28. Donec Sanavi Te
Theos
It was a number of houyras later, and Haera had just finished eating. Much to her discomfort, he had watched her bite and chew through every morsel of food until the whole plate was clear. After listening to her share Alanis’ manipulation tactics, he’d presented her a plate of meat – rabbit, and deer, and she’d polished it all off, including the bones.
It was ridiculous that he was turned on by watching his mate eat, but something about the way her canines shredded the meat, like its fibres offered no resistance at all to her bite, had set his skin on fire. The crunch of bone under her strong jaws made him deliriously aroused. Something about the way she finally displayed a level of hunger . Her ravenous appetite for the meat and blood and bone before her was dwarfed by his appetite for her. But the realization that she could display such hunger made him hungrier than he had been before.
He dragged his eyes away from her, pinning them to a point on the wall over her head. If he kept watching blood drip down her lips the way it was, he’d have his hands on her faster than she could take another breath.
“Are you alright?”
His eyes snapped back down to hers. Blood was dripping from her lips again and he felt his heart shudder as it skipped multiple beats at once.
He pinned his eyes on hers. “I’m much more than alright.”
Her brow quirked up at that, and for some reason, he found the gesture amusing. He’d never seen that expression from her before.
“I’m sitting across from the most beautiful girl in all the worlds, and she’s got blood dripping down her chin, canines deep into the carcass of a deer.” He heard himself say. He watched his mate’s eyes widen, her jaw stilling where it was about to clamp down on a bone. “I’ve never felt more alive.” He finished.
A pink tongue tinged red came out to swipe the sticky liquid from her chin. Chills ripped through him. Gods . Watching her lick her chin felt like she was licking him . He cursed internally, letting his eyes close for a split segund. A split segund too long, given the betrayal that was spreading through the bond in his chest.
“No, I’m not closing my eyes because I think you’re gross.”
When he opened his eyes next, it was surprise that was flooding through the bond. He couldn’t seem to keep his eyes away from her mouth. He could picture it, bloody, stretched tight around his cock. Fuck . He cleared his throat and resigned himself to looking down at the table.
“I closed my eyes because I want you so much right now that it’s hard to think about anything other than my body all over yours.”
She nodded lightly, chewing cautiously and keeping her eyes on him.
“I’m not going to jump your bones,” he continued, sensing her sudden bout of caution. “You’re not ready, and nothing’s going to make me touch you that way. Not yet.”
“Even if I said starlight ?”
The growl was out of his mouth before he could stop it. She grinned at him. He blinked in surprise, his snarky response fading into oblivion, unspoken. That grin. It was breathtaking. She swiped at her chin with her tongue again, capturing more blood and swallowing it in one fluid move. Gods . That hunger – the prey drive he could see behind her eyes, tamped down, but still alive. Suddenly, more than anything else in all the worlds, he needed to see it in action.
“I want to see you hunt.”
Her eyes snapped to his – a spark of excitement settled into them. And then it was gone.
“I’m not allowed to shift.” The words were quiet, her tone defeated.
Theos felt himself smile, anger driving the gesture more than mirth. “I created the heavens, the planets, this whole Earth , and you are still worried about breaking Aegon’s rules.”
Haera was staring at him, confused.
“Let me ask you something else, little mate of mine.”
Her heart quickened. He loved that the endearment had that effect on her .
“When I first came to you, came for you, did you think I’d let you keep living here, permanently?”
She merely blinked.
“There are a million places I could take you. A million places I could create just for you. A lifetime of adventures and travel and magical escapes.”
The bond was swelling with anxious energy, but there was something else under it.
“You’re not limited to this tiny Vanzantian territory anymore, little star. Alanis thought she was doing you a favour by offering to take you with her to the pack in the province over. But I will give you all the worlds to rule over.”
Longing. That was what was flooding through the bond now. She wanted it. She could taste it. Smell it.
“I want to see you hunt, Haera.” His tongue came out to wet his lips. “I need to see you chase something down and sink your teeth in.”
She was watching him from under those long lashes, those ice blue-eyes igniting a fire under his skin.
“I need to see you in werewolf form. Need to feel your paws on the Earth under you. ”
“Need?” she echoed.
His eyes trailed another drop of blood down her chin against his will, before the blood-tinged tongue came out to sweep it away. “Like mortals need oxygen.”
She stared at him as she chewed, as though contemplating his request. If he was honest with himself, the churning desire was more than a need. He wanted to turn it into a demand, but it was too soon. He wanted to demand that she stop eating, kneel, and sink her canines into his cock instead. Lick his blood from her chin instead. Drink his blood instead. His grip on the arms of his chair tightened until the wood strained. He needed to see her hunt.
“I can show you, though there’s not much to see,” she whispered.
“But what?” he ground out, his voice rough. A smile pulled at her lips.
“I’ve missed you. Can we just…talk for a while?”
He made himself nod. “I sense that there is something in particular on your mind.”
She nodded slightly, finally wrapping up eating and rising to put the plate in the sink. He was about to offer to do it for her when she turned away from him and his eyes snaked down her back to her ass. He groaned aloud, raising both his hands up to his face and pressing the heel of his palms into his eyes. All he could see there, where there should have been the cool relief of darkness, were images of her on her knees before him, blood dripping down her chin.
“Fuck,” he muttered, giving up and opening his eyes.
“Are you sure you’re alright, Theos?”
He knew his eyes were betraying everything he was thinking when her steps slowed, and her lip slipped between her teeth. But he couldn’t help the path they etched as they lowered over her body down to her toes.
“What was it that you wanted to talk about?” he asked, trying to avoid the question she’d asked.
He pleaded silently in his mind with her not to ask the question again. There was no way he’d be able to avoid telling her to get on her knees. Obedient sweetheart that she was, she nodded and got straight into her questions, oblivious to the fire that was devouring him from the inside out. Completely unaware of how hungry he was after watching her eat. He followed her lead, heading into the bedroom after her and leaning against the doorframe as she climbed into bed and made herself comfy. Her bed was much too soft, much too small, for him to get into it with her in the state that he was .
“Um,” she scratched an arm. “What is it like being the ruler of the worlds?”
The question caught him completely off guard, and his entire body went still. He felt her attention settle on him while he blinked, trying to push away the sudden tears that wanted to come to the surface. No one had ever asked him that before. Since the dawn of time, the fight with his brothers to the moments they were in now, no mortal, no god, had ever levied that question at him.
He let his eyes raise to her. “Lonely.”
She watched him in silence. He sighed into the room around them.
“No one has ever asked me that before.” He admitted. “In all the eons, and for all the prayers and requests… demands I’ve received from the ones who pray to me, no one has ever asked about me .” He thought about the question more deeply, letting it sink into his soul. Then, he turned back to her. “What is it like, you ask? Being king over everything?”
Haera nodded, her hopeful, excited eyes fixed on him. He let himself smile a little.
“It is watching the sun rise, the clouds part, and the planets bathed in delicate light. It is falling in love with new creatures when they are born, as they take their first breath; as they find themselves suddenly alive in the world I created just for them.” He smiled down at her suddenly. “It is loving to give wonderful gifts and help those who are in need.”
His smile faded at the next thought that entered into his mind. “It is also the responsibility to execute justice, even if that means genocide.” He held Haera’s gaze as he continued. “It is cleaning the Earth of the blood of mass executions committed in the name of war, and listening to the anguished cry of prisoners in The Hells, ones with irredeemable sins. Their voices echo inside my head at night with their futile pleading for mercy. It is the reality of lost souls, destined to suffer in the afterlife, and my inability to revoke their sentences, no matter how much I would like to. It is the inexplicable pain that comes with being fair.”
His voice faded into a whisper. Haera’s eyes grew sadder as he looked at her. There was a tight ball of pain lodged in his throat.
“It is the helplessness that overcomes me when I realize that you are the one thing The Fates have placed in my hand to protect, without compromise, above all else. It is the torture that comes with learning how your pack abused and tortured you, how your ex-alpha hurt you, while I was protecting everything and everyone else . ”
His eyes closed and his brows furrowed, the pain etched into his body unhidden and unhealed.
“What’s it like being king over everything?” He forced his eyes open and locked them with hers. “It is sometimes unbearable. A sacrifice that I could never apologize to you enough for.”
He watched her mull over his words, her expression moving between sadness, confusion, understanding, and then settling into sadness again.
“Do you feel…responsible for my pain even though you weren’t the one who caused it?” she asked cautiously.
He could only manage to nod. Grief was ripping through him unchecked.
“Please stop withholding what you’re feeling from the bond.” His eyes snapped to her. “It makes me feel…abandoned.”
That knocked the wind straight out of him. For a moment, he forgot how to speak. “I’m sorry. I didn’t intend for it to have that effect. I won’t do it anymore.”
He watched her nod. She was gnawing on her bottom lip nervously .
“Come.” He called.
He moved towards the bed as she made her way to the end of it. As soon as her feet touched the ground, his hand settled at her waist, the other cupping her cheek. He looked deep into her eyes, letting the surges of emotion flit back and forth between them in the bond.
“Why do you keep withholding what you’re feeling?” she asked.
She was braver todahy, he’d noticed. Asking the questions that came to mind without needing to be gently prodded and asked the way he’d had to in the beginning. She was getting more confident in their relationship. The realization made his heart leap. Suddenly, her eyes were alight with awe, and a smile was pulling at her lips. Smiling. She’d been doing more of that too. His heart missed a beat. The smile widened. Gods . He was coming undone.
“What’s making you so happy?” she asked, her eyes moving all over his face.
“You are.” His response was immediate. “You’ve been asking more questions. Smiling more. And it’s making me so fucking happy to watch you bloom in this way.”
Haera’s eyes were wide as saucers. Theos chuckled.
“You didn’t think I was totally unaffected by you, did you? ”
She broke gaze with him and he knew what that meant. Releasing her waist, where he had been rubbing gentle circles, his left hand joined his right so that he was cupping both her cheeks.
“I’ve been withholding because you’re so delicate…so small. I can’t bear the thought of hurting you with some spontaneous burst of energy that’ll undoubtedly come bursting through the bond. Especially when I get angry.”
Haera braved contact with his eyes again and he smiled.
“It is also because my heart is constantly on fire with desire, and I don’t want you to feel all that energy and begin to think that that’s all I’m focused on.” Leaning down, he nuzzled his face into her neck and breathed her scent in deeply. “While you were eating, all I could think about was how much I wanted you. But I’m trying not to make you uncomfortable. I’m trying not to objectify you without your consent.”
He felt her swallow against his cheek, and thoughts of putting his hand around her throat and feeling her swallow against his palm rocketed through him, sending heat pouring into his blood. Then he felt her smile, and he grumbled under his breath. That made her laugh – a sweet high sound that made his heart physically expand inside him. His knees threatened to give out.
“Haera, what are you doing to me? ”
She was still smiling, clearly pleased with all the real-time reactions she was feeling from him. “Ruining you?” she offered, as though that would be helpful.
His unamused growl made her laugh again, and his heart fluttered again, piercing his attempts to be stern. “ Gods . Yes . You are ruining me. I’m coming apart at the seams.”
He watched her search his gaze for a while before she spoke again. “I have more questions for you.” Her voice was quiet, almost hesitant, and it bled through in the bond.
“I will answer whatever you ask of me.”
“How old are you?” she asked. “Are you as old as the worlds?”
Theos’ smile was faint. “Long before the worlds, I was.” Her eyes widened, and she went quiet. “Does that make you uncomfortable?” he asked.
She thought about the question, her expressions changing with each new realization and each new emotion she felt. He loved the way her expressions were unguarded. It made it so much easier to help her through whatever thought rut she found herself in.
“It’s…a little frightening.” She whispered. “You are so much older, wiser, stronger…more everything than I am. I am so…small and fragile in comparison.” She searched his eyes again. “Does that make you…hesitant about our bond?”
Theos’ lips quirked into a smile. “I was just wondering the same thing about you,” he whispered. “Whether the realization made you…afraid.”
He watched her look away from his eyes.
“No.” He answered. “There is nothing inside me that is hesitant in any way about the bond we share. I am very cautious about accidentally hurting you, but hesitant? Never.” She nodded. “Are you hesitant about our bond?” he asked.
The silence stretched between them. “I’m more…intimidated than hesitant.”
Theos nodded slowly. “I can understand that.”
Haera nodded too. “You didn’t answer my question.”
Theos searched his memory. “Whether I feel responsible for your pain even though I didn’t cause it?” She nodded. “I do. I am.”
She shook her head slightly. “You’re not. You didn’t hurt me.”
“I should have stopped it. It should never have happened.”
Her smile was sad. “You didn’t know. ”
“But I should have. The Fates are to blame.”
Theos watched Haera shake her head again. “The Fates didn’t hurt me either.” Theos’ brows furrowed. “It wasn’t he who broke my bones and ripped my innocence away from me,” she continued softly.
“But he could have stopped it. He should have.”
Theos’ voice was harsh – dark, edging into something he didn’t want Haera to witness or to feel. But he had already given his word. His feelings – he could no longer conceal them. She was going to feel the burn. He watched her pupils dilate, and tears gloss over her eyes as the bond surged with the anger he was feeling. He was fighting to quell it, so that she never even had to feel it. But the burn was lodged in his bones. Kheos. This was Kheos’ fault.
Haera’s head shook slightly again, her hair moving gently behind her. “What kind of impartial god would he be if he saved me, just because I was yours?”
Her question pierced the haze of anger inside him and turned it into shock.
Haera smiled sadly. “It hurts. But The Fates is The Fates because he doesn’t give favours. ”
Theos didn’t respond. He couldn’t have answered even if he wanted to. Haera was right. He knew she was. But pity was not something he would ever entertain when it came to his little brother. Kheos had known what he was doing.
“I’m not much of a god if I couldn’t even protect my own mate.” He whispered into the silence. “Helplessness is not an acceptable quality of the divine.”
Haera considered his words for so long that he thought she had given up trying to convince him. But then her pretty little lips parted again, and words were falling from them.
“What will make you feel like a god again?”
“Nothing.” The words he’d whispered to Regos as he’d hauled him back to his feet after their duel at time’s first onset seemed to suffocate him, the harsh irony haunting him in the present moment. “Donec sanavi te, little star. Nothing, until I have healed you.”