#2
‘Best be careful, then,’ she answered softly, her eyes flicking to mine, just for a moment, as she turned. Jesse missed it as he reached back into the tent for something, leaving me to watch her approach the campfire. I willed her to turn around, wondering if I should go after her.
‘I’m turning in,’ Jesse yawned. ‘Still hate the early starts. Think I’d be used to them by now.’
‘Yeah,’ I agreed. ‘Never gets any easier.’
Two hours later, I was still wide awake. Jesse was really getting into his stride, snoring loudly enough to keep the resident black bears at bay.
But I couldn’t blame him for keeping me awake – my own thoughts were doing a damn good job of that.
Sighing, I got up, swiped the towel from my bag and headed out into the night. The moon was almost full, lighting the short path up to the pools, and the promise of hot water and maybe some sleep to follow was enough to grit my teeth against the cold.
Stripping down and climbing into the smaller pool, the heat and the quiet combined into the kind of relief I hadn’t felt all week. Settling back, I found a comfortable position against the smooth stones and closed my eyes.
Almost immediately I could feel her hand against my chest, the way she’d pulled me into her, the taste of the whiskey on her lips . . . the way they had turned cherry red after we’d kissed again, just before she left the bar.
Opening my eyes and almost groaning out loud in frustration, a light from the camp suddenly caught my eye. As I watched, a figure approached in the darkness, towel clutched under their arm.
My heart damn-near stopped. Lottie. Right here, whilst I lay in here, naked as the day as I was born and the beginning of another goddam boner under the surface.
‘This your way of saying you’re sorry?’ I blurted, somehow imagining humour might help the situation, but regretting it as soon as her face turned cold.
‘Sorry? For what?’
I kicked myself, desperate not to blow it this time. What would Jesse do? Fucking ride it out. Be smooth.
‘For calling me an asshole?’ I said, trying to keep my voice light, the same kind of innocent ‘ who me? ’ bullshit that seemed to work when Jesse did it.
She paused, and some of the hardness melted.
‘But you . . . I didn’t actually call you an asshole. I said your assumptions about me made you come across like an asshole.’
I hid my smile, ducking my head a little. Damn, I liked this girl, that fucking smart, beautiful mouth. And unless I was wrong, there was a little bit of . . . guilt, maybe, in her words. Or was that wishful thinking?
‘Right, same thing,’ I said, careful to keep it neutral. ‘You getting in, or you going to freeze yourself half to death out there?’
She hesitated, but before I could say anything more I saw her eyes flick over me, from my face and down over my chest, further down to where I hoped to fuck she couldn’t see the effect she was having on me.
But . . . shit, she was checking me out, no mistaking it.
‘Well, I can’t,’ she said, suddenly stepping back as our eyes met, as though aware of my thoughts. ‘I’m not just stripping off in front of you. If you were any kind of gentleman you’d get out and leave me be.’
Jesus H. Christ . Stripping in front of me.
She began to turn away and I had to force myself from launching out of the pool after her.
‘Wait up, wait up,’ I called, not wanting to wake the camp but desperate for her to stay. ‘I’m sorry, I’m only teasing. How’s about I turn around and keep my eyes to myself, then you let me know when you’re safely in and tucked away?’
Her eyes narrowed and her hand motioned for me to turn around. I did it without thinking, knowing in the same instant that I’d do whatever she wanted me to, knowing how much fucking trouble I was really in.
I had to close my eyes to the sound of her clothes falling onto the stones, able to imagine what her peachy ass would look like outside of those fitted jeans all too well.
‘Why are you awake anyway?’ she asked, stepping lightly over to the other pool.
‘Jesse snores,’ I replied, barely able to hold it together as I heard her towel drop, vaguely aware that this felt like some kind of personalized torture. ‘And I like sitting out here like this, it’s . . . peaceful. Usually.’
‘I’m in,’ she replied, and I made the mistake of looking straight at her, the way she’d pulled her hair off her neck, the slope of smooth skin that faded under the surface. Her eyes were doing the same to me, meeting mine.
I cleared my throat and forced myself to look up instead, focusing on the moon, feeling the rush of blood to everywhere other than my brain.
I had to get it together. This was Lil’s cousin, for fuck’s sake.
Anyway, I’d seen plenty of pretty girls before, been with pretty girls before.
There was no reason this was any different.
Plus, I had to fix the mess I’d made – I owed her that at least.
‘So given that you’re not a city girl,’ I said, steadying myself as I turned back to her, determined to keep it cool. ‘Then what’s a country girl doing in the city?’
For a moment I saw the knives sharpen, waited for her to cut me open. Instead, she seemed to shrink back, more than a little hurt.
‘Trying to make something of myself,’ she said, her voice as soft and quiet as the night. ‘Honestly, I don’t know.’
She closed her eyes as she leant back, brow furrowed.
I realized right then that all I wanted to do was scoop this girl up and hold her until she never looked that way again.
Thoughts of sex aside, seeing her look that way was like a fucking knife in my heart.
But much as I wanted to, I couldn’t just reach out and touch her, not yet.
Time to own it, even if it hurt. She was worth it.
‘My mom was a country girl in the city,’ I said, suddenly unsure as the words came out. ‘She . . . felt the same thing, I think.’
My heart was pounding. I never spoke about this shit, not to anyone. Lil was the only one, other than family, who really knew.
‘And how did it work out for her?’ she asked, her voice the same gentle tone as the one she’d used with the horses.
I wanted to answer her, to let her know the way I’d been that day in the corral wasn’t her fault, wasn’t really me.
But . . . fuck if this didn’t hurt so much.
I found her eyes, holding them, seeing the kindness there.
There were echoes of Lil again, that fierce exterior and just about the kindest, softest soul underneath.
‘I don’t know,’ I replied eventually, having to break eye contact to make it through the next bit. ‘She rarely visited me, my brother or my dad after she left us. Last I heard she was running some tech company in San Francisco, found herself a whole new family over there.’
‘Shit, I’m sorry,’ she whispered. ‘No wonder you’re not keen on city people. I had no idea.’
I tried to smile, but from her expression I knew she didn’t buy it.
‘How would you know? It’s okay. I mean, it’s not, but I’m a grown-ass man.’ I sighed, shaking my head, really hearing the words now I’d said them aloud. ‘I need to let this shit go, you know?’
She was silent for a moment, completely still in the water. I could almost hear the thoughts churning in her mind before she fixed her eyes on me again.
‘Or live with it, recognize it for what it is. You don’t have to be defined by her actions. From what Lil tells me, you’re defining yourself in the opposite way. She told me what you’ve done for her, for the ranch. I get the impression you’re about as far from selfish as it gets.’
I was unprepared for the compliment, for the kindness in her words that she held out like a hand. It was beginning to feel fucking dangerous, like I was walking right into the sun, my eyes blind and skin burning, but I didn’t care. I wanted more.
Shit.
‘So, what do you want to make of yourself?’ I asked, wondering if there was any chance, any at all, that she might be staying here for a while. Maybe just long enough to get to know her more, persuade her to stay in whatever way I could.
‘I just want to be good at what I do, whatever that is. If I could do that away from the city then . . . that would be the dream. But that’s where all the opportunities are.
Maybe it’s just a temporary thing,’ she paused, glancing at me.
‘I’m not sure I can live surrounded by concrete my whole life. ’
It was like she’d heard me, even though I knew, deep down, that was beyond delusional.
But fuck it. She’d started that kiss, drunk though she was . . . and there was absolutely no mistaking the way she’d checked me out by the wood store – hell, the way she’d done it a couple of minutes ago. There was something here, right now, and it wasn’t just one-sided. I knew it.
Heart pounding, I took the chance.
‘You and Lil kinda look alike, you know?’ I said, pushing off against the stones and coming right up to the edge nearest her. ‘Makes it difficult.’
Her eyes widened, blinking as she took in the change of tone.
‘Makes what difficult?’
Jesus . Her voice was all breath, her chest rising under the surface of the water. I tried not to smile but failed, just fucking relieved I hadn’t misjudged it. I’d have to make this moment count.
‘I think of Lil as family,’ I began, bringing my hands out of the water to grip the side, tensing my arms in preparation. ‘But the thoughts I’ve had about you, well, they’re not things you ever want to be thinking about family.’
Her blue eyes even wider than before, beautiful lips popping open, I couldn’t help laughing as I pushed myself up and out of the water. It was totally shameless, but fuck it.
‘Holy shit, Cole,’ she said, turning her head to the side, but not before I knew she’d taken a good look.
‘That’s what they all say,’ I said, smiling as she kept her head turned. ‘What I mean to say is, no hard feelings, Princess. I’ve got no problem with you, never have. It’s just what to do with you.’
I grabbed my towel up, wrapped it loosely around my hips. She didn’t reply as I started to walk away slowly, the total opposite of what I wanted to do. In my mind I’d already got into her pool, turned her around gently and lifted her legs around my waist.
Glancing up at the moon, I made myself a promise. If that’s where this was headed, if she wanted to, we’d come right back here and do just that.
‘Don’t stay out long,’ I called back, knowing full well that I’d be waiting up until she came back to her tent, but would also knock the ever-loving shit out of anyone who even looked at her. ‘The other cowboys will be up soon and I don’t fancy starting my day knocking skulls together.’