Chapter 39 Birdie #2
Christmas Day has come and gone, and it was the most peace I’ve felt in years, if I’m being honest. It was a simple day spent under the same roof with my parents and River.
I woke up early with my mom and we drank coffee, danced around the kitchen in slippered feet while we made homemade cinnamon rolls.
We had “You’ve Got Mail” playing on the small television my mom has had on our kitchen counter since we were kids.
Dawsen and his dad stopped by late morning because mom and I made an extra batch of cinnamon rolls for them too.
Dawsen and his dad had planned to spend the day together and visit his mother’s grave.
I know how hard it is for him to go there, so I was happy to be able to give him a hug and send him off with a kiss.
I would have gone with him in an instant, but I know that this time with his father is really important. I love Crawford, and can’t even imagine how hard the holidays are.
Once River and Dad joined us for breakfast, we spent the rest of the day sipping on mimosas, playing card games, and doing the most relaxing. I even finished reading a book I picked up this week.
Casey eventually joined us for dinner. She spends every Christmas dinner with us for as long as I can remember. I’ve always insisted that she just stays the night on Christmas Eve so she can spend the whole day with us on Christmas, but she never does.
Casey’s family is basically nonexistent. She’s never shared too much about them, but she went to live with her grandma here in Saddlebrooke when she was just a girl.
Her grandma hasn’t been well for the last few years and has been living in an assisted living facility in town, so she usually has Christmas breakfast with her.
Casey is so independent, strong, and so sure of herself.
I’ve always admired her for that. She’s never had much in the way of a family, but it never broke her.
She’s resilient and has used everything in her life as a driving force and as her best friend, I feel so fortunate to have a front row seat to her life.
When people talk about fierce and inspiring women, she embodies that wholly. She’s taken what most would see as setbacks in life, and she’s overcame them with gusto.
I wish I had an ounce of what she has.
I’m confident and sure of myself, but I don’t have the same grit, tenacity or force as her. I just respect the hell out of her.
Christmas dinner consisted of wine, pasta, and cannolis. Like the half-Italians we are, we used store-bought noodles, but we made the sauce from scratch.
River and Casey bickered pretty much the entire meal while we all simultaneously tried figuring out my future career path.
That’s right—I have the type of family who has a lot to say about everything, including my lack of career.
However; there was absolutely no progress made. But it’s fine, I know I’ll figure something out. And I’m not out of money… yet.
I woke up to a text message from Dawsen
Dawsen: I have a surprise for you. When can you get here?
Considering the unemployment, I can get there pretty fast actually. I spend more time on my hair and makeup than usual, and I decide on my favorite skinny jeans, my red western boots, and a hoodie. It’s simple, but it’s warm and the boots give it a little extra flair.
I make my way to my car which happens to have a light dusting of snow on it.
I take my forearm and schlep it off the windshield.
As I go to grab the handle on my door, there’s a red ribbon tied around it.
Attached to the ribbon is a gold key. My heart races at the sight of it.
Butterflies consume my insides as I imagine Dawsen coming over early this morning to leave this for me.
I examine the key for a moment, trying to figure out what it would unlock. There’s no note with it though.
I tuck the key into my back pocket and jump into my car.
I turn the ignition and crank the heat—I love old cars, but their heating and cooling systems leave something to be desired.
I rub my palms together to create some semblance of warmth before I grab the steering wheel and point these wheels towards Dawsen.
Just a few minutes later, I’m at the back entrance that leads to Dawsen’s loft. I pull the door and it swings open, and I’m immediately hit with warmth, and I think I audibly sigh at the feeling. I wipe my feet on the mat that’s just inside the door.
There’s not much snow, but enough to dust my boots off.
I take off towards the stairs that lead to Dawsen’s loft.
I take two at a time, and once I’m at the top I realize how out of shape I am.
When I lived in the city, I had a gym membership and would try to go at least twice a week, but since I’ve been home, it’s sort of been the last thing on my mind.
I make a mental note to change that. But not today.
Dawsen’s front door is made of solid oak. I love the color, and the ornate handle on it. It’s very true to the history of the building. There are no markings other than a small brass door knocker.
I reach for the tiny brass handle, but I remember the small gold key with the red ribbon. I reach into my back pocket and put the key between my fingers. I slide the key into the door lock and give it a twist.
*Click*
I’m taken aback for a beat. He gave me a key to his apartment. I’m a little speechless and also a little bit giddy, and a lot a bit freaking the fuck out. What is my life?
“Dawsen?” I step in hesitantly, and quietly close the door behind me.
I set my purse down on the small little table he has by the door, which is very oddly adorable and thoughtful for a man to have near the door. He has a small leather catchall that holds his watch, wallet and keys. I set my keys and my new key in the same leather tray.
I hear Dawsen shuffling across the loft from his bedroom.
He pauses, still halfway across the room and his hand flies up and lands smack in the center of his chest like something has taken his breath away.
He just looks at me. His eyes meet mine, then they rake up and down the rest of me.
It takes only a second until he finishes his stride to me.
Once he’s in front of me, he scoops me up, all muscle, no help from me.
I wrap my legs around his waist and his hand goes to the back of my head, softly petting my hair as he kisses my neck.
I giggle at the sensation and feel his lips trail up to my ear.
In a breathy, low voice, “I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve imagined being able to do this. And seeing you here. Like this.”
I lean my face towards his cheek so I can kiss his skin. “I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve imagined you wanting me like this.”
He uses his index finger to lift my chin towards him.
He looks deeply into my eyes. That kind of eye contact that makes your panties surely melt.
He stays there before sinking his lips into mine, and giving me the most life altering kiss I’ve ever had.
Tender, deep, soft, yet hard, laced with so much desire. My knees about buckled.
We come up for air, noses still touching, “Are you asking me to move in with you or something, because that’s a little soon.” I say, with a wink.
He leaves a peck on my nose before taking my hand in his.
“Nope, not yet. But, I figured you will need a key to your office.”
He starts pulling me toward the back hallway near his bedroom, that I have had many daydreams about since I was last in there.
“My office? What do you mean?”
Dawsen just laughs, like he has absolutely no concern about my lack of concern and unemployment. “I’m serious, Daws! What is going on?”
We are standing outside of a door, to a room I’ve never been in, but it’s directly across from his bedroom.
He pushes me closer to the door, then turns my body to face it directly.
He angles himself behind me and reaches around to cover my eyes with his hands.
His lips are close to my ear again, sending full body shivers straight to my core.
“Open the door!” He says in a hushed tone, I can feel his energy vibrating off of him.
I push the door open and step inside. He removes his hands from my eyes and gives my arms a gentle squeeze. “Surprise!” He says, sounding almost a little bit nervous.
I look around for a moment, and it takes me a minute to realize what I’m seeing.
The room is a dark shade of green, and I can tell it’s freshly painted.
The smell is still in the air. There’s floor to ceiling book cases against one of the walls, and I see some of the shelves already have some of my favorite books on them.
There’s a beautiful velvet wing back chair in the corner, with a bronze lamp to the side, and a beautiful oak desk in the middle of the room.
He’s missed no details. Down to the perfectly matching rug, lamps, and small accents he’s put around the room, it’s the dreamiest looking office I’ve ever seen.
And my heart pangs that he did this for me. In fact, I’m speechless.
“Do you like it? If you don’t like the color or want to change out anything, I’ll do whatever you want—this is your space, I want it to be exactly how you want.
Somewhere where you feel inspired.” Dawsen is standing there, his hands are in his pockets, and he’s started to rock back on his heels a bit, probably waiting for some sort of reaction from me.
I walk over to the desk where there’s a beautiful leather desk chair with a sheep’s skin draped over the back.
I pull out the chair and sit. I look at the desk in front of me which has a brand new laptop sitting there.
Beside it is a gift. Wrapped in the same brown paper as the homemade book he gave me on Christmas Eve.
I point to it and say, “May I?”
“Please.” He gestures.
I tear the paper and it reveals a book that I know all too well.
“I asked Mira if I could buy the last copy. She was reluctant but I told her it was for you, so she decided to part with it.”
I pick up the Post Secret book and bring it to my chest, clutching it. I look at the man standing before me, in this beautiful office, that he made for me. I don’t know how to function, this has all been a lot to take in, but I know one thing for certain. And that is—
“I love you.” It basically just falls from my lips. There was no thought, no warning, just the most natural thing I’ve ever said.
His face turns, and his smile spreads across his face.
“Sorry, I know that’s probably sudden. But, It’s actually very long overdue.” I add, because now he’s silent—he paces towards me, and turns my chair around to face him. He crouches down so that we’re eye-level, his hands have slid onto my thighs and he’s looking at me more intensely now.
“Birdie, I’ve loved you every minute of every day since I’ve met you. And I wish I could say that was an exaggeration but it’s really not.”
I lean down and interrupt his sentence to kiss his forehead. This man, everything about him is so damn kissable. Like, his forehead? Sexy. A must kiss spot.
“Baby, I love this office, but I—“
Dawsen interrupts me this time, “So, that’s the thing.
I wanted to talk to you about an idea I had.
Southbound could really use a designer on staff to help with new label designs, packaging, and promotional stuff.
I was hoping you’d let me hire you. You could work from here, the workload wouldn’t be anything crazy, and then you could work on your book here whenever you want.
I’m going to give you a bonus up front as well for you to use as a down payment on an apartment, or whatever you want. ”
“No, there’s no way I’m letting you pay me for that, Dawsen! I will gladly help with all of that stuff, but no, I cannot accept a job offer from you. You’ve already payed me way too much for the mural and I can’t let you do this too.” I think I’m sweating now.
Dawsen laughs and straightens up. He props himself up against the desk and crosses his arms across his chest. His muscles perfectly accentuated in the soft black tee he’s wearing.
“I know we’re new to the whole us thing, but let me just set some things straight.
First, I’m going to take care of you. You’re my first priority.
So, that means I’m going to provide whatever you need, and right now—it’s a job.
Second, you are so extremely talented and I’m not just giving you a job because I’ve got a crush on you—it’s because I value you as an artist and I am going to compensate you accordingly.
And lastly, because I love you, I’m going to do everything I can to watch you achieve and chase your dreams. So, all that being said, you’re not going to talk me out of any of this.
You’re just going to have to accept it.”
I’m just smiling from ear to ear. My jaw hurts from it, and I can feel the heat in my cheeks.
I stand up and push the chair back dramatically.
Because this man needs to be thanked properly.
I push him back a bit so that he’s seated on my desk and I stand between his legs, my hands splayed across his strong chest.
I look up into his eyes and then back down to his lips. Our bodies are fully pressed together and I’m standing wedged between his thighs.
For years I’ve felt this intense pull to him, unable to reach him. But now, it’s like every barrier has been torn down, and I have access to acting on every impulse I’ve ever had concerning Dawsen Jones, and that’s how I plan to spend every moment of my life going forward.
“I don’t deserve you.” I say as I press my lips against his.
“You’ve got that backwards. You deserve a whole hell of a lot better than the man I am.” He says simply, parting his lips, meeting mine, as we fall into perfect rhythm.
We moved to Dawsen’s bedroom, where temptation is thick in the air, it’s almost suffocating. And where I want to give him everything, he’s slowed us down every time things get a little too heated. Even when I push back, giving full permission, he slows, and reassures me that we have time.
“I want your first time to be perfect. I’m not taking this lightly.
You’ve waited for so long already, I’m going to do this right.
” He insists, and my heart swells at how much he cares.
Where some men have left and made me feel like I had nothing to offer them without sex, Dawsen has assured me that he loves me—who I am, entirely.
Regardless of what I’m willing to give. He’s made every temptation that I’ve resisted worth it.