Chapter 57
We make it all the way to Morne by late afternoon.
It’s one of the biggest towns on the continent, with bustling streets, busy markets, and plenty of taverns and inns to visit.
I always wished I could visit more, but I only came once when I was younger.
Many different species cohabitate here, but you’ll rarely catch any elves.
Or so my father told me. He also told me it has a reputation for attracting the wrong sort of people.
I’m beginning to think everything he’s ever told me was a lie.
Either way, we need to remain as unseen as possible.
Fortunately, no one questions us at the gate.
The guard is bored, laid back. After passing through the border wall that’s much shabbier than any in Ellyar, with crumbling stones in places, we decide to find an inn on the outskirts in hopes that we won’t run into as big of a crowd out here. Our guess proves correct.
After we eat a hearty, quiet dinner, Daegan pulls me aside.
“We haven’t had time to properly talk. Alone.”
“What exactly did you want to talk about?”
“Everything.”
Suddenly, I feel nervous. Suddenly, my cowardice begins to slip through. I’m afraid to admit to him, more than anyone, how low I sunk. How hopeless I became for a while. And if he tells me what happened to him… it might break me.
“I… can’t."
His jaw twitches and he looks away from me.
He’s silent, and I notice his hand clenching and his knuckles tightening.
He’s aged since we’ve been apart. He looks more mature, like he’s somehow filled out even though they couldn’t have been feeding him well when he was imprisoned.
I wonder what state he was in when he first escaped a few months ago. The thought makes me ill.
When his hardened, beautiful face turns to me again, he looks… resolved. “Can’t, or won’t?”
I open my mouth as if to answer, but I have no coherent response. So I shut it, shake my head, and look away.
The noise around us is muffled. I can’t hear anything except his heavy sigh. I can only feel the heavy beating of my heart.
“It’s okay if you… moved on. I only wanted to check on you... make sure you’re okay.” He stands and I avoid looking at him. “If you won’t talk to me, can you at least talk to somebody?”
There’s an ache in my chest that feels dire.
Is he okay with me moving on because he has?
Was I right? Did he realize that loving me was a stupid waste of his time?
When he came to me in the middle of the night, I thought maybe that meant he still cared deeply.
Was it just a pity visit? Yes, Raef and Rhydra have told me Daegan was relentless in finding me, but maybe that’s just because of the mission.
Maybe Maethrel told him I’m essential for something, and that’s all his attachment is. He needs me to save our world.
But still, I want to open my stubborn mouth and tell him he’s wrong. I want to tell him there’s no one else I’d rather talk to, and yet… I can’t seem to find the words.
Is it fear?
Fear of rejection? Fear of his truth?
It doesn’t matter, because he’s walking away now. He told me to talk to someone, anyone, because he’s clearly concerned about my mental state. Maybe it’s nothing more than that.
“What’s got you down, Sand?” It’s Raef, joining me at my sad, lonely table. He already has an ale in hand, but he didn’t bring an extra, which I’m grateful for.
“Everything,” I mutter.
“Well, I don’t know if I’m qualified to help you with all that. Sounds like a lot.”
I give him a look.
“Tell you what, you talk Kezra into bonding with me instead, and I’ll try to help you with whatever’s troubling you.”
“Trust me, I’d let you have the bond if I could. I wish I hadn’t been her first choice.”
“Yeah, I know. Hence why I said you need to talk her into it.” He knocks on my forehead gently, as if to imply it’s hollow in there or something.
I swat his hand away and a small smile tugs at my lips.
“There she is.” He grins.
“What’s your obsession with the fairy, anyway?”
He shrugs. “She’s awesome.”
“Oh.”
“So…” He looks around, acting nonchalant. There’s nothing nonchalant about Raef. “Fighting with my brother, are we?”
I look down at my hands, twiddling them anxiously. “He thinks I’ve… moved on.”
“Have you?” he asks outright.
His forwardness shouldn’t surprise me, but it does.
“No,” I whisper. “Not at all.”
“Well, that’s good news. Neither has he. And he’s getting pretty insufferable because of it, so… it would be nice for me personally, your good old buddy Raef, if you could push aside whatever you’ve got going on, and talk. And then fuck.”
I give him a sad smile. And oddly, I feel a small sense of reassurance. Raef saying those things doesn’t mean our troubles will magically melt away, but maybe I should start by talking to him.
Eventually.
I head off to bed early, all alone.
He never comes.
~
The deep ache in my chest is back. I wish I could stop crying, but unfortunately, I woke up to an empty bed and now tears flood my eyes. I hate that he’s so close, yet so distant from me.
And he broke his promise.
I should go to him. I want to. But I’m afraid. I was really hoping he’d come to me, but maybe he thinks I don’t want him in my bed. I have been a little closed off.
While I lie here awake, I do a lot of thinking about the necklace, and how we’re going to sneak into the castle. One thing I don’t understand though, is who altered it, and why? Did someone know what it was? Did my mom? She certainly favored it, from what I was told.
So many questions plague my mind before I fall asleep again.
~
At breakfast, Raef and Rhydra annoy me with their cheerfulness. I thought that little shit wasn’t a morning person, but he’s acting incredibly too happy this morning. So I mostly keep my head down, and I think Daegan does the same, though I don’t look too hard.
When we’re done, I head for my room again. I’m not sure what our plans are for today, but we’re not heading for the castle just yet, so I guess we have some idle time.
“Stop.”
I freeze at the end of the hallway, then turn and face him.
He stalks toward me with determination and a different expression than yesterday.
“We’re done with this.” My stomach sinks like a rock in a pond with an endless depth.
“What?”
“You don’t have feelings for that fucking creep Adrian, right?”
“No…” I shake my head in disgust.
“Then we’re done pretending there’s not still something between us.
I see the way you look at me. I’m not a fool.
” His eyes soften as he steps closer. “I don’t know what you went through, and I want you to talk to me about it when you’re ready, but our time is fucking precious and I’m done pretending.
I’m not wasting another night being away from you. ”
“I’m not… trying to pretend. I’m just afraid.”
“Of what?”
“Of what you’ll think of me? And yes, I was afraid you had come to your senses and realized that caring about me was stupid, reckless, and a waste of time.”
He steps closer, his eyes burning with intensity. “I could never think poorly of you. You’re everything. Whatever you went through to still be here, I would never think less of you for.”
I offer a weak nod. “I’m not ready just yet, but… I want to tell you everything. And I want to hear everything… if you want to share…”
He nods, then wraps me in his arms in a tight embrace that feels like coming home. I release the biggest sigh of relief.
“Don’t ever ignore my knocks at your door again, Princess,” he mumbles into my hair. “At least open it and tell me to fuck off so I know you’re alive in there.”
I pull back. “You came?”
“Yes.”
“I… didn’t hear you.” I can’t believe that, since I was up most of the night waiting for him. It must have been right after I fell asleep.
“You’re lucky I didn’t break the door in. Kezra came and assured me you were fine, then told me to fuck off and let you have your rest.”
“She did not say that.”
“Close enough,” he mumbles, rubbing a thumb along his chin.
“I thought you didn’t…”
“I will always be there,” he says softly. “I promised.”
“Thank you.” My chest swells with warmth.
He grabs my hand, turns, and leads me away from the rooms. “Let’s take a ride.”
Once again, I find myself sitting snuggly in front of him on a horse with his strong arms surrounding me.
He takes us toward the center of town, where he finds another stable to tie up the horse. We walk along the bustling street that’s lined with shops. People call out about their products and children run through the streets laughing and playing. We walk in silence for a while, taking it all in.
I look over and find him grinning at me.
“What?”
“Nothing,” he replies, then turns his head forward again, still a hint of a smile in his eyes.
“You seem happier than usual.”
He side-eyes me. “I finally got you back.”
“The three of you could have succeeded without me. Would have.”
He looks away, out into the distance. “No, we couldn’t have.”
I don’t argue. It’s pointless.
“Strange…” I say slowly, as I eye a patron at a shop on the main street.
He doesn’t respond, but I sense him tracking my gaze.
“Look just below the coat,” I tell him. Because peeking out of the tall, willowy male’s jacket is a sliver of something gold. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that’s an Arryzan with golden wings. But much like the dragon shifters, they’re rarely seen outside of their region anymore.
“Huh,” he muses to himself.
As the busy street bustles around us, we watch as the male receives something wrapped, looks around him suspiciously, then disappears down a dark alley.
“This way,” he says, grabbing my hand and leading me toward a shop with beautiful dresses, shirts, and pant sets. He opens the door, still leading me with his hand clasping mine. I don’t protest.