12. Did Someone Hurt You?
Haera
Haera forced herself relax against her mate’s chest for what felt like an houyra before enough courage built up in her heart to ask the next question.
“D-do you still want to h-heal me?” As soon as she said the words she was immediately unsure of herself. Why would he have changed his mind? Would he have? What if he had already done it? Was she even in pain?
“Please.” Came his soft answer. The desperation in the single syllable was palpable.
“I-I’m not in pain,” she mumbled, confused by the stillness in her body.
She was never truly free from pain. Because of her constant hypervigilance, she was permanently achy. Her joints took the brunt of it – the constant whirling to see if she was being followed, the unrestrained sprinting and acrobatics when it turned out that she was. But now, along with the usual aches, the intense ring of fiery pain that’d been in her scalp and the debilitating ache in her neck from being dragged along the ground were gone. In their wake, the silence of peace and ease.
“I have been bearing it for you.”
She jerked backwards, eyes wide with guilt.
“Don’t protest.” Theos raised a hand to her cheek, caressing it so gently she thought she might cry. “Just let me heal you.”
She nodded eagerly, guilt a far more effective motivator than concern for her own well-being. She’d learned that the mate bond was more than a sexual tie through observing the interactions between Nickolas and Alanis. They moved as one, laughed at the same time, turned around at the same time, scrunched their noses at the same time. She’d even seen Nickolas whisk the pain away from Alanis’ body once after she had the smallest of accidents in the kitchen. Her best friend was often clumsy. Whenever she was in shifted form, Alanis was powerful, graceful, fast, lithe; a master hunter. In her human form, she could hardly walk ten paces before tripping over air.
Alanis and Nickolas had argued playfully about whether or not she needed to be bound to a chair and wheeled around in order to avoid injury, but in the end, Nickolas had given her a light pat on the bum before absorbing the pain. By the time she and Alanis had walked back outside into the snow, Alanis had completely forgotten how hard she had hit her knee on the side of the kitchen table.
Haera could hardly imagine wanting to be that bonded to someone. But she didn’t need to imagine. It was going to happen. Whether she wanted it to or not.
She had slid out of Theos’ hold, and from his reluctant retracting of his hands, she knew he’d only released her because healing her was more important. He was watching her, back propped against the bed’s dark wooden frame. The muscles and veins in his arms were even more prominent now that they were crossed over his chest.
Words came spilling out of her mouth while her hands were busy trying to unzip her badly torn outer jacket. “I should warn you that I’m…I’m not the slimmest woman or the prettiest sight you’ve seen.” She paused. “ Fate’s sakes you’re a god.” She mumbled to herself. “Who knows what you’ve seen.” She directed her attention back to him. “I don’t want you to be disappointed when I take my clothes off.”
There. She had said it. She couldn’t take it back. She was expecting the immediate response of ‘No, don’t be ridiculous, you look fine,’ that she always got from Alanis when she let her inner thoughts about her body come out. Theos didn’t rush into platitudes and comforts.
“Of all the galaxies I have created, throughout all the worlds that rely on me for their existence – you are the most beautiful creature I have ever lain eyes on. I want to look at nothing else but you, until the day I decide that the universe has run its course, and forever falls apart.” Theos’ white eyes glittered with something hot as she watched him leisurely drag his gaze down over her. “As for not being slim, good .” He rasped, desperation decorating his tone. “All the better for my hands to grip you tightly so you cannot get away. The softer for my teeth to sink into so you want only to stay.” His gaze locked onto hers. “When I make you my queen, when you rule over everything, the mortals will beg to look like you do. They’ll paint portraits and chisel statues out of marble in your honor. ”
Gods. Her heartbeat was out of control. Every nerve ending in her body was on fire.
“Now,” he continued, looking her over again. “Take it off.”
She wanted to focus on the deification, on the glorification that he was promising for her soft figure. But for the next three minuxs while she undid the ragged clothing from her body and tried not to start crying, one phrase dominated her thoughts. She hated this. She hated this. She hated this. She hated her body. She hated herself.
She let the pants – at least, what was left of them, drop to the floor, then the rest of the clothing she had layered to keep out the cold. It was some sort of miracle that she hadn’t entirely overheated and died since she had gotten home. Her cottage was small, but she had a fireplace in the living room that she always kept raging so she didn’t freeze in the heart of Avallon’s harsh winters. She could hear it crackling now too. Her hands paused.
She stole a glance at Theos, who was watching her face closely. “You stoked the fire?”
“I did.”
“But I’m not overheating.”
“You are not. ”
She hesitated for a long moment, tasting the question before she sounded it out. “Is there anything you…can’t do?” she asked.
Though his eyes never moved away from her, something in them deepened and darkened. “There are things I should not do, but nothing I can’t.” His tone rang with finality.
She refocused on peeling away the layers until she was down to her panties; a pinkish-mauve pair that barely covered her ass and dug into her hips just a little bit. Wearing skimpy panties was her guilty pleasure.
She watched Theos gulp hard as his eyes travelled down her body to her feet, his tongue coming out to swipe across his lips. She wanted to keep her eyes on the floor, but a primal, needy part of her heart wanted to see what he thought of her. She was sure she would die if he didn’t like what he saw. The feral hunger in his eyes and strangled ‘ fuck’ that fell from his lips; the brief closing of his eyes made her heart soar. He liked what he saw.
“Take those pretty little panties off, little star. I need to see everything.”
His voice held a hint of strain, and it pleased her immensely. But when his command registered through the haze of satisfaction, she balked. She choked on her fear, managing just barely to subdue it to a mild cough. Still, her hands hesitated, even as they slipped under the lacy waistband. The last time she was this bare in front of someone, she had entirely lost control of the situation – it had been entirely ripped out from under her. For all her prowess as a hunter, she had still been overpowered.
She closed her eyes, trying to stuff down the unpleasant memory of being touched against her will. Movement reached her ears, and she felt the bond inside her heart tremble as Theos moved closer to her.
“You’re getting lost in those thoughts of yours again, little mate of mine.” Came Theos’ quiet observation. With a finger beneath her chin, he tilted her head up to his. “Can you tell me what’s going on inside your mind?” he whispered.
Her airways closed immediately in a silent ‘ no’ from her body. Ignoring his question, she forced her hands to move, pushing the panties down her legs. They got stuck mid-thigh, and she let them sit there as she thought through how to take them off fully without pulling away from Theos’ hold. He was still looking down at her, searching deep in her eyes for something. She hoped he wouldn’t be able to tell. She wouldn’t survive it if he suddenly realized she had already been used.
Werewolves were a mostly monogamous society. Even the most heinous, disgusting low lives of the group had mates. Being promiscuous without your mate’s permission was frowned upon. There was no point or benefit in sleeping around with other werewolves when you knew you had a mate to look forward to. Virginity was not as highly prized as in humans, but it was hard to explain why you had given yourself so intimately to someone else when you knew your mate would eventually come.
To be assaulted – used against your will, was an intricate matter of explaining to your mate what had happened. She did not know if she would ever be able to get the words out of her mouth.
But Theos hummed, sliding his thumb across her quivering bottom lip. “Did something happen to you, my little star?”
Tears were pooling in her eyes. Shit. No!
“Did someone hurt you, precious little mate of mine?” His right hand pressed against the wall next to her head. He stepped closer, looking deeper into her eyes than he had before. “That you would undress for me, but slowly start to fall apart when I ask you to remove the last piece of clothing?”
Big, stupid tear drops were sliding down her cheeks without permission. She wanted to squeeze her eyes shut so badly, but they betrayed her, staying open and letting him stare straight into her soul.
“Does my request remind you of something? ”
“Theos, please .” She pleaded. She couldn’t look into his gentle, comforting gaze for much longer without breaking down.
“Did someone hurt you there, little mate of mine?”
She crumpled to a heap on the floor, but not before Theos’ arms closed around her.