal bitch-slapping?’
‘Yep,’ I replied, cursing at my hair, desperately trying to pull a comb through it.
‘Hang the fuck on.’ She paused, her voice suddenly charged. ‘You haven’t even given me any juice on this cowboy! I want names, facts, measurements . . .’
I laughed.
‘Cole; tall, dark and ridiculously am-I-fucking-imagining-it hot, oh and . . . just right.’
‘ CHARLOTTE WRIGHT ! You have ridden a cowboy!’ she screamed. ‘Please can you inform Kyle in front of me, I beg you – I’ll pay?’
Still laughing, I grabbed my hat.
‘Want to know something even better?’ I teased, grinning at her breathless response. ‘He’s got a friend. Also a cowboy. Also hot.’
Silence.
‘Does he have tats? Big dick? Emotionally unavailable?’
I laughed, shaking my head at the phone. I considered the tats question for a moment, wracking my brain to remember, for a few seconds only able to recall Cole, the memory of his body etched on my mind permanently.
‘Yeah, he does have tats – two that I’ve seen, anyway,’ I said, remembering when I’d filmed Jesse at Elk Creek.
‘Both on his back. I haven’t seen his dick and I don’t plan to .
. . and as far as I can see, he’s pretty well adjusted.
Although, he’s an ex-bull rider. I’m not sure you can do that without having a few screws loose.
Plus, you won’t be able to intimidate him. ’
‘Interesting,’ she hummed, the sounds of city life in the background. ‘I’ll consider that ticket. But when are you coming home?’
As I left my room, heading for my boots by the door, I realized I genuinely didn’t know. Home was beginning to take on an entirely different meaning.
‘Honestly . . . I don’t know. It’s rebooked for the end of next week but there’s stuff I need to do here first.’
‘Like your cowboy?’ she asked.
‘Amongst other things,’ I replied. ‘Listen, I need to take your idea to Lil. I’ll fill you in, I promise.’
We hung up and I headed over to the cabins, knowing Lil would be cleaning up after the most recent guests’ stay. The idea Hestia had given me battled with the image of her meeting Jesse. She’d either eat him alive or he’d charm the fuck out of her.
Regardless, it’d be quite something to watch.
‘Lil? You there?’ I called, eventually meeting her in the biggest cabin.
‘You’re back.’ She smiled, noticeable dark circles under her eyes detracting from the cheeriness of her greeting. ‘You finally returned my ranch manager? I was worried I might never see the two of you again.’
I grinned, not bothering to hide it, giving a mock shrug. ‘He was just keeping the bears away, that’s all.’
‘Uh-huh,’ she began, going back to wiping over the bedside tables. ‘And . . .’
‘And – I’ve had an idea,’ I deflected. ‘About how to deal with Elk Creek.’
She stopped, frowning.
‘I don’t think—’ she began, but I waved it off.
‘Hear me out, okay? It’s a bit out there, but I think it might work. It’s not exactly conventional, but then . . . this is Wyoming, right?’
She stopped, putting down the cloth.
‘Am I going to need a drink?’ she asked, and I smiled.
‘Several.’