Chapter 47
FORTY-SEVEN
Bri
Last night was transcendent. It was Earth-shattering. It was the weirdest combination of trash-talking and orgasms. All I can think about is when we are going to do it again.
So, I don’t know why I shrugged him off this morning.
In the light of day, the old habit came back so easily. The walls went up before I could stop them. Before I even understood what I was doing. Even though it's the last thing I wanted.
I prefer it when he’s on the inside of the walls I put up, not the outside. It’s all so confusing and contradictory.
The awkward tension in the air between us is only amplified by our desolate location.
The scenery hasn’t changed in the hours we’ve been walking today.
Just endless, flat, barren land. We don’t have a direction or destination in mind, now having passed the landmarks the Sabaaki told us would lead us to the Boraei, and we are on our own.
I shiver at the memory of his hands on me, even though the air is hot and still. Not a hint of breeze today as we trudge through the dirt. I opted to ride Daisy today, another decision to put distance between me and Tai.
Something tells me now’s not a good time to ask him where we are going. I can practically see the tension radiating off his shoulders as he walks ahead.
We should talk this through. We are both grown adults and should be able to discuss this. Except, I have no idea what to say.
Look, Tai. You’re hot as fuck, and I’m totally down. My mind draws a blank after that.
Maybe I shouldn’t lead with how hot he is and how I want to get in his pants.
My skin gets clammy from the thought of the giant monster cock he’s hiding in those pants.
Shit, I’m supposed to be figuring out a solution to this problem, not slobbering all over myself, imagining his dick.
It’s not you, it’s me. Fuck. Could I be any more cliché?
I think I really like you. But I am terrified I’ll make you fall in love with me, and then I’ll bolt. And I hate the idea of breaking your heart. I could never live with myself if I did that to you.
Daisy grunts and pulls against Tai’s lead, trying to go in a different direction. He digs his heels in the ground and pulls her back in his direction.
“What is it, girl? You know something we don’t?” I ask the h’axom.
“She’s being stubborn. We need to go that way,” Tai says, pointing ninety degrees from where Daisy is trying to go. He pulls on the reins again, unsuccessfully.
“Maybe she knows where to go. We certainly don’t,” I tell him. I’m taking Daisy’s side in this.
“We need to go over there,” he says with a grunt, trying to pull Daisy back on track.
“How do you know? They could be literally anywhere!” I hate how shrill my voice sounds.
“The village has got to be over there.” He pulls on the reins, and Daisy comes to a complete stop. Somehow, I’ve managed to be stuck between the two most stubborn beings in the entire universe.
“Tai, I think we should let her take the lead.”
“I’m not letting some dumb animal lead us around the desert. We’re going this way.”
Tai’s words don’t hit their mark. They hit me instead. He is a grumpy bastard most of the time, but this is the first time it feels like he’s being mean. And Daisy doesn’t deserve that.
“She’s not dumb. Between the three of us, she’s the only one who is from here. She probably has some survival senses that lead her to safety or water or help!” It feels weird to be arguing with Tai from up on her back, so I swing my leg over and slide down to the ground with a thud.
Tai huffs and turns away from me. He sinks down to the ground and throws a handful of sand in frustration. The tension in his back that I’ve been watching all day slowly lifts from his shoulders. It’s replaced with drooping shoulders of defeat.
I sit down next to him. He doesn’t even look over at me. I know that I hurt him this morning.
What is wrong with us? We keep saying and doing the wrong things. It’s so messy.
This is definitely a sign we don’t belong together.
“I don’t have it in me to fight both of you right now.”
“I guess we did gang up on you,” I admit with a bitter laugh.
“I am hanging on by a thread. Have mercy on me and go with me on this, please.”
It’s the please that does me in. I lean over and rest my head on his shoulder. He relaxes against me and drops his head down lightly onto mine. We sit there for a while silently watching the shadows shift across the sand.
Minutes or hours go by. The only indication of time passing is the stretching shadows from the grooves in the dirt. A flash of light catches my eye in the direction Daisy was pulling us.
“What the?” I block my eyes with my hand, trying to make out what caused the reflection.
“A village!” Tai says triumphantly and jumps up from the ground. I stiffly climb up to my feet. He looks so happy that I swallow the inclination to point out Daisy was right.
“Thank you, sweet baby Jesus!” I yell to the sky. Finally, something other than the bare desert around us.
Tai scoops me up and spins me around. He lets out a deep sigh of relief.
The hopelessness from moments ago is gone.
We are chest to chest smiling broadly. I’m suddenly aware of his proximity and the way he’s looking down at me, not quite at my eyes, a tiny bit lower.
He bites his lower lip, and I realize where he is looking.
“I’m so tired, I cannot possibly take one more step. If we stop for the day, could we make it by tomorrow?” I ask and take a step back, breaking the spell.
Tai pushes his hair back with his bionic arm. “Easily.”