Chapter 10
I COULDN’T BELIEVE it. I looked at the calendar again, thinking that something had to be seriously wrong.
But every time I counted, I came up with the same thing.
I was not only late, I was L-A-T-E, as in three months of no period.
I knew that my pants were fitting tighter, but I had also been eating like a pig.
Now I knew the reason why I had been eating like a pig and the reason for my tightening clothes.
If I was correct, I was about three months pregnant.
“Holy shit,” I whispered into the top of the desk where my head had landed with a loud thud.
I was on the shot. I had been on the shot since I was sixteen and my mother forced me to get on birth control.
She quickly found out I wasn’t very responsible with taking the pill, so she made my nanny take me to the hospital where they offered several different forms of birth control.
I chose the shot only because I never had to think of it after I got it.
Obviously, I didn’t think about anything.
I didn’t think about my clothes becoming tighter.
I didn’t think about feeling tired. I thought about nothing.
If I hadn’t been planning on getting my shot prescription refilled, I wouldn’t have thought about the fact that I hadn’t had my period.
I would have ended up on that show where the girl says, “I didn’t know I was pregnant until I felt the baby coming out of my vagina. ”
No woman wants to think that she’s so out of tune with her body that she doesn’t realize when another human is growing inside of it. I started to laugh, and then a sob came out.
What was Asher going to think? Seriously, we had only been together for a few months.
I needed to buy a test. I needed proof. I let my head thud on the desk a few more times, hoping that it would put my brain cells back in order.
I called Asher and told him that I was leaving the club, got in my car, and began the mission of getting proof.
I asked Liz to go with me to Target. Her job was to provide a distraction if we came across anyone that we knew while in the store. Lord knows, if anyone from town saw me buying a pregnancy test, they would assume that I had gotten knocked up on purpose and rumors would run rampant.
“So, you’re late?” Liz asks, looking over at me.
“Late is an understatement,” I tell her as we walk down the aisle of the store. It’s ironic that tampons and pregnancy tests are located in the same section.
“So, what are you going to do if it’s positive?” She holds up a box, reading the back.
“I don’t know,” I say quietly.
“Well, you know he loves you so I’m sure everything will be okay.
” She gives me a reassuring smile. I smile back and pick out a test. I thought about putting it in my purse until we reached check out, but I really didn’t want to get arrested for shoplifting, so I just put it under my arm, trying to hide it.
Going toward the front of the store, my worst fear is realized when Trevor walks around the corner.
“Hey, sis,” he says, trying to give me a hug but the test is still under my arm and I don’t want it to fall out, so I half pat his back. “Liz,” he says, smiling, and I watch her face turn pink.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, looking around, trying to come up with a plan to abort the mission.
“I came with Cash. He’s picking up a cable for his TV.” He looks between me and Liz. “What are you doing here?” he asks and I look at Liz, hoping that she’ll think of something since my mind has gone blank.
“Tampons,” Liz blurts out and I notice a few people stop and look at us as she covers her mouth. Trevor seems taken aback for a second then he laughs, shaking his head.
“Well, I’ll let you guys get back to that.” He bends over and kisses my cheek and then reaches over and tugs a piece of Liz’s hair. Without another look, he turns around and walks away.
“Tampons,” I hear Liz whisper to herself. I start giggling. “You owe me huge for this,” she says, groaning.
After Trevor is out of sight, I run to check out with Liz following behind me.
“You guard the door while I take the test,” I tell Liz while walking into the small stall.
“Let me know if you need me,” she says from the other side.
“Holy shit,” I whisper. There it is. The proof I wanted is right there in black and white.
Okay, white and pink, but it is there in my face, proving that I’m an idiot.
I’ve taken four tests, all different brands, so I know they couldn’t all be wrong.
When I bought the first one and it came out with a giant plus sign, I left the stall that I had been holding up in.
With Liz following behind me, we went and bought water from the coffee shop and a few more tests.
Now all the tests have been taken and they all say the same thing.
I had my proof. I shove the boxes and all except one of the tests into the little garbage can that hangs on the wall in the bathroom stall.
“You’re pregnant!” Liz squeals with excitement. I want to be happy, but I’m afraid about Asher’s reaction. “I hope it’s a girl. They always have so many cute girl things. So, what now?” she asks, looking at me expectantly.
“I...um, need to make a doctor’s appointment. I need to have them confirm it.”
“I’m pretty sure that the four tests you’ve taken confirm it.”
“I know. I mean, I need them to tell me that everything is okay, and that I haven’t harmed the baby over the last few months.”
Liz must have read the look on my face because she pulls me into a hug. “Hey, everything is going to work out,” she says quietly.
We decide to wander around Target for a while.
I need time to think. I need to figure out what the heck I’m going to say to Asher.
There is no way I can keep this from him.
I don’t want to keep this from him. I want his support.
I need him to tell me everything is going to be okay.
By the time we go to check out, the cart is overflowing.
I know how I’m going to tell Asher that I’m pregnant.
Even if we didn’t plan this, I want it to be special.
I also bought a few pairs of maternity pants with the stretchy material at the waist. My jeans are becoming so tight that I have to lie down to button them.
I had been avoiding buying a bigger size because I didn’t want to admit to gaining weight.
Now I know I have to wear something bigger.
It can’t be healthy for the baby to be squashed inside of me like that.
Liz and I walked around the baby aisles looking at clothes, bedding, and toys for a lot of the time we were there.
There were so many cute things and Liz’s excitement started to rub off on me.
I WAS SITTING at the island in the kitchen when I heard Asher’s jeep pull up.
I had been trying to read, but my mind was so busy going over all the outcomes of the news I was getting ready to announce, that I ended up reading the same page about five times already.
The minute Asher walked through the door, I wanted to throw up.
Normally when he walked through the door, I wanted to throw myself at him.
But now, my stomach was in knots, and I was having a difficult time breathing.
“Hey, baby,” he said as he walked to me, kissing my forehead.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. I started to tell him, but then I smelled nothing but the paint that was splattered on his clothes.
I ran to the bathroom. Apparently, the baby didn’t like that smell.
My hair was lifted out of my face and off my neck and then a cold cloth was laid there. “Feel better?”
I nodded, even though I didn’t feel better.
My nerves were shot. “Come shower with me.” He didn’t give me a choice.
He picked me up, my head laying on his shoulder and my arms going around his neck.
He sat me on the vanity in our bathroom, and then started the shower.
I hopped off the counter and started brushing my teeth, watching him in the mirror as he got undressed.
I knew I needed to do this now before I completely chickened out or ended up in an Asher-fog where I would forget everything.
“I’ll be right back,” I told him and took off out of the bathroom before he could stop me.
I went to the kitchen and picked up the box that I had wrapped.
I shoved the test that was in my purse in the back pocket of my jeans.
Once I was back in the bathroom, he only had on his boxers and was standing in front of the mirror, so I hopped back up on the vanity and handed him the box.
“What’s this?” he asked, looking at the box that was wrapped in yellow paper.
“Just open it,” I said with my stomach in my throat.
He unwrapped it then set it down on the counter to open the lid.
I watched his eyebrows come together in confusion.
Unless he remembered the conversation we had about kids, he wouldn’t know why there was a box of Trojan condoms and a little kid’s pink gun in the box.
He stared into the box for what seemed like an eternity then his head came up and his eyes looked wet.
“Does this mean what I think it means?”
I nodded my head. He swallowed and shook his head.
I leaned forward, taking the test out of my back pocket and hand it to him.
His hand came up, his fingers wrapping around it.
His head bent and there was no way for him to misinterpret the words pregnant that were on the screen of the test. “Fuck me,” he whispered and I couldn’t tell what he was thinking.
His eyes were still locked on the test in his hand.