Chapter 18 Cade
Cade
“Do you think Sophie is still hiding in the closet?” Bunny’s question is quiet, stuck in deep thought and reflection. She’s been that way since we left the isolated home in the woods.
I won’t lie and say that what just happened isn’t on my mind either, but I’m doing my best not to think about it.
It’s not like I took lives happily in the underground.
Killing doesn’t make me feel good. Though I will say, I don’t feel as shitty about this one as I did the ones prior.
But Sophie… I do feel bad about what she’ll find.
“I don’t know.” One day, hopefully, when she’s older, she’ll understand why we went as far as we did. My greatest wish is that when all this is over, only some will be able to put the pieces together. That people like Sophie will know that what we did, we did for them, too.
There were—are—a lot of kids still stuck there. I think of them as we walk in the shadows, hiding away from the growing morning light. I want to save them all, but until I can, I think I can feel better about myself knowing I at least helped save one.
The pouring rain has turned into a misty, soft drizzle, dotting our skin in dew.
The moment between us is too heavy to speak through, filled with too many memories and the embracing of what we’ve just done.
So many times since we walked away from the cabin have I wanted to pick apart Bunny’s thoughts, poke and prod until she bends and spills everything in her pretty little head. But it’s a lot, I think, even for me.
The greatest part of being stuck in that underground hell was that there was never any time to think. At every moment of the day, a new horror would emerge, and that would occupy any remaining space in my mind. Now, unable to enjoy the peace of falling rain, I have nothing to do but think.
First, it was Sophie, with her fearful, tear-filled gaze, who still somehow trusted us. Then, it was the kids whose cries I had to ignore. Now, while keeping to the shadows with Bunny by my side, all I can think of are those first few months alone.
There was always fucked up shit going on in my life, whether it be abuse from home or abuse I caused to myself.
No matter what was happening, I can honestly say I never felt afraid, not until those first few months.
Suddenly, I was shoved into a world that didn’t even show me the worst there is to offer.
I was beaten, diced… forced to commit the most disgusting acts.
Still, I knew a life outside of that one.
But these kids, well… that’s all they know. To them, life is nothing but a tragedy.
By the time we finally arrive back at the Honeymoon Inn, the rain has stopped; the clouds have parted, and the sun shines brightly down upon us, but it can’t clear my thoughts.
The warmth attempts to drive the cold away from our skin, but it’s seeped way past our bones.
Fortunately, I know the inn will be warm.
Susie keeps the thermostat at a constant eighty degrees.
When we walk through the front door of the motel, Susie’s head turns up over the monitor, a smile already present on her face to welcome new tenants, but when she notices that it's us walking back through the door, a frown takes its place instantly.
“What on God’s green earth happened to you two?
!” She rushes to our side with a slight jog, racing to stop before us with nothing but horror and dread smeared across her lips.
Opening my mouth, I race to find a sufficient lie, but before I can think of anything, she digs her nails into our arms and drags us both into her tiny, disorganized office.
Pacing, Susie eyes us with panic. Her mouth opens and closes several times before she finally decides all she can choke out is. “Okay.” Over and over again, Susie mutters, “Okay. Okay. Okay.”
Bunny and I wait with our arms at our sides. We share a glance, silent and slightly scared, about what she could possibly say to two teenagers covered in blood.
The struggle is evident, written across every feature and expression.
The dread grows in our stomachs, pits turning into deep, cavernous cavities that threaten to swallow us whole.
Only after several minutes of deep breathing and heated glances our way does Susie’s pacing finally stop, and the words she needed to collect are finally ready.
After one final deep breath, Susie just comes out with it.
“I need you to tell me what the fuck is going on,” she starts, waving a single arm in the air, motioning to the two of us.
“I have two children walk into my motel, lookin’ as if they had just escaped hell.
A man,” she snaps, rage entering her stare, “in a suit—men in suits don’t stay here—comes looking for you both, and then you disappear! Only to come back looking like… this!”
Panting, Susie keeps her arm suspended for another moment before shoving her hand into her pants pocket.
When it emerges, she brings out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.
As she brings the cigarette close to her lips, we spot the shaking that is only amplified when the flame approaches the waiting smoke.
It’s not hard to decipher the signs of worry. After every fight, mom displayed the same shakes, only with alcohol—she wasn’t a smoker. I feel bad that we’ve brought out the same emotion in Susie, especially considering she’s been nothing but kind to us. She doesn’t deserve this shit in her life.
Stepping up, I try to do the right thing.
“It’s nothing you need to worry about,” I promised.
“We’ll leave now. Thank you for all your help.
” And I genuinely mean it. We would have died that first night without her.
No amount of words can express that. Taking Bunny by the hand, I begin to pull us away, marching us out of the office despite Susie’s calls.
It isn’t the final one that I stop, and it’s not because of what she says. It’s how she says it.
The worry is gone, as is the anger—just straight matter-of-fact. “There is blood on your pants.”
Time suspends for a moment before Bunny looks down, horrified by the realization that we couldn’t hide it all.
Crushing all the tiny bones in my hand, she sputters, looking to me to save the situation.
But what can I say? We fucked up. We were stupid and careless, and we walked out into the world, fucking zombified, and didn’t even bother to fucking check our clothes!
We can’t be this fucking reckless, I silently remark, glaring into her blazing eyes.
Think. Think. Think. Think. Think.
Fucking THINK!
My mouth falls open, ready to spew some bullshit, but Susie snaps at us instead.
“I have been more than generous with you two. So, before you lie to me, I would strongly consider what I’ve done for you and what I could have done.” The scolding ends with a glare directed at Bunny, a mute reminder of the lies she’s told on our behalf—all to keep us safe.
In the middle of the standoff we’re having in the motel lobby, Bunny takes a series of breaths, her face flushing and paling a dozen times over before it settles on a flat, neutral shade.
She glances between Susie and me, her inner war apparent on every expression before she nods and whispers a quiet, broken, “Okay.”
Leading both Susie and me into the back office, Bunny waits at the threshold, holding the door wide for us to step through before securely locking it behind us.
When she turns back around to face us, after taking a long, deep inhale, I know she's about to divulge everything.
The greatest part of me, the one riddled and coated in shame, wants to stop her from exposing our ruin.
But the other part, the one that cares more about her than me, understands that this might just be too heavy to handle alone.
As kids, we’re told to rely on our parents, teachers, guidance counselors, and those with authority—those who are older. Bunny and I have learned that we can’t count on a single one of them, but those lessons remain within us. Beneath all the mistrust, we’re desperate for someone to care.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” It’s a wordless response, but the yes is clear in her water-filled eyes.
“Okay. It’s okay,” I promise, forcing a smile to come onto my lips.
“Go on, Bun.” It takes a little nudging, but she’s almost there.
We all need a little push. “Rip’ em to shreds.
” And just like that, the color returns to her cheeks, shifting tones from time to time, but Bunny stays strong and upright while revealing the horror unleashed upon us.
She starts at the beginning, the very beginning—our lives at home.
Bunny lays out our lives, painting the picture of how one traumatic life turned into another.
The early stuff Susie seems to be able to handle, undoubtedly because her life growing up had to have been just as difficult, but it’s the later stuff, the taken stuff, that leaves her speechless.
Susie is still, utterly frozen, but speechless.
When Bunny is finished, face covered in dried mucus and tears, she whispers one last thing. “We did what we had to do. It was the only way we could have survived.”
When everything is silent, Susie still does nothing.
She doesn’t speak. She doesn’t twitch. I wouldn’t be surprised if she weren’t even breathing.
Everything is excruciatingly motionless and mute.
Though I suppose that isn’t the worst reaction she could have had.
The phone is right across from her. She could have called the police and let them bring us in, God knows where.
Or maybe she would try to explain the situation to them, potentially sealing our fate.
Who knows what’s going on in her flickering, saddened gaze.