CHAPTER 17 #2
Lil paused as we rode over the cattle grid and out onto the main road, headed for the interstate.
‘So . . . am I going to lose my ranch manager anytime soon?’ she asked. ‘Or am I gaining my cousin full time?’
I stared at her, mouth half open with an answer, but knowing I couldn’t bullshit her or leave her with half-truths.
‘I . . . I want to fix this problem I’ve created, make this influencer idea work.
The job I interviewed for in London a few days ago has offered me the role .
. . but honestly, I don’t know yet. I’m .
. .’ I shook my head, trying to find the right words.
‘I’m fucking crazy about him, Lil. But I’m also really scared of fucking up again, you know? ’
Her face changed, and she reached over to rub my arm.
‘Honey, we all fuck up, every last one of us. But given what happened between you and your dad, I think you just need to listen to your gut on this one rather than anyone else, right?’ I nodded.
‘So I won’t try and persuade you of anything, but you need to know that Cole would never hurt you, not in the way that asshole did in London.
And, Lottie, that man is head over heels into you, sugar.
I’ve known him for what . . . more than ten years now, since he was fifteen or sixteen.
I’ve never seen him like this over anyone, not even close.
And I’m talking about even before you went on up the mountain. ’
At her sudden grin, I couldn’t help it. We both started laughing, relief and lightness mixing with schoolgirl humour as we reached the turning for the interstate.
‘Wait, wait,’ I said in between gasps. ‘We need to brainstorm this influencer plan. What do you say to going into town instead? We’ll get lunch and drinks to celebrate, I’ll make some calls and get things organized, then reclaim my title.’
Lil hiccupped back a laugh.
‘Okay, it might be good to have a few hours off anyways. But – title? What do you . . .’ Her eyes lit up, a fresh smile broadening across her face. ‘Oh, okay, guess I know which bar we’re going to then.’
‘Challenge accepted?’ I asked as she swung right onto the road, foot on the gas.
‘Oh honey, you’ve got no chance.’
Several hours, about a dozen calls and emails later, we had a plan and a potential influencer line-up, with just a few details left to confirm. The Cowboy Bar was buzzing with people, music and the feral whooping of Miss Elizabeth Dean of the Diamond Back Ranch.
The mechanical bull had started nice and slow, Lil giving a cocky smile and a wink in my direction as she moved easily with it.
But as it sped up, chucking her from side to side, she grabbed her hat and really concentrated, a group of tourists yelling encouragement as Lil’s work-hardened, experienced legs gripped the bull for dear life.
I knocked back the rest of my whiskey – the second one, thanks to happy hour – and gritted my teeth.
The bull-riding title was mine to lose, last won way back on my last visit.
Back then, the loser had received a dunking in the ice-cold water trough by the side of the corral, a forfeit we’d agreed to retain.
Eventually, with a particularly violent lurch, the bull flung Lil off to the side, the timer registering twenty-two seconds as the bell went off. Uncurling herself from the mats and dipping her hat to applause, she came over to the side, vaulting over it.
‘C’mon then, cowpoke, up you go.’
I mock eyeballed her, the whiskey doing its work, and as I reached out and mimicked her vault over the side onto the mat, someone wolf-whistled.
Turning as I grabbed the strap on the bull, I saw Bailey at the front, raising her glass with a cheeky grin. Next to her were Cole and Jesse, wearing matching expressions of amused curiosity.
‘Any tips, cowboy?’ I shouted at Jesse, watching as he laughed.
‘Just hang on, hotshot.’
I nodded, trying to ignore the hungry look I received from Cole as I threw my leg over the bull in one smooth motion, prompting some yells and cheers from the tourist crowd. His gaze had deepened, as though he was imagining something quite different.
‘It’s bath time!’ yelled Lil, her face alight.
As the bull began to move, I realized how long it’d been since I’d seen her look so relaxed and happy. I smiled to myself as I realized what I needed to do.
Leaning back and keeping the plastic gripped between my thighs, my hips loose, it almost felt too easy. That was until it switched direction with such ferocity that my hat flew off, hair flying wild. I checked the clock: eighteen seconds down.
Bailey whistled again and I gripped harder as the movements became increasingly erratic, my knuckles white until I loosened my legs a fraction and slam , I hit the deck.
On my back, breathing heavily, I looked up at the clock. Twenty seconds.
Amongst the clapping and whistles, I looked up to see Cole at the side.
‘You okay, cowgirl?’ he asked, holding out a hand.
Grabbing my hat, I flicked my hair back and walked over to him, feeling an instant spark as I touched his hand. All of a sudden, the only thing I could see was him, everything else blurring into the background.
‘I lost,’ I said, breathing heavily, calculating whether I could kiss him without it becoming something we’d need a room for. ‘My turn for the forfeit.’
He smiled down at me, reaching for my waist. Before I could ask what he was doing, he picked me up, his hands firm but gentle, and set me down on the other side.
‘It was worth it,’ he whispered in my ear as Lil approached. ‘That image of you up there will stay in my mind for a very long time.’ I turned back to him, resisting every urge to pick up where we’d just left off, my body instantly pressing against him.
‘Just practising.’
He groaned, hands gripping my hips as Lil came to a stop, dangling her truck keys in my direction.
‘Oh, it’s about to get real cold, girl. I can’t wait to see this.’
Back at the ranch, floodlights on in the gathering dark, I stood next to the water trough.
‘Come on, no chickening out now or I’ll make the ranch manager dunk you.’
I arched an eyebrow at them both.
‘Already done it once,’ Cole told Lil, a smile breaking out. ‘Up at the river.’
‘Romantic,’ she replied, elbowing him as I laughed.
‘Actually . . . it was,’ I said, not missing the change in Cole’s expression, from playful to serious, and the sappy smile Lil returned. ‘But this is . . . not.’
I turned back to the trough, taking off my jacket and boots. And slowly, excruciatingly, lowered myself into the icy water. Biting back a scream, I went in up to my neck.
Lil counted down from ten, and after one, I shot up, gasping.
‘ FUCK ME that’s cold!’
‘C’mon,’ Lil laughed, ‘here’s a towel. Get yourself in the shower.’
I made it back up the slope as they followed, Cole eventually appearing at my shoulder. ‘Come here,’ he said, scooping me up as I protested, Lil chuckling behind us.
‘Oh my God, I’m too heavy for this, seriously!’
He laughed as we approached the porch and he strode up the steps and took us into the warmth inside, walking down the corridor and turning into my room.
‘Princess, I’ve carried saddles heavier than you.’ He sat on my bed, propping me up and rubbing the towel against my arms to warm me. ‘I’ll let you wash up. Jesse and Bailey are cooking – hope your stomach’s feeling strong.’
‘Wait, don’t go,’ I said, eyeing the wet patch on his shirt where I’d leant against it, the way it clung to his abs. ‘We’ve got a few minutes, right?’
I got up and closed the door, pulling off my wet shirt and jeans and walking back over to him.
‘Come have a shower with me,’ I said, taking his face in my hands, my lips finding his.
He responded instantly, his mouth opening as he stroked my waist, one hand working its way around my back towards my bra clasp. Then, gradually, he stopped.
‘Princess, I . . .’ he said, pulling back.
‘Fuck. You have no idea how much I want that shower, but here’s the thing.
’ My heart fell, sudden fear crashing into me.
He took my hands and looked straight into my eyes.
‘I meant it when I said this is all your decision to stay or go or whatever you choose. I think . . . I hope you know what I want, but until you make that call for sure, I might need to keep to myself a little . . . Well, self-preservation, you know?’
Frozen, I felt the first shimmers of a crack in my heart, a glimpse into what real heartbreak might look like. The depths of it yawned ahead of me, deep and black and unending.
‘Okay,’ I whispered, nodding. ‘I . . . understand. I think.’
He stood slowly, holding my face in his hands.
‘I know why it’s difficult to decide on this.
Lil told me about the influencer idea, the whole thing.
I understand fixing all that first and making a call after, but if you do decide to go home .
. .’ He paused, taking a breath. ‘I’m not going to blame you.
Not one bit. But I think . . . I need to protect my heart a little.
’ I felt tears rising at the unquestionable sincerity in his voice, the pain that leaked into his expression.
‘Because if you do go home, I’m not sure I’m gonna cope too well.
That’s not on you, but the further we go with this, the more it’s gonna hurt. ’
I nodded again, taking his hands from my face before the tears could fall.
‘I get it,’ I said, stepping back. ‘I just . . . I need to make the right call. I’m scared of fucking everything up again.’
His hands balled into fists as my voice broke, then in one long stride he closed the distance between us, pulling me up to him, his grip gentle. But his kiss was not.
It was fire and promise and every emotion we’d experienced together in the last few weeks. I clung to him, my hands grasping at his shirt, willing him to give in to the way it made us both feel, even though I understood his reasoning for backing off.
‘This isn’t it,’ he said as we broke away from each other for a moment, trying to gather sense and breath. ‘It’s a pause. Whether it’s saying goodbye on the other side, or . . . more.’
I nodded, resting against him for a moment, breathing him in.
‘Warm up now, okay?’ he said, walking over to the door and opening it. ‘I’m gonna go supervise, see if I can’t prevent them poisoning us all, right before the new guests get here.’
I nodded, grabbing my towel from the bed.
‘Cole?’ I said, my voice quiet. Too quiet. He’d slipped away, closing the door softly behind him. I stared at it, feeling the tears gather and fall freely.
‘I’ve fallen in love with you,’ I whispered.