Chapter 5
A few days had passed since my night out with Shirah. I was feeling bad about the way I kind of snapped at Benjamin. After sitting with my thoughts, I realized I was wrong to come at him the way I did. My being triggered had nothing to do with him, and I had to apologize for that. Tonight was our class reunion, so if he happened to show up, I would talk to him then.
Today, I had a little free day to myself. Shirah had to work and so did my parents, but I did have lunch with my mother. When my father found out, he was on my line being salty, so I promised to have lunch with him next week. It made me laugh, but also warmed my heart that he wanted to spend time with me, even though I was temporarily living with them.
I cruised down the semi-busy street after leaving lunch, just taking in the scenery. Rose Haven seemed to change a little ever so often. I loved to see my hometown growing. As I pulled to a stoplight, I noticed what I now knew was Benjamin’s tattoo shop. I tapped my fingers against the steering wheel, contemplating if I should stop.
What if he didn’t come to the class reunion? I’d have to find him to apologize anyway, so I might as well stop. It wasn’t like I had anything to do today. Deciding to follow my first mind, I put on my blinker and prepared to turn. As soon as I entered the parking lot, my phone started ringing. Looking down, I saw that it was Ellis.
“Oh, my God,” I mumbled, throwing the car in park. With a heavy sigh, I answered the call. “Yes, Ellis?”
“Why do you have to sound like that, Willow?”
“Because you’ve called me every day for the last five days.”
“I miss you, baby. Listen, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking?—”
“And that’s fine, but I’m not ready to talk to you right now.”
“Baby, please. Hear me out.”
“I’ll hear you out when I get back.”
“And when is that?”
“I don’t know. Whenever I’m ready. You know, since I’m lazy and don’t work a real job, I can be available from anywhere.”
He sighed. “I love you, Willow. I’m sorry about my mom. I’m gonna talk to her.”
I shook my head as though he could see me. “See, that’s the problem, Ellis. If you’d been thinking like you said, you would have already handled your mother. No woman wants a man when she has to date his overbearing mother, too.”
“She just… she cares. Maybe she’s a little too outspoken. Maybe she does need to be mindful?—”
“And you’re still defending her. Bye, Ellis. Call me again, and I’m blocking you.”
I hung up and dropped the phone into the cup holder. I’d been ignoring this man for days now. Five days wasn’t enough time for the conversations he needed to have with himself and his annoying ass mama. Hell, he would need those five days to explain to her all the ways she had me fucked up.
Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. After a few breathing exercises, I grabbed my phone and finally got out of the car and headed into the building. As I stepped inside, I looked around for Benjamin, but I didn’t see him.
“Can I help you?” asked a young woman, standing behind a desk.
“Uh, yeah. I’m looking for Benjamin Davis.”
“Do you have an appointment?”
“No. It’s a personal visit.”
She looked me up and down for a second. “What’s your name, hun?”
“Willow.”
“You can have a seat, Willow. I’ll let him know you’re here. He’s finishing up a session.”
“Thanks.”
I took a seat in the lobby and crossed my legs. While she disappeared in the back, I looked around the shop. It was pretty dope. The walls were decorated in graffiti art, pictures of famous figures and motorcycles. There was a big crest on the wall with what I guessed was his motorcycle club, Black Thorns. Ironically enough, it fit him well.
On the table in front of me was a photo album. Picking it up, I flipped through it. It, too, was filled with more graffiti art and photos of Benjamin with celebrity clients. Most of the album, however, was dedicated to the artists’ work. I had to give it to him, he was talented and so was his team.
Maybe I would get a tattoo while I was here. I was sure Shirah would be down to do a session with me. I got so wrapped up looking through the album that I didn’t even notice Benjamin standing in front of me until he said something.
“What are you doing here?”
I jumped as my hand flew to my heart. “Jesus! You scared me.”
“My mama always said if you scare easily, you ain’t living right.”
I cleared my throat. “I was just captivated by the pictures, that’s all.”
“Mm-hmm.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Again, what are you doing here?”
I placed the photo album back on the table and stood.
“Do you have a moment where we can talk in private?”
“I don’t.”
My eyes widened slightly. “Oh… well okay.”
“I’m about to grab lunch. You can join me.”
“Oh, I already ate.”
“Well, I’m hungry and I have a session in an hour so… Whatchu’ wanna do?”
I shrugged. “I guess I could go with you.”
“Come on.” He turned to the woman that greeted me. “Tam, I’ll be back in a little while.”
“Sure thing.”
I followed him out of the shop. Just when I thought he was going to get in his car, he took a left and headed down the street.
“I guess we’re walking,” I mumbled.
With a heavy sigh, I followed behind him. The walk to Scottie’s, a local food truck, only took about ten minutes. It was the longest silence filled walk of my life. Scottie’s was located on a plot of land with an outdoor eating area. While Benjamin went to order his food, I walked over to Sweet Sips , the mini bar on the property that was owned by two best friends.
“Hey, beautiful,” said the woman behind the bar. “What can I get for you?”
“An amaretto sour slushie.”
“Coming right up. Hey, Benny!” she hollered across the yard.
Benjamin looked back and waved at her.
“Damn, he’s fine,” she mumbled. Her eyes landed on me. “My bad, girl. Is that you?”
“Me? Oh, no. We’re old classmates. There’s nothing there. He must come here often.”
“So much that Scottie has a special named after him. It’s a wonder that man doesn’t have a big back, as much as he eats lunch here. Although he probably works it off.”
She held this far away look in her eyes like she was thinking about him working out. When I giggled, she seemingly shook the thoughts from her head.
“One amaretto sour slushy coming right up!”
She busied herself with making the drink while I took a seat on the stool. Spinning around, I caught a glimpse of Benjamin and the woman at the food truck looking extra cozy. It made me wonder if he was seeing anyone or if he was just friendly. I remembered him being the center of attention in high school. While he kept to himself, people, mainly girls, were always in his face because the man was fine.
My friend group practically wanted to run a train on him. I just had to shake my head at them. Fine or not, he was a person and there was never a need to be that damn thirsty.
“Here you go. That will be thirteen even.”
I snapped out of my gaze and turned back around. After retrieving the cash from my pocket, we exchanged goods and goodbyes before I walked over to where Benjamin was now seated. I sat in the chair across from him, remaining quiet as he took the first bite of his chili dog. He watched me intently as he chewed, waiting for me to say something.
As he swallowed, he took a sip of his lemonade.
“Are you gonna sit there quiet the whole time?” he asked.
“I mean, you haven’t exactly been welcoming.”
“You don’t like how that feels, do you?”
I raised my hands in mock surrender. “Fair enough.” I sighed. “I apologize for the way I acted at the bar. It wasn’t you as much as it was me being triggered by the hair comment.”
“Why was that a trigger? I mean, it’s the truth. In all my years of knowing you, I’ve never seen you with straight hair. I was simply making an observation.”
I twirled a finger in my hair, contemplating how much I wanted to reveal. Fuck it.
“Back home… back where I live now. I have this boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend now. He comes from a prominent, wealthy family that’s all about looks and status. His mother?—”
Just thinking about that woman left a nasty taste in my mouth.
“She always made me feel like I didn’t belong in their world. She criticized the way I spoke, the way I dressed… my career choice. It was hard for me to accept that, you know? Coming from a place of being well-liked my entire life just from being myself to being in a space where I’m judged for that very reason, had me questioning myself.”
“You know you can say fuck you to people who don’t like you for being you, right? I never pegged you for someone who cares what others think.”
“I don’t,” I defended. “I just… I loved her son. I wanted her to like me. Anyway, over time, I realized he was the same way, just subtle about it. By that time, I’d completely changed who I was to fit into his life, and it made me miserable.” I hung my head in embarrassment. “The last straw was him asking me to marry him two weeks before I came here. I just couldn’t do it. Not the way things were.”
“Hmm. So if shit changed, you would consider it.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t know what I want right now.”
“Why do you need to have it all figured out right now? What’s the rush?”
I was quiet for a moment as I pondered his question. I had everything I wanted in life except a great love story. A love that was like no other. I pictured myself being married with children by now, but I was still playing the field. Of course, I couldn’t admit that to him. That would make me sound desperate, which I wasn’t. Instead of saying that, I shrugged and made up an excuse.
“That’s another reason I came home. I needed time to think things over and reevaluate my life. Rose Haven has a way of grounding me. It’s my comfort place. I feel the most like me here.”
Benjamin eyed me skeptically, like he was trying to see if I was bullshitting him. If he peeped game, he didn’t acknowledge it.
“This is just my opinion, but why stay someplace where you have to fake the funk? I mean, ain’t love about accepting people as they are? Any nigga that tries to change you or suggests you need to fix something about yourself to appease them can’t be the nigga for you.”
I was quiet for a moment. “You’re right. I’ll give you that. I don’t know. I guess I was just trying to find myself in a new setting with new people.” I sighed heavily. “I just want to use this time to get back to the Willow I once knew. I need to love me again.”
He nodded as he popped a fry into his mouth. “I get that. Well, I hope you find yourself again. You can’t be good to anybody if you aren’t good to yourself first.”
“You sound like my dad.”
“That’s a wise man.”
I giggled. “He is. So… do you accept my apology?”
He took another sip of his drink. “Honestly, I didn’t really need your apology. I wasn’t offended.”
“So, you let me sit here and spill my guts for nothing?”
He smirked. “Who was I to stop you from doing what you felt?”
“Now you know my business, yet I don’t know yours.”
“Why do you need to know my business?”
I scoffed. “Damn, Benny. I thought we were friendly at one point. I mean, this is like catching up.”
“You sought me out, remember?”
I shook my head. “Nevermind.”
I thought I saw a smile play on his handsome face.
“If you stick around long enough, maybe you’ll learn a few things about me, Willow.”
“Maybe we’ll actually become friends this time around. Are you coming to the reunion tonight?”
“Hell no.”
“Oh, come on! It’ll be fun. Me and Shirah will be there.”
“I live in the same town as Shirah. Trust me, I see her enough.”
I pointed at him. “Not too much on my girl, now.”
“Your girl is a mess. You know she’s crazy.”
I laughed. “She’s a good time and I love her, so you better chill on her.”
“Or what?”
“You don’t want to find out.”
He chuckled. “A’ight. Anyway, why should I go see the same people I see on the regular?”
“Like I said, it will be fun. You’re coming. Don’t make me and Shy pull up on you at the shop and drag you out of there.”
“I like how you think you can tell me what to do.”
“All I know is I better see you there.”
He rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”
I found myself smiling hard. I wasn’t sure why I wanted him to come so bad, but I could and would make good on my promise to pull up if he didn’t. What could it hurt?