Chapter 40
FORTY
Bri
Maybe he doesn’t realize his hand is on my hip. I can’t think about anything else. It’s a lightning bolt down to my toes. I am keenly aware of every point of contact between us.
I look down at his bionic arm resting on my hip and smile a little half smile. I’m curious as to what it feels like for him compared to his other arm. I’m very aware of more places than my hip.
Stop it. Stop it right now, Bri. Shut. It. Down.
I remember that conversation I had with Elowen back on j'Tilak. Me trying to get through to her, convincing her to open herself up to the possibility of a happy life with someone she loves. Man, it’s so much easier said than done.
The thought of Elowen reminds me of the looming possibility of fate.
I never had a chance to find out what Tai thought of all the mate stuff.
“Do you think you have a mate out there?” I ask before I can think twice and keep my thoughts to my damn self.
“A mate?” Tai nearly chokes on the word.
“Like Elowen and Aro. Someone out there in the vast universe you can hulk out for.” I keep my eyes trained forward, too embarrassed to look back at him.
“No, I doubt it. I think mates are reserved for certain Tilaks. Aro’s ancestors could do it, and I don’t think that’s in my bloodline.”
“What does that mean?” I’m defensive on his behalf and ready to list all his good qualities, even if he doesn’t want to admit them to himself.
He’s one of the best males I know. Some sweet little thing would make him perfectly happy back on his home planet. The image of Tai with a pretty Tilak woman makes me slightly ill.
Now is not the time to catch feelings.
“I’m station trash that got lucky,” he says matter-of-factly. I bristle at his comment. If everyone’s life was limited by their origins, where the fuck would I be right now?
“It doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a mate. I’m sure some pretty Tilak woman would love for you to smash some shit for her.”
Damn. I hadn’t planned on saying that out loud! I really need to work on the filter between my brain and my mouth.
“Battleforms are more than just smashing shit,” Tai says with a laugh. “The biological response to protect what’s most important is a big deal. Anyway, that’s not what I’m into.”
The slightly ill feeling in my belly turns into fluttering. I can’t resist the follow-up question.
“What are you into?” I hold my breath waiting for his answer.
He takes his time. “Loud and opinionated. Someone with zero survival instincts who constantly underestimates danger.”
A smile creeps across my face, but I look straight ahead, not wanting him to see my reaction. I know it’s only teasing, but I can’t stop the tingly feeling in my chest at his admission. We are dangerously close to crossing the line from casually sleeping together to forming a real attachment.
“Good luck finding that.” I diffuse the situation with my normal amount of sarcasm.
“What about you? What’s your type?” he asks.
“Hm. Let me think. I’m looking for someone short, small teeth, big gums, only slightly homicidal.”
His laugh echoes through the valley. Irritating Tai is fun, but nothing compares to the feeling of making him laugh.
“I think I might know someone.”
I catch myself thinking that a mate like Tai wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, and then I question my own sanity for letting the thought finish. Elowen struggled with the idea of free will when she realized that Aro had recognized her as his mate.
Maybe because of my background in genetics, the idea of a mate doesn't feel as abstract to me as it might to others. DNA is a blueprint, but it also carries history, personality, and predisposition. With DNA, much of our lives are written long before we are born. I don’t find it so strange to think that somewhere out there, in all that vast and indifferent universe, there's someone whose biology would recognize mine.
“Where did you go?” Tai’s voice interrupts my thoughts.
“Nowhere. What makes you think I went somewhere?”
“Come on, Sunshine. Give me a little credit.” He lifts an eyebrow at me. “I want to know, what were you thinking about just now?” he asks again.
“I was thinking about DNA.”
He laughs. “That is not what I was expecting you to say.”
“I remember the first time I saw a DNA strand, the double helix that all of life is built from. I realized that no matter how much I knew, there would always be more to learn. It sparked something inside me, and I never considered anything after that.”
“I’ve always wondered about my own DNA, where I came from,” Tai says.
“You never met your parents?”
“No memory of it. Can’t miss what you never had.”
Daisy’s steps slow, and she comes to a stop. Tai flicks the reins and nudges her flanks with his feet.
“What is it, girl?” I ask and pat her neck.
In the distance, a low rumble shakes the ground under us. The sand vibrates from the sound. Behind us, a tall brown wall approaches. The sky darkens from the sand being kicked up.
“What the fuck?” Before I can finish that thought, Daisy starts digging. The forward shift flings Tai and I off over her head. I land hard on my side, gasping for air.
The rumble grows into a roar, and sand violently swirls around us.