Chapter 33 Birdie #2
“So listen. I have really enjoyed spending time getting to know you, but I do feel wrong not being completely honest and up front with you about something.” I shift in my seat to face him a bit more head on. His attention is locked on me, and his eyes have finally found mine.
“So, I’m actually a virgin. Being intimate is just something I take very seriously, so I just wanted you to know that, and I don’t want to lead you on or give you the wrong idea of my intentions.”
I am not ashamed of my virginity at all, but I won’t lie and say that it’s an easy topic of discussion with boyfriends or the male species in general.
In my experience, they’ll run for the hills, respectfully of course, or they’ll think they’re going to be the one to change that, and look at me as a challenge.
It’s been the demise of all my relationships, which furthers my confidence in the decision.
Because any man who gives up when I don’t give in, well—is he a man at all?
If you don’t want me for my heart and my mind, then you sure as hell aren’t going to have an open invite to my body.
I can tell he wasn’t expecting that.
“Wow, I had no idea. That’s really… that’s really great. I really respect it.” Max says, you can tell his brain is going a mile a minute.
“I would never want to rush you into anything, or pressure you. Thank you for telling me, baby.” He rubs his thumb across my knee reassuringly.
I wish he would stop calling me that.
“Yeah, well, thank you.” I say, distracted by the pet name calling and the knee rubbing.
“Well, should we go in? I’m pretty hungry.” Max asks, sounding a little awkward honestly. I think I stunned him.
“Mhmm, yeah, me too.”
* * *
We walk into the restaurant and there in the back corner, I see him. I mean, I see them. River, Casey, Dawsen, and… oh, awesome. Stephanie. Who the hell keeps inviting her?
We approach the table, and my eyes are magnets and Dawsen is my force. He straightens on his seat, and his eyes darken. I pull my gaze from him but I can still feel his eyes on me. I don’t miss the way that I don’t mind having his eyes on me.
“Hey guys!” I say cheerfully. Then I look at Stephanie, giving her my best performance smile.
“Oh, hi Stephanie. What a treat this is!” I say, offering a very fake smile.
Casey chuckles and I hear Dawsen laugh and disguise it with a cough.
I notice that River is sitting beside Stephanie which probably means that he’s the culprit.
And of course he is. Casey is on the other side of River, and then there’s Dawsen, sitting on the end of the table.
Max took the seat next to him, which leaves me altogether too close to Stephanie for my liking, and directly in Dawsen’s line of vision which is also unnerving.
“I need a drink.”
“The server should be back any minute. I would have ordered for you but I wasn’t sure what you were in the mood for.” Casey tells me.
“That’s totally fine. I’m just gonna go order at the bar actually.
No time like the present, I always say. Anybody want anything?
” I look to Max but he’s already in a conversation with River about something I do not care about at all.
I slide off my seat before anyone can actually respond and make my way over to the bar that luckily has a couple stools open towards the far end.
The bartender saunters over and slides a cocktail napkin in front of me, “What are you drinking tonight, babe?”
“Whiskey. Neat.” I say dryly, and she’s just staring at me like she knows that’s not actually what I want.
“Fine, I’ll do an Old Fashioned.” She just nods and starts mixing my drink.
“Are they out of wine?” I hear Dawsen’s voice from behind me, altogether too close.
I look over my shoulder as he takes the stool next to me.
He slides his seat an inch closer to mine, turning to face me, he grabs my stool on either side of me and swivels it and positions me to face him directly in one swift motion and our knees have done that thing where one of my knees rests gently between both of his.
Fuck. That was hot.
“What do you want?” I ask, obviously annoyed.
“I just want to talk to you. You’ve been avoiding me all week.” He’s propped on the bar and leaned in dangerously close to me and the smell of beer on him is confusingly sexy.
“Hmm…” I say, faking being deep in thought as I tap my chin with my finger.
“Maybe it’s because I don’t want to talk to you.” I pick up the old fashioned in front of me and take way too big of a sip, my face contorts into something terrible which puts a smirk on his face immediately, which makes me give his bicep a small smack.
“Is your date so bad, he’s got you ordering whiskey?” He says mockingly, hitching his thumb over his shoulder towards our table where I’ve left Max. And I hate that he knows I hate whiskey.
“Are you jealous?” Two can play this game.
“Extremely.” He wastes no time.
“Don’t do that.”
He eyes me curiously. “Do what?”
“That, Dawsen. Don’t flirt with me if you don’t have the balls to do anything about it.
I’m serious. Do you know how confused you made me?
Spouting off all that bullshit about wanting me, but not being able to have me?
With no explanation? For God’s sake, I’ve had your junior varsity baseball photo taped into my nightstand drawer since eighth grade, Dawsen.
You can’t get drunk and start spouting off nonsense like that to me.
It hurts.” My hand is pressed to my chest, and the eye contact is intoxicating in itself.
“Birdie, God, I wish I could explain this all better. But I swear I didn’t just say all that for no reason. I meant every word of what I said.”
“Then prove it, Dawsen. Do something about it. Right now.” I challenge him.
He leans in even closer, and for a moment I think he’s going to kiss me. But then, his head drops slightly, almost like a child’s does when he’s in trouble. Shamefully. He reaches out for my hand, places it between his. His thumb rubbing across mine.
“I can’t. Please believe me. I want to so damn bad. More than anything in this fucking world, but I just can’t, Birdie.” His voice sounds like it’s cracking. Like he’s genuinely sad. It almost sounds broken.
I take my finger and tap the bottom of his chin, nudging his chin up to make his eyes level to mine.
“You’ve made me feel like enough of a fool already, Dawsen.
Please just leave me alone. I need one more week on the mural and then I’ll be out of your way.
Let’s just try to get through that and not make this weird for everyone.
” I take a long look into those eyes. Those eyes I love.
I take one last look and grab my drink and head back to the table.
Leaving him there, taking my broken heart with me.