Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
Bri
“Hi, there.” I cautiously approach the h’axom I’ll be riding through the desert for the next few days.
The enormous animal is twice the size of a horse and covered in short, wiry fur.
The long up curled eyelashes and drooping trunk give it a friendly face.
Mine looks docile enough as it lazily chews on its lunch of dried grass.
First things first, how am I going to hoist myself on? I size her up, the bottom of her belly level with my shoulders. She’s nearly as wide as she is tall.
“Their wide abdomens store water for the long treks across the desert. They are very special animals,” Hot-Breath says from behind me.
I jump in surprise. I didn’t realize he was back there.
“They are only found here, on Sabaak, and their organs are valuable for many things. Their glands specifically are used for very fine cosmetics,” he says with pride.
My ears heat with anger. It pisses me off that someone would kill these amazing animals for something as trivial as makeup.
I awkwardly lift my leg and try to get my foot in the stirrup that is out of reach.
“Allow me.” Hot-Breath grabs my waist and heaves me into the air.
I get my foot in the footrest and push myself up the rest of the way.
The amount of exertion he had to use to get me up is not good for my ego.
I settle into the cushioned seat, my legs spread-fucking-eagle.
My bare legs rub uncomfortably against the rough fur.
“Good girl, Daisy. We got this.” I lean down and pat her side affectionately, also to double-check that she’s still alive. The other h’axom are stomping around and she’s hardly moved.
“Daisy?” Tai asks from atop his h’axom. I glare at him, annoyed that he looks so comfortable sitting on his ride, while I struggle to find a workable position.
“I named her Daisy. Isn’t she such a pretty girl?” I coo at her, oozing as much sweetness into my tone as I can. I love Tai’s dramatic eyeroll every time I put on this syrupy voice. He thinks I don’t notice, but I do, and now I make it a point to make sure he’s close enough to hear it.
Tai rolls his eyes and shakes his head. I steal a glance at the brethren who are tending to their mounts and flash a middle finger at Tai when I’m sure they aren’t watching us.
Unfazed by my gesture, he flips me off in return.
I must be rubbing off on him, because he’s mastering the subtleties of these human mannerisms quite well.
Boss directs his h’axom toward me. His looks fast and athletic, in sharp contrast to mine.
“I picked the calmest one for you,” he says.
“Maybe a little too calm,” I say.
Ignoring my complaint, he says, “It is my honor to travel ahead of the group and prepare resting places for you today.”
I’m grateful. Daisy isn’t the most comfortable ride, and it’s going to be a very long day.
“Thank you.” Hopefully this journey will be much better than stumbling around in circles. All with the added bonus of being away from Boss all day.
“I trust you will tend to the goddess en route,” he confirms with Tai. I wince at the condescending tone.
“You really want to talk about how to tend to females?” Tai spits back, not one to be talked down to. This scrappy side of Tai is wildly and inappropriately attractive.
“Don’t let anything happen to her,” Boss says before galloping back to the head of the group.
Daisy shuffles closer to Tai without my direction. I take the opportunity to ask a few probing questions. “What’s going on there?”
“What do you mean?” He sounds defensive.
Another checkmark in the suspicious column.
“Tell me what’s going on. I hate being kept in the dark.”
“There is nothing going on. I simply want to get off this planet and back home.” His body language is tight, and from a few feet away I can see the muscle in his jaw tick. Tai is usually a quiet guy, but right now his silence feels loud.
“Please follow me. I will show you the way,” the brethren I’ve dubbed Baby Face Brethren, for obvious reasons, says while coming up behind us. We all secure the dark goggles. My eyes relax immediately, no longer squinting into the bright sun.
Tai’s h’axom lurches forward with a flick of the reins. Daisy remains unbothered by my gentle prodding to get her to move.
“Come on, sweet girl. Time to go,” I tell her and tap her sides with my heels. I tug a little at the reins.
Still nothing.
“Daisy, if we are going to be friends, you can’t make me look bad in front of him,” I whisper sternly.
She finally takes one lumbering step, followed by another slower one, content to move at her own speed.
I continue the sweet-talk, hoping it will motivate her to catch up with the group.
She is even slower than the team of h’axom dragging a heavy sled.
The load is stacked tall and covered with thick fabric. I assume our supplies are under there.
I’m tired and grumpy from hardly getting any sleep last night.
The unwelcomed memory agitated me, and it was impossible to get comfortable in my bed after that.
I tossed and turned, and every time I’d get close to falling asleep, Tai would make some noise, a reminder we were sharing a room.
All it took was a light breath or rustle of blankets for me to get worked up again.
I should have let the brethren drag him back down to the dungeon.
“You okay over there, Sunshine?” I can’t tell if he’s concerned or being sarcastic. Knowing him, it’s sarcasm.
“I’m a little tired. Maybe if you weren’t snoring all night, I could have gotten some rest.”
He doesn’t snore. The soft sounds of him sleeping only heightened the feelings that came up from the memory.
“Maybe if you would have stopped flailing around in your bed last night, I could have fallen asleep and you would hear what snoring actually sounds like.”
If he knew what kept me awake, his ego would explode.
“Don’t let me hold you back. Don’t you have some brethren to spy on?” I need to get him and his knowing eyes away from me.
His ride kicks up sand as he catches up to the rest of the group. I’m equally irritated he was holding back to stay with me and that he took off so quickly when I gave him an excuse.
Which is it, Bri? You want him or not?
It doesn’t matter. We might have a temporary shared goal, but I still can't stand him and I don’t trust him. Regardless of how hot that one night was—it’s not happening again.
The scorching wind blows back my borrowed headscarf as we amble forward. I adjust it, trying to find the right position to keep the sun off my face. Sweat has been dripping down my back since the second we stepped on the surface.
A cloud of sand appears over the rolling dunes. Table Mountain waits for us in the hazy distance.
I hate being in the back of the caravan. I can’t talk to any of the brethren from back here. With Boss up in front, this would be the perfect opportunity to feel them out. No one has expressly said they hate Boss, but it’s clear they are afraid of him.
I tap Daisy’s flanks with my heels and flick the reins up a few times to get her to speed up. She’s either completely unaware of my intentions or she is the most stubborn animal on the planet.
The slow pace gives me too much time to think. At some point throughout the day the h’axom formed a single file line, winding our way between the dunes.
It’s embarrassing to admit to myself that Tai’s secretive nature has me feeling pulled toward him even more. Let’s call it curiosity and nothing more. Because if I let myself be drawn to Tai, I’d be in danger of repeating a very toxic pattern I have worked very hard to avoid.
The source of my curiosity is right in front of me, and it’s impossible to look away from how he sways and moves in the saddle. His hips rocking back and forth. I twist my neck to the side, desperate to find something else to look at, anything else to think about.
My dad would probably love it here, the barren desert landscape. Endless dunes to climb, craters and dried-out canyons to explore.
From the outside, my parents were happy. With four kids there was always something going on, and when there wasn’t, my dad would invent something for us to do.
I always suspected our impromptu backpacking trips were a way for him to temporarily escape. But one day, they weren’t enough and he left for good.
My mom adored him, and completely fell apart when he left. We never had answers. One day he was there, the next he was packing up and leaving. I promised myself I’d never do what my dad did. I’d never let myself hurt someone in that way.
He can rot in the desert for all I care.