Chapter 38 Dawsen
Dawsen
You know that feeling of looking forward to something, you sort of work through the entire thing in your head.
Your imagination runs wild, creating every conversation, circumstance and detail of the thing?
I can’t be certain how many times in my life I’ve let my imagination create what a date with Birdie Banks looks like, but I can say for certain right now, my imagination must be actual shit because an actual date with her—it was everything.
The date was short notice to say the least, so we didn’t actually do much.
Breakfast at Mel’s, and a very cold walk down main street.
All the shops were mostly closed considering it’s Christmas Eve, and it’s a small town.
But we held hands, walked and talked. We eventually went back to my loft where I made her coffee, and we cuddled on my couch, and did a lot more talking.
After so many years of knowing Birdie, this is the first time we ever truly got to say what we wanted, when we wanted. Openly, about whatever we wanted, without holding back. Without reading the room, and without tension.
It’s funny how many ways you can know someone actually.
You can know of them. Their name, their job, and maybe something they like.
Then you can know who they are, enough to be intrigued, enough to want to be around them, but don’t know their inner workings.
Then there’s the type of knowing someone that is intimate.
You know how their mind works, you know how they feel just by their body language, or slight furrow in their brow.
You know by the stride in their step if they’re feeling weighed down or if they’re carrying something heavy.
You know what they look like when they roll out of bed, and you know their smell on your pillow.
You know how they load a dishwasher and how they refuse to use blue ink pens.
This is the way I want Birdie, and I always have. I’ve wanted her in the most knowing way, ever since I’ve laid eyes on her. Even when she was just River’s little sister.
* * *
I dropped Birdie back home before it’s time to head over to her family’s house for Christmas Eve dinner.
I kissed her for the second time in my life on her doorstep and I didn’t want it to end.
Kissing Birdie felt out of body. Like the world around me had suddenly stopped.
The earth stopped it’s orbit, and it froze time.
I’m already looking forward to my next fix.
I had previously arranged to pick my dad up and drive with him, so I’m grabbing a couple bottles of wine from downstairs and the gift I put together for Birdie.
I’m not sure how much of a gift it really is, considering it being homemade and I’m not really a crafty sort of guy, but I think she’ll appreciate it. Or at least I hope she does.
Before I can overthink it too much, I tuck the gift between my arm and my side, grabbing the wine bottles and heading for my truck.
The moment I step outside, the air nips at my nose and I can’t help but pause and take a deep breath.
It feels like every second of my life has been leading up to this very moment.
The days leading up to this have always seemed like the world around me wasn’t in full color.
Like I could see the breeze blowing in the trees, but I never quite felt it on my skin.
Like I could see the stars, but I couldn’t understand their vastness.
But tonight it feels different. Just the very hope of her is bringing out colors I’ve never seen, my body shivers at the wind, and I look up to the sky and see not just stars, but the deepest blue I’ve ever seen.
I don’t have much of a plan, other than making Birdie mine forever, and not fucking this whole thing up entirely. So, that’s what I’m setting out to do.
I set the wine and Birdie’s gift on the seat next to me as I throw my truck into gear.
Something I love about small town life is just how close you are to most everything.
It doesn’t take me more than five minutes to get to my parents old blue cottage.
Every time I pull up to my childhood home, I think of my mom and how much I miss her.
Then I think of Birdie and how I know she’s always loved my blue house.
It makes me think of my mom and how happy she’d be to see us together.
I pull into the driveway and I see my dad step out of the house at the exact same time. He jogs down the porch steps and up to the passenger side door of my truck. He swings it open with gusto, and I notice he’s holding a bag, full of gifts I presume.
Christmas Eve with the Banks family is usually a no-presents-needed event, but I know my dad never likes showing up to things empty handed, which I’ve always admired about him.
“Hey champ! Thanks for the lift!” Dad says as he hoists himself into the cab.
He sets the bag of gifts on the floorboards near his feet and then glances at the gift sitting on the seat between us.
He eyes it speculatively and then I realize I haven’t really filled dad in on the turn of events and my sudden bout of courage.
“It’s for Birdie.” I say, nodding at the gift.
“I took her out on a date this morning, dad.” I let out a relieved breath. It just feels good to say that.
“Well shit, buddy! Good for you!” Dad reaches over and slaps my shoulder, almost jumping in his seat.
He has always adored Birdie. He and mom used to even tease me about it.
Telling me how good of a match we would be.
In their words, “you’re so broody and moody, you need a little sunshine girl like that to color up your world.
” I used to roll my eyes to try and play it cool, but in reality, they were right and I knew it.
“Thanks Dad. I actually wanted to say thank you. I wouldn’t have gone after her if it wasn’t for you.” I hate admitting.
“You would have, one way or another, son. It might have been years from now, but you’d have come to your senses.
A girl like that only comes around once in a lifetime.
And I know it because your mother was one of them.
” He grabs my shoulder in a firm, knowing grip.
I just nod, because sometimes the silence between us speaks more than any words ever could.
A mutual understanding. A mutual understanding that the women who hold our hearts are the real deal.
* * *
We pull up to the Banks family home and I see River’s truck parked outside along with Birdie’s car and Casey’s truck in the driveway. We’re a patchwork family. Bits and pieces of other families thoughtfully weaved together into something special.
I don’t know the full story about Casey’s upbringing, but I know she’s had family issues since she was just a kid. Casey has always been around for major holidays, birthdays and any Banks family celebrations, really.
I even recall Mrs. Banks throwing Casey her sweet sixteen birthday party.
I know they reached out to some of her family members, but nobody showed up, so Mr. Banks invited all their neighbors over for pizza and cake.
It ended up being really fun, but it did always stick with me—what kind of family just don’t show up for a girl like Casey?
I’m pulled from that thought when I see Birdie pull open the door.
The light filtering in from behind her. I hop down from my truck, and before I can take another step, she’s coming at me in a full sprint.
She jumps into my arms, and I wrap my hands around her back, she nuzzles her face into my neck.
I bring one of my hands up to the back of her head, reveling in her smell, and the intoxicating feeling coursing through my entire body.
She pulls back and smiles at me, so big her eyes are smiling too.
“Sorry for attacking you. I’ve just always wanted to do that.” She says, her eyes sparkling. I’m absolutely unaware of our surroundings because I’m completely in this moment.
“You can attack me anytime you want.” I wink, and kiss the side of her head softly before setting her down slowly.
“I missed you.” She says, grabbing my hand.
“Yeah? Me too.” I can’t stop looking at her. I turn to grab the wine and gift from the front seat of my truck when I hear my dad hollering from the front door, “I got your stuff, come on, lovebirds.”
We both just laugh at that.
Stepping into Birdie’s house, holding her hand feels like a real life movie.
I’m instantly hit with the smell of something heavenly.
Like roasted almonds. There’s a fire going in the living room and the whole entire house is decked out in Christmas.
String lights, garlands and winter coats hung on every hook in the entry way.
It’s something out of a Hallmark movie and I can’t help but wonder if it’s always been this magical, or if it’s just because I have Birdie by my side.
Although, I think being in a government building waiting for our number to be called would feel special if Birdie was with me.
“What the fuck man, I don’t think I remember giving you permission to date my sister.” River approaches me aggressively, with his fist clenched between us.
“Fuck off.” I give him a shove and he loses his balance a bit and we both fall into a fit of laughter. He approaches me again and wraps me up in one of his classic bro hugs.
“About time you stopped acting like a pussy. Happy for you, dude.” He pats me on the back before releasing me.
“River, enough with the filthy mouth, it’s Christmas for heaven’s sake!” River’s mom pipes up from the kitchen.
Everyone laughs and Mr. Banks adds, “Yeah, stop with all the fucking cuss words you two.”
Everyone chuckles and we make our way into the living room. There’s a bar cart fully stocked, and I see my dad has already added the bottles I brought.
“Can you pour me a glass of one of yours?” Birdie asks, her voice sugary, soft, low.