19. Giselle
Giselle
When I finally get to my uncle’s penthouse, I feel a rush of emotions.
It’s overwhelming, thinking that my whole family dynamic has been a lie; to know that everyone around you was lying and hiding secrets.
I deserved to know these things and now that I know it’s happening for me after all of this time .
. . I don’t know what to do with myself.
It’s strange how in this moment, I imagine Artem here with me. How I can imagine his larger-than-life energy enveloping me and my anxieties. How he seems to always be there to make sure everything I need happens.
Fuck. When did I get so tangled into his web?
It’s hard not to get so caught up when someone becomes your everything so quickly.
In the span of these few weeks I’ve basically lost my whole family.
I spend every day hanging out with Max, and when Artem is home we bicker and eat .
. . and okay sometimes we do other shit.
But a girl needs relief sometimes, okay?
The point is I’ve created a new family, even if I didn’t want one.
But I have to at least try to fight for my old one.
My uncle moved to this building after he suddenly up and left our family following my mother’s death, and I never came to visit him because my father made it seem like he never wanted to be involved with any of us again.
By the time I take the elevator and stand in front of his apartment, all of my insecurities come fluttering up from my stomach.
Does he really not want to see me ever again?
No, that can’t be true, he came to my wedding on his own.
But he also didn’t come speak to me. Fuck, what do I do? Do I leave?
I force myself to raise my hand and knock on the door. I wait for a moment until I hear the sound of a chain lock being undone, and soon the door opens, and my uncle’s face is suddenly right in front of me.
“Gigi?” His voice is just how I remember. It’s been twelve years, but I can feel my heart relax when I hear him utter my nickname.
“U-Uncle Rob.”
“What are you doing here? Is something wrong? It’s almost midnight,” he asks as he pokes his head out and looks both ways down the hallway to make sure no one else is there.
“I . . . I just needed to see you. Can I come in?”
“You needed to see me? I don’t think—”
“I know,” I burst out quickly, silencing him as he looks at me. “Everything.”
He doesn’t say anything, he just steps back and holds the door open for me and I walk inside.
His apartment is somewhat nice inside, a bit small for someone who grew up lavishly like him, but it feels comfortable.
Some family pictures line the wall toward the kitchen, and his couch table holds even more.
He shifts uncomfortably when he sees me looking at a particular photo, one that shows my mom and him posing together for a selfie, a huge smile on her face.
“I’m sorry I . . . don’t know how to apologize to you, bella. I have nothing to say to defend myself.” His voice sounds broken, desperate. There is no way on Earth that he killed my mother. I can hear it in his voice clearly.
“Why did you leave us?” I ask as I turn to him.
“I didn’t want to leave you. I only did what I had to do to respect my brother’s wishes.”
“My dad’s wishes are more important than knowing your children?
” I can tell my words sting, but I can’t help them.
I’m hurt. I feel like my whole life has been betrayal after betrayal of each man in my life.
“Didn’t you care? Wonder if Caesar and I were okay after mom died?
You just easily gave up on us because you had Leo anyway? ”
“Bella, it’s so hard to see you. Looking at you . . . is like looking at my love that I lost. It’s amazing, but it crushes me. I couldn’t look you in the eye after—”
“You didn’t kill her,” I say softly, shaking my head.
He shakes his head, his hand reaching out to touch the ends of my hair reverently. Her and I had the same full, golden-brown hair. “I failed her, but I did not kill her. I failed all of you, which is why I left.”
“Why does my dad think you killed her?”
He hesitates, before sighing and walking to the kitchen. “You come with loaded questions, bella. Can’t we talk before this?”
I want to say no, to demand the answers to everything now, but I don’t have that strength. This is hard on me, and now seeing how true it is that he loved my mother more than anything I’m sure we hurt the same. I walk to the counter and set down the box from the bakery.
“Oh, you went to Rao’s? It’s been years,” he says as he opens the box and takes a treat out.
I can’t help the small smile forming on my face as he enjoys one of the apple fritters. I’ve missed spending time with my own family after all this time shacked up with the Sokolov brothers, but my family has been too complicated. But this feels really nice. Normal.
His eyes settle back on me again, and he sighs with a smile, putting a hand on my shoulder. “You’re okay, right? I was worried about you after the wedding. Leo said that you and Sokolov don’t get along, I didn’t know that.”
“Artem is . . . a lot. But I know how to handle him.”
“I expect nothing less from you, bella. Your mother was a force just the same. It might be my fault that your father even considered arranging a marriage to him,” he says cautiously as his arm drops.
“I contacted him a couple weeks before the engagement, he refuses to speak to me, but I had to tell him what happened because I wanted to make sure you were safe.”
“What?” I ask, pausing from taking my own bite of my treat now.
“I . . . was approached. Some Russian men had cornered me downtown, asked me for some information about you. They had claimed that you and Sokolov were sneaking around and they offered me a lot of money in exchange for my compliance.” When he sees my face pale he continues, putting his hand up.
“I didn’t say a thing, I told them that I’ve been estranged and I’m of no use.
I wasn’t sure what that was about but I knew something must be wrong, so I told your father. ”
“What did he say?”
“Nothing, he said thanks for the information and hung up. More than we’ve spoken in twelve years, though.”
“Why would anyone approach my family because of Artem?”
“Well, the Sokolovs have always had a lot of enemies. They’re the only powerful Russian sect of the Families, the rest are small and just follow after them. It comes with the territory of being at the top.”
“Well, Santoro is at the top too,” I mention as I finally take a bite.
“Yes, but we’ve always had plenty of allies. People respect us. We were easily accepted as the largest sect and we don’t typically have anyone challenging us.”
I consider his words. Does Artem’s family really have that many enemies? I mean, I know Artem only mentioned the men who killed Sara, but I don’t know if they were in the Families at all. Could it have been them?
“So . . . is that why you came to the wedding? Because of the threat?”
“Yes, and no. Of course I was hesitant to miss it for that reason, but I couldn’t miss it.
That morning when I held her photo, it felt like your mother’s eyes were burning into mine and I got myself up and out for you.
I just couldn’t miss seeing you on such an important day, when she’s already missing it.
” I’m sure he sees my eyes watering, and the way I control my breathing to avoid crying.
“You were beautiful. I told her all about it.” He sighs and looks back up at me seriously.
“I know I can never make up for this. I only did what your mother wanted, bella. She loved and trusted your father to take care of you both, and he’s done an amazing job.
Because of them, you and Caesar have become so much more than I could’ve imagined.
I couldn’t give you two what you deserved. ”
“She never would have wanted this,” I insist as my arm gestures between us. “She would have wanted me to know—for us not to have had this distance.
“Yes, testa dura, I know,” he says with a smile and a hint of a laugh. “She wanted to tell you when you turned eighteen, things just . . . didn’t work out that way. I didn’t want to taint the idea of your family with her gone.”
“My family is already tainted. Right now, I don’t feel like I can trust any of them.
I’m sick and tired of everyone keeping shit from me and thinking I can’t handle things.
My father has repressed me for my entire life and Caesar is complicit.
Now, Artem is the only one fighting for me which is . . . weird.”
“Your father is a hard ass, but he’s a good man.”
“My ‘father’ told me if I don’t marry Artem that I’m out of the Family, and that if he asks me to sleep with a man, I should oblige for the Family,” I say, my jaw clenching as I try to take a breath.
He raises his brows, clearly surprised my father would say that to me. “He must have had a good reason. I’m sure he doesn’t mean that.”
“Don’t tell me you’re willing to be complicit in that sick shit too? I’m a human being! I can’t be told by people to do their will just to be in their family, it’s—”
“Okay, bella, take a breath. It’s wrong, yes. But if your father was acting on the information I gave him, he was desperate. You are not an easy one to wrangle.”
It should be an insult, but when he says it, it sounds so warm. Memories of running around with Leo and Caesar surface, my uncle pretending to be upset and chasing us around the country club, yanking us up into his arms.
“I feel responsible for her death, Gigi. I have a lot of regrets, a lot of things I wish I could’ve done differently. I had no problem with your father hating me forever in exchange for freeing myself of those burdens.”
“Do you know who did it?” I ask, and he doesn’t give much away with his expression.